Would You Rather

have the power of:

Invisibility?
Immortality?
Flight?
Super strength?
Irresistible sexual magnetism?
A giant cock that never fails to please? (Perfect body and face if you are a woman)

Invisibility would let you enter girls’ locker rooms and bathrooms unnoticed. This is like Porky’s minus the peepholes. As an invisible person, you could pilfer cash registers and rob banks unmolested. You could film upskirt videos all day long.

Immortality — tough to top this. Like in the movie Groundhog Day, immortality would allow you to hone your game to perfection. Approach a thousand sets? Please, give me a real challenge! After a few millennia picking up chicks in cities around the world you’d be such a formidable PUA the bards will write songs about you. Johnny Depp would sign up for your bootcamp. The perfect age at which to acquire immortality? Men: 30. Women: 20.

Flight is cool. Flight is alpha. It is the ultimate DHV (demonstration of higher value. literally!). Heroes sucks because Nathan hardly ever uses his ability to fly. It’s like he’s ashamed of it. What a pussy. I’d be up in the air all the time. Having trouble closing the deal on that Day 2? Just lean in and whisper “Hey, lemme show you something”, put your arm around her waist, and glide over the city. Instant orgasm.

Super strength is another DHV, but one of limited applicability. Lift a car aside so your girl has room to parallel park? Awesome. Knock out a roomful of meatheads for the sheer joy of it? That’s try hard. You’ll get laid by sluts with high primitiveness, but the quality girls will roll their eyes.

Irresistible sexual magnetism means you would pick up the handful of chicks who aren’t turned on by flying in the air with the guy above. It’s big advantage is that you don’t need to do jack shit to get laid. Just sit on a chair and wait for the girls to come to you. There’s not much thrill of the chase, but it does make life easier. I predict a lot of betas would choose this power.

As I am blessed with an enormous, pussy pleasing cock, I can only tell you this power is as good as you’d imagine. My life would be so much easier if it was socially acceptable to unzip and let it roll to the ground on first dates. Unfortunately, I still have to go through the motions of courting women.

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Secrets

A while back, I was sitting in my favorite bar savoring a delicious bison burger and a beer which I imagined was the best beer in the world because it had a long German name. It was a slow Sunday afternoon and the bar was nearly empty. Across the bar, about fifteen feet away, a leggy blonde walked in and settled on one of the stools, chatting up the bartender. She noticed me noticing her, and a flicker of nervousness froze her face momentarily. I had banged this girl on two separate nights many months ago. After the second banging, we (her? me? it’s unclear) cut off all contact. This was the first we had seen of each other since then.

A minute later, a guy came in and sat down next to Blondie. He leaned in to give her a kiss and she perceptibly flinched away from his approaching puckered lips. She looked annoyed. He smiled at her doofily while her face was turned the opposite way, then ordered a meal and talked about the game on the TV with another bartender. Every so often, I caught Blondie glancing in my direction. I made sure she knew I caught her.

I remember her mentioning something about a boyfriend she was planning to move in with when we hooked up, but like any well-bred devil-may-care alpha, I breezily dismissed it. An abstract concept. Not my moral crisis. The choice to cheat or not rested entirely with her. And now, here was the flesh and blood boyfriend, sitting mere feet from a man whose dick had penetrated his girlfriend’s wet pussy while he was setting aside separate dresser drawers for her panties, happily oblivious and looking very much like a normal dude.

I wanted fun. Feeling like a cenobite summoned by a fire and brimstone hellgod of the underworld to dispense the cruel justice of a sadist who loves to watch his victims squirm, I walked around the bar and stood next to her boyfriend pretending to get closer to the TV. Blondie wasn’t there; she had gone to the bathroom.

Me: Hey man, I don’t think the Skins can take Pittsburgh. Too much depth. [My inner voice: Your girlfriend’s pussy has depth.]

Him: What? It’s only the half. Pittsburgh falls apart late in the game.

[more sports small talk]

Me: This place is pretty good on a Sunday for watching the game. No drunk college kids. So you and your girlfriend come here a lot? [I saw your girlfriend’s labia.]

Him: Oh yeah, she’s a regular here, so I come once in a while when I’m in town.

Me: Yeah, I’m a regular too. I pretty much know everybody here, but I’ve only seen her around once or twice. So you’re from out of town? I respect someone who can make a long distance relationship work during these times. [I held your girlfriend’s long legs up pointing straight at the ceiling as I pounded her into submission]

Him: I’m planning to move into DC. We’re getting a place together. The long distance thing is tough, but you do what you have to to make it work.

Me: Yup. Number one thing: trust. Long distance can work if you can trust the girl. [She let me fuck her without a condom. I don’t know if I pulled out in time.]

Him: [looking over his shoulder at the women’s bathroom door] And if she can trust me!

Me: You know it! [She has blonde pubes.] Anyhow, if you’ve found a girl like that, hold on to her. I can tell you, those types are rare. [She sucked my cock like it was her last.]

[Blondie exits the bathroom and walks up next to the boyfriend, slowly taking a seat. Her face has gone ghostly white as she sees me talking to her boyfriend. I smile and wink.]

Me: Hey, what’s up. Nice to meet another regular. We were just chatting about the Skins’ chances for making it to the show this year. [Did your clitoris just quiver?]

Her: [eyes wide] Um, hi there. [her voice sounds artificially chirpy.]

If I had a hidden camera I would have taken a picture of her face right at that moment. The expression of fear, shock, shame, and even the blush of arousal was priceless. I detected a hint of nipple hardening. The hamster on her brain wheel was spinning frantically.

Me: Well, anyhow, I’m gonna get back to my food. I don’t want somebody else to eat it while I’m away. Nice to talk with you guys. [I shot a white hot load across the bow of her chest. A blob landed on the pillow next to her head. The pillow you have pressed your face into while sleeping.]

***

Tyler Durden has written about the Secret Society. One where nearly all the attractive women, their best gay boyfriends, and a small number of alpha players share the bounty of glorious pussy. It is an organically emerged society no one talks about, or even recognizes as such. But exist it does, in practice if not in formality. Sluts are left to be sluts. Fidelity is an anachronism; a false morality for those ignorati outside the secret society. Everyone lives for good feelings. People who cause bad feelings are excommunicated. Everyone is cool. No one is beta. No one judges, no one pretends to care. The spice must flow. These are the rules.

Then a real sadistic prick comes along. A gatecrasher. A puppetmaster. The rules were made to be broken, he says. And he does. Gleefully.

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Girls And Politics

What do you do when a girl you are gaming brings up the subject of politics? Politics and religion are conversational buzzkills, no doubt, but sometimes when a girl is getting to know you she’ll be curious where you stand on political and religious matters. Usually, these are weird, emotionally unbalanced, nerdy girls who think that compatibility means you’re voting for her candidate.

One option is glib evasiveness. “Who am I voting for? I’m writing in Ron Jeremy. He’s a self-made man who knows that actions speak louder than words. That’s what this country needs right now — hard and fast.” If your date is a normal girl she’ll grasp your subcommunication and laugh a little while you change the subject.

Some guys who consider themselves inner game gurus would tell you to stay true to yourself and answer girls candidly when they ask questions about your politics. In this way, you screen out girls whose beliefs violate your manly principles. How noble. This strategy fails when EVERY girl of fuckable age shares the same political ideology. Here in DC, if you aren’t a flaming liberal, you’ll wind up screening out all your dates and living like a celibate hermit. (9% voted for Bush in the last election. 1% of those were girls. 1% of those girls were unmarried.) But at least you and your hand will have the satisfaction of sticking by your principles. This is lipstick on a pig game; the outcome sucks but you dressed it up real purty for yourself.

What I find peculiar about people who live in DC, and particularly the single girls of this fine City in the Abyss, is their oblivious penchant to assume you share their politics and think exactly like them. For a bunch of SWPLs that speak so eloquently of diversity and tolerance they have a hard time putting their principles into practice. It’s dehumanizing groupthink, but that’s always been a key ingredient of any quasi-religious revival. The upside is that you don’t get asked your politics too often, since they are assumed. Until election years roll around…

During the last fevered election, I had a number of dates who pressed me for my political beliefs. The matter was of utmost importance to them, or so they claimed. I used to evade. But that sometimes sounded wishy-washy. I tried blatantly lying to the girls I didn’t want as long term prospects. That worked, but then I had to deal with listening to them drone on and on about some pet lefty cause like the superiority of Europe over America or the evils of the wrong kind of white people. I got my revenge the morning after when I turned to look at her, brushed aside a wisp of hair, and tenderly whispered in her ear “By the way, remember that conversation about politics we were having yesterday? Well, I’m a huge fan of the Second Amendment. I love guns.” You never saw such a Hallmark moment.

Finally, I switched to telling them the truth, no hedging or excusing.

“I’m a libertine capitalist. I understand the limits that human nature places on ideology. Politics is not a religion substitute for me, so it doesn’t have much importance in my life. I don’t even vote.”

The trick here is I’ve avoided the typical political platitudes, code words, and shibboleths that would trigger her inquisition reflex. I’ve been truthful in a disarmingly eccentric way; one that naturally leads the discussion away from political posturing into more fruitful avenues of discussion. The phrase “human nature” can lead straight into a conversation about “social dynamics”, and then onto “girls have dirtier minds than guys”. Now we’re cooking with gas!

If a girl asks which party you are registered with, tell her “Independent”. If you’re Republican, you telling her that carries too much baggage, true or not. Chicks dig mavericks. If you’re to the right of Genghis Khan, you don’t have to worry about disagreeing with her — most girls get turned on when a guy is unafraid to say what he means — but you don’t want to be argumentative, either. Arguing will kill the sexytime mood right quick. State your beliefs with conviction, then segue into a different topic. Don’t linger on politics like some Daily Kos junkie arguing the minutiae of what is ultimately bullshit in the grand scheme of things. Keep it vague and philosophically Zen-like. If she insists on knowing more about your opinion of preemptive warfare or the Fairness Doctrine, just hold up your hand and announce you are changing the subject because politics bores you, and it’s a horrible way to get to know someone.

Telling a DC replicant woman you don’t vote is like telling her you led a coup in the Congo to overthrow the local despot. She will be flabbergasted… and intrigued. Such a reaction is only possible when your god is your political party.

Them and us, always and forever…

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Evil Baby Shower

I got roped into a baby shower for an acquaintance. I’d never been to one of these seminal events, though I’ve heard about them. It was as bad as I imagined, maybe worse. Between the pink ribbon-wrapped gifts, blankies, snugglies, baby bouncies, belly-rubbing, earnest discussions of contractions and labor, and torrents of sympathy sludge, I felt like I would suffocate on the maternally estrogenic fumes.

GIMME BOOB MILK!

I saved my mental health by fantasizing what it would be like to make gentle love to a third trimester pregnant woman. This is a mountain I’ve yet to climb. It couldn’t be any more challenging than this. Or this.

The best gift by far was two small jewelry boxes. One was engraved with the words “My First Tooth” and the other with “My First Hair Curl”. This was a great gift because it put a smile on my face as I pondered the milestones that a bunch of my own engraved jewelry boxes filled with mementos of my past conquests would have celebrated.

“My First Forgotten Panty” — It’s pleasantly surprising waking up the next morning, after she has left in her drunken state, to stumble across her panties lying on the floor that she forgot to put on. *sniiiiiff*

“My First Hidden Video” — You never know, she could become famous. And you’ll need masturbation material for when you’re 80. Watching yourself fuck your girl in the bloom of youth >>>> internet porn.

“My First Period Fuck” — Put that bloody used condom or red-stained towel in the box, champ! You’ve earned it.

“My First Threesome” — See: “My First Hidden Video”.

“My First Close Call” — In here you put the abortion clinic receipt.

“My First Anal” — Awkward. You don’t want anything smelly in your box. An audio recording of her yelping in pain is acceptable.

“My First Russian Anal” — An audio recording of her yelping in pain in Russian. (It sounds like this: “Aye, aye aye, Ee ee yi yi yi!”. Music to my ears.)

“My First Raw Dog” — Take an after photo of your cock crusted in dried vaj juice.

“My First Facial” — Tough one to document. Wipe her face with a towel to capture the jizz and makeup in a Turin Shroud-like imprint. Put in box and pray to nightly for the blessings of future facials.

“My First Virgin” — See: My First Period Fuck. You might need a biohazard hymen container for this one.

“My First Fat Chick” — Empty.

“My First Psycho Bitch” — Restraining order.

“My First DC Lawyer Chick” — One silver bullet.

“My First Bartender” — STD fact sheet.

“My First Cunnilingus” — One gnarly pube.

Darwinianly-speaking, women huddle like pinkiron midwives around the expectant QB mother to fulfill a deeply subconscious group coherence bonding mechanism that works to assist the tribe raise its young. Since most women are going to get pregnant at some point in their lives they don’t worry about exerting effort helping out another woman’s child. Men don’t have the luxury to waste resources like this; they could easily lose out on the chance to pass on their genes if they spent time and money on a rival’s kid.

I walked out of that baby shower feeling grateful for being a man.

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Similarities Between Now And The Great Depression

With all the recent talk of “moral hazards” and “socializing the loss, privatizing the profit”, it seems the time is right to look for any parallels between the current mess and the Big One of 1929. This article lays out a pretty persuasive case that there are enough similarities between now and then to wonder whether we risk careening into a new Greater Depression:

Creating a Great Depression

Given the grim political prospect ahead of us, we can now examine the checklist for Great Depression causation, and see how many we can check off for today’s leaders:

1. Asset price crash: Check! We’ve already had the crash in asset prices, twice, in 2000-02 with stocks and now with housing. As the stock market crash of 1987 demonstrated, asset price crashes don’t necessarily lead to Great Depressions, but they do thoroughly shake the financial system and reveal hidden weaknesses. This time around, there have been plenty to reveal.

2. Protectionism: Yes, but less severe. Protectionism is definitely reviving, but to nothing like the level of the Smoot-Hawley tariff. Obama’s threat to renegotiate NAFTA, combined with a substantial recession, could produce a substantial leap in protectionism. We can however have at least moderate confidence that Obama has no intention of actually doing anything so foolish as to reopen trade agreements in the middle of an economic downturn.

3. Bank failures: Check! We need an actual bank or two to go under however, not just these investment banking houses of cards, and we need an international bankruptcy along the lines of Creditanstalt. My money would be on one of the thoroughly opaque Chinese behemoths. The Fed and other central banks will doubtless try to avoid a collapse of the money supply following a bankruptcy; they may simply produce hyperinflation, a problem we didn’t have in the 1930s.

4. Expansion of the public sector: Check! Treasury Secretary Hank Paulson’s $700 billion housing bailout fund certainly qualifies here. Commentators have noted the similarity to Hoover’s Reconstruction Finance Corporation, without noting that the RFC was a colossal economic failure. It diverted resources to politically selected companies, increasing the level of Federal debt raising and thereby crowding truly private sector entities out of the capital market. The diversion of resources from the private to the public sector was itself deflationary, weakening the system’s productivity growth potential and deepening the downturn. Paulson appears to be operating on the basis that federal resources are essentially infinite. A $700 billion bailout and the $1 trillion deficits to which it will lead will “destruction test” this bizarre theory. Obama’s spending plans, which presumably won’t be abandoned altogether, will also be a problem here, Indeed it is likely that by 2012 the ratio of federal spending to GDP will be at a new high level never before seen in peacetime. As with bank failures, this time around an excessively accommodative Fed is likely to monetize the additional debt and thereby cause rapidly accelerating inflation.

5. Tax increases in a downturn: Probable. Obama has already promised tax increases, which he will probably make larger than planned to attack the $1 trillion deficits. That’s precisely the mistake Hoover made. McCain hasn’t promised tax increases, but appears to have no great philosophical objection to higher taxes and a commitment to reducing the deficit – it thus looks like tax increases will be forthcoming from him, too.

6. Abandonment of Capitalism: Probable. The principles of capitalism will have little popular support in the years ahead, as in the 1930s. Hence there will be no immediate opposition (other than from politically discredited industries) to daft new schemes of regulation that destroy market incentives. Obama has some idea how markets work, but the barons in the Congressional Democrat majority don’t, so there is likely to be some truly damaging legislation in our future. Even if McCain becomes President, he appears to have no instincts as to which controls and restrictions would wreak most destruction so “compromise” legislation with Congressional Democrats might be as bad or worse than under a President Obama.

7. Destruction of Capital markets: Possible. This is the big question-mark. In the 1930s, the Glass-Steagall Act, by separating investment banking from commercial banking at the bottom of a recession, when capital was scarce and entrepreneurial spirits non-existent, produced investment banks that were truly undercapitalized and indeed unprofitable – even Merrill Lynch, among the largest of them even then, lost money over the decade of the 1930s and survived only through subventions from Charles Merrill’s mother’s trust fund. The result was a level of capital raising in bond and stock markets throughout the late 1930s that was below that at the bottom of the 1920-21 recession, in a much larger economy. It is not unimaginable that draconian legislation along the same lines, backed by popular outrage against Wall Street, might have a similar effect.

What’s needed now is calm and a step back from hysteria. I don’t believe a couple guys (Bernanke and Paulson) cooking up huge backroom buyback schemes to ostensibly save the country from itself would have better answers than a market allowed to adjust on its own.

Thus not all of these factors operate to repeat the 1930s exactly; on the other hand, some of them merely promise a more inflationary version of that sorry decade, which would probably be even more unpleasant. While a re-run of the Great Depression, with or without hyperinflation, is still by no means inevitable, we are a lot closer than we were a month ago.

If we’re heading into an inflationary spiral and peak oil, then I’m putting my money in frontline suppliers like oil, food producers and utilities.

Here’s a guy who says the right answer is bankruptcy, not a bailout.

This bailout was a terrible idea. Here’s why.

The current mess would never have occurred in the absence of ill-conceived federal policies. The federal government chartered Fannie Mae in 1938 and Freddie Mac in 1970; these two mortgage lending institutions are at the center of the crisis. The government implicitly promised these institutions that it would make good on their debts, so Fannie and Freddie took on huge amounts of excessive risk. […]

The fact that government bears such a huge responsibility for the current mess means any response should eliminate the conditions that created this situation in the first place, not attempt to fix bad government with more government.

I agree. The bailout was a terrible idea and I’m glad it collapsed. It ignored a fundamental principle of human nature — when you shield someone from the consequences of his failures, he is more likely to repeat the same mistakes.

The fact that government bears such a huge responsibility for the current mess means any response should eliminate the conditions that created this situation in the first place, not attempt to fix bad government with more government. […]

So what should the government do? Eliminate those policies that generated the current mess. This means, at a general level, abandoning the goal of home ownership independent of ability to pay. This means, in particular, getting rid of Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac, along with policies like the Community Reinvestment Act that pressure banks into subprime lending.

The right view of the financial mess is that an enormous fraction of subprime lending should never have occurred in the first place. Someone has to pay for that. That someone should not be, and does not need to be, the U.S. taxpayer.

The federal government is an evil gluttonous behemoth like it has never been in American history, and I place most of the blame for this suffocating clutch of tentacled anti-liberty at the exact moment women were given the right to vote. It was virtually inevitable that women, being the sex more concerned with security and stability and less enamored of freedom and risk, with the help of their alpha male co-conspirators and lickspittle beta male suckasses begging for a pussy handout, would vote in more government-as-daddy-and-husband-substitute, with the attendant confiscatory and redistributive taxes, regulations, and government intrusion that entails.

We are now reaping the girlwind.

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How Close Were We To A Meltdown?

According to insider masters of the universe economists, pretty fucking close:

What would be the dollar cost of not bailing out Wall Street? Try a number north of $30 trillion. (The awful math is detailed below.) That’s why Hank Paulson and Ben Bernanke were so scared last week. And, yes, I think “scared” isn’t too strong a word. You don’t think they convened an emergency nighttime meeting of congressional leaders and then walked out with something close to a blank check for a trillion bucks because they thought we were headed for an outright recession, even a fairly nasty one?

Nope, I think they believed, and got Congress to believe, that the economy was on the verge of something far worse than the worst downturn in a generation. And that is why they went with the so-called nuclear option: the biggest financial bailout in history. In the words of JPMorgan Chase economist James Glassman, “Thankfully, we and our friends around the world who are watching the economic lights come on will never know where events would have led, if the clock had not stopped [last] Thursday afternoon…. Last week’s events made the 1987 stock market crash look like child’s play.”

It’s looking more and more like we dodged an ICBM… for now.

The author argues that there were non-governmental pro-market solutions to the growing problem, but that the time to enact those solutions was last year, before the system reached critical mass:

But what would have been a smart, free-market plan in August 2007 or March of this year isn’t enough for right now. Just as government created the environment for the credit crisis, it failed to enact quick solutions. The situation has gone critical. It’s time for shock and awe.

And who is to blame for this clusterfuck? Many interwoven factors, but some really stand out as primary causes.

We intend to keep his money in an S&P 500 index fund, money markets, commodities, and foreign currencies. He plans to gamble a small percentage on short selling multinationals which operate in demographically shifting countries.

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Severing Risk And Reward

Mark Cuban had a good post on his blog regarding the financial sector meltdown and what to do about it:

If the government must step in and provide any sort of financing or guarantees for any part of a public company’s business, then all officers and directors lose all rights to severance pay and all outstanding vested or unvested options or warrants immediately become canceled. In the event the CEO of such corporation is not fired, but instead chooses to step down voluntarily, then the last 12 months of earnings is considered to be an interest free loan which the CEO must pay back over no more than a 10 year period.

Honestly, i dont think it would have changed the actions of CEOs who have been bailed out. They would have thought it “couldnt happen to them”. But once it happened a couple of times to a couple of big company CEOs, it would be in the decision making process of every CEO running a huge financial company.

Making it harder for executives to walk away with huge sums of money after deep-sixing their companies into the ground and fucking over the taxpayers who ultimately get stuck with the bill will mean they’ll be extra careful about taking absurd risks and ignoring market constraints (i.e. subprime loans). Properly incentivized CEOs will still take risks, but they’ll do it within the bounds of reality. It’s time for a return to the fundamentals — 20% down payment on big ticket items like houses.

Some would argue that turning CEO golden parachutes into lead zeppelins would restrict the market for available and talented CEOs. I agree with Mark Cuban that this is ridiculous. Potential CEOs don’t get into the business of running companies primarily for the money; they do it for the power.

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