Winning Back Pissed Off Ex-Girlfriend

A reader asks:

How do you win back an ex girlfriend when she’s pissed off and not speaking to you?

You win her back by not trying to win her back.

I know that sounds cryptic, but it’s true. As soon as you make an effort to “win back” an angry ex, she’ll resent your obsequious groveling (which is what most “winning back” strategies that men employ amount to).

However, I will say this, it’s better to have a pissed off ex than an indifferent ex. Indifference, not hate, is the opposite of love. An angry ex can be gamed into a hatefuck, but an indifferent ex is already hopping on fresh cock. You are yesterday’s news.

So how do you “not-win back” an angry ex? See here. Executive summary: Avoid at all costs any post-breakup “talks”. Cut off all contact for two or three weeks, when she will be at the peak of missing you. At about that time you have a couple of options. Either call to say hi in your most nonsexual, friendly tone, and end the conversation before she does, or send a non sequitur text and she if she bites.

A lot of times, angry exes will come back to you on their accord if you just lay off them. Is she angry because you cheated on her or because you acted like a beta one too many times? If the former, she’ll rush back, vaginally itching to forgive you. If the latter, she’s already forgotten you.

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A Father’s Question

First, thank you for the excellent blog.

The writing, content, and resulting purposeful applications are first rate.  You attract much insightful, interesting, and humorous content, too.  Please keep up the good work.

On to my question:  so, I am a dad and wondering, with Father’s Day 2011 just around the corner, your thoughts on how, when, and at what rate should matters of game be introduced to your male offspring?

I did read this:

https://heartiste.wordpress.com/2011/03/29/why-game-is-important-for-fathers/

It made my heart ache.

My son and I frequently go about town alone.  Dining together.  Talking to the people around us.  Looking them in the eye at all times.  Assessing strangers at other tables and trying to read them based upon what we observe.  He and I scored girls in the mall a few weeks back.  He is only 10.  I’m not going to rush him into things, but want to give him the tools and tactics to use when he is ready.  I don’t have a great playbook for rearing him, but I do want him to lead his life and not the other way around.  Any feedback and thoughts would be appreciated.

How, when, and at what rate to introduce game to your son? A few classic Chateau thoughts on the matter are here.

To my son:  You will learn how to say Hi to girls before the age of 16 if it kills you.  There will be no Star Trek or Lord of the Rings posters in your room.  You will instead have Helmut Newton photographs hanging on your walls and a copy of Mystery Method.  I will treat the family dog better than you if you major in anything that doesn’t ensure a salary high enough to keep you from grubbing off me.  Learn how to throw a punch.  If you turn out gay, don’t ever bring your “boyfriend” around me.  Certain things are best left in the realm of the abstract.

Finally…

if I find out your mother was a two-timing whore and you are not my kid, you will never hear from me again.  Kindly direct all your rage her way.

I’m glad to see you’re taking your son out and showing him the ropes. As a father, you have no more important duty than guiding your son on the path of alphadom. What greater gift can a father give his son than the knowledge and example he needs to navigate the initially confusing world of women, and to live as a free man in an increasingly corporatized, feminized, Orwellian world?

You want to introduce game concepts to your son now, as he’s hitting his teenage years. Your first forays into this dark knowledge should be couched in terms a kid can relate to, i.e., lay off the sex talk and arid evo psych theories. Tell him that girls are different from boys and that this will matter as he gets older and starts to like them.

In your specific case, it seems as if your son is maturing early, if he’s “scoring” girls at age 10. He probably knows the basics at this point? If that’s so, then you can go to the next stage, where you analyze specific female behaviors and make them relevant to him. For instance, he might complain about a girl who only likes him when he’s mean to her, and he doesn’t understand why. You can then segue into a discussion about why girls like that sort of attitude from boys, and how he can have that attitude but still grow up to be a good man.

Note: Do not ever fall back on the typical beta herb father response of “Well, son, women are a mystery. You’ll find that out soon enough.” That’s the cheap and easy way out, and prepares him for nothing. Patiently explain WHY women are the way they are, that women aren’t really mysterious at all, it just seems that way because they think differently than men. Remind him, too, that men seem mysterious to women, so the confusion goes both ways. The whole “mystery” cop-out is just another form of female pedestalization.

As he’s becoming more aware of true female nature, there is a risk his young mind and heart will slip into cynicism and disgust for girls. Don’t let that happen. Remind him that, though the world works this way, there is no reason to let it get him down. There are some rules to follow, but the game itself is still a lot of fun, and nothing feels better than falling in love with a girl who loves you back. (Abstain from discussions of “love” until he’s well into his teens. A 10 year old is likely to turn up his nose at that.)

As his mind matures (age 16 or so), begin introducing him to the literature and science that scaffolds game concepts. You can start with this blog and these resources. If he’s anything like a normal heterosexual man, his eyes will widen with wonder when he first reads this forbidden knowledge. This is a critical juncture. If you have not laid the groundwork, a sudden infusion of game material can send him careening through a labyrinth of haphazard self-discovery, his journey littered with dangerous risks and broken hearts. You must start his reality education NOW if you want him to put the future knowledge to good use. An unanchored padawan is a light saber duel away from joining the Sith.

The rate he should learn this stuff will largely be up to him. Once the floodgates open, he’ll likely seek out further knowledge on his own, without your guidance. The internet guarantees that the window for active parental guidance is smaller now than it has ever been. That’s why you must begin your teachings before he gets to high school.

As a responsible father the setbacks you most want your son to avoid are:

Oneitis.
LJBF.
Surprise dumpings.
Grinding celibacy.
Divorce.
Marriage to an ugly feminist.

Give him the knowledge and tools to circumvent those unhappy fates and the wisdom of your experience and you will be a hero to him for life.

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Low Energy Younger Women

A lot of older men in the comments of this blog complain that they find the frivolity, shit testing and emotional demands of younger women too frustrating to tolerate, so they nix entire groups of women from their target designation list. As one who has dated plenty of crazy whimsical women and enjoyed their company, I can’t wholly commiserate with these men who avoid younger women, but I can understand the reason for their gripes. Compared to women over 30, younger women are a pain in the ass. But they’re also fun and exciting and girlishly feminine and lovesick and sweetly naive and horny and curious and submissive and romantic. And they have perfectly unwrinkled tight asses. There’s your primary trade-off: PITA for PUTA.

However, there is a way around this conundrum. You could date low energy younger women. There is a sizable minority of early to mid-20s women who aren’t high maintenance drama queens. You’ll have to screen for them, but they are out there. They don’t dance on bars or shamelessly flirt, because they find those activities mentally taxing. They won’t constantly shit test because their minds require more peaceful repose than the party girls. They don’t make demands to be entertained because they don’t get easily bored with life. They don’t get antsy sitting still or enduring more than five minutes without male attention because they’re comfortable residing in their own world. They’re certainly cute enough to do all those things, but they don’t because it doesn’t suit their temperament.

The Man Who Was… writes:

I’ve said it before, both the best and the worst younger women like to date older men. On the one hand are the golddiggers and the girls who will indiscriminatly fuck anyone who makes them horny at that moment. On the other hand there are the girls who honestly appreciate your maturity.

But let’s face it the younger a woman is the flakier and more drama laden she is likely to be.

No argument there. Flakiness is very age-dependent. Teens and early 20s girls are the flakiest, then it falls off through the 20s, has a second, but smaller, peak again late 20s up to just past 30, and finally nosedives into and beyond the 30s when no man who isn’t a complete loser will put up with dating a 30+ woman who still flakes. (Sane women intuitively know this, too, which is why older women are so agreeable when you first meet them.)

Flakiness is just another term for having a wealth of options. Or, in the case of the 30 year old single careerist, having a mental breakdown. A woman of 21 simply has more options in the dating market than her older self at 31, and vastly more options than her 41 year old self. Finally, at around 50 years old for most women, their options dwindle to whatever man will have them. Which is close to zero. Paging Naomi Wolf…

So a flake is really just a hindbrain burp from a hot young woman who is beset with male admiration. She flakes because she is uncertain about choosing from amongst many potential suitors. It’s the beautiful agony of nearly limitless choice within a limited time frame.

Here’s another good thing about dating low energy younger women: they age slower than their attention whore counterparts. This must be related to a telomere sparing metabolic thing. Corollary: If you want to know how well your girlfriend will hold up should you decide to marry her, ask her when she hit puberty. In my observation, late bloomers are also late wilters.

The downside to dating low energy younger women? Your game will inevitably… ahem… soften. You need those dramatic hamster chicks to keep your game in tip top shape.

“I am a wiltin’ flowaahhh.”
– Naomi Wolf in her terrifying nightmares

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Things A Man Should Never Say First In A Relationship

We already know, thanks to the spiritually enriching wisdom of this blog, that a man should never say ‘I love you’ before his girlfriend has said it. But there’s more.

Reader Shark writes:

Other things to never say first:

“I miss you”
“Let’s be exclusive”
“I want to have children”

These are all right on the money. In fact, the only way a man can say the above and remain optimally attractive to his girlfriend is if a “too” is appended to each. For example:

“I miss you, too”

“I want to be exclusive, too”

“I want to have children, too. Wait… what?”

Better yet, a shit-eating smirk in response to a girlfriend saying any of the above works wonders to beef up alpha allure.

Additional emotional outpourings a man should never say first in a relationship:

“Let’s move in together”
“I was worried about you”
“At least let me know where you’ll be”
“Can I have your work number so I have a way to reach you in case of emergency?”
“I love cats”
“Your farts smell like a bouquet of roses”

The problem with emotional outpourings is that they will be perceived differently depending on the sex of the recipient. When a man hears these things from a girlfriend, he thinks ‘Wow, this chick is into me. The sex spigot is open at full blast!’

But when a woman hears these things unprompted from a boyfriend, she thinks ‘Aw, how sweet, he likes me. Hm. Kinda needy, though, isn’t it? Why are my labia curling inward?’

To a woman’s ears, her boyfriend’s ‘I miss you’ never just means ‘I miss you’. It also means ‘I’m really scared you’ll leave me’, and ‘I’m saying this as part of a passive-aggressive strategy to guilt you into continuing to allow me access to your pussy’, and ‘My god, there’s no way I can get another woman if you decide to upgrade.’ So be careful about not just the timing, but the tonality, of when and how you tell a lover you miss her, love her and/or wish to commit to her. Good rules of thumb:

1. Make sure she has said it first at some point in the relationship.
2. Wait at least three months into the relationship before dropping any emotional outpouring bombs (EOBs).
3. Never drop an EOB before you’ve had sex with her ten or more times.
4. Do not drop an EOB right after, or right before presumed, sex. Same goes for the immediate time after a fight. It will sound obligatory and, hence, false. EOBs are best deployed in an unpredictable manner, when she least expects them.

EOBs are inherently beta, and thus must be used with caution. Acts of beta (AoB) are never meant to be avoided entirely — the AoB is, in fact, a critical component of relationship game that helps to solidify a girlfriend’s feelings of comfort and security in your company — but they do need to be utilized with the utmost care, because overuse can happen quickly and *will* degrade a girlfriend’s attraction to you.

Some of you will undoubtedly ask, “Well, what if she never says any EOB first?” If that’s the case, then you shouldn’t consider her anything more than a fuck toy. Additional commitment with such a woman is courting heartbreak. Any woman truly falling for you will wind up blurting out an EOB against her better judgment. A woman in love can’t help herself.

Maxim #26: Women secretly hope that you won’t rob them of the opportunity to make themselves vulnerable before your alpha inscrutability.

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Testosterone And Motivation

The point of yesterday’s post wasn’t to argue whether muscles help with picking up girls (they do, but not as much as most guys think), but to remind everyone that testosterone directly affects how motivated you feel to approach girls.

Low T = low motivation to meet women, and thus fewer opportunities for sex with a variety of prey.

High T = high motivation to meet women, and thus more approaches, which leads to improved game, and finally better sex with hotter chicks.

Have you ever had an injury that put you out of the gym — or away from any exercise — for months? Men who have experienced this, speak up now. Your testosterone drops. You feel lethargic. You don’t mind staying in when you should go out to talk to girls. Then when your fortunes return, you feel a surge of manly power that carries you back into the field.

I thought the message was pretty clear, but commenters love to sidetrack themselves.

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The Testosterone Guide

Testosterone is the life blood of game. If you have low testosterone, your game will wither like parched fescue under a blazing August sun. High testosterone, and your game shines like a supernova. The formula is simple:

More testosterone = more approaches.

And more approaches means improved game and sex with more desirable women.

Your goal as a man, then, is to keep your testosterone level as naturally high as possible.* This post will show you some ways to do that.

I. Lift heavy weights using compound exercises like the squat, deadlift, and bench press

The science is out and the verdict is in: Steady and consistent weightlifting raises baseline testosterone.

One study of nine elite weight lifter over a two year period showed significant increases in testosterone, leutenizing hormone and the ratio of testosterone to SHBG. [2]  The authors concluded that “the present results suggest that prolonged intensive strength training in elite athletes may influence the pituitary and possibly hypothalamic levels, leading to increased serum levels of testosterone”.

There’s a short term boost in T right after a lifting session, and there’s a long term boost in basal T after years of lifting. You should incorporate weightlifting into your life like you do brushing your teeth. Don’t lift every day, though. Overtraining can lower your testosterone.

II. Eat cruciferous vegetables like broccoli, cauliflower and Brussels sprouts

These vegetables have a phytochemical called indole-3-carbinol which is known to lower estrogen and increase testosterone in men. (It appears to not increase testosterone in women.)

III. Whey protein

You should be drinking a glass of this every day with whole milk.

IV. Don’t sit so much

Sitting for long periods of time may lower your testosterone (and does a bunch of other bad stuff to your body). Elevate your work station and begin standing while working through the day. While I couldn’t find a study that directly references the effect that sitting has on testosterone, the studies about sitting that are available conclude that there are so many deleterious effects on the body from prolonged sitting that it is natural to presume healthy testosterone levels would be negatively affected as well.

V. Go to bed at a reasonable hour

Testosterone plummets when you get fewer than 6 hours of sleep, or you go to sleep late at night, disrupting your circadian rhythm. Get 6-8 hours of sleep each night. Fewer than six hours or more than eight hours is associated with increased mortality. You may want to take melatonin pills to help you fall asleep.

VI. Cut back on the beer

Multiple studies have found that binge drinking cuts T levels. Beer is particularly bad on your testosterone levels.

8-Prenylnaringenin (8-PN) in hops is such a potent phytoestrogen that it has been reproted to reduce menopausal hot flashes! [1] This study points out that some women who pick hops by hand have menstrual disturbances (from the estrogens) and used it to reduce the skin temperative in rats, i.e. anti-hot-flash.  Furthermore, other researchers expressed concern about the unrestricted concern about the unrestricted use of hops in herbal preparations for women because of 8-PN’s “very high estrogen activity”. [2]

This might explain the famed beer gut on heavy beer drinkers; all that estrogen production is working to deposit fat in their middles, [Ahnold voice] like zee girly vimmin mit child!

VII. Eat nuts

Selenium from nuts is good for testosterone production.

VIII. Take fish oil and vitamin D supplements

Omega 3s and vitamin D raise testosterone levels.

IX. Take an NAC supplement (N-acetyl-cysteine)

Up goes your T!, in combo with selenium, at least.

X. Stop running marathons

Extreme endurance exercise lowers testosterone:

The results of the retrospective comparative studies examining isolated, single blood samples suggest lower testosterone levels in chronically endurance-trained males. The subjects in these studies have typically been distance runners who had been involved with the physical training aspects of their sport for 1 to 15 years. In these studies, testosterone levels of the endurance-trained men were found to be 60-85% of the levels of matched, untrained men.

Now you know why SWPL marathon runners look like pasty nancyboys.

***

Testosterone is the enemy of dullness. It is the enemy of marriage and kids. It is the enemy of government, of society, of behaving like a good little poodlecog in the machine. It is the enemy of stasis and soul death.

Testosterone is the fuel of vitality. Of life. When you act to keep it high, you are giving a giant middle finger to all those who would like you to sit down, shut up and follow orders like an obedient bootlicker. There’s a reason betas look so soft — it’s no coincidence that they are likely suffering from low testosterone.

*Steroids is the best way to artificially raise your testosterone, but that subject requires a separate post to explore fully. I’m not an anti-drug crusader. I have no problem with men who want to use steroids to get jacked, or to reverse the decline in testosterone with age. In fact, I believe certain classes of steroids — like deca-durabolin — should be made legal for non-medical consumption. Steroids are like any other drug: smart people can use them without abusing them, to great personal benefit. Stupid people tend to consume drugs immoderately, giving the whole enterprise a bad name.

Your brain on high testosterone:

Your brain on low testosterone:

Any questions?

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Engagement Ring Quandary

A reader asks:

I know you don’t advocate marriage or spending money on an engagement ring.  However, if I decide to buy a ring, what is the better practice –  A) Buy the ring on my own, with no consulting the girl, her friends or her family.  B) Bring her along in advance to try on rings.  C) Ask her what she likes.  D) Ask her friends or family what she likes.
 
I’m thinking option A.  Asking for her input appears needy, and it could be a collossal shit test capitulation to dutifully produce a ring to her exact specifications.  Bringing her along seems even worse because it will put more expensive rings in her field of vision, and who knows what subtle emasculating digs the salesperson will get in.  Talking with her friends and family would almost surely get back to her, so in the end it may be just as bad as asking her directly.
 
There is some dignity in the attitude of “we’re getting engaged on my terms, I’m picking the ring, and she doesn’t need to tell me what she wants or know what I spend.”  It shows confidence, and if she likes the ring she will appreciate it more than if I just follow her instructions.  If she doesn’t like it she won’t tell me (at least as long as she stays attracted to me) and the mindset of her loins will still be better than if I had asked her what she wants.  Maybe she’ll bitch to her friends that she’s the one to wear the ring and she should have had input, but the effect on her hindbrain is what I care about.  Involving her makes me seem afraid that she won’t love me if I pick wrong.  Doing it on my own seems like the way of a confident man.  Am I correct in this thinking?

Answer: E. Don’t do it!

Ok, seriously, if you insist on going this route, the answer is…

E. Give her a (cost-free) heirloom ring.

Or if that isn’t an option…

Answer: A. Buy it on your own with no input from her or anyone else.

The reasons you gave are all valid. There is also something gauche and dispiriting about taking the recipient of your gift along for the gift-buying process. It is indeed emasculating… or, to pull a term from the feminist cuntionary, *objectifying*… to offer yourself up as a wide open wallet from which she may withdraw liberally to spend on herself. This is the foundation upon which you want to rest a modern, companionate marriage of love? Fuk dat noize.

No woman with any character at all is going to tell you the ring sucks (which, in womanese, translates as, “this ring is too small and inexpensive”). If she frowns and complains when you give her the ring…

RUN. And don’t look back.

You’ve just gotten all the evidence you need that she is not worth your monogamous commitment.

You shouldn’t be spending much on rings anyhow. After all, it is men, as the naturally promiscuous and freedom-loving sex, who give up more when they get married. By rights, the tradition should be that women propose to men with overpriced rocks as barter, as they are the ones winning out by getting betrothed.

You might also think about fooling her with a cubic zirconia. Why? One, CZ is hard to detect without equipment. The average normal chick won’t know the difference. Two, if she does go out of her way to disprove its authenticity, you will know it’s true love if she decides to stay with you.

The collapse of the diamond market can’t come soon enough. American men have had a bill of goods foisted on them by the diamond cartels and Cosmo.

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