Cousin Banging

Reader “Billy Ray Cyrus” emailed me:

I want to bang my cousin. Why? Same reason mounteneers [sic] want to climb Everest. Fortunately, she’s about my age (21) and on the loose side. Would I game her the same way as any other girl?

Godspeed,

Billy

I’ve never been sexually attracted to any of my female cousins, though a girl I am dating does kind of look like one of my cousins, which disturbs me greatly. And there was that one time I caught myself platonically admiring a cousin’s ample ta tas.

Fortunately for you, sir, banging a cousin means half your work is already done. Rapport has been built over many years, so you can dispense with that part of gaming her. What you need to do is similar to what a beta orbiter who’s been perpetually LJBF’ed by the pedestal of his dreams needs to do — namely, you’ve got to get your cousin to begin visualizing you as a monster cock penetrating her genetically related hole instead of as a relative to confide in nonsexually. For starters, I’d blow her off a few times, just to get her wondering if your mood about her is changing.

Then, when a month or two of noncommunication has passed, call her at midnight and invite her to stargaze on a Morgantown hilltop. When she’s there, tell her you’ve got a gym bag full of Ketel One airplane bottles to finish off. Once drinking, she’s going to talk about the usual shit; you’ll want to be on guard for any asexual movement in the conversation, and cut it off before the moment is destroyed. Continually hint at sexual themes, but frame it so that you are discussing sexy topics brought up by third parties, or having to do with you and “some girl I like”. Watch her eyes; if she looks away from you to the side a lot, she’s uncomfortable with the direction of the conversation. If her eyes glow with the fires of a thousand burning loins, that’s your cue to brush your hands lightly across her various erogenous zones. Let a finger linger just above her thong line.

Your game should be strictly A2-A3 and S1-S3 (see: Mystery Method). You can skip A1 (she’s already attracted to you on a subconscious primal level, thanks to the genes you share), and C1-C3 (you already know her values and she knows yours). In A2, you’ll want to amp the cocky&funny and the push-pull.  After you touch a sensitive part of her body, push her away and make some distance between yourselves on the damp grass. Then scoot back over to her. Do this over and over, until her emotions are an out of control roller coaster plummeting up and down the lubechute of her quivering vagina.

In A3, you’ll want to heavily qualify her. She needs to earn your consanguinous seed. Examples of good qualifying lines to use on a cousin include:

“What’s the craziest thing you’ve ever done?”
“Have you ever broken a taboo and been glad you did?”
“What’s your dirtiest, most secret fantasy you would never tell anyone except someone you really trusted?”
“The fact that we know each other means nothing to me. What else do you have?”
“Prove to me you’re not like all those boring girls I know.”

In general, you want to favor making statements with women instead of asking questions. But since she is your cousin who knows you well and not some random chick you just met who crashed the family greased pig chase, you can ask lots of qualifying questions without DLVing yourself.

Good luck!

******

Reader Mark emailed:

Help.

How does a guy shake a girl who is using one word game, but still replying in like 2 seconds.  I’m spacing my texts appropriately.

Damn, I feel your confusion. A woman’s best game tactic is stealing a page from the men’s playbook. They re-flip the script. Usually, when a girl is dropping one word game on a man it means she is either not very interested and just using the tepid banter for quick n’ dirty validation, or she’s interested but only knows how to game back. Girls who vigorously game men are often sluts who have been burned (sometimes literally in the nether region by assorted virii) by alphas in their pasts. Do you really want to cavort with such cheap strumpets? Of course you do.

Recall Poon Commandment V:

V. Adhere to the golden ratio

Give your woman 2/3 of everything she gives you. For every three calls or texts, give her two back. Three declarations of love earn two in return. Three gifts; two nights out. Give her two displays of affection and stop until she has answered with three more. When she speaks, you reply with fewer words. When she emotes, you emote less. The idea behind the golden ratio is twofold — it establishes your greater value by making her chase you, and it demonstrates that you have the self-restraint to avoid getting swept up in her personal dramas. Refraining from reciprocating everything she does for you in equal measure instills in her the proper attitude of belief in your higher status. In her deepest loins it is what she truly wants.

This means that for every one word text she sends you, you return one half of a text. So, for example, if she sends you this text:

“Yeah!”

you reply:

“?”

Other examples:

HER: “Okay!”
YOU: “Coo”

HER: “Nice”
YOU: “Meh”

HER: “:)”
YOU: “:”

HER: “Cya!”
YOU: “*” (This is the international text symbol for anal sex.)

If you’re unsure how to reply, your best bet is radio silence. Let her one word text dangle in the electric ether, like a has-been attention whore forever in search of a “YEAH BABY!” from a drunk frat boy. A lot of girls will game you with tactics such as the one word text for the sole purpose of eliciting a cunthungry reaction from you. It’s what I call “beta bait”. You chomp down, and you’ve revealed your beta bona fides. You should get into the habit of punishing girls who run one word game on you by running one stroke sex on them.

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Cornered!

I’ve got a very important post up at men’s magazine The Spearhead for my Friday Night Game weekly series. Excerpt:

There are only three things that drain the blood faster from a man’s face than the thought of erectile dysfunction:

1. When your wife serves you divorce papers.
2. When you catch your woman fooling around with another man.
3. When your woman busts you for cheating.

The first two, luckily, haven’t happened to me, but the last one has… multiple times. And from those trials by ovarian fire I have learned a few valuable lessons. I’m here to tell you what to do — or, more precisely, what *not* to do — when your girl jabs the infidelity finger of accusation in your face.

Read about my recommendations for correctly handling a suspicious woman who (justifiably) accuses you of cheating. This is can’t miss information for the man who likes to keep a few on the side.

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Why Do Some Men Bang Below Their Level?

Take a look at this picture:

This is Steve Phillips, 46 year old ESPN baseball analyst and former Mets GM, with his 22 year old mistress, a lowly production assistant he met on the job. The bitch mistress filed for a restraining order against Phillips the day *after* she left a taunting letter with his wife saying she (the bitch mistress) and Steve were meant to be together. Chutzpah, thy name is woman.

(Note that stalker behavior is more likely to occur when the status differential between the man and woman is significant. A woman will fall in love VERY quickly and effortlessly with an alpha who deigns to dump a fuck in her, while this same woman would need years to decide whether she loves the provider beta who dotes on her.)

Here is a photo of Phillips’ aged wife, Marni, mother of his four children:

After viewing the first picture with much disgust and confusion, most of you were probably asking “What the HELL was he doing with her?” And you’d be right to wonder. Phillips is a good-looking dude, high status, and presumably loaded. There are thousands of hot 22 year old women who would gladly smoke his pole.

The mistress looks like a fat dyke. I’d rate her a beer-fueled 2. The only thing she has going for her is her youth (24 year age difference between Phillips and her), which goes to show that even an ugly dyke-ish 22 year old can be more sexually appealing to men than their aged wrinkled wives. Although after looking at the pic of Marni Phillips for many minutes of close examination, I’d have to conclude that it’d be a close call deciding which one I’d fuck. I think I’d choose Marni. Her boobs give much love.

So why do some men with options choose to date, or cheat with, unattractive women below their level?

First, keep in mind that the reason we notice weirdo combinations like Phillips and his pig-faced mistress is because they are so rare. We notice that which defies expectation, and we ignore that which is the same old same old. 99% of men with Phillips’ status are either dating or cheating with much hotter women. So don’t get your hopes up, ladies.

Remember, too, that what you see is not always what you get when a good-looking man slums it with an ugly woman. Because a man’s dating market value is determined by so many more variables than those which can be observed by the naked eye, we cannot always assume that a good-looking guy is high status in the same way we can safely judge a good-looking girl is high status. (A woman’s social status is based almost completely on her looks.) That good-looking guy with the ugly girl may have crippling personality flaws, no money, no job, no charisma, no humor, no self-confidence, no ambition, or no game. He may also be too lazy or fearful to put in the extra effort to get a girl closer to his level.

But these unusual dating disparity exceptions do exist, and here are the reasons why I think some high status men will choose to lay with gross women:

• Variety is the spice of life. Sometimes a new, ugly pussy is more rewarding than another night of the same, slightly less-ugly pussy.
• Convenience. Many alphas won’t make the minimal effort required to meet hot chicks in the wild savannahs of their cities. The pigmalion intern you see every day who will drop to her knees instantly to suck you off can be, from a cost-benefit calculation, the better deal of the moment.
• Pure laziness. Some men think it’s undignified, degrading, or less than manly (ha!) to actively chase women. They prefer to have the ugly pussy fall in their laps. This rationalization by lazy men is known as “sour grapes”. Unfortunately for them, it’s actually more degrading to bang an ugly woman than it is to pursue hotter women, even when that pursuit leads to rejection. There is honor in the chase.
• Insecurity. A powerful man with deep-seated psychological issues who likes to be in control may opt for the ugly mistress he can easily dominate. A hotter mistress would require more tact and manipulative ministrations to keep in line, a tall order which could send him into a self-hating spiral of spite. Some men don’t like a challenge; they prefer a supplicative sex slave. These are the same kinds of men who solicit hookers. Also see: laziness.
• Hidden lack of self-confidence. He’s alpha on the outside, beta on the inside.
• Paper alpha. There are men who are alpha with other men, but graceless, befuddled pussies with women. It’s not many, but they do exist.
• Youth is its own quality. A man quickly grows bored of sex with an old wife. An ugly 22 year old will suddenly start to look a lot more appealing than even sex with a “beautiful for her age” older wife.
• Experimentation. Many unattractive girls will do things in bed that a wife or a better looking woman would never do. If a girl is willing to accept A2M and post gym workout teabagging, she will bump up the queue.
• Odd fetishes. There are guys who like to fuck sheep. Rare outliers are part of the wonderful tapestry of humanity.

Some of you will suggest that maybe the ugly mistress has a sparkling personality, and Phillips was drawn to that. No. When a man is an alpha, women all around him, including hot ones, will suddenly have sparkling personalities. Bitch shields drop as fast as panties with the right man. Compatibility and sparkling personalities can be easily spoofed when the proper incentives are in place.

None of what I listed above should provide succor to weak, lazy men who wish to dumpster dive and enjoy their buddies’ approval at the same time. Steve Phillips forever sullied his good name by hooking up with this beast. If you’re going to take a mistress, be sure to take one who brings honor to the title.

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What To Do When A Girl Starts Crying For No Reason

When you date a girl for longer than two months the odds become better than even that she will erupt into spontaneous waterworks for no discernible reason. All girls do this, even the stable normal ones. In fact, you should be concerned that you are dating a stone hearted bitch if she doesn’t inexplicably cry on occasion. If women crying makes you break out into sweaty hives you should probably limit yourself to dating lawyers. They never cry; they just subsume their womanly instincts into raging competitiveness and piston-like screwing. Thankfully for the state of femininity, their breed is dying out.

The last time I was confronted with a woman’s tears I had just finished banging her in a satisfying position — doggy. (The most spiritually nourishing sex positions are those which are closest to the primitive positions practiced by the animal kingdom.) She hopped off the bed, went to the bathroom, exited the bathroom 20 seconds later, and then stood in the middle of the room, wrapped in a bath towel, as tears started to fall.

Most betas when confronted with such a spectacle will turn the finger of blame inward and wonder if it was something they did. A beta will tenderly, cautiously, approach the girl and touch her shoulder while asking if anything is wrong, did he do something that bothered her? Naturally, as my readers are well aware by now, this will paradoxically fill her with resentment for the beta. Even though his dick was only moments earlier inside her womb, she will become agitated by his presence for reasons even she can’t fathom, and her disgust will grow as she pushes his arm off and insists that nothing is wrong.

The experienced man, on the other hand, has seen all this before. Through trial and error, or through honed intuition, he has learned how to deal with these emotional pressure releases that plague women. He knows that sometimes a powerful rogering will rattle a woman’s soul so deeply that tears are shaken loose. He will let the sob show play itself out, knowing that she will come through it on the other side a happier woman.

When she began crying, vulnerable in the middle of the room clutching her bath towel, I looked at her intently for a few seconds, walked up, gave her a strong hug and a cheek kiss, wiped one tear with my thumb, and then let go to pour a couple of drinks for the both of us. I didn’t ask what was wrong, I didn’t ask if there was something I could do, I didn’t ask how I could make it better. I didn’t even ask if she wanted a drink. I just put the drink in her hand. Everything was done in silence. I grabbed a magazine and read it on her couch while she took a shower.

She was emotionally cold for about a half hour after that, then as we were lying in bed later falling asleep, she rolled over and nuzzled her head in the nook where my arm meets my chest. She was smiling.

Here are the rules for dealing with a spontaneously crying woman:

• Don’t worry about why she is crying. It doesn’t matter if it was something you did, or if it had nothing to do with you, your reaction should be the same either way.
• That reaction is warm, nonverbal reassurance. Don’t say a word. Odds are you will say something to worsen her erratic emotional state.
• If you suspect that the cause of her tears is something you did, you should let her express those reasons on her own time. Don’t try and pry the reason from her.
• Give her a glass of water or wine while she is crying. If she refuses the drink, don’t loiter questioningly. Simply put her drink down on the counter and go about enjoying your drink.
• For the love of god, DON’T PLEAD WITH HER TO COMMUNICATE HER FEELINGS. This goes against everything that every women’s mag and self-help relationship book says, but the truth is that there’s nothing a woman despises more than a mealy-mouthed sensitive beta playing new age psychotherapist.

I have found that after a good cry a woman will often feel closer to you than ever. She will give her sex lovingly soon after her tears have dried. For this reason I recommend provoking your girl to cry as it will open up new and exciting possibilities in bed. You’ll want to incite her tears in such a way, of course, that you maintain plausible deniability. One way to do this is to get out of bed after sex to watch some porn on the computer.

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Go To Speed Dating Events Where The Women Rotate

Speed dating sucks, but if you’re set on attending speed dating events make sure you know beforehand that the women will be the ones rotating from table to table. Science explains to us why this is so:

The researchers found that the speed daters who approached their partners relative to those who stayed sitting would experience a greater romantic desire and chemistry toward their partners, and were more likely to respond “Yes, I would see this person again” to their partners. In other words, the people who rotated from person to person were less selective than those sitting, regardless of which gender was doing the rotating.

When men rotated, women (the ones sitting) were more selective. But when women did the rotating, men (the ones sitting) were more selective. Nothing else changed in the experiment, so it was the act of doing the approaching (or being approached) that helped determine a person’s selectivity toward their partner.

The researchers go on to tentatively, yet giddily, conclude that “gender norms” and “subtle institutional gender bias”, such as that exhibited at professional speed dating events where the procedure is to always have the men rotate, could account for why reams of past research has shown that women are more selective at dating.

“Although Western civilization has become increasingly egalitarian over the past century, certain social institutions remain gendered, some in subtle, almost invisible, ways. The present research identified powerful consequences of a particularly subtle gender bias: the near-universal tendency to have men rotate and women sit at heterosexual speed-dating events. […]

“Speed-dating scholars have appropriately adopted many procedures from professional speed-dating companies, so it is not surprising that this gendered norm [men rotating] has largely persisted, even for events organized and hosted by scholars. The present results, however, present a cautionary note: Even subtle gender norms can have important consequences for romantic dynamics.

Indeed, when researchers adopt a procedure without controlling for it, they risk missing a component of what they study. In this case, researchers just assumed that since men rotate in real-life, they should do so in speed-dating experiments. This may have skewed the results of past studies that used this speed-dating procedure, especially those that examined women’s “selectivity” — selectivity that may have been a result of the procedure itself, not the women.”

Maxim #81: Whenever you hear or read the words “gender”, “gendered”, “gendered norm”, “subtle gender bias”, or “increasingly egalitarian, yet there remains…” know that you are dealing with a leftwing equalist, blank-slate believing fruitcake who cannot deal with the fact that men and women are biologically different from birth.

So does the study really demonstrate that women are not as selective about dating as was previously believed by all of humanity for the past thousands of years? Eh, ya gotta read the disclaimers:

“What implications do the present findings have for the extensive literature demonstrating that women are more selective than men when choosing mates? On the one hand, this sex difference did not significantly reverse at events where women rotated, so on average there was at least an overall trend in the present data for men to experience greater romantic approach (i.e., to be less selective) than women.”

Answer: No. But thanks for playing!

I’ll explain what is going on here. One, the fruitcup researchers want desperately to cast doubt, however threadbare, on the burgeoning scientific and cultural acceptance of the important role played by biological determinism. They are emotionally invested in inflating and slanting the data to conform to their worldview. Scientists, particularly those in the soft girly sciences, are not immune from emotional bias. This is why I believe the time has come to shove it back in their faces and institute affirmative action and quotas in universities and social science departments to force them to hire academics with a realist bent. Diversity will be their strength, by force of law.

Two, while the reversed rotating speed dating study doesn’t do anything to overturn the extensive research showing that women are the more sexually selective sex, it does highlight an important concept of game that men should be aware of: namely, the principle of perceived higher value. Men who remain seated at speed dating events while the women bounce from man to man are essentially boosting their alpha male status. As any man who’s lived a day knows, when a girl approaches you either directly or indirectly (via a proximity indicator of interest) she will perceive you to have higher status than if she were the one being approached. The facts of your actual status are irrelevant. Perception is reality, so if certain body movements and positionings cause a girl to perceive you have higher status than her, she will be more open to a romantic tryst with you.

The researchers misjudged the rotating speed dating women’s universally shared desire for higher status males as lowered selectivity. The women weren’t being less selective; they were being just as selective as they always are, except now there were more higher status (i.e. seated) males for them to choose from. If anything, this study demonstrates that more men learning game will not result in women adopting stronger selection filters for men with only the tightest game. I have said before that more men running game is analogous to more women with beautiful faces — both will increase the total number of gina tingles and boners, respectively, at least until enough millennia have passed for new evolved preferences to emerge. Game, like beauty, exerts a power over the opposite sex too primal to be denied.

This principle of perceived higher value doesn’t work in the reverse: A woman’s value is almost entirely a function of her looks and the fact that she has a vagina, so there is little a woman can do, outside of makeup and good lighting, to alter a man’s perception of her beauty. Truly desperate ugly girls could slip a vision impairing drug into his drink, maybe a funhouse mirror drug that causes him to think she looks like Katy Perry.

Besides teaching men that they should refuse to get off their seat at speed dating events, this study helps confirm some other valuable body language power moves I’ve written about, like the forearm grab and the importance of keeping your back to the bar. I’d further suggest learning the “finger curl come hither”. Curl your finger and motion for her to come to you; the power dynamic will be all in your favor. As D likes to say, in an affected haughty French accent: “Zay come to ME!”

Women will often test men for their commitment to their repertoire of alpha power moves. How many times have you talked to a girl across a small distance in a loud room and she motioned for you to come closer to her? Beta bait. Alphas never bite; they respond “No, you come here.” Subtle, not so subtle? Douchey? Who cares, the shit works to light up a woman’s loins.

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Men Work Longer Hours For The Wives They Wish They Had

Reader gig left this comment to the previous post:

The noticing of how unattractiveness in women leads men to work longer is amazing. I see it everyday. I bet that much of alcohol abusers started so because of some unpleasant experience with women, specially sudden fattening of formerly attractive girls.

There is a widely held misconception that men who work long hours, or work later than they normally do, are doing so to please or otherwise impress their wives. In fact, much of the time just the opposite is true. Men will often work longer hours to *get away* from aging wives who are no longer attractive to them. It’s only the hottie wives who can inspire their husbands to get their work done on time and rush home for some lovin’.

Men who work long hours are essentially telling their wives that they’d rather spend time at the office amassing resources to attract a hotter, younger wife just over the horizon.

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Your Girlfriend’s Friends Are Your Enemy

Here’s a helpful tip for all the men out there: If your girlfriend starts spending a lot of time with her girl friends, and begins speaking of them in glowing terms, you are being slandered. Count on it. This is how girls bond.

When you first begin dating a girl you’ll notice that she’s all too happy to build a connection with you on the backs of her girl friends. Her cattiness will be a sound to behold. If the world were a scratching post, women would be shredding it to its solid inner core. Knowing this compulsion for betrayal amongst women, you can capitalize by joining her in the robust disparagement. She will appreciate your sympathy and you’ll instill that good old-fashioned co-conspirator feeling in her.

Where it gets tricky is when suddenly, one day, she tells you about the great time she had last night drinking til all hours with her BFF Bitches-a-Lot. Recalling that BFF Bitches-a-Lot is the same friend your girlfriend informed you last week was a skank ho, you inquire as to whether Bitches-a-Lot’s skank ho-dom made an appearance last night. Now pay attention to her answer. Does your girlfriend laugh at your roguery and basically agree with you? You’re in the clear. Or does she patronizingly chide you for saying such horrible things, and then wax eloquently about how wonderful a friend BFF Bitches-a-Lot really is to her?

If the latter, you, my good man, were last night’s scratching post. Your girlfriend and Bitches-a-Lot renewed their BFF love over your moldering carcass. Caustic bean spilling and thinly veiled innuendo were served last night, and you were the main dish. Your dog was the garnish.

Never EVER trust a circle of happy girl friends. If you see a sly smile on your girlfriend’s friend’s face, know that they spent last night cackling over what a buffoon you are, and, if the BFF’s white-hot jealousy breached the conversational etiquette, snidely insinuating that you are:

1. an unrepentant player
2. a man ho
3. selfish
4. an asshole
5. likely cheating
6. bad boyfriend material and
7. leaving tremendous logs in the toilet.

Who cares if all the above are true? The point is that as a man you shouldn’t tolerate saboteurs in your girlfriend’s ranks attempting to disrupt the good thing you’ve got going on. Single, overweight BFF’s are your absolute worst enemy, because their bitterness at being single and fat will only be assuaged by the cathartic release of wrecking your relationship with your girlfriend. Idle vaginas are the devil’s playthings. A single, fat BFF wants nothing more in life than the company of misery.

Unfortunately, there is not much a man can do *directly* to avoid the machinations of bitter BFFs. Stay a powerful alpha force in your girlfriend’s life, and she’ll humor her friends’ dangerous gossip games. It helps to remind yourself that a woman will never leave a man she loves based on the poison words of even her bestest BFFs.

If you want to be more proactive, an effective counterattack is shame. Women may have a bag full of shit tests and impenetrable bitch shields, but a rip roaring public shaming will bring them to their knees. The next time you are out with your girlfriend and her friends, casually ask the bitterest BFF how her dating life is going. Nod sympathetically as you mention how tough dating in this city can be for those of you who are very picky, and then tell her a good man who can appreciate her *interesting* personality is right around the corner. Remind her that when you were single, you got to catch up on a lot of hobbies, like kite flying and antique shopping. Hide your smirk.

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