When Men And Women Can Be Friends

Over at Alias Clio, a blog I occasionally read, I posted the following comment on a thread about niceguys and their eternal torment trapped in the LJBF zone:

…no man wants to be a cute girl’s emotional tampon. fulfilling her emotional needs while having his physical needs denied is a one way street to bitterness. women with real sympathy for men’s sexual needs would not put a lovelorn niceguy through the anguishing ringer of platonic friendship. but most women (and men) don’t possess that kind of empathy and selflessness for the opposite sex. women simply get too much benefit from having what pickup artists call “orbiters” feeding their egos by doting on them and listening to them drone about their badboy BFs without having to put out.

male-female friendships only work when neither are physically attracted to the other, and they *partially* work when 1) the woman is attracted to the man but he isn’t attracted to her or 2) he is attracted to her but getting lots of action from other women.

in fact, the best course to follow for the man who wants his choice in women is to cultivate lots of hot female friends who can act as “pivots” and “social proof” for picking up other women. this will be difficult to manage if he’s in the midst of a dry spell because his unquenched lust will envelop him like a repellent shroud and make the normal to-and-fro of friendship building an excruciating ordeal, mostly for him but in time for her, too. it is much easier to be friends with attractive women when the man is in a perpetual state of sexual satiation.

I’ve thought about this and I believe what I wrote is an accurate description of reality. Men and women simply cannot be friends unless certain conditions are met.

• Mutual lack of attraction

This is easy. When there’s no loin burning to get in the way a girl buddy is like a guy buddy, except you can dump on her about your dating troubles and give your opinion of in-season colors without getting laughed at. Just remember you’re not going to talk about the same things with a girl buddy. She won’t tolerate hours of analysis about AMD vs Intel or your fantasy baseball team, and in return she’ll curb her urge to discuss shoes with you ad nauseum. An honest and trustworthy girl buddy makes an excellent fashion consultant and, if she’s not hideous looking, a valuable addition to your game as a pivot (a girl who will make you look good in clubs and help you meet other women).

Unfortunately, very few women that you would want to be seen with in public qualify as true 100% friend material. You’re limited to fat chicks, ugly chicks (4s and below), and older women who are crashing headlong into the wall. All other women, even the plain ones, will at some point be seen by guys as sex objects, because our straydar for sex opportunities is always active. Probably the best the average man can hope for is a 95% friendship with a 5 or 6 rating girl where he occasionally risks the friendship 5% of the time drunkenly announcing his intention to make sweet love to her cleavage.

• One way attraction, girl to guy

Girls find it easier to keep their sex drives in check, which is why they can retain their sanity while remaining friends with uninterested guys they are attracted to far longer than the reverse scenario. Men who are attracted to their girl buddies cannot stay friends for long without either making a sloppy move and killing the friendship or sacrificing their last ounce of dignity as they go insane from blue balls toxic shock. But for women in this position, it’s a house of cards. With enough time, this type of friendship will eventually dissolve in drama, as happened to me once when a female roommate left our apartment overnight because I didn’t feel the same way about her. (FYI: girls turn bathrooms into pigsties.)

• One way attraction, player to girl

There is only one way a single man can be friends with a woman he wants to bang and that’s when his balls are so drained from fucking other women that he feels no testicular pressure to act on his desire. You’ll notice that a typical sexually satisfied alpha has lots of hot girl acquaintances he doesn’t bother gaming because the effort required is not worth the very small marginal increase in pleasure or risk of losing the girls as social proof and as friends. This is really the ideal short-term situation to be in for a man — swimming in pussy and therefore able to tolerate and even enjoy the friendship of unavailable hot girls without being overwhelmed by lust to corrupt their friendship status with intimate jackhammering. But in the long-term, the underlying male animal lust for a hot girl buddy must resolve itself, and even the most well-fed man will devour a filet mignon if it’s put on a plate in front of him every day. My advice: It’s best to take hot girl buddies in small doses. Like for two hours on a Friday night in a bar where you can leverage their hot friendship to build your harem with new recruits.

• The man is married or in a relationship

If you’re looking to be a cool friend to hot chicks without falling victim to the temptation to hit on them, you can acquire this noble virtue on the cheap by shackling your vice within the artificial prison of marriage or exclusive relationships. (Note: The opposite doesn’t work — most men will sleep with a hot married woman given the chance and in spite of the risk.) This is the foolproof method for betas to be relaxed and emotionally stable friends with attractive girls they’d love to bang. They simply tell themselves that they already have a girl waiting for them at home who they love very much or, if they don’t love her, who would be really pissed if they cheated on her, and so the pressure is off. They can therefore rationalize their asexual acquiescence to LJBFdom as a pose of moral rectitude. This self-hypnosis is a convenient veneer for washed-up betas out of the game, for if a genuine opportunity arose with one of their hot friends they’d suddenly feel the psychic strain of battling real temptation, and all that happy clappy harmless niceguy friend posturing would buckle under the heaving mass of their juiced up lust. This is why the beta who stays faithful to his wife is less virtuous than the alpha who does the same.

• She’s on the internet and you can’t see her in person

Pretty simple trick to be platonic with a chick when she’s a flick on your monitor and a thousand miles away.

***

Final Thoughts

The beta niceguy who has a girl buddy he secretly wants to screw is not really a friend to her at all, and vice versa. To the exploitative girl, he is merely a tool to massage her ego, abetting her puling therapeutic self-absorbed shit that no alpha male friend would ever tolerate. To the beta, her friendship is just a complicated schematic for finding some backchannel weasely way into her pants as substitute for his lack of courage to bust a move and dignity to walk away when his feelings aren’t reciprocated.

And that’s the core problem for betas. They are so afraid they’ll never find a girl who will love them that they’d rather degrade themselves clinging endlessly to unsympathetic girl buddies under the pretense that maybe one day she’ll see the lion inside and finally succumb to his charms. The LJBF racket has had a monopoly on weak men for a long time, possibly since the first caveman consoled a cavegirl bitching about her tribal leader boyfriend by letting her nuzzle into his shoulder as he said “there, there” and struggled against a mighty boner under his furs.

My advice to LJBF’ed betas would be to drop the whole idea of being friends with attractive women until they have gotten some actual experience fucking women, rather than experience holding excruciatingly sterile platonic conversations with them about the minutiae of their lives.

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Shaming Girls For Their Bad Choices

These guys were talking to a couple of women at Marvin when an attractive third girl who was a friend of the women showed up. I walked over to occupy chat up the friend and our conversation was good. She was flirty, fun and all smiles. We talked for maybe ten minutes when I felt a meaty hand grip my forearm hard. I looked in the direction of the grip and saw an inebriated man giving me the drunk stink eye.

“Yo dude, take your fucking hand off my arm.”

He removed his hand. I turned back to the girl. Three seconds later his hand was back on my forearm.

“What did I say?” I grabbed his arm and pushed it off. He grunted and was about to put it back on when the girl intervened.

“Stop! Sorry, he gets like this. He’s drunk right now and can get very protective.”

“I see. So this is your boyfriend?” She was slapping his hand away like a mom would an insolent child.

“We’ve been dating a little while. I met him through the internet.” Figuring out why she would divulge that critical detail, I looked over and saw Douchebag Extraordinaire half sliding off his barstool and making another flailing attempt to grab my arm. He was a stocky guy, definitely not a herb, but his drunkenness meant slow reaction times. I was not worried if it came to blows.

I only felt superficial anger toward this guy. He was an insecure tool, but tools are a feature of the universe, like dark matter. They’re all over, and you learn to deal with them like you deal with the weather. My real contempt was for the girl for brazenly flirting with me in front of her date without telling me she was taken, and for dating such a loser. I never allow myself to be the guy that girls get their validation kicks from in plain view of their low self-esteem trigger happy boyfriends.

As I’m watching this go down, she kept repeating “I’m really sorry” but in that perky way that makes you think she’s not FEELING as sorry as she should. I turned back to her with a cold stare, making sure she understood that my problem was with her. “I’m done talking with you.” I pointed at her internet date. “Get this part of your life handled before you think about talking to guys like me again.” I walked off.

Taking a girl instantly from the high of flirty banter to the low of icy scorn lets her know her shit won’t fly with you. Social disapproval in the form of ostracization is a heat-seeking missile that aims straight at the thermal exhaust port of women, and if enough men had the balls to make an attractive girl pay a price for her stupid bar games and her bad choices in dates she might, over time, improve her behavior.

I’m not holding my breath.

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Sex Makes Me Sick

Or, at least, I suspect it compromises my immune system and makes me more vulnerable to germs than I normally would be. The problem is that it’s hard to tease out the primary causes — it could be the drinking, which often goes hand in hand with the sex, especially if you’re getting action on the prowl. Relationship sex is mostly sober unless your relationship is dysfunctional. It could be the mingling of fluids and exhaled breath. Or maybe it’s a general weakening that happens when precious sperm leaves its home.

I know someone who fucks for hours at a time but refrains from ejaculating, pausing when the moment of imminence arrives, and starting up again when it’s passed. (I can do this. The trick is to squeeze hard at the base of the shaft when you’re about to cum. It shuts the hydraulics off. Timing is everything.) He does this for one or two week cycles, at the end of each cycle I assume he unloads with a blast that could drill a hole in drywall. He swears this gives him more energy and a feeling of invincibility from all the testosterone that builds up, and is supposed to slow the aging process.

Vitamins and anti-oxidants like grape seed extract have been ineffectual.

My choice:

Swear off sex for six months to recalibrate my immune system and return to the field desperate and horny, but healthy.

Or

Continue fucking as my lifeforce drains out of me and I die prematurely from the common cold.

PSA: Viagra is weak. I recommend ordering yohimbe from India where they manufacture a more potent form of this natural “male enhancer”. It will make your shaft feel like adamantine and the tip extra-sensitive.

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Preemptive Rejection

One thing that comes with dating a lot of women is an improved ability to detect when her level of enthusiasm isn’t matching yours, and when to cut off investment when the profit outlook is poor. Inexperience and lack of diversification causes a lot of men to hold onto a girl’s stock far longer than is wise, dragging out first dates that should have been cut loose after 15 minutes, or chasing after girls for second dates when the first date ended on a cheek peck note.

But there is another factor. Men, with a few exceptions like very empathetic artist and salesmen types, don’t have the highly refined intuition for gauging subtle social cues that women have from birth. Men’s intuition — or gut instinct — is underdeveloped. Their communication channels between their decision-making process and their subconscious have a lot of static. Women, by contrast, are always locked in to their sixth sense.

There is a reasonable explanation why this is so — as choosers of mates based on criteria less visually based, a woman with a superior sixth sense in terms of accuracy and speediness was fooled less often into bearing the children of beta schemers than a woman who had trouble judging the true character of her suitors. But as relatively indiscriminate chasers of T&A, men never needed to develop the sophisticated bullshit character detector system that serves women so well in separating the weenies from the Shaft. Lunkheaded persistence was more useful to men.

The kind of raw numbers dating experience that modern players have which never existed in the tribal environment that is still the heritage of our hindbrains plays a big role in altering this mating dynamic. A fearless guy who plucks a new woman out of the giant anonymous dating pool of the urban copulation carnival every week starts to get a good sense of his chances of closing the deal. He’ll listen better to his inner voice and cut dates short that aren’t progressing as steadily as he’d like, and he’ll avoid calling a woman for a second date when he feels based on her lackluster vibes from the first date that there’s a higher than average risk of her delaying sex, canceling the date, or taking too long to return his calls. Persistence and chasing women benefits a man less when his options are so numerous. Time and inexperience replaces rejection as his number one enemy.

But like every sea change in human behavior there is an unintended downside. I’m now so finely attuned to the slightest negative feedback from women that I get skittish at the first red flag of foot-dragging. I’ll walk away from dates after ten minutes before the condensation has formed on our drinks if she hasn’t inched closer to me on the couch or if she glanced around the room more than once instead of maintaining solid eye contact. I won’t follow up for a second date even if the first date ended with her telling me to give her a call if I suspect, based on her bad body language, that she will flake.

A woman who is too self-possessed on a first date will not get a call back from me. I need to see real physical and emotional escalation quickly or she drops off the face of the earth in favor of the next girl in my queue. The dating scene is that cutthroat now.

There is no doubt that my improved sixth sense and skittishness to avoid wasting time and resources on dead end dates has cost me girls who might’ve put out had I stayed the course and pursued a little more aggressively. But I believe the downside is worth the greater upside of saving time and headaches and minimizing the odds of a Rules girl exploiting me. Plus, I suffer less second date rejection, which is worse than approach rejection, and my ego stays strong and inflated.

Many times I have run into women at bars or on the street I had one date with but who I never called for a second date because I figured they would flake. They have always looked at me with a hint of discomfort on their faces and walked by muttering terse hellos. I take great satisfaction when this happens because I know that even if the girl never intended to see me again I robbed her of the opportunity to call the shots.

No matter how badly the first date went and how much she doesn’t want to hear from you, if you don’t call a girl for a second date it will leave her confused and less full of herself. You will have lowered her self-esteem and made it easier for the next man to nut inside her. The good karma this selfless act generates will return to you a hundred easy first dates that end the next morning.

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Hardest Challenges

What is challenging for one man may not be so difficult for another. A virgin might think that getting his first lay is the pinnacle of achievement, but to a singer in an indie band with excellent emoting skills getting laid is an afterthought. There are some challenges however that are difficult to accomplish for almost all men.

• Converting a lesbian

Not a bisexual girl. Those are a dime a dozen. I mean committed lesbians; the ones who have never been pierced by man love and know as much about cabinet resurfacing as Bob Vila. Turn a decent-looking scissor sister into a traitor to her orientation even for one night and you will have earned the respect of your peers. Bonus points if you pick her up at a Vagina Monologues show.

• Threesome

Yeah, it’s cliched, but that doesn’t change the fact that despite the braggadocio of countless pornstars in their own minds this accomplishment is pretty rare. If the average American man has seven lifetime partners it’s a safe bet that he didn’t blow the bulk of his lifetime wad on three nights with six different women. Pull a threesome and your name will echo throughout the realms. Film it and it will echo throughout YouPorn.

• Having sex with a religious girl in a place of worship

Sure, repressed Catholic girls will hike their skirts in the back seat of a car under the watchful eye of St. Christopher, but try and get her to renounce her chaste ways in an empty church pew or in the rectory while a six foot tall crucifix gives her the stink eye. Ditto for other religions. Ever bang a Jewish girl in a temple? A Buddhist in a monastery? Or… wait for it… a non-Americanized Muslim girl in a mosque? You do the last and manage to avoid decapitation your name will be legend and spoken of in hushed tones around campfires and at men’s retreats.

• Staying in love

Falling in love is nothing special. People do it all the time. Staying in love, and having it reciprocated just as strongly, is another trick altogether. Don’t listen to the rainbows and unicorns brigade; the world is not awash in a field of love consciousness. It is instead awash in fear, hatred, anger, jealousy, duplicity, lust, ego… and occasionally love. There is a reason so many people yearn for the life-giving power of requited love and that is because it is so rare. Stay in love with a girl who loves you back and you will secretly be hated by everyone. Kind of like lottery winners.

• Having sex with a girl who is already in love with another man

Why is this so hard? See above. As extraordinary as deep long-lasting love is, seducing a girl in such a state away from the object of her love for an illicit tryst is rarer still. Even the best players advocate learning to recognize the signs of a girl in love with her boyfriend and moving on to more pliable targets. A girl in love gives off a vibe that screams “I don’t even notice other guys”. Try and overcome *that* bitch shield. This is the Holy Grail of male challenges, and if you accept this challenge and succeed your name becomes a powerful symbol of evil in the world, scribbled in angry lettering on the back of notebooks by ostracized goth kids in high schools everywhere.

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Arrogance Vs Confidence

Radiating an aura of being perfectly fucking pleased with oneself is not necessarily the same thing as arrogance. Men who are just beginning their journeys to womanizer enlightenment will often overcompensate for their wasted years of betaness by copping an arrogant attitude. With time will come the wisdom to transcend arrogance and replace it with confidence.

Arrogance is not a good trait, but it is better than wishy washy niceguy syndrome. Despite women’s insistence that cocksure assholes turn them off the asshole will still get more pussy than the niceguy. WAY more. So if you’re on the long road to social and sexual reawakening and are hopelessly mired in niceguy celibacy it would be advantageous to be an utter dick for a while just to get a few calming notches under your belt.

Some important distinctions between the arrogant and the confident man:

Arrogant man – Gets defensive when challenged.

Confident man – Has nothing to prove.

Arrogant man – Sneers.

Confident man – Smiles.

Arrogant man – Childish.

Confident man – Child-like.

Arrogant man – Easily provoked.

Confident man – Undisturbed.

Arrogant man – Insulting.

Confident man – Teasing.

Arrogant man – Sarcastic.

Confident man – Witty.

Arrogant man – Braggart.

Confident man – Can afford a little self-deprecation.

Arrogant man – Aggressive.

Confident man – Resolute.

Arrogant man – Threatens.

Confident man – Mindfucks.

Arrogant man – Thinks a girl playing hard to get is a “bitch”.

Confident man – Thinks a girl playing hard to get is “cute”.

Arrogant man – Domineering.

Confident man – Dominant.

Arrogant man – Takes it personally if his girl doesn’t cum.

Confident man – Understands that she feels her greatest pleasure by pleasing him.

Arrogant man – Juggles girls.

Confident man – Invites them all over for an epic videotaping session.

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State Of Mind

i loved that he was so powerful i was nothing.
– O 

What is it that separates those select few men from all the rest? The ones who seemingly have no trouble getting pussy when they want and how they want it? The ones who wield illimitable power to inflame the desires of women?

The key to their power is not money or sports cars or beach houses or post graduate degrees or 50 inch plasma TVs or chocolate covered strawberries on a bed of rose petals or any of that shit. All of that is incidental and is only important to the extent that it improves your state of mind. No, the real source of this power is already within you. It is how you SEE YOURSELF. It is your decision to move through the world without apology, to set aside complaining for decisive action, to let your brass balls do your talking for you.

The quintessential masculine quality women can’t resist is SUPREME UNSHAKEABLE CONFIDENCE. You can be poor, out of shape, stupid, unemployed, addicted to drugs, and meet every one of society’s standards for LOSERNESS but if you radiate those confident vibes that say you are PERFECTLY FUCKING PLEASED WITH YOURSELF you will get laid ALL THE TIME. And the kinds of girls who get wet for such men aren’t just bar sluts. Smart women, women with high self-esteems and MBAs and, yes, even — ESPECIALLY — HARDCORE FEMINISTS will crave the cock of the man who exudes such power and happily take it IN THE FACE and UP THE ASS if it means he will grace her with the pleasure of his company for a little while longer.

THIS is the kind of power that matters. FUCK the normal rules. You make the rules now. They tell you to give give GIVE till it hurts, to do your duty and throw yourself in the blood-soaked grinding gears of the KorporateAkademiaKredentialist Krell Machine in service to society’s great gaping maw and then maybe… MAYBE… one day you’ll be lucky enough to get chained for life to some mediocre pussy and infrequent, tepid sex, whereupon you will work yourself tirelessly to the bone shuffling your ungrateful brats through one societal sacramental rite of passage after another feeding the endless, insatiable hunger of the machinery of the state. And they will pat you on the head for your devotion to the cause with lateral promotions and certificates of exemplary service and announcements in the wedding pages of the local paper and a brand new set of steak knives.

FUCK

THAT

NOIZE.

There’s a dirty little secret they don’t want you to know. And everyone is in cahoots, from the alphas to the betas to the keepers of the vagina. It is this: You don’t need to play by their rules to get what you want! Women will still FLOCK to you if you shit all over everything you were taught you needed to do to earn their love as long as you do it with STYLE and UNWAVERING BOLDNESS and a TAKE IT OR LEAVE IT attitude. Because the simple truth is that the right attitude counts for more than all the material possessions in the world.

The POWER is in your head.

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