T-Shirt Contest

A reader suggested I sell game-inspired T-shirts on my blog through an affiliate program with cafepress. I like it. Here are some ideas my reader had:

My ideas for the T-shirts would include personal favorite quotes from my posts, like these:

Nerd = Fat Woman
Hate is as natural as Love
Status Is Everything
Your sexual market value is overpriced.
Kitten at night, cougar in the morning.
I don’t give a shit what you do for a living.
Chick with dick = lawyer.
Celibacy = Metadeath.
Chicks dig power.
Guys dig beauty.
Marriage is a raw deal.

Or I could go hipster ironic:

I’m a beta.
I’m holding out for an alpha. (for da ladies)
I’ll be your provider beta. (for da guys)
I fall for game. (also for da ladies)
My dating market value is greater omega.
Cuckold me. It’s in your genes.

Etc.

The floor is open.

Update: Arjewtino recommended a T-shirt wording contest. Winner receives a free T-shirt and recognition in a blog post. Imagine the fame!

Read Full Post »

When It Is OK To Call A Woman Fat

Commenter and blogger Redacted had this to say from yesterday’s post:

Somewhat off topic, but never, ever neg someone with a reference to their weight. Not even a 10. A buddy of mine got kicked out of a club for saying, “Hey, haven’t you put on a pound or two,” to one of the hired guns.

I don’t disagree with this if we’re talking about women only. (Men can handle jabs about their spare tires.) Women are so incredibly sensitive to criticism of their weight (and for good sociobiological reason) that there aren’t too many scenarios in which you could manipulate their body image issues to your benefit without it blowing up in your face like an overstuffed burrito.

Sure, if a girl punches you in the nads, call her fat. If your estranged wife is cackling across the divorce lawyer’s mahogany table, casually mention she’s a shambling mound. If your sister ratted you out — she’s fair game.

But the most rewarding time to drop a fatty insult on a girl is with an ex. If you ever bump into an ex-girlfriend who had the gall to stop having sex with you, you can hit her with the fatty two by four. (Be sure to use subtlety when you swing the low blow. In-your-face won’t get under the skin as deeply.) I did exactly this with a Russian ex of mine.

Her: [looking skinny and spectacular] Hi, nice to see you!

Me: [looking momentarily stunned] Oh hey, hi.

Her: Wow, so how are you?

Me: Good. [scheming…] You look nice. Did you put on a little weight? It looks good on you.

Her: [jaw on floor] Um, noo… OK, well, I’ve got to go.

Was it petty? Yes. Did I have a smile on my face afterwards? Yes. Did I get hand? YES.

Read Full Post »

Why I Love Abortion

Lost in the culture war clamor and feminist breast-beating is the fact that abortion has been very, VERY good for men, especially alphas who play the field. Think about the upsides:

• Abortion is a handy dandy escape hatch for men.

Sure, men aren’t the ultimate judge, jury and executioner of the fetus; that is a special privilege afforded only women — for now. (I’d like to see men have the legal right to abort their financial responsibility for any unwanted pregnancies. In the interest of fairness, you see.) But men have the next best thing — an open invitation and legal sanction for women to do the dirty work and absolve them of 18 years of imprisonment. It’s a bit of a crapshoot to rely on a woman’s whim, but it’s leagues better than accidentally impregnating a woman and having zero recourse to rectify the situation.

Anyhow, as a man, if you fuck around a lot, you’ll thank your libertine god that abortion exists as a viable alternative to forced fatherhood. Pro-choice means pro-player.

• Abortion is eugenic.

In theory, at least. In practice, as it is utilized in present day America, it’s more or less neutral, as those who would most benefit society by cleansing their wombs of the next generation are still going on to have more kids than their betters. But once people accept that our genetic heritage accounts for much of who we are (and with the science advancing in that direction by leaps and bounds it’s just a matter of time), abortion will come to be seen as a convenient method for ensuring only the prime grade A progeny make it through the vaginal canal.

• Abortion is the cure for what ails ya.

With constantly improving embryonic screening techniques for genetic or physical abnormalities, our gloriously abortifacient new world offers women and the men who love them the opportunity to prevent the misery and suffering of the doomed. For what could be more cruel than knowingly bringing to life a soul trapped in a twisted body or a stunted mind, wracked with pain and shame and exposed to a lifetime of horrible torment as objects of his affection forever elude him, his heart never to pulse with requited romantic love. I have nothing but seething hatred for those parents who willingly allow the births of babies with torturous afflictions.

• Abortion will spur anti-aging research.

The trend is couples having children later in life. But biology doesn’t care about trendiness. A 32 year old mother has a higher chance of giving birth to Quasimodo than a 23 year old mother. That is a fact. But the good times of extended adolescence are here to stay (yay!) so the growing number of older couples wanting normal healthy children, in conjunction with the child-delaying tactics of the abortion industry, will energize anti-aging research enabling people to extend every phase of their lives. If all goes well, 40 year old women may be first time mothers while still looking — and feeling — like 20 year olds.

• Abortion keeps a woman’s body looking hot.

‘Nuff said.

Many pro-choice feminists reading this post outlining my reasons for extolling the virtues of abortion will instinctively recoil in horror, despite my agreeing with them in the abstract. They will do this because my reasoning is to the benefit of men and, secondarily, society. And feminists have no desire to see to the interests of men. Where they are busy trumpeting the “autonomy” of a woman’s body and holding up coat hangers in victory signs, I am taking their arguments to their logical conclusions. But hey, ladies, you cut a deal with the devil when you wrested the power of the grim reaper, and now you have to accept the afterbirth of that decision. You have, unwittingly, made life easier for guys like me.

When you dance with the devil, the devil don’t change…
he changes you.

Read Full Post »

Flip Cup Game

Is there any easier venue for meeting girls than the house party? No. Think about the advantages and short cuts the house party gives you:

1. No cold approaches, only “warm” approaches. You may have never met the girl before but at a house party that doesn’t matter. There’s an expectation that people will introduce themselves to other house party guests.
2. Convenient opener material. “So how do you know [host’s name]?” Simple. Also gives you instant higher status if you know the host but she doesn’t.
3. The girls are friendlier. Where a club or bar causes bitch shields to power up to maximum deflection, a house party softens frontline defenses. Think of the house party like a Davos diplomatic circle jerk and the bars like the trenches of WWI. Where would you rather be?
4. The girls are cooler. True fact. Remember the girls you met at clubs versus the girls you met at house parties. Who did you have more fun talking to?
5. Automatic social proof. You’re at a house party so you must have friends, ergo you’re normal and socially accepted. The girls’ fear of getting hit on by a weird loner omega is alleviated.
6. NO COCKBLOCK. Seriously, how often do you see blatant CB attempts at house parties? Flocks of girls tend to disperse in the comfortable confines of a home or apartment as opposed to the perimeter defense they enforce in the bars. You’re more likely to find the CB wandering off by herself and getting lost in the kitchen having shots with the other castaway cockblocks.

DOWNSIDE

The girls won’t be as hot. The upper attractiveness tier of chicks are more validation-addicted than the lower tiers. They aren’t going to waste their best years of attention whoring in house parties when they could command a much larger audience of suckups in the clubs. But if you don’t mind sacrificing 8s and 9s for boffing 7s with agreeable personalities, then you should focus on house parties.

Flip cup and other drinking games may be retarded but they’re staples of the house party and an excellent skill every player under the age of 24 should master. You’re in close contact with the girls “accidentally” brushing up against them, the girls are getting drunker by the second, and if you’re good you can demonstrate higher status by humiliating your male competitors and showing mercy when one of them looks like he’s about to puke. If you have a high tolerance for alcohol you’ll always be one sober step ahead of the girls. A good player knows to keep his wits about him when pussy is on the line.

advanced ping pong.

A guy at this party asked me to join this energetic flip cup game. I politely declined. At my age, I’m cultivating a suave James Bond (Connery, of course) identity for myself and flip cup doesn’t fit that image. I think the girls were impressed with my tumbler of whiskey.

Read Full Post »

Auto Mechanics Are Con Men

I dropped my car off at a Midas in a ritzy suburb of DC* to get an estimate for repairs. I left their shop the next afternoon having bitched them out in front of customers with no repairs done and a credit toward any future visits.

Here is the standard MO of the slimeball con man mechanic. If you are the recipient of this schtick, do not bring your car there.

– First, he’ll tell you how great your car is, to soften up your resistance. “That’s a good year for that car. They stopped making them like that a couple years ago. Fine vehicle. Solid engine. If I were you I’d do whatever it takes to keep her in top shape. She could go 300,000 miles.”

– Then he’ll try to sell you on repairs and upkeep you don’t need using parts jargon you’ve never heard. Oh, and all the parts come as a “unit” or in “pairs” so you’ll be spending double what you really need to spend. Watch out for phrases like “While we were looking for that brake problem you asked us to check, we came across…” and “We recommend a transmission, brake, and coolant flush.” In fact, if he uses the word “flush” a red flag should immediately go up. Suckers Customers, especially fad-of-the-day yuppies who extol the virtues of regular coffee and wheatgrass colonics, must be conditioned to believe a car needs a “flush” every 500 miles because they anthropomorphize their cars, like they do their tiny eunuch dogs.

– After you’ve turned down every one of his additional recommendations, he’ll begrudgingly agree to your basic repair request (you’ll actually hear the disappointment in his voice) but neglect to give you a quote if you don’t ask for it. ALWAYS ASK FOR A WRITTEN PRICE QUOTE. If you are speaking to him over the phone tell him to write his price quote down so that you can see it when you come to pick up your car. Without a price quote, you are guaranteed to pay more than what you anticipated.

– He neglects to ask if you want after market or OEM (original equipment manufacturer) parts used. If you don’t specify after market, expect to pay double for OEM since he will default to those parts. When you ask later why after market wasn’t used, he will tell you “those specific after market parts aren’t designed for your model car.” 99% of the time this won’t be true, so don’t believe him.

– Any haggling by the shop manager is an admission of guilt. Why would he haggle if his price wasn’t flexible from the start? Can you haggle for pants at Banana Republic? It’s weird that mechanics in the US operate like third world bazaars.

– If his eyes are close together on his head and he has pock marks, there is a higher than average chance he is a con man.

How you can protect yourself:

– If you feel like you’re being scammed, bitch the scumbag out with liberal use of “fuck” in all its glorious permutations. Start arguing in a mild-mannered way to lower his defenses and build to a curse-filled crescendo. Make sure to do this when other customers are in earshot. An irate customer fucking up shit for the boss in front of his underlings and the other customers (and future customers) puts a lot of pressure on him to concede and cut you a deal. Bonus points if children are present. Watch how fast he grabs his ankles.

– Wear dark-shaded sunglasses to make yourself look more intense and slightly crazy.

– Look all those parasites in the eyes. A liar will never be able to hold your gaze for longer than a couple seconds.

– Bring a PDA or iPhone and start furiously googling for parts and repair prices. Announce loudly for all to hear that you are going to “google and see what this really costs.” Hold your PDA high in the air when you say this. C.H.U.D.s cower before the power of the mighty google.

Top three sleaziest occupations: mechanic, used car salesman, personal injury lawyer. I’m seriously contemplating selling my car.

*I bet the bigger rip-off artists are in upper class neighborhoods. Rich yuppies who don’t know a thing about cars would throw money at the mechanic to fix the problem, chalking up the cost to normal “wear and tear”.

Read Full Post »

State Of Nature

I don’t think people realize just how much condoms and the pill have altered human sexual behavior. To prove this, let’s examine the sexual history of the average alpha male with a healthy sex drive:

10 partners per year.
approximately 1.5 copulations per day for ~545 copulations per year.
about 55 copulations per partner.

Now of course none of this matters in the era of contraception since the odds of him getting any of these girls accidentally pregnant is near zero, assuming he is strict in his adherence to protecting himself from baby blackmail and the girl is not lying about being on the pill. Most guys, especially alphas who have high risk temperaments, aren’t that self-disciplined and get sloppy once in a while and blast inside, so the chance of fertilization is a little higher than zero. It’s probably more like an elevated risk of conception for 1% of the yearly 545 copulations, or 6 copulations randomly distributed have a better than zero chance of turning into 18 years of living hell. Extrapolating outward 10 years, the average alpha male would wind up with one unwanted child. Abortion being the cure for what ails ya, even that unlikely scenario wouldn’t come to fruition.

What are the consequences in a pre-contraceptive world? Using the copulation numbers above and assuming the same high risk and sloppy behavior of the average alpha, a girl who didn’t have access to the pill or abortion and a guy who didn’t have regular access to a reliable condom (which was the case for most of human history) would run a much higher risk of accidental pregnancy. Let’s say he pulls out successfully 80% of the time and the remaining 20% of copulations he isn’t fast enough and a little of his juice spills inside her. Of that high risk 20% (109 copulatory events) 5% result in conception. That’s 5 unwanted pregnancies per year, folks, spread out over five different partners.

If you don’t think that massively transformed risk-reward structure would have any effect on human behavior you are living in a fantasyland. Pre-contraception, women were probably more chaste and permitted internal blasts primarily with provider betas they could be sure wouldn’t leave them in case of pregnancy. Men, for their part, were less likely to pump and dump in favor of winning over these chaste girls with displays of resources. Alpha males still scored better than average amounts of pussy, but the sexual playing field was more level. With abortion, the pill, and ribbed condoms women exercised their liberation from reproductive consequence by rewarding the caddish alpha males with more sex than they knew what to do with.

The pill has been the beta’s worst enemy.

I made a rough calculation in my head how many kids I would have if contraceptives didn’t exist. The number is sobering. At least 125 mini-mes would be roaming the plains of America, and France, today. Luckily, I only have to spend a few hours each year visiting my nieces and nephews, which is a level of commitment that suits me well.

Read Full Post »

My Advice To Women

It’s pretty clear what women want — a man with means, good genes, romantic swings, and daddy dreams.* When she finds him she’ll want marriage, home, and kids in a nice neighborhood. That is a woman’s formula for happiness in life. Since I am a giver and a humanitarian I offer the following advice to women to help them achieve happiness.

Don’t move to the big city

After college women move into the big cities on the coasts to find an alpha male husband because that is where the high status men concentrate. We have studies proving this. There are two problems with this strategy. One, there aren’t enough alpha males to marry all the women who want them. If you put all the alphas into a small bar there would be a rock concert sized throng of women outside bribing the doorman to let them in. The numbers just don’t add up. But since women will cling to their dream of snagging one of these guys many flush away their best years fucking around fruitlessly in the dating market and wind up alone at the cusp of hitting the wall.

Two, what few alphas there are won’t demand anything less than the hottest chicks they can afford. Since most women really aren’t that pretty they have no chance of getting an alpha male to commit, so they suffer the ignominy and emotional grind of getting pumped and dumped by men who play the pussy carousel.

My advice: If you are in the 85% of single women who aren’t an 8 or above don’t bother moving to the city. Stay in your small town and meet a man there. Trust me, I am saving you a lot of heartache and wasted years with this valuable advice. For the rest of you who are genuinely hot, moving to the city makes sense; your odds of marrying a Mr. Big there are better than average.

Don’t get a grad school degree

The more education women get, the more money they earn, and the higher their status rises. Because women “date up”, this has the unfortunate effect of shrinking their dating pool. The higher they climb the status ladder, the fewer men they will find above them suitable for marriage. Result: Women with advanced degrees have fewer children and stay single longer. Eventually, this trend will reverse as educated women contribute less of their genes to future generations, but my advice is for women who want happiness now.

If you are a smart girl it’s better to satisfy your intellectual cravings by reading books on your leisure time instead of getting your smarts credentialed by a university, like the way high class girls used to do in the past. Women who worry that without higher education they will be left financially strapped in a cold world should consider that men are more likely to provide for them if they feel their resources and support are needed. The male protector and provider instinct is a strong one when it is manipulated by a weaker woman.

Caveat: If you are an ugly woman, go to grad school. You’ll need the better job prospects.

Invest in cosmetic repair

Since we’re talking about how to maximize women’s happiness based on the formula Alpha Husband + Children + Home = Happy, the most efficient and effective way to achieve this is through surgical beauty enhancement. It makes more sense for a woman who ranks lower than a 7 to spend her money on cosmetic surgery that will immediately earn her the sexual attention of thousands more men than what she was used to, than to spend her money on shoes, clothes, and European vacations which do nothing to help her land a quality husband.

If you think this is superficial, it is. I have nothing to say to you except get your head out of the clouds.

Don’t run marathons

Marathon running must violate the first law of thermodynamics, because every woman I’ve met who has said she is training for a marathon was chubby. All that running around aimlessly for miles must put on weight. Note: Does not apply to women training for a triathlon. These women are universally fit and slender.

Don’t watch TV

TV has done more to bloat women’s expectations than anything else in American culture. In real life, Carrie Bradshaw is horsefaced and does not land a millionaire. Samantha is over the hill and infertile from being riddled with STDs. The bachelor on The Bachelor: London Calling fucks all 25 women and leaves them for an 18 year old stripper in Vegas. You’ll never find happiness if you think reality is a sassy TV show.

***

If I’ve made even one woman happier after reading this and following my advice, I’ll feel like I’ve saved a life. Sometimes I’m so generous with my heart it makes me weep with pride.

Bonus: My advice to men

You deserve a 10!

*It took me three hours to craft that poetry.

Read Full Post »