David Blaine Is A Toolbelt

And all those suckers camping out to watch him sit in a box are his tools.

Drop the retarded endurance test “magic stunts” and stick to card tricks, dude.

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FYI

Take some time this evening to peruse the comments I bunker busted into the comments sections of the past week’s posts, going back to the How To Handle Femmes Fatales Part 3 post. I really feel it is some of my finest work. Art for the demonic heart.

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Butt Pirates, Butt Pats, A Killer Line

If you like very feminine women (and what man doesn’t?), you’ll want to date girls who have gay relatives:

Andrea Camperio Ciani and colleagues at the University of Padua, Italy, showed that the female relatives of homosexual men tend to have more children, suggesting that genes on the X chromosome are responsible.

“It helps to answer a perplexing question – how can there be ‘gay genes’ given that gay sex doesn’t lead to procreation?” says Dean Hamer of the National Institutes of Health in Bethesda, Maryland, who was not involved in the work. “The answer is remarkably simple: the same gene that causes men to like men also causes women to like men, and as a result to have more children.”

Camperio Ciani emphasises that, rather than being a “gay gene”, this unidentified genetic factor is likely to promote sexual attraction to men in both men and women. This would influence a woman’s attitude rather than actually increasing her fertility, making her likely to have more children.

The girl’s attitude is key here. Femininity is not just curves, it’s temperament and personality. When I meet girls now I screen them for how many gay brothers and cousins they have:

“So this girl I used to date was telling me how great it is for her to have a gay brother, which is even better than a best gay boyfriend. Do you have any gay relatives?”

I believe screening for this in girls will mean a more romantic dating life, more affection from the girl, and fewer lawyers in my stable of regulars. In fact, I would bet any chick who is a lawyer has a lot of lesbian relatives.

*****

The downside of being President when people are watching: A girl offers you her ass and you have to politely decline:

Bush knuckled off a couple of lobs, but defending gold medalists Misty May-Treanor and Kerri Walsh gave the chief executive some pointers. Then after a good play, in the tradition of female volleyballers, May-Treanor turned, bent over slightly and offered her bikinied rear-end for the 43rd president to slap.

“Mr. President,” she said, “want to?”

[…]Bush wisely chose instead to brush his hand across the small of May-Treanor’s back.

I’d have slapped, spread, and dry humped her. Of course, as President I’d set up a rendevous later in a secure location where she’d really get my approval for her good play.

I read the comments on some of the news sites to this story. Unsurprisingly to me, most of the negative comments were from women, who used it as an opportunity to bash Bush’s “perviness” and religious leanings. It’s funny how Bush is so unpopular with women, especially young women and feminists, when he did the “right thing” in this situation, and when by all accounts he’s a moral exemplar of the faithful, loyal (beta) husband. And yet a guy like Bill Clinton, who in practice shit all over feminist principles by sexually harassing interns, fucking subordinates, cheating on his wife multiple times, getting blowjobs from women considerably younger than himself, and even coming dangerously close to actual rape, is beloved by women and especially by the very same feminists whose phoniness and moral relativism Clinton showcased for the world. Beautiful. I trust the lesson has not escaped my readers.

bush to ass.

*****

Here is a great line you can tell a girl during the A2 (female to male interest) attraction phase to boost your value:

“I could introduce you to every guy in this room, but I can guarantee that none of them will be as interesting as me.”

Concepts hit: DHV, social status, push-pull. It’s been field tested and proven successful, so give it a try and let me know how it goes.

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What Happens When You Give A Woman Testosterone

Russian female pole vaulter not only sets the world record but trash talks her foes into submission.

BEIJING, Aug 18 (Reuters) – Russia’s Olympic champion pole vaulter Yelena Isinbayeva said the world record she set on Monday had put U.S. rival Jennifer Stuczynski in her place over reported comments about going to “kick Russian butt”.

“She has never beaten me. She is talking too much. So I didn’t say anything. I just wanted to prove who is the best,” Isinbayeva, who won the gold medal while Stuczynski had to settle for silver, told reporters.

“I am not deaf. I can read interviews and hear what is being talked about. It made me really angry because I said, ‘How is it possible to speak like this about me?’

“When I found out, it wasn’t nice first of all because she must respect me and know her position. Now she knows it.”

Isinbayeva set the world record by soaring 5.05 metres, while Stuczynski’s best effort was 4.80 metres. Russian Svetlana Feofanova took the bronze with a best jump of 4.75 metres.

cellulite free since 1982.

(This chick’s buttocks swallows pole vaults whole and spits out toothpicks.)

It doesn’t matter whether the testosterone is injected or naturally raised through scientifically calibrated diet and hours in the gym pumping iron, women become more like men when they start competing for real. They get nastier, they get harder, their tits shrink, their babyfat disappears, and their attitude is all up in your grill. Most of them even begin to look like men (Yelena, dear sweet Russian Tatar babe who happens to look like one of my exes, is a notably good-looking exception among the female Olympic athletes).

The masculinization of women is inevitable at the upper levels of competitive athletics where real glory and sponsorships are on the line, because the lifeblood — the high octane fuel — of competition that matters is testosterone, the very essence of manhood. For a woman to succeed in a physically competitive endeavor, she must become more like… a man. It is required.

(And for a man to succeed in a domestic endeavor, he must become more like a woman.)

What all those Title IX supporting lesbian feminists refuse to face up to is that female athletics, and especially the elite level of female athletics broadcast on TVs around the world, is not a celebration of womanhood, it’s a celebration of manhood!

But let’s face it, the goal of American/Scandinavian feminism has always been to morph women into men. The bullhorns of the feminist movement — disproportionately lesbian and ugly — have a pathological case of penis envy. I imagine if they could legislate enlarged clitorises, they would.

raise the bar. i'm jumping her.

The kind of intramural or weekend warrioress female athletics where women exert half-assed effort and take frequent breaks to huddle together to gossip, is fine for keeping fit and cementing friendships. They will not risk chest hair growth. But watch out if your girlfriend or daughter tries out for Division I soccer, starts buying A cup sports bras, and comes home with huge bruises on her shins — she will look and act less like a real woman with each passing day unless you steer her into more feminine fitness routines, like yoga.

One of the first things I ask a girl I’m dating is if she played any team sports in high school or college. If she played soccer or field hockey *and* has dark forearm hair, I know that I will not have to wait long for sexytime. Most likely, she will want to spend a lot of time on top.

I would bang lovely Yelena with my 5.05 metre American pole.

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Ugly Is Not The New Beautiful

In an effort to be edgy, capture niche advertising markets, and generate buzz, there is a modeling agency in New York that claims to only scout for “ugly” models:

Too ‘ugly’ to model?

Not according to one talent agency in New York City. “Ugly,” founded in 1969, looks for unique models who are not considered traditionally beautiful. According to agency founder Simon Rogers, “beauty really does come in all shapes and sizes,” and in the modeling industry, there’s room for all.

Unique.

All shapes and sizes.

Room for all.

Let’s take a look at what the modeling agency considers ugly.

Here is one of their ugly female models:

i lie to boys.

The only thing ugly about her is the tattoo. She may not be a 10 but she’s pretty hot. Her underlying facial bone structure and features are that of a good-looking girl, and most guys would agree. The rest of the “ugly” female models at this agency follow the same pattern — attractive to beautiful faces that can be marketed as diverse and “unique” because of superficial non-genetic attributes like ugly tattoos, unusual make-up, weird clothing, or multicolored hair.

Other than the few freak show midgets the agency includes in its lineup (obviously for specialty assignments that specifically require the services of a midget), the general trend is the same as it is at every modeling agency — girls that have been blessed by birth to look better than 90% of women.

So, no, beauty does not come in all shapes and sizes, nor is there room for every girl to be a model, as this modeling agency’s founder fraudulently claims. Lip piercings and tattoos don’t turn a beautiful girl into an ugly girl, just like they don’t help ugly girls become less ugly.

Here is a picture of an actual ugly woman:

no wonder she hates men.

You will never see women who look like this in an “edgy” modeling agency’s portfolio. At least, not for long. Heh.

Now let’s take a look at the men in this agency’s ugly portfolio.

Here is one of their ugly male models:

i'm wearing a buttplug!

Now we’re getting somewhere. This guy isn’t repulsively ugly, but he’s not beefcake either. Take some time to browse through the photographs and you’ll notice a distinctly different pattern emerge with the male models. Most of the men fall into two categories — either good-looking guys who “uglify” themselves with bad tattoos and piercings (like the women models), or genuinely ugly guys. But the ugly men are ugly in a goofy way, instead of an actively obnoxious way.

Unalterable Universal Law: Ugly men can push product (and sitcoms). Ugly women can’t.*

Yet again, this shows that the penalty for physical ugliness is more severe for women than for men. People make fun of ugly men, but they simply don’t want their visual field polluted by ugly women. Not even at modeling agencies that claim to scout for beauty in “all shapes and sizes”.

Level of bullshit exposed on a scale of 1 to 10: 7 (a septic tank’s worth).

*Ugly Betty is the only current exception to this rule I can think of, but even in this case the show’s title doesn’t live down to its standard, for three reasons:
1. Betty isn’t *that* ugly. She’s a little under average for an American girl.
2. There are lots of other hot women in the show to neutralize Betty’s “ugliness”.
3. Betty’s love interests are borderline platonic. Kissing scenes with Betty kept to a bare minimum.
4. Ratings are slowly falling. Even good writing can’t save a show with an unattractive lead.

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Sara Vote Update

OK, first of all, this wasn’t a vote to ban her. It was to limit her to 5 comments per post. My hope was that such a disciplinary action would motivate her to rein in her tsunami of consciousness blather and not use the comments section as a therapist’s couch.

The 5 comment limit also applies to SAM, who really should get together with Sara and make beautiful genital music with her. The demon spawn of such a conjugation would usher forth a new age child of such transcendent purity that he will be a light unto all the peoples of all the nations to beat their swords over their own heads.

But as it stands, the commenters have really come through for you Sara. Their love has spared you… for now.  Let’s try to tighten it up going forward, k?

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Frenetic Fred

Is this youtube sensation emblematic of cultural decline… or cultural vitality? You be the judge.

This has been a “Youth Of Today” public service announcement.

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