“Having common hobbies kills the spark for me.”

Lara, presumably a girl, wrote the subject heading in the comments to yesterday’s post.

Lara may be a troll, or she may be a girl lying about what she sexually responds to in order to score retarded internet debate points, but her blurt has a kernel of truth. Dating advice columnists, a most loathsome breed, and marriage counselors are fond of telling the lovelorn how important it is for a man and woman to share interests and hobbies if they want to make a relationship work for the long haul. This meme has, in fact, become so imbibed by the general popluation that you cannot date a girl, or listen to a girl talk about what she wants in a man, without hearing her say that “he has to share my values“, or “he has to like the same things I like.”

A conversation I had with Zeets the Throwback Barbarian comes to mind.

ME: Your parents have been together a long time. Do they go shopping at arts and crafts boutiques like other mature couples do?

ZEETS: Hell no. My Dad plays poker twice a week to get out of the house, and my Mom hangs out with her friends on the weekends.

ME: They’re not attached at the hip then?

ZEETS: Not even close. They need to get out of each other’s hair. They have different interests. They both like to swim in the pool, though.

ME: But you can really see the love they have for each other.

ZEETS: Exactly.

This “shared values and interests” chestnut is a load of horseshit. Lara is hitting upon something important in her throwaway quip. Men and women who like the same things and do a lot of activities together risk instilling the contempt of familiarity in each other. This is particularly the case for women, who must abide their genetic programming to find overly accessible men undesireable.

Women may squawk a big squawk about wanting men who share their interests, but in reality they most admire and love those men who have their own interests, and who pursue those interests without regard to the women’s participation. Women, in short, love to be spectators to men’s passions. They love to be dragged into a man’s world.

As with all things gender related, women want to look up to a man. They do not want an equal or a play time buddy. Feminists who claim otherwise are lying, not only to you and me, but, more importantly, to themselves.

Read Full Post »

Is Your Girlfriend Ovulating? Watch Out!

Check out this video.

Bottom line: Ovulating women in loving relationships are the most likely to show a lot of skin and flirt with other men.

Every time I have a brief moment of weakness when I think God is possible and there is love for everyone in the world, studies like this one jolt me back to reality. Yep, those precious, perfect, beautiful women crave strange cock when they’re most likely to get pregnant. And they crave it the hardest — and do what is necessary to get it — when they are secure in loving relationships with chumps such as yourself.

This is yet more evidence on top of existing evidence for the Chateau prescription to instill dread in your relationship or marriage. Women who get too comfortable with their partners, get cocky. They take their beta boyfriends or husbands for granted and start to heed the call of their uncaged ids deep in their hindbrains, where even the hamster dares not tread. An emboldening sense of invulnerability overwhelms them, and they follow an age-old evolutionary script leading them to sample genetic pee pee platters when there is low risk it will cost them with their current beaus.

The solution for men to reign victorious over this female Darwinian impulse is simple, and one this blog has been writing about for some time: Never…

never

let her feel entitled to your love.

By this I mean you need to keep your girlfriend (or wife!) on her toes, always in a state of suspended certainty. She has to be thinking, at least some of the time, “Does he really love me?” “Does he love me as much as I do him?” “Is he completely committed to me?” “Is he seeing other women?” “What’s he thinking?”

And my personal favorite:

“Why does he leave after sex?”

And, trust me, she will love you more for making her feel this way, despite her inability to ever admit as much.

So, men, if you want to minimize the odds your lover is an infidelity risk, keep tabs on her cycle and monitor the level of comfort and security you are offering her in your LTR. If she is approaching her ovulatory phase, and you have been smothering her with affection and compliments…

back the fuck off.

Turn off your phone for a day. Decline a scheduled date with her. Call her from a noisy bar where girls can be overheard laughing in the background. If you live with her, show up very late from work a couple of nights in a week. Notice some trivial flaw about her looks. Grunt more than usual. Be laconic. Ignore her.

Naturally, the hotter she is, the more you will have to back off. Options = instability.

In this new year, let’s all make a resolution to improve the quality of our sex and love lives. Let’s make her work for it.

Read Full Post »

Trumped-up Charges

Women love to bitch and moan about their men. It’s in their blood. But it matters not, most of the time. As long as you smite her heart with your heraldic war pike of forged steel alphaness, her bitching and moaning will waft into the ether, having no influence whatsoever on her desire to cling to you. In fact, bitching and moaning is often a sign that the woman is deeply in love, for such a powerfully debilitating emotion ushers forth a fusillade of half-hearted complaints as a grounding mechanism to steady her so that she can make at least semi-cogent rationalizations why she can’t get enough of your assholery.

There is, however, a time and context when the complaints carry more weight. This is usually right near the end of a relationship, when she has already checked out and is now trying to wriggle free without confronting the real reasons why she feels no tingle. You will know this is happening because complaints you rarely heard before suddenly come out of nowhere, and with increasing frequency. Her bitching, too, will take on a serious cast, and the playfulness with which she needled you before will be gone, replaced by a somber recounting of grievous faults. You will almost picture her wearing a green eyeshade as she ticks off your bothersome habits that, for reasons unclear to your formulaically analytical male mind, she finds irredeemably annoying what once she thought charming, and evidence that you are unsalvageable as a boyfriend.

“You’re late all the time.”

“I hate they way you kiss with the side of your lips.”

“You never got me anything nice.” (You’ll notice girls using an out-of-place past tense when you have been mentally demoted to ex-lover.)

We here at the Chateau know the reason why she has morphed into a human resources department assistant manager: you lost your alpha mojo. Her complaints, more often than not utterly baseless trumped-up charges, are simply mediums through which she contextualizes your emerging betatude. She cannot fathom the subtleties of character deficiency and behavioral emasculation that turn her off, but she can wrap her frazzled hamster around the one time you were ten minutes late picking her up from the train station. And since a woman’s memory for trivial details rivals a quad core CPU, you can expect that she will remember retroactive annoyances from five years ago that today serve as convenient nitpick fodder to justify the torrent of hypergamous preprogramming that propels her away from your domesticated ass.

Happily for you readers, the Chateau is a one stop shop for all your relationship management needs. We don’t just diagnose the problem; we give you solutions. So what do you do when the end is nigh and the bitching has evolved into a stone cold staff meeting? Whatever you do…

DON’T ENGAGE HER LOGICALLY.

Women are probably capable of some rudimentary logical thinking in a pinch, but it isn’t their default mental algorithm, and they won’t like having to be logical when they could defer to their insanely precocious feeeeelings instead. So when you engage a woman logically, assaulting her with the facts and bolstering your case, you are actually signing your own notice of dismissal. In the court of love, fairness is a fleeting proclamation and evidence an obstacle to be tampered with on the way to the Siberian celibacy camps.

“You’re late all the time.”

“No, I’m not. Once or twice, maybe. But do you remember me being on time for the house party last week?”

BAD.

“You’re late all the time.”

“You would be too if your ten other girlfriends were constantly bugging you.”

GOOD.

“I hate the way you kiss with the side of your lips.”

“I don’t do that. You’re just making shit up.”

BAD.

“I hate the way you kiss with the side of your lips.”

“Next time I’ll aim for your ear.”

GOOD.

“You never got me anything nice.”

“Sure I did. What about that cashmere sweater I got you for your birthday?”

BAD.

“You never got me anything nice.”

“Fuck you. That bag of Skittles cost me an arm and a leg.”

MOST EXCELLENT.

The above are merely suggestions for dealing with the red flags of rationalization bitching. Many game strategies are available to you, and all are good in their own way. The point of this post is that under no circumstances should you ever take a woman seriously in relationship matters, unless she is waving a small white stick with a pink tip in front of you.

Even then, proceed with caution.

Read Full Post »

The Fundamentals

There is so much pickup information available now that it’s easy to lose sight of the fundamentals that govern sexual tension and attraction between men and women. When the information cascade overwhelms it begins to pull you away from what works, and what has always worked for you. Consequently, over-analysis can hinder your spiritual growth as a womanizer. That is why it is vital to step back every so often, ignore the steady stream of advice, and return to a few golden, immutable laws of attraction that will never go out of style.

The one fundamental to which I always return, and has never failed to reward me as expected, is this:

Women cannot resist the aloof and indifferent man.

Of all the compulsions hard-wired in a female’s hindbrain, this one is etched deeper and more enduringly. Every woman, to a greater or lesser degree, feels the burn of lust and the agony of love for a man who projects a “take it or leave it” attitude.

Note that aloof and indifferent doesn’t mean haughty, distant or uninterested. It means disinterested. It means that while you may love her and flatter her and soothe her and give her gifts, underlying it all is an attitude that tells her “I can walk if necessary, and find someone new.”

It may seem counterproductive for a woman to respond so favorably to a man exhibiting this attitude, but the evolution of human sociosexuality offers an explanation: an aloof man is indirectly advertising his skill at seducing women. Such a man will give a woman sons who will inherit his ladykiller genes. Conversely, a man who gloms onto a woman may as well be holding a placard that says “My celibacy is nigh!”. He has no confidence that should his girlfriend or wife misbehave, or leave him, he will be able to find another woman’s bossom for comfort.

And really, that’s what all this talk by women about valuing “confidence” in men means; what women are really saying is that they value men who could dump them on a whim and get with new women easily. Men who can do this are filled with the kind of confidence that turns women on.

The aloof and indifferent attitude can be expressed reactively or proactively, deliberately or passively. She senses it when other women flirt with you and you refuse to act ashamed for it. You don’t rub your desirability to competitor women in her face, but neither do you downplay it.

She senses it when she is the first to say “I love you”, after many months of eager — but ultimately unfulfilled — anticipation on her part for you to say it first.

She senses it when you occasionally pepper your relationship with unexplained absences.

She senses it when you hang out with guy friends who are known players.

She senses it when you drag your feet about going on expensive trips together.

She senses it when you are the first to hop out of bed after climax.

She senses it when your exes are always bumping into you.

She senses it when you announce that you don’t understand guys like her male friend who can only play video games when his girlfriend is not around to castigate him, and when you then proudly and defiantly proclaim you value your “freedom and independence” too much to be like that guy.

She senses it when a half-assed microwaved meal that you cooked for the both of you means more to her than a four course dinner slaved over for hours in the kitchen by a beta would mean to her.

She senses it when you set the bar so low, it becomes a challenge to disappoint her.

The fundamentals. Be aloof. Be indifferent. Be loving.

Do these three things and you will never be lacking for a woman’s eternally grateful love.

Read Full Post »

Time To Fart As A Measure Of Relationship Strength

I’ve devised a formula for determining the strength of a relationship and its long term potential based on the time it takes for me to feel comfortable farting in a girlfriend’s presence.

TTF (Time To Fart) + SOE (Sense Of Embarrassment) / LOF (Loudness Of Fart) + NOF (Number Of Farts per episode) + FDS (Farts During Sex) = RS (Relationship Strength)

The variables in the formula are converted into numerical values.

TTF is the number of months that have passed without a farting incident in her company. 1 = one month, 2 = 2 months, etc. A particularly brazen man would have a TTF of 0.033, indicating he farted in front of her on the first date.

SOE is based on the embarrassment I feel for farting around her. An SOE of 0 is… zero shame! An SOE of 10 is crippling embarrassment, and a burning guilt for violating my precious lady’s modesty so vulgarly.

LOF is based on decibels. An LOF of 10 (admittedly a somewhat subjective measure) is an ear-splitting fart that scares the cat. An LOF of 0 is an SBD.

NOF is the number of farts I feel comfortable releasing immediately after the first one has escaped. An NOF of 3 farts within a short time window indicates comfort with the act of farting in my girl’s presence. A high NOF of 20 suggests a sadistic pleasure with watching my girlfriend’s eyes tear up.

FDS is a simple binary value for noting whether I am comfortable farting during sex, which is an inopportune (or not, you scoundrel!) time to fart that is particularly loathed by women. An FDS of 0 means I clench tightly when I feel a fart coming on, while an FDS of 1 means I help push it out when a fart is about to announce itself during tender missionary lovemaking. (It is especially funny when she can feel the vibrations of my fart against her pudendum.)

I didn’t include smell in the equation, because that’s an uncontrollable factor.

Once calculated, a high RS number means I hold in my farts when I’m with my girl to the point where I risk intestinal embolisms. I would not dare risk annoying her with an errant tush toot. Our relationship is likely a strong one that will last well into the second year.

A low RS number indicates trouble, as well as warm gas, brewing. I fart freely around the girl without remorse because I take her completely for granted. She loves the shit out of me and I know it, so I feel comfortable farting loudly, and often, in her presence, even when I’m piledriving her. An extremely low RS usually happens when I am dating below my level, and is an indication that I will cheat or dump her in short order.

Example 1:

• TTF = 1 month
• SOE = 0 (shameless)
• LOF = 5 (kazoo)
• NOF = 3 (tommy gun)
• FDS = 1 (pumping motion moves gas along)

1 + 0 / 5 + 3 + 1 = 1/9 = 0.11 RS

The man in this example has a very low RS. He is probably porking a cow and has her make him a ham sandwich on Valentine’s Day.

Example 2:

• TTF = 20 months (permanent damage resulted)
• SOE = 10 (tried to blame it on dog)
• LOF = 1 (clenched hard to prevent noisemaker, but mouse squeak escaped through restricted opening)
• NOF = 1 (but it was a 30 second doozy of sweet relief)
• FDS = 0 (violate such a sacred moment? never!)

20 + 10 / 1 + 1 + 0 = 15 RS

The man in this example has a very high RS. He is a beta provider who is with his first ever girlfriend (and sexual partner). He will ask “how many licks?” when she tells him to eat her out during her period. As long as she isn’t too far out of his league, he will likely marry this girl and die from a backed up fart that snaked its way to his brain.

On average, most of my relationships have an RS of between 0.8 and 1.2. If you regularly maintain RSs in the 0.01 to 0.15 range, you are either slumming it with heifers and calling yourself a player, or you are a super alpha who can get away with passing wind in your HB10 girlfriend’s face while she’s rimming you.

If you regularly score RSs in the 10 – 20 range, you are a platonic friend who has yet to realize it. You will not get anywhere with women until you first learn how to treat yourself to a satisfying blast of gas.

BONUS VIDEO!

This is a reenactment of an actual conversation. It happened in bed, but Xtranormal does not offer a bed scene as a backdrop.

Read Full Post »

The Times Of Year You Should Watch Your Woman Carefully

Via numerous sources, an “infographic” datanaut has put together a graph based on Facebook relationship status updates that shows the peak times of year for breakups to happen.

As you can see, breakups occur most often in the weeks before Spring Break and Christmas. (Breakups remain high during Spring Break; in contrast, they plummet on Christmas Day itself. Maybe if Christmas was marked by the sight of thousands of scantily clad babes, it would compete with Spring Break for the dump olympics.) Obviously, this graph is skewed toward the relationship dynamics of college students, what with Facebook being primarily the domain of that demographic and college-aged exhibitionists the least likely to exercise discretion about their personal lives.

There is a smaller uptick in breakups just prior to Valentine’s Day (don’t wanna spend the money on this bitch I don’t even much like), April Fool’s Day (I love you… haha! April Fool’s! we’re through!), and the beginning of summer (gotta make room for my summer romance!).

The linked article says that Mondays are the most popular days for breaking up, but I think that is a misread of the data. Most Facebook dorks update their status announcements the day after a big personal change in life, so it’s likely more accurate to say breaking up happens frequently on weekends. Which would make sense, because if you’re sick and tired of a lover, the grating prolonged presence of that person on a wide-open weekend would serve to wonderfully focus your mind on getting the hell out of Dodge.

The data gives seducers valuable info in which to tailor their game for maximum harem retention. First, we know both from anecdote and extrapolating from divorce data that women initiate 60-80% of all relationship breakups. The evo psych reasons for this are that women think more long term than do men, and are thus less likely than men to coast in a marginally-acceptable relationship for the sexual benefits. Women also have a more stringent list of criteria they demand from their lovers, and failing to meet bullet points 457-463 can cause her to reassess your value.

Not only that, but when men aren’t doing the breaking up (and why would they? pussy attached to an unlikeable personality is still pussy, and pussy you aren’t planning to marry still feels as good), women in their infinite passive-aggressiveness are manipulating men into breaking up with them.

Second, women on the verge of breaking up can often be brought back from the brink by a renewed application of core game principles. If you can predict with decent accuracy which days of the year she is thinking about breaking up, you can take preventive countermeasures. If you are a womanizer with a harem (i.e., multiple long-term relationships), it pays to know not just how to reignite her love, but when her love is most likely to dissipate. Timing your efforts creates efficiencies that help you better manage multiple girlfriends.

Women mostly break up because the betas they are with have ceased activating their tingle machine, but let’s not forget that a not insignificant minority of women initiate breakups because their alpha lovers have stopped lavishing them with affection and other signs of commitment. If you are in the latter category, your job is easy, should you choose to accept it. Pay her a few compliments and give her a massage once in a while, and she’ll be back in the fold.

However, if you are like most de-balled men in long germ relationships, you are being dumped because she has grown weary of your betafication. Familiarity doesn’t necessarily breed contempt, but familiarity with betas sure as hell does. For you, betaboy, the goal is to turn up the aloof asshole in late November, mid-February and early June. Other times of the year, particularly the autumnal hunkering down, you can take her for granted.

In sum, herby betas need to be extra vigilant after Thanksgiving. Turn off your cell, refuse to answer texts right away, stop nuzzling in her bosom like a hungry cat, and call her from places where girls are squealing in the background. Once Christmas is over, you can return to being your watery-eyed, limp-noodled self.

Read Full Post »

Teasing Should Be Like Breathing

My girl had challenged me to a pushup hold contest. This is where you assume the pushup position and hold it there for as long as you can. I had said she stood no chance with me, and she eagerly set out to prove me wrong. But instead of following the script she was expecting, I reached out and swatted her inner elbow while she was in her pushup, and she crumpled to the ground, whining about my unfairness as I declared “victory” over her puny femaleness. She then chased me around the house until I tossed her onto the bed where intimacy commenced.

When a girl asks you to do something for or with her, instead of following her request to the tee you should be thinking how you can screw around with her expectation. Your brain needs to be trained to think like this if you are a natural born beta who did not instill in himself the proper mindset when it is best instilled — elementary school. Years of pulling ponytails on playgrounds prepares a boy for dealing with adult women who want to be dominated and teased into arousal by a carefree man who doesn’t take them seriously. Call it “depedestalization”; the act of teasing is akin to pushing a girl right off her pedestal, whether erected by herself or by orbiting obsequious men, and is craved by every woman with a working vagina.

Remember, because the average woman is biologically more valuable than the average man, every girl is born perched atop a pedestal. The doctor holds it upside down, gives it a few slaps to firm the supports, and then inserts it under the infant girl’s bottom, where it remains propping her up until she is knocked off it by either circumstance, aging, or deliberate effort. If the infant girl grows up ugly, her pedestal will shrink of its own accord, until it is not more than a speck on her ass. If she grows up pretty, her pedestal will get bigger in accordance with the slavish attention she receives from men. By age 18, a hot chick may as well be surveying her queefdom from the apex of a pyramid. It would take a truly impressive asshole to knock such a girl off her throne, which may explain why the hottest girls fall for the biggest jerks.

Therefore, teasing a girl should be like breathing to you. It should come naturally, with little forethought. For instance, if she asks you to pick up a bag of kitty litter for her furry child substitute, rather than dutifully fulfilling her request you could pretend to forget to buy it and inform her that you bought an electric zapper instead to train the cat to go in the toilet. Then pull out a black wand or something similar and chase after the cat to “demonstrate” the efficacy of electroshock kitty training. If you can do this with a straight face, she will freak out. Once informed of the prank, she will smile, hit you hard, and then jump your bones.

Or maybe she gets excited to tell you about something that happened to her at work. If you’re a beta, you would ask her to proceed and listen intently as she unloads her emotions. She will be grateful for your listening ability, but not too turned on. However, if you’re an alpha, you would prop your hands under your chin, curl your fingers, purse your lips into a pinched smile, widen your eyes while blinking exaggeratedly for effect and arch your eyebrows like you’re about to burst from the anticipation. Clap your hands like a little boy catching his first glimpse of a birthday present, and say “Do go on! Yes? Yes!?! Oh, the suspense is killing me! I hope it lasts!” If her eyes aren’t shimmering with joy and lust by this point, you are dating a golem. Naturally, she will give you shit. This just means you’re doing it right.

I know this blog has an inordinate number of aspie readers who can’t divine subtleties of argument, so before the usual complaints are heard it pays to remind yourself that while women love to get teased, their appreciation doesn’t mean you should tease them ALL THE FUCKING TIME, regardless of circumstance. If she wants you to pick up flowers for her mom’s funeral, it’s probably not a good idea to tease her about her allergies to roses. You can occasionally pick up a gallon of milk for her without making a production out of it. I really hate having to include these obvious caveats, but man oh man alive there are some numbskulls on this board.

Read Full Post »