Why You Should Incinerate Your Used Condoms

Via reader Tim, Funny Yahoo Questions is an archive of hilarity. And disturbing vileness.

The desperation of single moms knows no limit. Seven years without a replacement father to foot the bills can really fuck with a lonely mother’s ethical code:

Men, always flush your used condoms down the toilet. And whatever you do, don’t let her dispose of the condom for you. Thanks to our fucked-up nonsensical anti-male laws, all it takes is one crazy bitch to saddle you with a kid tax for eighteen years.

What’s the leading indicator that a man is dating a young, hot chick?

When he’s turned on by her sitting on his face. You will never hear a man say he wants an aging cougar or a fat chick to sit on his face, unless he is a freak loser. A young babe’s ass crack is intoxicating like a rose. A cougar’s ass is a dingleberry jungle. PSA: When doing a cougar from behind, press the ass cheeks together so you don’t have to view the tangled mess within. Your boner will thank you.

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The Problem With Women Is Too Much Self-Esteem

The mantra for the past two generations in America has been that women suffer from low self-esteem brought on by a multitude of negative influences such as teacher bias, misogyny, old boys’ networks, parenting favoritism, double standards, gender stereotyped toys, etc.

Le Chateau representatives are here to tell you the low female self-esteem industry has been one giant scam perpetrated on gullible liberals and cowed conservatives. Women — American women in particular — don’t have a low self-esteem problem; just the opposite — they have a problem of unwarranted high self-esteem. What kind of woman do you get when you combine a cultural apparatus designed to maximally extol the virtues of womanhood and cast all fault for any female shortcomings on male bias and discrimination with a biologically innate evolutionary imperative that renders men more expendable than women? Answer:

A woman with a big fat head.

From the cradle, women are groomed by their peers, family, society and DNA-coded algorithms alike to embrace the joys of big-headedness. It used to be only beautiful women had this problem (and with at least a semblance of justification based on real value), but now ugly women, fat women, and lawyers are all riding the phony low self-esteem grievance chariot to the entitled princess winners’ circle. The result has been to produce a nation of broads hell-bent on seeing themselves as god’s gift to god himself.

The worst thing a man could do would be to feed this beast even further with traditional courtship game. It’s not for nothing that modern game focuses so much attention on breaking down a woman’s self-esteem into manageable chunks — negs, qualification, teasing, push-pull, takeaways, calculated indifference — all are game tactics with the primary purpose of knocking bigheaded chicks off their royal, gilded vaj-shaped thrones. And these tactics are effective precisely because girls want to be dethroned by a man of higher value than themselves, whether they admit to this or not.

The funny thing about female self-esteem is that it doesn’t take much to help it grow wildly beyond the bounds of the pot it was planted in. All women are born with a self-entitlement complex preinstalled. Eggs are biologically more expensive than sperm, and the brain of each sex has evolved to reflect that immutable procreative reality; in women, their minds are primed from birth to regard themselves as the more valuable sex, and this regard is not without merit, at least in the reproductive realm, which is the realm that underpins all other realms. Men, by contrast, are primed to regard themselves as less individually valuable than women, and this manifests as a willingness to take more mortal risks.

So now that we know that women start with a higher basal self-esteem than men, wouldn’t it make more sense for a healthy, functioning society to turn its cultural apparatus toward the project of boosting men’s self-esteem? In fact, this is what quasi-patriarchal Western societies used to do, before they were infected with the late decadent, postmodern deconstructivism and victimology virii. Now the optimal pattern has been completely turned on its head — intrinsically high self-esteem women are administered supercharged booster injections of ego-stroking, while intrinsically low self-esteem men are, either deliberately or coincidentally, pushed further into ego-deflating self-abnegation. See: March 2009 BOTM.

The goals of this outpost of bristling reality are, one, to acquaint readers with the truth of the female (and male) condition that exists past the boundaries of mainstream-approved polite discourse and, two, to arm the male readers (and, by extension, the female readers) with the tools to capitalize on that taboo knowledge. Thankfully, there are plenty of readers here who contribute to that knowledge base. Reader PA comments:

Gentle and friendly teasing is not intimidating, and creates a sort of rapport that makes one feel at ease.

Exactly. This is true even with non-sexual interaction. Think the last time you saw a man who is good with kids. He will ‘neg’ the girl by saying stuff like: “hey! you’re cheating! no red crayon allowed!” or whatever.

Boys, on the other hand, don’t like to be negged. If you’re good with kids, you will build him up with stuff like “that’s really cool. Can you draw it bigger?” etc.

If you have young nieces and nephews, you will quickly recognize the truth in PA’s comment. Nieces respond positively — with glee, even — to prototype negs and teasing; the sort of banter that modern feminists would describe as demeaning. In contrast, little boys, with their fragile egos, wilt under negs and teasing, but respond well to compliments and encouragement. Mothers instinctively know this, as they will often reprimand the fathers for being too discouraging or too critical with their sons while giving the fathers a pass or a semi-serious chiding when they tease the daughters.

The great irony here is that what makes good parenting is exactly the opposite of what feminists claim is the best way to raise boys and girls. Parents know, deep down, that to raise a good daughter you must keep her ego judiciously pruned, and to raise a good son you must suffuse his ego with promise.

Game theory — in fact, most social theory — has much to owe to the instinctual rapport that emerges between father and child, before diseased memes intrude and sully the message. When you want to better understand the nature of game and how it helps attract women, think of how you treat your niece, or how a father you know treats his young daughter. Recall how effortlessly the negs and teasing spilled from your lips when you were goofing around with your little niece. Recall, too, how she squealed with delight. Then take that knowledge and apply it — almost verbatim! — to your seductions of adult women. Their vocal pitch may change, but the squeal remains the same.

Today, in the era of the bloated female ego, the mark of a quality woman is a humble woman. Meet a pretty woman like this — usually foreign, and usually from a strong lower to middle class family — and marvel how refreshing she seems to the typical, mind and body bloated American chick you are used to dating. Unfortunately, more likely you will meet another egotistical bitch with self-love issues and will have to invest months training her (i.e. running game on her) to grace her with a proper and realistic humility. For those who love the game for what it is, this is not such a burdensome sacrifice. But for those who struggle to hear the strange tuning of women’s feminine nature, the required training may be a cost too high to pay.

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American Hero

Who is the bigger American hero? This man?

Or this man:

Did you notice how the repugnant dyke-like creatures immediately resorted to lying about being threatened by this man in hopes of rousing the white knight posse to come to their rescue? Let this be a lesson — women will lie lie lie to silence disagreement and win the support of the crowd. They will lie about rape, about domestic violence, about assault, and about any fact that challenges their warped worldview so long as it serves their interests. Women have no moral code that isn’t bendable to serve their personal interest and no sense of justice that isn’t biased to flatter their feelings. Feminists have demonstrated they should be treated like children under the law.

It’s time for men to grow some balls and shove the shit right back in the fat piglike faces of the femtards and other assorted leftie agitators. Co-opt the “debate” tactics of the left and make life miserable for these freaks, degenerates and traitors.

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Dancing As A Demonstration Of High Value

The Chateau isn’t a dance hall but occasionally we do like to bust out the moves.

Now word is in from the corridors of scientific inquiry that dancing the right way is a demonstration of high value which women find irresistible. But the white-jacketed fellows went one step further than that — they figured out the exact type of dance moves that turned women on the most.

Male movements serve as courtship signals in many animal species, and may honestly reflect the genotypic and/or phenotypic quality of the individual. Attractive human dance moves, particularly those of males, have been reported to show associations with measures of physical strength, prenatal androgenization and symmetry. Here we use advanced three-dimensional motion-capture technology to identify possible biomechanical differences between women’s perceptions of ‘good’ and ‘bad’ male dancers. Nineteen males were recorded using the ‘Vicon’ motion-capture system while dancing to a basic rhythm; controlled stimuli in the form of avatars were then created in the form of 15 s video clips, and rated by 39 females for dance quality. Initial analyses showed that 11 movement variables were significantly positively correlated with perceived dance quality. Linear regression subsequently revealed that three movement measures were key predictors of dance quality; these were variability and amplitude of movements of the neck and trunk, and speed of movements of the right knee. In summary, we have identified specific movements within men’s dance that influence women’s perceptions of dancing ability. We suggest that such movements may form honest signals of male quality in terms of health, vigour or strength, though this remains to be confirmed.

The Chateau is, to be candid, quite intrigued by this finding. It was always well known that men who were good at dancing signaled health and macho vitality, but here we have new evidence of very specific kinesthetic dance moves that directly contribute to female arousal. If men could identify and mimic those three moves that remotely activate tingles in every woman in a room, then a whole new path of seduction opens up.

But verbal descriptions are one thing, seeing it in motion is another. We are left with some confusion as to what exactly is meant by:

Variability of movements of the neck and trunk.

Amplitude of movements of the neck and trunk.

Speed of movements of the right knee.

Video of examples of these moves in action would be ideal; otherwise, reader contributions with suggestions for what these moves might look like when executed would also be helpful. As it stands, the descriptions are somewhat vague, and thus of limited use for bumpngrind game. The best the Chateau hosts can come up with is that “right knee movement speed” would look like one of those patented Michael Jackson (RIP) one-leg bent knee angular swivels that he was fond of doing.

Let us move the science of seduction into uncharted territory, beyond even what Mystery has accomplished, and lay out a dance move blueprint — a step by step schematic — for aspiring womanizers to learn and apply in the field. In the quest for quality pussy, no stone shall remain unturned. We are, as always, fitness maximizers here.

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The Two Exceptions To Game

If I had to distill the essence of all the hate and doubt that is a regular feature of the comments on this blog, it would read like this:

“Game doesn’t work, and if it did you’re a loser for having to learn it to pick up girls because alpha males (who, by the way don’t exist except in your imagination) don’t make any effort to attract women, and anyhow the only girls that would fall for it are low self esteem bar skanks who wouldn’t give you the time of day because you’re a phony they will see right through. Try being yourself if you want a real woman to like you, except that will never happen because you are a celibate beta loser.”

It is, of course, self-contradictory nonsense. The average hater cannot string three sentences together without refuting what she (and they are usually shes) said in the first sentence. Their logic is so muddled that toying with them until I drive them insane with spittle-flecked rage has become something of a fun hobby for me.

But because I am a decent and kind person of magnanimous temperament, I will throw the haters a bone in this post. There are, indeed, two specific situations where you, as a regular, fat part of the bell curve man, do not need game to make a girl swoon. I will tell you what they are, but first, a little context is necessary.

Why do the haters offer up so many trite and transparently false objections to game to begin with? Are they trying to confuse us, or themselves? Have they been burned in the past by men doing to them exactly what I write about here, and thus project their angry bitterness on the symbolic manifestation of their real life pain, namely me?

Or do they really believe the idiocy they preach? Are they… TRUE BELIEVERS in the conventional wisdom school of JBY (just be yourself)? Is it possible, in other words, that in their own lives they met and fell in love with men who won them over running NO GAME AT ALL, natural or otherwise?

So… what motivates the haters? Answer: all of the above.

I suspect a few haters really do live in a lala land relatively free of the sort of easily observable human mating machinations that confound 99.9% of the rest of humanity, and thus can’t comprehend the reality of male-female psychological differences or the influence that game exerts over female attraction and courtship. They live in a platitude bubble; but like all bubbles, it will eventually burst.

Which brings us to the two exceptions to game.

• The girl you are dating is head over heels in love with you.

When a girl loves you so deeply that she wants to see you every day, and gets nervous when your text replies are delayed five seconds too long, you are in the DO-NO-WRONG ZONE, my friend. The DNW zone is a magic land where you can fart and belch and scratch yourself in the genital region and show up late (or early) for everything and buy shit for her all the time and cuddle for hours after sex and let her plan every date and dress in gym shorts and pit-stained t-shirts all the time and “yes, dear” her to death and constantly praise her beauty and whine like a beta bitch when you get a mosquito bite AND SHE WON’T LOSE AN IOTA OF ATTRACTION FOR YOU. She will happily take your deflated castrati ballsack slaps to the face and beg for more. You are a TEFLON LOVE GOD; no bad behavior sticks to you. You can be quite literally a NO GAME HAVING CHUMP and she will still think about fucking you every minute of the day.

Sounds like paradise, right? There’s a catch — this magic window only lasts about three months, after which if you do not shed your pathetic beta habits and step up your game, you WILL find her slowly and inexorably withdrawing her love and sex from you until one day you are wondering when such a good thing went so wrong.

So, you will need game before and after the 3-month DNW zone, but not during, if she is truly madly in love with you. Love… fuck yeah!

• The girl you are dating is two or more points below you in sexual market value.

This is cut and dried. Want to “be yourself” with a girl? Date a warpig! She will put up with EVERYTHING and ANYTHING and never bitch once. You will need to put in ZERO effort to keep such a woman satisfied. No game, no nothing. I know men who slum it for this very reason, and while I personally find that lifestyle incomprehensible and utterly distasteful — I mean, you may as well become a monk since you’ll be living a life completely devoid of any beauty or hedonistic pleasure — it does lend itself to a certain simplicity in managing affairs and obtaining the necessary freedom to pursue alternative pleasures. MMO playing sperg tards take note.

The downside with this scenario is that you have to date at least two points lower than your market value equivalent if you want a game-free dating experience that makes few demands on your time or energy. So for instance, if you are an 8, you need to date down to at least a 6 to enjoy the fruits of a drama-free relationship. If you really don’t like women acting out like women, and you want to be able to wallow in your clingy betaness without learning a lick of game, you will probably need to date lower than two points down.

The exact mechanism of the chick market value-game requirement nexus deserves further explication in a handy chart.

She is…                                          % game required to keep her interested

>=1 point higher than you             100%

At your level                                    90%

1 point lower                                   60%

2 points lower                                 10%

>=3 points lower                          -% (reverse game)

Interesting phenomena appear when you dumpster dive so low that you enter reverse game territory. For example, if you are a 7 male and you date a 4, not only will you need NO game to keep her attracted for a long while, but running any sort of game can actually push her away from you. The 4 will feel she doesn’t deserve you and will be on pins and needles with you all the time, regardless of how you treat her. Running game will then send her into a vicious downward spiral of self-doubt and neediness so crippling that she will preemptively dump you to prevent a night alone overdosing on pills and cutting your name into her forearm. To keep the 4 in line, paradoxically, requires almost as much effort as keeping a hot girl into you — except instead of game you have to run the opposite of game on the 4. You have to beta yourself to the max; cards, gifts, compliments, slow and attentive lovemaking, hours of cunnilingus, super snuggles, etc. So there are diminishing returns to the strategy of dating down to avoid putting any effort into relationships. Not to mention diminishing boner hardness.

The ultimate score for the no-game, no-life having beta chump who hates the idea of working to change himself to get better quality women is the very low value woman who falls in love with him. Imagine a nasty, fat cape buffalo — one of Obsidian’s exes, for instance — who cries a little when she thinks of you. Or a single mom on the cusp of sexual irrelevance who forgets to pick up her kid from his ghetto school because she’s doing her nails and febrezing her pussy in anticipation of you coming over that night for dinner. When you’ve got shitty goods falling in love with you, dating becomes one giant lounge chair in which to lazily recline and be fed moldy grapes all day long. Yeah, you can barely get it up with women like that, but at least you can rip a wet fart in their faces, pull WoW all-nighters, and forget their birthdays and never pay a price for it — and tell everyone within earshot that getting “hot chicks” was really easy for you, so those other guys learning game to find good women must be losers.

With obesity and single motherhood rampant, more American men than ever are availing themselves — intentionally or not — of the dating down option. So while game may be more necessary than ever to land that genuinely hot babe, for increasing numbers of men game and the knowledge contained therein are simply not on their radar. Which may explain why we are currently witnessing such a growing effete chorus of manginas, pedestalizing evangelicals, and limp-wristed SWPLs parroting the feminist and Iron John shibboleths. They aren’t trying to convince us so much as they are trying to convince themselves of the awesomeness of their fatass and bastard spawn-towing lovers.

Some of the few true believer haters living in lala land that I wrote of above likely fall into the category of people dating easy-to-please losers that they have tricked themselves into rationalizing as good mate choices. (Some of the haters are truly in the midst of love and can’t think straight without a gauzy filter Disney-fying their saccharine musings.) Perhaps for them, their beta soulmates appeared — warts and all — and they settled, wondering disingenuously and retroactively why people make such a big deal of finding someone. So when you hear their lame jeremiads against game, translate that as an admission that they are either a) naturals who aren’t smart enough to reflect on what they are doing right, or b) bitter bitches and betaboys trained in the art of justifying their crappy love lives.

Men without fame or vast wealth who want to date and fuck hot women need to know game. It’s as simple as that. There’s no such thing as a free lunch. Men who don’t care about porking the flabby wet hole of some she-beast will never understand the need for — or the truth of — game, for to understand it is to understand the miserable depths of their own lives, and that is a dark road most are not willing to travel. The low value women who love these men will likewise never understand game, and will lash out at those who do. Ironically, their garbage lives insulate them from the redemption that exists just beyond their pitiable horizons.

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The Pickup Artist’s Car Of Choice

The Chateau receives lots of requests from readers for recommendations on accoutrements that would best complement a master seducer’s lifestyle. Jewelry, home furnishings, bachelor pad props, clothes, shoes, Wii games (chicks love the Smash Bros.), etc…

In this post we will discuss the best car to drive if you want to fully round out your identity as a New World Womanizer.

Chicks dig power. Cars are power, so having a sweet ride will turn on chicks, particularly if your engine rumbles with horsepower. Cars are also fun in and of themselves. The ideal player car is one that embodies power, style and coolness. The good news is that you can get these three attributes in a car without spending a lot of money. You just have to be willing to buy an older car and assume the accompanying hassle of upkeep and repair.

The first two cars in this list are the low-cost options to attain cool power.

1991 Porsche 964 Cabriolet:

This Porsche will run you around $10K, give or take the condition of the car. Look at the sweep of those headlight chambers along the hood. Those are two penises aimed right at the soft, chewy center of a tart’s hole. Convertible a must. I don’t think Porsches have ever looked better than the 911 Carrera series from the late 80s to mid 90s.

1971 Ford Galaxie:

These old Ford Galaxies are a hot commodity right now, so expect to pay around $7K or $8K for one in decent condition. The 1966 model has been known to go for as much as $50K. A good thing about the Galaxie is that it has the badboy appeal of the Cadillac Eldorado minus the ghetto pimp factor. The aggressive, geometric heft of this car evokes the black monolith from “2001: A Space Odyssey”. Monkey proles will be throwing bones at you in tribute. Again, convertible is a must.

******

The next two cars are for players who have some cash to throw around on new vehicles. If you are mechanically inept and don’t want to deal with maintaining an older vehicle, then you will prefer these choices to maximize the mass and density of your ballsack and the number of babes that will stick to the hood.

Ford F-150:

Sure, it’s a little bit rednecky, but if you’re a SWPL what better way to stand out from the crowd of emo milquetoasts who surround you like flitting butterflies in their Priuses? If a hipster chick objects to your ride, just adopt a pose of ironic haughtiness. Rest assured her tingling vaj is betraying her sanctimony. This is because American pickup trucks are universally manly. End of discussion.

BMW 7-series:

If you want to drive in comfort and class and announce to the ladies you’ve arrived, this luxury model BMW is your choice. Equip with optional wet bar.

******

Finally, if you can swing the big bucks ($50K plus), then this is the alpha male car for you:

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The Plain Girl Test

Whenever you’re stuck with a particular girl you’re trying to bed, and wondering what to do next, a good mental test to give yourself is to swap roles so that you are the one being chased by the girl. Except that in this reformulation, the girl is a plain looking girl for whom you have no strong feelings one way or the other. In other words, imagine a plain girl is gaming you exactly the same way you are gaming the new girl you want. The psychology of this scenario closely mimics what is going on in most girls’ heads when you game them. Does this imaginary plain girl’s game actively repulse you or does it spark an attraction for her? If it repulses you, then you’ll know that the game you are running on the actual girl is probably repulsing her as well.

For example (actual email from a male reader seeking advice):

An acquaintance invites me to meet some girls who are in town for a short while.  It turned out to be a chaperoned “date” with his parents, us two guys and three girls.  We are seated strategically, but I’m not next to the girl I want to know.  After stupid conversation my friend and I take two of the girls to a nearby bar.  I suggest we break into a nearby campus and make other comments.  In the car ride to the next place, the girl says “sketch” and says that the guy in front has better conversations.

I know, half of that paragraph was Beta.  Anyhow, the girl I was furthest from was hanging on my every word and gave me her number.  I barely said “hi” to her, but she saw the attention the other girls received.  I have her b-card and number.  How to proceed?  I was thinking “You didn’t get to talk to me, though you were dying to.   Coffee?”  I hear she has a bf, but that does not concern either of us.

The emailer should imagine he is being chased by a plain girl running the same game that he is thinking about running on this chick he likes. So in this thought experiment the plain girl has his business card (nevermind how she got it, it’s irrelevant), and she has just called or texted and said the following to our emailer:

“You didn’t get to talk to me, though you were dying to. Coffee?”

As a man, would you be more or less interested in a plain chick who texted the above to you? Probably less. It sounds like a girl who is trying vainly to conceal her motives, i.e. try-hard. If you were the man being chased by a plain girl running this game, you would say to yourself “No, I’m not really dying to talk to her.”

Well, that’s close to what the real life hot chick is saying to herself.

Now what if the plain girl called or, preferably, texted you this instead:

“I have your business card for some reason. Did we talk last night?”

More intriguing, eh? A little more aloof, too. You’d wonder if this plain chick was hotter than you thought, and you’d be compelled to follow-up with an offer to meet. Well, if our emailer sends this improved version to the real life hot chick, she will think the same way. This text is tighter game.

The plain girl test won’t apply in every hypothetical situation, but it is a handy guide for deciding whether your next move would be ill-advised or helpful toward getting the close.

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