The Self-Deprecation Nuclear Shit Test

Women have many shit tests and penumbras of shit tests in their hamster arsenal, but none packs a more explosive punch than the self-deprecation shit test, which is like the Tsar Bomba of shit tests. The shock wave from this big baby is enough to send an inexperienced man reeling backwards into stunned silence. Or, worse, obsequious reassurance.

A reader passes along his recent encounter with the Hamsta Bomba of shit tests,

The other day I was hitting on an asian girl (FOB, but culturally American) who is studying English in North America.  I had met her by chance the previous day at a festival and gotten a make out after the festival.

I was escalating and she gave me what I think was a “nuclear shit test” and I didn’t know how to respond.

She said: “I’m surprised you want to bang me so bad – I’m not even that hot.  There are way better looking girls you should be going after.”  Indeed, she is not that hot.  A solid 6 but no more.  She was implying that because I was hitting on her, I must not be able to get with the hotter girls, so I’m a loser.

I demurred, and said that “I liked her smile.”  But I did not have a witty rejoinder to her shit test.

What should I have said?

(For the record, I regularly hook up with 8s, but I was going after this 6 because I was in town for a couple days only and wanted an easy lay.  I ended up getting a BJ from her).

This question of how to deactivate the fission cascade on the self-deprecation nuclear shit test has been answered before at the Chateau. And the conclusion from that post is that your best options are to either

a. ignore her and change the subject, or

b. reframe so that she gets put into the defensive crouch.

The reframe that is most popular among the coituscenti is the classic “Have you always been this vain?” This is the black hole to the nuclear shit test, sucking the atomic life and energy right out of her beta boob bait.

Another good reply: “Oh god, you’re not that kind of girl who’s always comparing herself to other girls, are you?!”

Defensive crouches are where gina tingles are born.

The absolute worst reply you could give — and one which is the equivalent of chomping down on stinky chum and getting hooked into the boat — is to reassure her that she’s pretty. Your logical male mind thinks this is the answer she wants, but if you say it you’ll soon discover the air escaping from any sexual tension that had been building. Women interpret male reassurance as male desperation to keep the momentum moving toward sex. This is why disarming shit tests is such a valuable game skill to have; by refusing to play into her “oh no, another boring beta male” expectations, you, as a man, decrease the likelihood that she’ll concoct a reason to short-circuit the seduction process.

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When It’s Alright To White Knight

The white knight used to be an object of admiration, but lately he has become an object of derision and even pity. Urban Dictionary defines the white knight as:

A person (usually a male) who sees the typical maiden in distress, and believes that he can help her. A male version of the “mother figure” that some girls become.

Implicit in that definition is the recognition that white knights are dupes who won’t get the sex they think their heroism is supposed to net them. The change in the white knight’s status can be traced to the change in the Western culture and the functioning of the sexual market. As women have become more self-sufficient, more socially and sexually aggressive, more pampered by the ruling elite and their foot soldiers, and less in need of beta male provisioning, the justification for the white knight’s services has been annulled. What was once a legitimate way to curry favor with women and to uphold traditional social mores for the betterment of the ethnically cohesive whole, has become a pretentious clown show neither desired by its intended recipients nor necessary as a stopgap to preserve social mores that have long ceased their operational relevance.

The subject of the white knight was broached in the comments to this post about a guy who walks away from a one-month slutfriend (“girlfriend” seems too generous an appellation) who had her tit grabbed by a co-worker in a bar, and responded to the feminist ur-violation by laughing and hugging her groper. CH agreed with the emailer’s decision to execute a summary dumping, but some readers were less ready to surrender the white knight option.

For example, commenter Erudite Knight wrote,

You are a joke. It is not ‘white knight’ to defend your property. You are excusing your own cowardice.

This is fairly representative of the thinking of the pro-white knight brigade. Woman is man’s property, and therefore a man must defend her honor no matter how poorly she behaves.

A load of tosh.d’oh, say I. First, it’s been a long time in the West since women were men’s property, either legalistically or culturally. Were we living in such a time, duty-bound male impulses like white knighting and chivalry would make more sense. But today, they make little sense, if any at all. A piece of “property” which can cheat on you at will and suffer little in the way of consequences is not any property encompassing inherent rights of ownership deserving of defense against interlopers. Or: If your property can, of its own accord, welcome squatters, you are a fool for assuming stewardship of such a leaky plot of flesh.

Second, women are not children or dumb animals, They have agency and accountability for their actions. At least, they do if you take a typical feminist’s word for it. (A leap of faith, I know.) You as a man are under no moral obligation to rush to the aid of a woman who has proven herself, by her actions, a loose tramp. If she severs her end of the deal, you are free to sever yours.

Third, acting the cat’s-paw for a low woman won’t inspire the respect you white knight advocates think it will, or think it should. What do you imagine percolates in a slut’s head when she has successfully tooled you into laying down your coat for her as her secret office fling laughs knowingly to himself, his pedestal being polished by her hand? I’ll show you:

All you’ve done is embolden her to pull more of the same stunts in the future. Way to go, toolbag.

Fourth, it’s not bravery to stand in the path of a speeding train, or a serenading slut. It’s just plain old stupidity.

If your goal in life is to feel like a big man through the strange alchemical process of getting tooled by manipulative shrews, then have it at governor. Just don’t expect many men of sane mind to join you in adhering to your quixotic code of ethics.

But this post is not solely about the lunkheadedness of the modern day white knight, a loathsome creature who shares DNA with the manboob and the male feminist. (Pervs of a feather…) It’s about those rare times when it’s in your interest, as a man, to white knight. Specifically, that interest is the preservation of your privileged access to the womb of a woman who wishes you to have that access.

If a guy at a bar grabs your lover’s tit, and she reacts with a look of shock and fury, clearly signaling her displeasure with the molestation, then go ahead and be all the white knight you can be. The benefits in such a scenario far outweigh the negatives (unless the other guy is a house, more on that in a bit). A demeaning titty twister (of your hand on his nipple), a strong shove to entice a fight, or even a sock in the gut, are acceptable measures of recourse. You wouldn’t be white knighting so much as kicking out an invading migrant who crossed your border, a border (and this is important) which you know is inviolable.

If the girl is not worth a fight, but you want to slake a vengeful thirst on both of them that walking out simply won’t do, you could follow this advice from anonymous,

How about you bring her and him into a bro shoulder hug, start smooching her, keep one hand clenched on the guy’s shirt while you send your hand up her shirt, and while kissing you give him a bro face slap. “You guys will have a great life together.”

YaReally also has an epic comment about handling really aggressive douchebags muscling in on your girl. He, like CH, advocates the “soft next” for any girl who has proved by her behavior that she didn’t mind the intrusion all that much.

As for much bigger men, make fun of them. “Hey, man, you’re molesting the wrong tit. I think you want the boy tits in the gay bar down the street.” Try recruiting allies this way, by publicly calling out his boarish behavior in front of a crowd, preferably with bouncers and bartenders within earshot. You obviously want to avoid a beatdown that is inevitable because of an unfair size disadvantage, but there are other ways to socially ostracize a big man without having it come to blows.

Of course, if women want the world of white knights and chivalry back, they’re free to abandon their feminist principles and equalist agit-prop any day now. Won’t be holding my breath…

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AMOG Tit Grab

A reader passes along a quickie anecdote that you don’t hear everyday:

I would like your take on this situation that arose with my GF. Been together about a month.

Went to a pub, I brought a friend, its kind of her turf so she runs into coworkers and friends there a lot. Two dudes she used to work with come in, she hugs them. She is pretty bad for introducing me to people…often she says hello to a group, I wait a minute then introduce myself. She follows up by saying I’m her BF, etc, but she leaves it to me to break the ice.

Once again no intro, this time I didn’t care much to say hi, so me and my friend went for a drink. At last call, her and I are chatting, I see another friend and go say hi, she sees these two coworkers again. I come up to do the introduction, and one of the dudes grabs her tit when she moves in for a hug. She shoves his hand away but laughs and hugs him. I’m literally over this dudes shoulder, she knows I saw it.

What’s the alpha play here? (I walked away, she chased after me asking why i was running away…fully aware of the reason)

1. One month is not long enough to call any girl your “girlfriend”. Not even if you’re banging her six ways to Sunday. Already I sense your mentality is beta, for only a beta male would count his chicks before they’ve latched.

2. It’s a very bad tell when your “GF” doesn’t introduce you to people she knows. She either doesn’t want them to know the full extent of your relationship with her, or she’s not sufficiently attached to you and easily forgets you exist. Third option: She’s a sperg with naturally bad social skills. But that’s a low probability option.

3. The AMOG dude obviously felt comfortable enough to grab her tit without fearing retribution, from either her or you. Therefore, he either knows, through her, that she’s not that into you, or he’s actually fucking her on the downlow. Her reaction — or rather, her barely concealed joy — strongly hints at the latter.

4. The alpha play is to never talk to her again. Seriously. She’s a lost cause, even if she didn’t technically “cheat”. Yet.

5. But if you just want to keep the sex going for as long as possible, give it two weeks, then re-engage. Treat her like absolute dirt. I figure this strategy will net you three more months of hungry blowjobs.

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The Myth Of Effortful Game

Zombie Shane demurs,

Honestly, I don’t know that these “mindgame” chicks are worth the effort.

Unless maybe you’ve gone full-blown nihilist and you’re determined to tap EVERY SINGLE god-damned piece of ass which crosses your path – bar none.

But, again, in all honestly, I can think of a bazillion things I’d rather do than waste any calories pursuing a “mindgame” chick.

Life is just too damned short.

…to blow prospects because of bad game.

Chicks play mind games. This is what they do. It’s a part… of their bioengineered faaaantasy. Women employ these mind games to sort worthy alphas from feeble betas. They can’t help it any more than you can help staring at a firm ass and pert tits. So your choices are either get with the cosmic program and learn how to make reality work for you instead of against you, or drop out and become a sourpuss.

The very crux of your complaint is wrong. There really isn’t any effort expended in picking up chicks once you get the hang of it. It’s pretty much all upside to watch a girl’s face brighten with newfound desire because you successfully pulled her limbic strings. How long until you’ve got a smooth seducer’s rhythm going? Figure anywhere from three months to two years, depending on your innate suite of attractiveness traits.

The reason game sounds like a lot of effort has to do with the nature of describing subtle human interactions in print form. In the real world, these moves occur in millisecond bursts, and hardly take any energy at all. When you have internalized how to behave and speak with women, you spend no more energy seducing them than you would brushing your teeth. And it feels like even less energy expended, because you’re having fun.

But the human mind is complex and explaining its psychology and its interplay with other human minds in ways that can be easily digested by a lot of readers necessarily requires effort, which makes the act being described seem like effort. The typical 500-word post on this or that game technique distills to a few seconds worth of action in the field.

If you really want to contrast energy expenditures between different styles of courtship, you’ll find that game-adherents come out far ahead in the metabolic savings sweepstakes. For example, compare the familiar and oft-touted (by know-nothings) traditional beta male with the oft-ridiculed game-utilizing ladykiller.

Beta male:
Mentally struggles to approach one girl, Spends five hours talking to her before summoning courage to ask her out. Becomes exhausted trying not to say stupid shit, and trying to memorize every word girl says. Goes on seven dates and spends hundreds on drinks and meals and travel before getting her to his bedroom. Gets a make-out and goes on five more dates before getting a handjob. Sex comes three months in, but only after intimations of marriage worthiness.

Ladykiller:
Approaches are mentally simple because he does them all the time. Spends twenty minutes to one hour talking with a girl before getting a make-out. Speaks one third as much as the girl speaks. Goes on two dates and spends $20 on drinks. Picks her up for third date, has sex with her instead, then goes on date. Three months of orifice clobbering and he still hasn’t agreed to exclusivity. Marriage is but a distant abstraction.

Moral of the post: If game feels like “wasting calories” to you, then perhaps you’re in the wrong line of work.

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Babe Freeze

There will come moments when you won’t be the reincarnation of Casanova. A hot babe will unexpectedly address you, and you won’t have anything scintillating to say in reply. Hey man, it happens. There have been at least three seconds in my life when I wasn’t at the top of my game. I weep with shame.

May yer ever-humble host make a most humble suggestion should a bout of “babe freeze” lock your brain and jaw?: Instead of conspicuously struggling to summon a try-hard witty response, remain silent and expressionless, perhaps livened with a reciprocal nod. In the event of a brain misfire, no reply is better than a spastic, dorky, strained, or unfunny reply that lands with a thud and extinguishes all vagina tingles in a ten block radius.

Naturally, a witty, funny, or darkly triadic reply is best, but if you don’t have one at the ready should a lovely lady rock your steady, it’s better to shut yo mouf and avoid leaving any impression that you REALLY LIKE THIS GIRL and want to win her approval and her giggles and her reoriented open body language. Or: Better to be silent and thought a beta male, than to speak spergily and remove all doubt.

Strategic silence is a form of game as much as any loquacious routine. Counterintuitively, it’s also harder to pull off than the tongue-toiling tingle teasers, because every irrepressible instinct in a man is to say something, ANYTHING, when a cute chick talks to him. And this instinct gets a lot of men in trouble, because it won’t be every time he’ll have a suave segue that stimulates snapper. When his game abandons him, that instinct to jabber can lead to stammering rather than seductive sorcery.

Strategic silence is ineffably alpha, and women know this, which is why when you deny your beta male instincts and choose instead the path of muffled mystery, your aura grows three sizes until it has shouted erection at the heart of the world. To refuse a woman a clean response beyond a nod when she has spoken to you? Outrageous! Why, you must be an alpha male. How intriguing. Perhaps if I talk to him again, he’ll acknowledge my womanly awesomeness…

Like other overpowered elements of game, strategic silence is meant to be employed sparingly. Although tales of mute maestros mesmerizing girls with nothing but the liquid rhythm of their physicality prick the public ear, I have rarely witnessed a man woo a woman solely with the sounds of silence. Economy of speech: good. Tapping out your game in morse code or eye flutters: bad. Save that stoic repose for those times when you really need it, like when a girl catches you off-guard with your thoughts drifting to nature shows about long-lived fungal colonies.

***

In related news, introverts who act extroverted can make themselves feel happier. CH gets a lot of mail from self-professed introverts who say that game is tough for them because they don’t energize like extroverts do by socializing with lots of people. Their gripe is not without merit, but now they should be heartened by this latest research that if they simply push through their self-doubts and make active efforts to engage women, their happiness levels will rise. So far from being a necessary punishment, socializing can actually lift the moods of you introverts. And there’s no better foundation for a proper seduction than a good mood.

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The Ideal Destination For The Single White Man

It’s not a secret that American women have lost their mojo. They’ve fallen far from the heights of the pin-up girl era to the present day man-squerading as lantern-jawed corporate henchcunts and biodiesel dirigibles. If ever there was a time for American men to get the hell out of Pudge and seek pinker pastures oversees, this is it. But such a decision is not as easy as “go to where the grateful hotties live.” Many factors must be taken into account besides density of pulchritude. If the Congo was filled with hot women but everything else about the country was the same, would you live there?

It’s also not a secret that America is morphing into a 2nd and soon 3rd world dump thanks to the traitorous machinations of our ruling class whose lust for cheap labor and neoPuritan Yankee eagerness to stick it to the wrong kinds of white people has eradicated any semblance of border control against the tide of orcs and dissolved the last stirring of unifying national bonhomie. Hence, some American white men are pondering the wisdom of going back to Europe, cradle of their genesis.

Thinking seriously about this subject, Randall Parker has butthexed the data and located an ideal destination for the single man in search of vaghalla and soul nourishment.

I’ve been thinking about the problem. Perhaps you’ve seem my posts where I ask my readers. None have come up with a good answer. But I think there is one: Ukraine. They are poor. Smart affluents would bring a lot to the table. They aren’t Russia. They would like to be less under Russian influence. America has never screwed them. [ed: America, fuck yeah!]

They have lower population density than the heart of Europe. One could always fly to Germany or Switzerland to see medical specialists.

The Odessa region has almost perfect climate for human habitation.

The summers are not as hot as NJ and the winters no colder.

The Crimea would be milder.

And, of supreme relevance, Ukrainian women are among the most beautiful the good mother earth, and perhaps genocidal world war and Holodomor culling, have produced. (And the Lord sayeth, Good things will come from great evil. Sorry, gotta include that great evil. Otherwise I’d get bored with the good good good all the time.)

Another possible upside (or downside, depending on your POV): Ukraine is on the feminine babe side of the Hajnal Line, or, as us wags like to call it, the Harridan Line. This is a geographic line that demarcates the part of Europe where nuptiality was historically lower (Northwest Europe) from the part where it was historically higher (East Europe). That is, in the traditional West where capitalism thrived, the women married later, had fewer kids, and worked more. This is the side of the Harridan Line that birthed the unholy tri-meme of feminism/equalism/multicultism. In the East of Europe, women married earlier, married older men, and had more kids. Generally, these women adhere more strictly to gender roles.

These kinds of selective pressures across the Harridan Line give rise to different types of female mentality. Ukrainian women are likely to be more feminine than Northwest European women, more apt to take care of their appearances and to watch their weights, and more at ease with their roles as the family nurturer and childcare specialist. They are also comfortable falling in love with older men, and welcome the wonderfully intoxicating leadership of their boyfriends and husbands.

The implications of the Hajnal Line are not all fun and games, though. Theoretically, there will be fewer beta males east of the Hajnal, and more cads, so your game has to be tight, especially up front during the attraction stage of seduction, when your main competition for the attentions of women won’t be wilting niceguys who don’t know how to plow through a shit test. On the other hand, if you can pass the early hurdles dealing with obscenely beautiful women who will shit test mercilessly for alpha congruity, your American Beta provider game should work much better on east-of-Hajnal women than on rode-worn-and-tossed-away-weary west-of-Hajnal careerist sluts with overpriced purses stuffed full of discretionary cash and scented condoms.

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Game Advice For Alphas

A reader soulfully inquires,

Can you share some of your dark wisdom which has no bounds on advice for greater betas, lesser alphas, and alphas? Not every one of your readers is a spectating beta male!

That’s true. The male demographics of this blog’s readership mirrors the male demographics found in the general population.

there are a lot of questions which are not safe to ask the people around me, but I need help on nonetheless as I can never handle these situations well. I’m a young guy but feel very isolated from the people around me. So here are 4 questions which I haven’t been able to find addressed in the archives but are the major problems I deal with in my own life.

1)  what do you do when a possessive girl looks through your phone and catches you cheating?

2) what do you do about jealousy? from both males and females, I’ve had my reputation marred on several instances because of my philandering.

3) what about when you are in an area with no desirable females? myself many of my other friends who are “successful” find ourselves in situations where all the girls around us are entitled and below the SMV of what we’re used to. It’s hard to motivate yourself to approach when you are used to a sexual diet of 8s and all of the women around you are entitled 5-7s…..

4) more importantly, what about the isolation that this lifestyle brings? in times when I’ve built a rotation of girls for myself I’ve felt more alone than ever before. I can’t turn to my “greater-alpha” friends on this one because realistically they have this problem even worse than I do and don’t seem to care as much.

1. You should have a lock on your phone. But too late for that. So I assume she found incriminating texts that prevent you claiming the other women are only friends? If you haven’t already agreed to exclusivity, the best approach is to embrace your philandering. Tell her you two aren’t married, and as such you will date around until such time that you have received sufficient signals of commitment from her, or from someone else. If she finds that unacceptable, the door is right over there. But be prepared to call her bluff. If the thought of her leaving is unacceptable to you, then perhaps you should consider the mewling beta route of gross apologia and promises of future fidelity. If you’ve built up a large store of alpha cred, a tactical spell of weakness won’t do you in.

However, let me tell you this, something I learned the hard way being cornered by suspicious lovers… whatever strategy you pursue — bald-faced lies or breathtaking truthfulness — don’t half-ass it. Own it. Own it with everything you’ve got. And by this, I mean make no excuses for your stance, and redirect any accusations back at your accuser. (Hey, it works for politicians and Presidents.)

Examples of the right way:

Bald-faced lie

Her: Who is this girl you’re flirting with on your phone?

You: She’s a friend. GIrls like to flirt, that’s what they do. I didn’t know you were the creepy stalker type. It’s not a good look on you.

Breathtaking truthfulness

Her: Who is this girl you’re flirting with on your phone?

You: A former lover. I love being with her, and I love being with you. If the nature of our relationship changes, I will reconsider keeping contact with her.

***

Example of the wrong way (excerpted from a real life CH conversation, before Total Illumination acquired):

Brunette needler: Why didn’t you come to my show? Everyone was there.

Me: Um… well, I decided to go somewhere else.

Brunette needler: Where somewhere? We talked about this earlier. You said you were coming.

Me: Something came up.

Brunetter needler: A girl? That ex you mentioned?

Me: [looking at floor] No.. yeah… it’s not like that.

Brunette needler: Right. Ok. I can see where this is going.

Our fling ended shortly after that point, and she went on to become a lawyer.

2. Female jealousy is a gift of the gods. Call it… hamsta from heaven. You see, jealous females rarely drive off their boyfriends, who are more often than not delightfully amused and flattered by the spectacle. But jealous boyfriends almost always eventually drive away their girlfriends given enough episodes of status-lowering possessive freakouts. Therefore, do nothing. Your philandering will heighten your attractiveness to other women (preselection, yo) and your secret admiration from other men. Try not to advertise it, though. The positive PR from your pleasure underworld is best vaguely apprehended buzzing over gossipy grapevines rather than lucidly observed bashing into exposed egos.

3. If you’re in an area with no desirable women, leave. Or foist them on your white knight buddies.

4. If you’re a well-balanced, psychologically healthy womanizer, you won’t feel isolated. This is because the great feelings that modern day Casanovas inspire in women naturally bleed into other areas of life. The best seducers I’ve known were never without male friends nor acquaintances all too happy to share in their good times and reflected success. It comes with the poon-plundering territory.

The problem of isolation arises because, in truth, many obligate womanizers are psychologically unsound. The men who are most successful with women are also the most sociopathic. Chicks may dig dark triad men, but other men don’t dig them so much. This encourages social isolation from same-sex peers, which is compounded when the womanizer is young, and just beginning his journey to endarkenment. The isolation grows in proportion to the number of friends who have gotten married off, because wives pretty much make it their mission in life to sever their husbands’ ties to any remaining single male friends who are still having a blast slashing and burning through dense forests of bush.

If multiple long- or short-term relationships are making you feel isolated, then the solution is simple: Cut back, and put more energy into friendships. Bring the same girl to parties and events, and let your friends get to know her. There’s nothing wrong with being an expert womanizer who prefers sipping from the comfort chalice of a monogamous relationship with one woman. If this doesn’t appeal to you, then you can’t say the isolation bothers you as much as the loss of pussy varietal packs bothers you. Don’t bitch for the sake of bitching if you don’t really mean it.

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