Handling The Two Types of Breakups

There are essentially two types of breakups initiated by the girl that the average guy will encounter. Knowing which one you are dealing with is very important as that knowledge will enable you to manage the fallout to your benefit. (Where said benefit is defined as keeping the sex going.)

Breakup Scenario #1:

She’s lost attraction for you. Forget about the reasons why. They don’t matter at this point, and arguing with her about those reasons will only dig your hole deeper. Once a girl’s heart has gone carbonite cold you’re left with one option for releasing it from hibernation. This is your moment in the spotlight to call upon the twin gods of Aloofness and Indifference. No two deities have ever done more for a man’s self-respect and sexual allure. She wants to have “a talk”? Let her. While she’s talking, pick at your toenails. Take a piss. Ask her what she thinks of your new sneakers. Casually interrupt her breakup monologue, saying “Before you continue, did you catch that debate last night? This election is gonna be a squeaker.” When she finally lowers the boom, look bemused and announce “OK, well, take care then.” Make sure to pat her on the knee as you say this. She’ll look at you confused and ask if you have anything to say. Tell her “Nope, you’ve pretty much covered it all.” This will really fuck up her final act script. She wants confirmation that she’s going out on top and denying her that will ensure those old feelings flood her loins again. One week later expect a surprise call from her. Tip: It helps to rub one out just prior to a breakup talk. The calm state afterwards will give your aloofness the feel of authenticity.

Breakup Scenario #2:

She hasn’t lost attraction for you. She’s calling it quits because the passion started to fade and she was feeling unsure about your commitment to her. Again, the reasons don’t necessarily matter, and even if they did it’s pointless to ask a girl why she wants to break up. The female brain is incapable of straightforwardly answering that question. If she tried, she would sputter and pop gears like a robot computing a logical paradox. However, in this scenario your best response is NOT aloofness. Since she still harbors feelings for you what you need to do is amp the drama. Give free rein to your raging, untamed masculine essence. Pound the wall. Yell and swear with abandon. Chew her out. Grab her squarely by the shoulders and hold eye contact for a minute, lowering your voice to say “I’m not letting you go this easily. If you don’t love me then say it now. Say it! I dare you! … That’s what I thought.”, then passionately kiss her. If necessary, recreate a famous dramatic scene from a movie that girls love. If she calls you out on it and says “Hey, isn’t that from Casablanca?”, tell her to “Shut up and kiss me.”

Of course, knowing ahead of time which type of breakup she plans for you is more of an art than a science. If she says she has bad news with tears in her eyes and she’s jabbing a finger in your chest to punctuate her laundry list of grievances, assume you are dealing with breakup scenario #2. If she tries to break up over the phone or text, it’s guaranteed to be breakup scenario #1. If she breaks up with you face to face wearing old sweatpants, three layers of thick cable knit sweaters, and a scarf indoors while sitting as far away on the opposite side of the couch as possible, you are definitely the victim of breakup scenario #1. Try to french kiss her just for the funny reaction you’ll get. (I’ve done this.)

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The Danger Of Gaming Subpar Girls

This past weekend at a loungey club I attempted a number close at the end of the night when the staff was flipping the lights on and off to signal closing time. Acting quickly before a gang of dangerous hipsters in white Hanes t-shirts and superbly chiseled body fat hustled me out I moved to wrap up the conversation I was having with a slightly above-average girl. It went like this:

Me: We should hang some time. Let me get your number. Here, type it in.

Her: Sure, sounds great! [types her # in my phone and hands it back to me]

Me: [looking at the number with no name attached] So… how do you spell your name?

Her: How do I spell it? It’s a simple name, there’s only one way to spell it!

Me: Yeah, but you may spell it the hippie way, with extra vowels or something. Maybe your parents were hippies.

Her: You forgot my name, didn’t you?

Me: Well, hey, I bet you forgot my name too, so we’re even.

Her: No, your name is [my name].

Me: Hm, wow, that’s pretty good. But actually I think I told you my name was [minor variation on my name].

Slightly above-average girl walks off without giving me her name. Mission unaccomplished.

******

This is a prime example of what can go wrong during a pickup when the girl you are talking to is not hot enough to keep you mentally focused on the task at hand. You get sloppy and let your mind jump ahead to thoughts of mashing her tits together. Had she been better looking I would not have forgotten her name. But even if I had, I would’ve answered stronger and saved the number close:

Her: Sure, sounds great! [types her # in my phone and hands it back to me]

Me: I have a confession to make. Our conversation was so intense and I got so into the things you were telling me about your life that I forgot your name.

Her: Ravage me!

If you are constantly forgetting girls’ names, you are probably aiming too low.

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How Soon?

For the men:

How soon after meeting your girlfriend is it OK to fart in front of her?

a. third date
b. two weeks
c. one month
d. one year

How soon after meeting your 20 year old, ballet dancer, former Urban Outfitters model girlfriend is it OK to fart in front of her?

a. one month
b. six months
c. 2 years
d. never. hold your farts in until you die of an intestinal embolism.

How soon after meeting your Rubenesque girlfriend is it OK to fart in front of her?

a. first date
b. five minutes
c. 30 seconds
d. every time she starts to talk, eat, bend over, or undress.

For the ladies:

How soon after meeting your boyfriend is it OK to wear oversized knee-length t-shirts to bed?

a. never
b. never
c. never
d. all the time if you’re featured on FUPA Hunter.

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Further Thoughts On Dating Younger Women

Some of my commenters mentioned that it should be easier for older guys to date younger girls because of the inherent attraction women have for worldly, mature men. This assumption is true in the abstract, but needs to be amended.

Maxim #7: The greater the age difference between the older man and the younger woman, the tighter his game will need to be, barring compensatory attributes.

This is why a 25 year old guy can get away with a little more beta behavior when gaming 22 year old girls than a 35 year old man gaming the same girls. There is a smaller margin of error when the age difference approaches ten years plus, and the women are under 25. The upshot is that an older man with good game is EXTREMELY attractive to all women because the experience is so rare.

Maxim #7 applies to about 60% of women under 25. I have found that 40% of under 25 women have no problem dating much older guys, and many even actively seek out the dashing older gentleman. What this means in the field is that if you are over 30 and hitting on 22 year olds, you will be rebuffed slightly more frequently before you even open your mouth than if you were closer in age to your targets. Don’t worry about it. Chances are good that for every girl who sneers “How old are you??” the very next one will welcome your advances. Only when you notice all your approaches beginning with your target’s incredulity should you consider raising the lower bound age limit of the women you hit on. But trust me, that point comes much later than most guys realize.

Another commenter wondered if joking about the age difference would help deflate its impact. Be careful with this course of action; it can easily backfire. If you do make light of it, don’t go overboard. Too much evasive joking betrays a faint whiff of insecurity, especially if you are the one to broach the age subject first. One offhand joke is enough. For instance, when asked my age, I sometimes say “My chronological age or my emotional age? Cause, you know, emotionally I’m 14. Wanna go to the arcade?”

The same applies when being asked about your job. One “joke job” is enough. If you reel off a litany of joke jobs, she will suspect you really are an unemployed loser with something to hide.

Nowadays I skip the joking entirely and don’t mention age at all unless my date shows signs of unease with the age difference. In these cases I handle any age objections like this:

Her: “So I have to ask… how old are you?”
Me: “Guess.”
Her: “29.”
Me: “Pretty good. [notice I didn’t actually confirm her guess] How old are you?”
Her: “23.”
Me: “Wow, my ex was 23… no wait, it was her birthday last week, she just turned 24. Normally I like to date older women because they are classy and sophisticated, but maybe you are different.”

I have done two things here: One, I’ve showed her that I am no stranger to dating younger women. They like to know you are loved by other women similar to themselves in age and beauty. (This is why dating a fat chick is actually worse for your product marketability than being single.) Two, I have put her on the defensive so that she is now working hard to get my approval. Most women are secretly hoping that you will challenge them like this. They WANT to be the approval-seekers.

Once you’ve mastered the most important part of picking up younger women — your attitude — you can improve those secondary characteristics that will help round out your game. Here are some:

• Stay in shape.

It’s not hard. Don’t overeat and hit the gym regularly. The real gym with iron, not the froo froo one with elliptical machines and treadmills. Women are forgiving of general aging in a man, but they are less lenient when that man has a round gut and bitch tits.

• Baldness.

If you are balding, shave it to the scalp skin. There is nothing worse than the monk’s ring. If I were balding, I would shave it all off and get a spitting cobra tattoo wrapped around my skull. Job promotions would soon follow.

• Fashion.

Dress younger and trendier than the average guy in your age bracket, but not so trendy that you look ridiculous. For instance, if you are 30, upgrade from designer hoodies to designer blazers. Chuck the Chucks for Steve Maddens and Pradas. $50 t-shirts are still OK if you have an excellent V-shaped torso to show off, but most men will want to move on to snappy spread-collared shirts after 30.

• Tattoos.

This is a little trickier as you run the risk of looking like a prole, but tattoos add an aura of toughness that works well to compensate for the perception of blandness as you age into the next demographic.

• Become artistic.

Drop the typcial American male hobbies like drinking and football and take up photography and guitar. Expressing yourself artistically is so attractive to so many younger women that it virtually negates any doubts about your age.

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Top Two Rules For Dating Younger Women

The two critical rules for older guys dating girls under 25:

Rule #1: Don’t be needy

You should never be needy with any woman (exceptions made if she’s an over 30 divorcee with two kids and a Snickers bar figure) but it is especially important to refrain from showing even the slightest displays of neediness with the under 25 girls. A young woman is extra-sensitive to the subtle signals that a man gives off when he is a little too happy to be with her. If the guy she likes is significantly older, like ten years or more, she’ll be that much more on guard for beta bahavior. An older guy who is needy is a bigger loser than a younger guy who is needy, because the younger guy at least has the excuse of inexperience. Plus, the older guy has to learn how to handle the elevated risk of being labeled a “lech” or “pervy”.

Examples:

Texting
29 year old texts you. Wait 5 minutes before replying.
22 year old texts you. Wait 1 hour before replying, unless it’s a weekend night in which case don’t text back until the next day.

Calling
29 year old calls. Pick up on the third ring.
22 year old calls. Let it go to voicemail and return call minimum of 2 hours later.

Going to a bar together
Chat up one other girl in 29 year old’s presence. Any more than that and you will make her too insecure.
Leave 22 year old for 30 minute stretches of time to flirt with girls in different parts of the bar. If she sees three or more girls laughing along with you, bonus points. You are guaranteed sex that night.

Shit testing
If 29 year old tells you some random guy flirted with her today, show a hint of jealousy.
If 22 year old tells you some random guy flirted with her today, say you hoped she number closed him because she needs a shopping boyfriend.

Post-coital challenge
29 year old gazes at you lovingly and says “I think I’m falling for you.” You say “Me too.”
22 year old gazes at you lovingly and says “I think I’m falling for you.” You say “Thanks! Keep it coming. I’m a sucker for flattery.”

Communication breakdown
29 year old mysteriously stops contacting you. Wait four days before sending casual text asking her out on another date.
22 year old mysteriously stops contacting you. Do not attempt to contact her again. In two months you have a 50% chance of getting a text from her wanting to see you.

Rule #2: Don’t be insecure

Many older guys who like dating younger girls fall into the trap of fretting about the age difference. He makes the mistake of bringing the issue up before she has, or cracking awkward jokes about her youth. His age insecurity will lead him to lean on his money or job status as attraction ploys because he won’t believe that a cute younger girl could love him for his personality or strength of character.

The truth is that, contrary to the sugar daddy cultural message, money and a high status job are not required to attract younger women. They help, but what helps a lot more is tight game and a dominant, charming personality. If you are unfazed by the age difference, she will be too. Run the same game at 35, 45, and 55 that you would at 25.

Bear in mind that younger women (barring a few notable golddigger exceptions) are not as practical as older women. They are more whimsical, flirty, passionate, and romantic, and this means you will get more mileage having a youthful outlook, being recklessly spontaneous, maintaining a high level of energy, and focusing on the emotional connections, than you would tempting them with the allure of financial stability and security.

If you follow my advice above, you will have no trouble finding a girl much younger than you to fall in love with you.

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The Morality Equation

In my post on morality I offered a few thoughts on the shifting sands of moral certitude:

If you had the power in your hands, would you kill in such a manner as to ensure maximum pain and suffering

a. 10,000 Indonesians if it would save your lover’s life?

b. your lover if it would save 10,000 Indonesians’ lives?

I concluded with the following wholly scientific effort at a layman’s definition of morality:

Morality = genetic affinity + expedience + quid pro quo + self-serving status posturing

Commenter “godparticles” picked up where I left off and admirably quantified my definition:

I would probably give more weight to S (status posturing) like this:

M=(g+E+q) x S

…where M is defined as the strength of a moral decision. I guess you could create a scale of relatedness for g, a scale of convenience for E, a scale of likely material return for q, and a scale for the explicit ingroup approbation of the moral position, decision, or action for S.

Let this serve as an innocuous example: A middle-aged, poor black man recently asked me for a dollar outside a grocery store. I was sitting in my car waiting for a friend, and he approached with the opening, “I’m not trying to start any trouble or anything, but can I get a dollar for the bus…” I don’t usually carry cash, and that’s what I told him and he left… even though I knew I had a few bucks in my wallet. I’ve been begged for more cash before after having pulled out my wallet so that wasn’t going to happen again.

So the g was 0. The E was actually high. The q was 0. And the S was 0 (no one was watching to approve). HOWEVER, if my (very liberal) friend had been in the car, the S would have increased and multiplied by the E would have led me to give him the buck.

I liked godparticles’ strengthening of my morality equation so I refined the variables and scoring and added an example of my own in the comments:

given: M = (g + E + q) x S

where M = degree of moral umbrage and the likelihood of taking action to rectify the perceived injustice.

g = genetic affinity
E = expediency (I define this as fluid morality, which is similar to moral convenience. You’re more likely to adopt a moral position when it works to your benefit or is relatively painless to act upon.)
q = tit for tat
S = status whoring

The scale for each variable is 1-10, where 1 = no impact on your decision and 10 = influence of the utmost importance.

Let’s say you’re at a party with friends and your brother (who is in attendance) blurts out a racist joke (he has an awkward sense of humor). A hush descends over the crowd. Your response hinges on a series of subconscious calculations:

g = 10 (he’s your brother!)
E = 2 (it’s tough to call out a racist joke at a party and risk dragging out the discomfort. it’s even tougher when it’s your brother’s public humiliation on the line.)
q = 1 (you’re contemplating a moral action that will prevent your loss, rather than win you gains.)
S = 6 (you risk losing the approval of your friends if you seem as if you are acceding to your brother’s faux pas. acting will not raise your status, but it will prevent you losing status.)

calculating M we get:

M = (10+2+1) x 6 = 78

If M resides on a scale from 3 to 300, where a score of 300 equals a moral action that is easy to take, quite personally beneficial, and encourages the sort of self-righteous preening that feels almost as good as sex, then in the scenario I outlined above a score of 78 means you would probably hesitate briefly before deciding to evade your moral discomfort by changing the subject and yelling out “WHO’S UP FOR SHOTS!!!”

An M of 1 means “Kill em all and let bog sort them out”.

Now I’m curious how other common moral dilemmas would rank using the morality equation. Here’s an example from the battlefront:

You and your buddy are in a bar. He notices two girls, a hottie and her friend who was born to cockblock. He tells you it’s all his and he’ll signal you to join when he needs a wingman to occupy the obstacle. He approaches and soon the girls are laughing. You get the signal and move in, doing your best to draw the CB’s attention away from her friend and to you. But your natural charm infects both girls and the cute girl starts touching your arm and tossing you the flirty eye. Your friend is losing the set but you have a good chance of acquiring his target’s digits. You think about number closing her. The morality variables look like this:

g = 2 (no genetic relation to your friend but racially he looks like you.)
E = 7 (any decision you take would be easy to act upon, but getting her # could potentially cost you your friend’s respect since he’s standing right there. because it is only one friend and not a whole group of friends you feel you can smooth out the situation later with a little one on one.)
q = 8 (if you get her # you have a shot at adding a notch. if you don’t get her number you retain the wingman services of your friend for the future.)
S = 6 (you will gain a lot of status points with your friend if you don’t number close his target for yourself. but it is just one friend.)

M = (2 + 7 + 8 ) x 6 = 102

On the morality scale of 3 to 300, there is a one in three chance that you will put your friend’s feelings before the pussy.

Ask yourself, does this result match up with your personal experience dealing with the same situation? Would a good friend opportunistically number close your target 2 out of 3 times?

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Lying For Sex

Getting laid is so critical to a man’s well-being that if he needs to lie to get it I’m not morally scandalized. I liken it to the unemployed man who has to steal bread in order to feed his starving family. The sexless man would be negligent not to avail himself of the shadier moral choices to cure his condition.

If lies are necessary to avoid the walking death of celibacy then it is worth the soulpence it may cost in whatever personal code of integrity a man follows. A lie to bed a woman does her little harm. After all, what exactly has changed… what actual harm has been done to her… if the next morning she finds out he works at Taco Bell instead of Goldman Sachs? The sex will still have felt as good because a discovered lie cannot undo the past. Unless she has made important life decisions with him on the first night together the lie will not have any influence on her future. At best, she can say that had she known the truth she would have enjoyed one more night of sleeping alone.

The reason men lie for sex is because it is an option that is available to them. It’s a courtship tactic that exists because women look for non-obvious signals of attractiveness in men. Lying takes advantage of a woman’s base motives — her lust for powerful men, conspicuous displays of resources and confidence, and the feeling of being seduced — by feeding her what she wants to hear. Women lie as well when they wear makeup and act coquettish but that is not of the same order of magnitude as the lies men have at their disposal to beguile women into sex. Men pretty much know with a quick glance whether they want to bang a girl so girls don’t have much room to lie their way onto a man’s erection. Therefore, it is easier for girls to assume the moral high ground because their virtue is born of necessity. They’d lie like men if easy sex were on their agenda or it helped them as much to get what they want in a partner.

If a loser has trouble getting laid the normal way I see no reason why he should handicap himself by adopting a posture of perfect moral rectitude and telling the truth when it will obviously hurt his cause. The reward for such good behavior — many nights alone with his hand — hardly compensates for the sex he could have gotten through amoral means. Lying can be an attainable way for a beta to get a few early notches under his belt and purify himself of the stink of desperation.

Take the following two scenarios illustrating why lying for sex is not always the black-or-white moral decision many women want men to believe.

1. She asks if he’s a virgin. (Odd question to ask, but let’s assume something about him gave her cause for concern.) He’s a 30 year old man and is, in fact, a virgin. If he answers “yes” he has seriously impacted his chance to get laid. If he lies, he keeps his goal in sight and she loses nothing.
2. He has terminal cancer and will die in one year. He has been dating a girl for two months and it is going well. Both of them feel the first stirrings of love. She doesn’t know of his disease. He wants to spend his remaining time on earth in the arms of a woman who loves him. If he tells her the truth she may leave him or withdraw her love so as to avoid wasting a year of her life on a man who won’t be around to support her and the family she eventually wants. If he lies he has, in effect, stolen a year of her prime dating marketability, though he has given her a year of love she was not guaranteed to get without him.

While I have no abstract moral hang-up about lying I don’t recommend it as a seduction tool for three reasons.

• It’s weak game

Lying is the cut & paste, band-aid version of game. It’s quick and dirty and often effective, but won’t last. It has no roots, no foundation. It’s better to spend the effort to learn good solid game that will be there for you in any situation than to use the crutch of weak game where you have to waste energy keeping track of all your lies. You will feel a greater sense of accomplishment winning over a woman without resorting to outright lies and this will redound to your self-confidence.

• It complicates the pursuit of long term relationships

Lies work well for one night stands and even short term flings if the guy doesn’t contradict himself. But long term relationships — the ones where you go shopping for a condo together or she visits you at the office to drop off your lunch — will crumble under an edifice of lies. If you work at Taco Bell she’ll find out eventually. False advertising moves product only up until the first recall. So if you are looking for lasting love it pays to resist the temptation to lie away perceived flaws.

• Lying is self-reinforcing

The big problem with lying is that once you start, you can’t stop. One lie requires two more to sustain, and two lies requires four. You will soon find yourself mired in a fantasy world of talented Mr. Ripley proportions (which isn’t so bad if you have his skills of deception) that will kill any chance at a healthy relationship unless the girl is a complete masochist for your lying bad ass. (Those girls do exist.) Plus, lying encourages reliance on other bad habits to seduce a woman. If you lie to attract a woman then other parts of your game are likely to be equally sloppy.

Moral of this post: Don’t lie. Evade.

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