Women Understand the Concept of Hand

When privy to the secretive, gated world of women, you learn that the idea of relationship leverage — aka “having hand” — is as well-known and accepted among women as it is among pickup artists and naturals. Women are no innocent angels, passively idling their time like pretty mannequins until a good man sweeps them off their feet. Oh no, they are as devious as any hardcore male player with hundreds of notches. The difference is that women channel their deviousness into screening for alpha males and steering relationships in the direction (marriage) they want them to go in. Your average beta male channels his manipulative tactics — or what passes for them — into impressing girls on the first few dates. After that, he’s on auto-pilot. Against the combined relationship management weaponry of your typical woman, the beta male stands no chance.

Having hand is, in fact, so central to women’s interests, that when god created woman, he said “Let there be hand!” And there was. I swear, it’s in the Bible.

Case in point. I was chatting with a girl who was working the angle with some putatively high value guy she likes, but with whom (according to her) she had not yet banged, or even formally dated. They had met at a party, and it had been all texting since then.

So she was showing me text messages that she exchanged with him earlier in the day, hoping for my advice. The text ratio was 4:1 against her favor (i.e., she sent four to every one of his). She thought it would be a good idea to sext him — send him racy sexual texts — and she later admitted that the reason for the sexts was to “get hand” over him by teasing him about what he was missing, and getting him to dance to her tune. Apparently, she has a history of cockteasing beta males into lavishing attention and glorious pursuit on her.

I read one of her sext exchanges.

HER: well we will c what is waiting for us next time. could b good. im wearing those kneehighs u said u liked.

[ten minutes later, after no immediate response]

HER: and fyi, i might be a voyeur. but dont get any ideas.

[twenty minutes later, after no reply]

HER: sorry if im teasing u. im a flirty girl.

[two hours passed]

HIM: Okay!

And he never responded again that night.

That, my friends, is a pure alpha move. She dropped the stinky, sweaty, sexy beta bait in the form of sexts, hoping he’d bite (which is something most men would do), and instead he returned fire with a hilariously ambiguous (and glibly spelled-out) “Okay!”. What’s a girl to make of this? Well, everything. And nothing. And then everything again. That one word text sent her hamster spinning so fast its fur was flying out in tufts. Naturally, she wanted to know my opinion.

“Where should I go with this? What does it mean?”

“It means he’s dating other women and isn’t desperate for sex, so you can’t use that on him. Or he knows how to play the game.”

“But I wasn’t playing a game!”

“Yes you were. You just don’t realize it.”

“So now what?”

“You’re texting him way too much. Every text you send him that he doesn’t reply to makes him think less of you. Stand down. No man who writes ‘okay’ deserves your reply. No more texting, even if it means you never see him again.”

“That’s going to be tough to do. We really hit it off.”

“Sounds like you hit it off with a player!”

“You think he’s a player? Sheesh, yeah, he probably is.”

“Yup. Trust me on this. Stop contacting him from here on out. Then there’s a good chance he’ll reach out to you. If that happens, you’re back in the driver’s seat. You’re back to having hand.”

“Oh, yes, every woman wants to have hand!”

“You bet.”

[lingering high five]

***

Women are quite well aware of the power of having hand, and just about everything a woman does in a dating or relationship context that you suspect is a tactic designed to give her hand, IS a tactic to give her hand, whether intentional or subconsciously coincidental. The good news for my super manly male readers is that men’s hand is FAR MORE DEVASTATING than women’s hand, because men so rarely use, or even comprehend, the concept of having hand. So when a man flips the seduction script and uses the same hand-getting tactics on women, the surprising force of it hits a woman’s ego, superego and id so hard her vagina blossoms like a field of spring tulips after a rainstorm.

I don’t know if my female friend above eventually sealed the deal with her lust interest, but I can tell you with certainty that had he wanted to, Mr. ‘Okay!’ could have easily sealed the deal with her. And at his leisure, on his time, under his discretion. Because his pimp hand was strong. And one strong pimp hand trumps a hundred daintier ho hands.

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Girlfriend Talks Too Much About Her Exes

Reader DiavoloBello needs advice:

Not sure if the relationship game thread is still going, can somebody help?

My girl talks about guys she has dated in the past too much for my taste. It’s annoying. And I’m battling beta insecurity, to be honest. She still texts a guy she used to date that she still has a thing for, which I hate.

if this is a shit test, I don’t know if I’m passing or failing. The only reaction that I have shown to these comments is mild amusement, or polite interest, as though she’s telling boring stories about her extended family or something. I have not let her see any sign of jealousy or insecurity on my part.

Is this the right way to handle it? Is there an alpha way to “claim” her and let her know that these comments get under my skin in a way that will get her hot for me, or should I just keep on acting like I don’t care, or what?

The guy she texts is 2 hours away and she just got full custody of her kids (we’re both divorced) so I would think she’d have a hard time actually seeing him. Insists that they’re just still friends and he knows about me. (this is true, I have snooped and confirmed it, also confirmed that she still has a thing for him, but he seems to just throw her crumbs when he’s bored).

The other guys she brings up are just anecdotes “so and so said one time …” but she was doing it constantly for a while. It has tapered off.

This is bad news. This woman is disrespecting him, no two ways about it. Girlfriends who love you will rarely, if ever, talk about exes or, worse, text exes. Nor will they use exes as clubs to counter your opinions or demean your idiosyncrasies.

The fact that your girlfriend is doing this means one of two things: she’s shit testing you for a jealous reaction, or she’s cheating/thinking about cheating. My guess is that she senses your betaness and is beginning to think she can do better, and this feeling of hers is manifesting in passive-aggressive taunts such as her texting an ex.

Amused mastery is fine for one or two infractions, but continual disloyalty from a bitch, like what she is doing to you, requires more powerful artillery. You have a few options at your disposal.

1. (Re)initiate a flirtation with another girl. Text her all the time. Have drinks with her. Tell your gf it’s just an old friend you like hanging out with. Match, and exceed, her jealousy incitements with your own.

2. Lay down the law, and mean it. “Kind of whorish the game you’re playing here, babe. If you keep texting your ex, I’m outta here. Just letting you know.”

3. Continue ignoring her provocations. If it’s just a garden-variety shit test, she’ll eventually crack and lash out at your indifference. In that case, you are fully in the driver’s seat. If it’s more serious than a shit test, she’ll cheat or you’ll get a sense she’s about to dump you. Get the jump on her and dump her first.

These are my suggestions. If readers have other advice for this gentleman, then help a bro out. Talking about exes is a very female oriented manipulative tactic designed to instigate relationship war, and thus feed her rationalization hamster. “Oh, I was great to him, but then he just started getting all jealous and possessive. So I dumped him. What’s that? Texting exes? I don’t remember doing that. Anyhow, there’s nothing wrong with keeping in touch with old friends. Don’t be a creeper.”

This sort of insidious bullshit is what women do when they want to express disapproval about their man but lack the balls to say so outright. A woman’s coin of the realm is subterfuge and sabotage. They have mastered these arts over millennia to compensate for their weaker physical strength. Don’t ever let a feminist dope or manboobed blubberboy who hasn’t seen vagina since his mother’s birth canal tell you otherwise. In the deception and manipulation sweepstakes, women are furlongs ahead of men.

PS What the hell are you doing worrying about what a single mom thinks of you? You should be waking up every morning gleefully reminding yourself that she has intrinsically lower value than you. Let this knowledge guide your attitude with her.

PPS In rare instances, a woman will have a sincere, platonic friendship with an ex. It’s not often, though. Most women get over broken relationships by completely forgetting about their exes. And since women in their hottest, young prime initiate relationship dumpings far more often than men do, it’s a safe bet that any reasonably attractive, under-30 woman you date has little contact with her exes. Be aware of subtle cues that will tell you whether the ex she talks to is more than just a chat with a friend, like excessive gesticulation when she mentions him. Your working assumption, though, should be to assume that 9 times out of 10, any contact your girlfriend has with an ex-lover is a nascent threat to your relationship. Respond accordingly.

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Game Is Even More Important For Relationships

Game has a reputation among ignoramuses as a player’s handbook for picking up sluts in bars and clubs, but of course these willfully stupid haters are wrong. Not only is game universally attractive to all women, like T&A on a woman is attractive to men, but game as a concept and a strategy is critical to maintaining long-term relationship health. Women do not cease being hypergamously attracted to alpha males once they are in relationships, so game can serve as a welcome corrective to keep women “in the fold”.

A reader writes:

This is a paper you might find interesting (and that betas might find depressing). It claims that women in stable relationships are even more attracted to dominant men when ovulating, compared with single women. Suggesting cheating on LTRs is written deep in women’s genes.

Title: Women’s preference for dominant male odour: effects of menstrual cycle and relationship status

Body odour may provide significant cues about a potential sexual partner’s genetic quality, reproductive status and health. In animals, a key trait in a female’s choice of sexual partner is male dominance but, to date, this has not been examined in humans. Here, we show that women in the fertile phase of their cycle prefer body odour of males who score high on a questionnaire-based dominance scale (international personality items pool). In accordance with the theory of mixed mating strategies, this preference varies with relationship status, being much stronger in fertile women in stable relationships than in fertile single women.

The desire of a woman to rut intimately with an aloof alpha male during her week of ovulation is greater when she’s in a stable relationship with a beta male provider than when she’s single. Chew on that for a second. Your beloved is more likely than the single skank in the bar to tingle for the rude intrusions of alpha cock. And all in service to her genes’ directive to saddle a loyal, unwitting provider chump with the job of helping raise a better cockier man’s issue.

Feeling romantic? Hallmark doesn’t make cards for such occasions.

But only you can prevent vagina fires. Gaming your lover, particularly during her time of ovulation, will keep her in a state of heightened arousal and interest, thereby reducing the chance that she’ll act on her genetic predilection to seek the seed of dominant rivals. Game is more important to relationship management than it is to picking up girls because the cost of losing a girlfriend or wife is much greater than the cost of losing a five minute prospect.

This is why we here at Le Chateau focus so much on relationship game compared to other pick-up sites; the benefits accruing to men in relationships from using game are, both individually and from a societal perspective, more profound in some respects than the rewards from being skilled at bedding numerous women. In the sexual arena, there is no worse sin for a woman to commit, and no graver indignity for a man to suffer, than infidelity motivated by ancient biological urges toward cuckoldry. Game can help contain that evil female impulse, and that’s what makes game truly, a gift from god.

In another grievous blow to feminist and manboob doctrine, this study also highlights the attraction that women have for men who demonstrate personality traits of dominance. So we see here yet another Chateau Heartiste concept validated by science: chicks dig dominant jerks, and dominance is primarily a function of attitude.

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Drive-By Teases

An often unremarked (partly because it goes against the reigning feminist narrative) structural unfairness between the sexes is the amount of effort the average man has to put into dating and relationships to keep them going, compared to the feeble efforts women usually expend on dating momentum and relationship management. The fact is that men (without game) *do* have to commit more energy to courtship and relationships because young, fertile women are the sex in higher demand. Women have to do all of not messing up their looks. (The effort to apply make-up and buy stylish, sexy clothes is nothing compared to the psychological, provisioning and logistical efforts men bring to the table.)

But as we here at the Chateau are fond of saying: life is unfair. Get used to it. Double standards exist and aren’t going anywhere because many of them are emergent properties of fixed, innate sex-based characteristics. Men have no more moral basis to bitch about dating energy expenditure than do women about slut shaming.

But thanks to the wonders of game, men can limit their relationship energy requirements while maximizing the impact each unit of spent energy has on women’s interest levels. In layman’s terms, men can easily spice up relationships (and dates) with almost no effort by employing the drive-by tease. Examples:

• Flush the toilet when she’s in the shower.
• Snap wet towel at her butt. (Should just barely cross line of genuine pain.)
• “Happy Valentine’s Day!” [give her a wrapped box of condoms]
• Put a “pinch my butt” post-it note on her back as she’s heading out for work.
• Slip her car into neutral when she’s driving. (Note: not recommended on women with exceptionally bad driving skills.)
• Turn the light off or unplug her dryer when she’s doing her hair.
• Pretend to throw her cat out the window. (A full throwing motion accompanied by frantic mewing will boost dramatic effect.)
• Never miss a chance to turn a serious question into a glib answer.
• Pretend to accidentally cut off your finger in the kitchen. (Use gobs of ketchup.)
• Replace her cosmetics with crayons.
• Put her panties on her cat (Don’t put them on the dog if the dog is yours. There are some lines not meant to be crossed.)
• Draw smiley faces or penises on her tampons.
• Paint a picture of her. With great fanfare, unveil a stick figure drawing.
• Pull weeds from the yard. Put them in a vase with a sincere love note attached. (Act offended if she doesn’t swoon for your weeds. Keep up the pretense for weeks.)
• Place a giant stuffed animal or clown doll in bed, facing her. When she wakes up, she’ll freak.
• Walk around casually at home with your dick hanging out of your jeans crotch. Call her a perv for noticing.
• Turn her shirts inside out.
• Put a Baby Ruth in her shoe. “Omg, I think the cat pooped in your shoe.”
• Dutch oven. Shower oven. Car oven.
• Honk her tits. Make loud honking noise. Bonus points if you use an air horn.

The drive-by tease is, typically, the non-verbal equivalent of the cocky/funny neg. More elaborate forms qualify as pranks. The DBT subliminally asserts male dominance as well as creativity, both of which are catnip to women. Dominance assertion is telegraphed in any act where the subtext is “I don’t care if you’re offended by this.” Girls like men who don’t walk on eggshells around them. But why?, you ask. Well, because men like that are interpreted by women to have options, that is, a take it or leave it attitude toward women. And a man who can walk away without much fuss is a desirable man. That doesn’t sound very romantic, but in practice when you act like this type of man your life will feel romantic as you are showered with women’s loving romantic love bombs.

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When A Shit Test Isn’t A Shit Test

Not every insult (veiled or blatant), punchy challenge, or arch criticism by a woman is a shit test as the term is commonly understood — a subconsciously guided female examination of a man’s grace under pressure that helps her assess his alphaness. There are other reasons a woman might be critical of a man she is dating or evaluating as a suitor.

I have observed that there are two alternate explanations for bitchy behavior that men will encounter most often in the course of their love lives.

1. She is genuinely repulsed by a man’s betaness.

When a girl is sincerely and uncompromisingly put off by cloying or socially clumsy beta male behavior, she will sometimes be unable to stifle the disgust she feels and her animus will come spilling out in icy cold body language, nagging, scolding and nit-picking. This is predominantly the behavior of the bitch in betrothed bondage to the beta male, who has grown tired, or become unsettlingly aware, of her hubby’s unsexy weakness. The beta husband who finds his time with his wife increasingly characterized by seemingly irrational wifely outbursts of anger, incessant nagging about inconsequential misdemeanors, passive-aggressive sex withdrawal and assorted glib jabs and cruel mannerisms that show a disrespect for his presumed status and masculine prerogative, is experiencing the foul ministrations of a woman in thrall to her slow boil of hate for male enfeeblement. This phenomenon is easily substitutable for men and women in unmarried long-term relationships.

Men, beware. This is no shit test. It is your most immediate warning sign that your lover is about to leave you, or, worse, cheat on you. She has no interest in sussing out your manliness; she is only a fist of rage semi-incoherntly lashing out at you for making her feel unfeminine. Treating her behavior like an extended shit test may actually backfire if you haven’t prepped her for your transformation to a man willing to display his balls.

Note that this supremely bitchy behavior may occasionally manifest early in the courtship dance, usually by women with low impulse control and looks in the 4-7 range; the kind of women who get hit on a lot by “creepy” men thinking they have a chance, and who have reached their tolerance threshold for such brazen men. If flecks of spittle fly as she castigates you, or she is simultaneously backing away while hurling her insults at your face, or her entire body curls up into a phantom turtle shell at the mere exposure of her personal space to your entreaties, you are likely dealing with sincere loathing and not a shit test to be aced for further sexual exploration.

2. She is afraid of losing her man.

A girl who adores her boyfriend will, at times, and especially during those moments when his appeal to competitor women is most discernible, act in ways that strike normal, logical men as strange. Instead of anointing with flattery and devotionals, the anxious woman with commitment extraction on her mind may respond with what she perceives as self-esteem lowering cuts to some or another flaw of her boyfriend’s.

The flaws she highlights will almost always be of a physical nature, or a treatise on his style. “You’re getting pudgy.” “I never noticed before how gross your toes are.” “You look like you haven’t slept in a week.” “You’re too pale.” “You walk funny.” “That shirt makes you look like a doofus.”

Charming, eh? Ah, but she will hardly be able to announce these flaws with the expected contempt; often her critique will be leavened with a revealing brightness in the eyes and sensuously accessible body language. An experienced man will rapidly know her bitchiness comes from a place of insecurity about her standing with him. He will know, as true as the sun rises in the east, that women simply don’t put very much emphasis on a man’s looks in comparison to the other attractiveness traits that women desire in men. And that this truism goes double for a woman in love, for whom her man’s looks are a paltry secondary consideration to his wit, leadership, humor, kindness, cockiness, thoughtfulness, edginess and sexual prowess. And so her criticisms of his physical state or fashion sense will trickle harmlessly off his ego like water off a duck’s back, understood as they are as the bleatings of a desperate lover engaged in a mini power play.

The woman chooses the physical and the stylistic for her barbs because she is projecting her very real female horror at coming up short in these two areas critical to her own SMV onto her man, for whom she mistakenly believes pokes at his physical attributes will have the same effect on him as it would on her; namely, the effect of luring him more deeply into an approval-seeking mode of thought and, thus, a stronger commitment from him that she much desires. This type of subversive badinage is actually a form of bonding for the woman. Unlike insults directed at a man’s status for which there is no turning back, the nature of petty jabs at his looks or his choice of clothes brings a woman closer to her man; she is complicit in his reformulation to something “better”, i.e. domesticated.

Men, be gladdened. If you hear your girlfriend or wife criticizing you in this manner, you are confirmed to be sitting pretty in the driver’s seat of the relationship. You have hand. She wants what only you have to give: increased commitment. And she wants it as badly as you wanted her sex when the two of you started dating.

You may play it off like a shit test, replying in knowing condescension or, even funnier, feigned concern. E.g., “Yes, I really ought to get right on that fixing my troll toes. I’ll schedule an amputation tomorrow.” But be warned: the nature of this type of criticism is not usually that of the shit test. She is not interested in deducing your alphaness; she already knows about that, and anyhow her jabs are of a different nature when it is playful shit testing that motivates her.

No, she wants to hurt you just a little bit — to make you just insecure enough, really, to inspire you to ingratiate yourself to her needs without turning you away completely or unintentionally pushing you to desperate, servile betatude — and pointed, spiteful criticism of your physical flaws (that she thinks ought to matter to her, and to you, but really don’t) is how she gets at you. She knows you’re confident to volley her verbal airstrikes. If you begin hearing a lot of this sort of criticism from her, it means flirty parrying is not what she seeks; she wants your ultimate capitulation.

…every kiss begins with three months’ salary

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Game Is Universal

It’s not often Le Chateau gets emails like this one about gaming your mom. For those denialists of the human condition who completely misunderstand and fervently believe that game only works on bar sluts, behold its power to improve relationships with overbearing mothers.

This is a long reader-submitted story, but it’s worth your time.

I have been reading your website for a year and a half now, got a girlfriend for almost a year now, many thanks for the advice.

The purpose of this letter is to share with you how I overcame beta-ness and improved relationship with my mom.

I was a beta before your site. While I realized that my behaviour was not right (ie doesn’t attract girls), I did not know how to correct it. I am 20, live with parents, and go to university. After reading your site extensively I started putting conscious efforts in changing my mindset, adopting the alpha mentality and DHV, being more open to people, talking to girls in class and so on. I am not the kind of guy who goes to bars and clubs so a fair portion of your advice remained in “theory” stage for me…

So, looking for ways to apply your advice I started using it on my mom. Before being judgmental, hear me out. My mother is a strong-willed, opinionated, demanding woman. My father is an alpha. Even after many years of marriage, every time my mom talks to my dad, her eyes glitter and her voice softens and even becomes slightly nervous. However, every time she spoke to me, her tone switched to loud, demanding as if I was some asian kid who got a B on a math test instead of an A+. She would not appreciate anything I do, order and command me around the house, blame everything on me, sometimes even her own wrongdoings, and if I argued back she would become argumentative and shut me up (!!!) My dad didn’t care enough to play the judge, though if he heard blatant abuse, he would shamelessly put my mom in her place.

It took about 4-6 months to COMPLETELY change my mom’s attitude toward me.

-I started by ignoring her demands. (Your advice on Beta’s are reactive) So if she was relaxing in the basement and would command me to make her “a hot chocolate with marshmallows” while I was busy upstairs, I would just pretend that I didn’t hear it, turn the volume up etc.; If she persisted/confronted I would say “I’m busy” or “Get it yourself”. Similarly, I stopped responding immediately when called and would wait until she would call me about 2-4 times before showing any signs of life.

-I stopped being argumentative and confrontational. If any argument arose, I would loudly and clearly state my point of view ONCE, explain why she is wrong, and fully disengage from the situation. If she continued arguing, scolding, yelling and screaming at me I would ignore it and focus on something else like TV, txting, or just walking out. Now, she would always have the last word in every argument and with my disinterest to continue, the arguments eventually grew into ways of qualifying to me, as I would dismiss them.

-I stopped answering the house phone. (Your advice on subtle dominance plays) There was panic in the household for about a week as all calls went to the answering machine lol. However, naturally, after I stepped down from the role of the secretary my mom assumed the duty and BROUGHT the phone to ME, if somebody called.

-I learned to cook and started critiquing her cooking. (Your advice on having a checklist and knowing what you want) Every once in a while I started making really delicious meals for the family. Since she cooks most of the time if she burned food, made it bland, too dry, too salty you name it I would call her out on it and refuse to eat it. To the obvious comeback of: “well why don’t you cook then” naturally my reply was “I do, and its ALWAYS just right…”

-Finally, I started playfully negging, teasing and not taking her seriously. Don’t get the wrong idea here lol. [Ed: I hope not!] Anything she would say I would turn and twist around in a funny way, at times even in a dirty and sexual way. If she would stop and say “that’s inappropriate”, I would reply “We are all adults here, and can appreciate it for what it is” (DHV) After a couple of times she would just go with it.

The intricacy of this situation is that changing a relationship with your mother is much more complex than changing it with a girl you just met. You HAVE to remain polite and diplomatic at all times (or else you’ll get kicked out of the house and make everything worse) Looking back I realize why my mom treated me the way she did, and I don’t blame her. Now my mom treats me with respect, just as good as she treats my dad. No more batshit insane demands. Helping out around the house is now APPRECIATED. Now that is not to say that she agrees with everything I do and say; arguments arise MUCH more rarely than they used to and we are able to come to a peaceful resolution without screaming, and laugh it off in a couple of minutes.

You have full permission to use any part of this letter in your blog, though I ask you to not disclose my personal information.

Negging your mom is a great way to defuse her incipient female antagonism to a power vacuum.

I used to corner anti-game denialists on their “bar sluts” trope by asking the more honest of them to draw a comparison with “girl game”, aka youthnbeauty. Think of game as the male equivalent of female beauty: Does T&A work solely on “bar douchebags”, or does it work on all men?

The question is, of course, rhetorical. The allure of an unyielding rack, firm ass, slim waist and pretty face excites the libidos of low class and high class, young and old, douchy and awesome men alike. Equivalently, game, when executed with unforced grace and contextual refinement, arouses all kinds of women, from lawyers to nurses to teachers to SAHMs to foreigners to SWPLs to skanks to HR drones.

As this reader’s story demonstrates, not only is game effective on all types of women beyond the mythological bar slut, game is effective on family members! If you include sales and management (business or social circle) as a form of game, then you could argue that game is effective on men as well.

The only way game works is if it takes a realistic appraisal of human nature. Once game abandons the age-old truths that underlie all human behavior, it ceases to work. The fundamentals of game are as crucial to its success as the fundamentals of gravity and aerodynamics are to flight.

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More Science Confirming Game Concepts: Long-Term Relationships Can Bring Out The Worst In Couples

Digging through the archives of the Chateau Heartiste library, we find a post about the hazards of LTRs and marriage.

Now you can’t do anything without her, and she you. In the beginning, this is a necessary process to build the level of trust and bonding that distinguishes the LTR from any run of the mill fling. But it morphs into a hermetic pair-bond cocoon, a soft escapable prison that shields from the outside world more than it protects. Increasingly consanguineous, the LTR alienates friends and slackens ambitions.

Scary stuff. Science has something to say about the deleterious effects of marriage on the female body, as well:

•Women in their teens and early 20s who continued to date but didn’t cohabitate gained an average of 15 pounds over five years; their male counterparts added about 24 pounds.

•Newly married women in that age group packed on 24 pounds in five years; newly married men gained 30 pounds.

That degree of gain wasn’t seen in couples who were living together but not married. Women gained 3 pounds more than their single peers — 18 pounds — and men gained 24 pounds.

When you see photos of the groom stuffing the bride’s mouth full of wedding cake as she licks down every last ounce of sloppy creamed filling, you may as well be watching the groom disposing of his sex and love life down her maw. But as we all know, men get very, very stupid about marrying the first semi-decent pussy who comes along.

The latest from the scientific front presents more CH-confirming evidence that LTRs and marriage have negative consequences for their practitioners.

For better or for worse, in sickness and in health – there’s a long line of research that associates marriage with reducing unhealthy habits such as smoking, and promoting better health habits such as regular checkups. However, new research is emerging that suggests married straight couples and cohabiting gay and lesbian couples in long-term intimate relationships may pick up each other’s unhealthy habits as well. […]

Corinne Reczek, a UC assistant professor of sociology, reports three distinct findings into how unhealthy habits were promoted through these long-term, intimate relationships: through the direct bad influence of one partner, through health habit synchronicity and through the notion of personal responsibility.

Reczek reports that gay, lesbian and straight couples all described the “bad influence” theme, while in straight partnerships, men were nearly always viewed as the “bad influence.” [ed: there go women again, abdicating all reason and accountability.]

[…] “Third, respondents utilized a discourse of personal responsibility to describe how even when they observe their partner partaking in an unhealthy habit, they do not attempt to change the habit, indicating that they were complicit in sustaining their partner’s unhealthy habits. The final theme was described primarily by straight men and women,” says Reczek.

So if your partner has unhealthy habits, (smoking, drinking to excess, overeating, underexercising, staying up late to watch Modern Family recordings or Jon Stewart smugly sing to the SWPL choir), you will likely pick up those bad habits. And thus we see how the fat acceptance movement gets its steam — osmotic inevitability. (In related news, according to the Red Cross, there are more obese than there are hungry in the world. We’ve entered the era of globulization.)

Of particular interest in the above study is the evidence that women, and presumably their lapdog betabitchboys, placed the blame for being a bad influence squarely on the men’s shoulders. It’s obvious to those in the know that this blame-shifting is complete bullshit, since (just to pick an easily discernible example at random) there are innumerable couples where the woman has gotten fat while the man stayed slim. Nothing will kill a man’s desire to please his woman in every way faster than the disfigurement of her body caused by bloating up from bellying up to the buffet.

Is there an enterprise in existence where women will blame themselves for something bad they did? To ask the question is to laugh at female absurdity. The rationalization hamster is a cosmic force on par with dark matter; you can’t see the little bugger, but goddamn is he everywhere, redirecting galactic phenomena at will.

Also interesting is the last line quoted above from the study. Partners are complicit in sustaining their SO’s bad habits because they don’t call them out on it. I think we can figure out who is most responsible for this dereliction of duty: sackless beta males who are afraid of the divorce raping and/or sex withholding they will assuredly receive if they displease their queen sovereigns by timidly mentioning in squeaky-voiced passing their increasing girth. Women, for their part, don’t attempt to change their partners’ bad habits for a different reason: they don’t have a clue how to articulate what is wrong with their beta boyfriends and hubbies.

This post, and others like it, is a helpful reminder to the “marriage is best” crowd that marriage — and, similarly, LTRs — hold special dangers for the man who allows himself to become ensnared. An LTR is a beautiful thing with the right woman and undertaken with the right alpha attitude, but it isn’t a panacea for all psychological, emotional or sexual needs, and it isn’t without its own problems that men who serially date don’t experience. When you commit to a woman with the intent of remaining monogamous, you acquire new obstacles to navigate and problems to avoid. Failure to recognize those LTR-inherent deficiencies and counteract them will lead to exile in betaville, where begging for blowjobs once per year and praying you don’t get reamed in court if she gets bored become part of the wonderful fabric of life.

As with everything you venture to explore, do it with your eyes open. Otherwise, you may as well hand your decision-making process over to a committee of cog-molding industrialists and ball-chopping feminists.

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