Hardest Challenges

What is challenging for one man may not be so difficult for another. A virgin might think that getting his first lay is the pinnacle of achievement, but to a singer in an indie band with excellent emoting skills getting laid is an afterthought. There are some challenges however that are difficult to accomplish for almost all men.

• Converting a lesbian

Not a bisexual girl. Those are a dime a dozen. I mean committed lesbians; the ones who have never been pierced by man love and know as much about cabinet resurfacing as Bob Vila. Turn a decent-looking scissor sister into a traitor to her orientation even for one night and you will have earned the respect of your peers. Bonus points if you pick her up at a Vagina Monologues show.

• Threesome

Yeah, it’s cliched, but that doesn’t change the fact that despite the braggadocio of countless pornstars in their own minds this accomplishment is pretty rare. If the average American man has seven lifetime partners it’s a safe bet that he didn’t blow the bulk of his lifetime wad on three nights with six different women. Pull a threesome and your name will echo throughout the realms. Film it and it will echo throughout YouPorn.

• Having sex with a religious girl in a place of worship

Sure, repressed Catholic girls will hike their skirts in the back seat of a car under the watchful eye of St. Christopher, but try and get her to renounce her chaste ways in an empty church pew or in the rectory while a six foot tall crucifix gives her the stink eye. Ditto for other religions. Ever bang a Jewish girl in a temple? A Buddhist in a monastery? Or… wait for it… a non-Americanized Muslim girl in a mosque? You do the last and manage to avoid decapitation your name will be legend and spoken of in hushed tones around campfires and at men’s retreats.

• Staying in love

Falling in love is nothing special. People do it all the time. Staying in love, and having it reciprocated just as strongly, is another trick altogether. Don’t listen to the rainbows and unicorns brigade; the world is not awash in a field of love consciousness. It is instead awash in fear, hatred, anger, jealousy, duplicity, lust, ego… and occasionally love. There is a reason so many people yearn for the life-giving power of requited love and that is because it is so rare. Stay in love with a girl who loves you back and you will secretly be hated by everyone. Kind of like lottery winners.

• Having sex with a girl who is already in love with another man

Why is this so hard? See above. As extraordinary as deep long-lasting love is, seducing a girl in such a state away from the object of her love for an illicit tryst is rarer still. Even the best players advocate learning to recognize the signs of a girl in love with her boyfriend and moving on to more pliable targets. A girl in love gives off a vibe that screams “I don’t even notice other guys”. Try and overcome *that* bitch shield. This is the Holy Grail of male challenges, and if you accept this challenge and succeed your name becomes a powerful symbol of evil in the world, scribbled in angry lettering on the back of notebooks by ostracized goth kids in high schools everywhere.

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Reality Check

I was walking with a friend down a city street here in the city and we took a running tally of all the cute girls we passed. We lost count. No sooner were we leering at admiring one hot chick when another one appeared and stole our attention. I wondered if this was how lions felt when there were too many prey animals to choose from on the veldt — overwhelmed to the point of inaction.

One of the routes I frequently take has tons of chicks.

 

That’s an average of 70 inspiring girls along this heavily-trafficed route. I rarely see repeats, except for the Pink Ladies loitering in front of Asylum. This route is probably the second best in city for day game, just behind Kansas.

As you can see, the center city is a magnet for girls who want to sit on the benches and pretend to type on laptops.

This heavy concentration of babes in parts of the city can lead a man to mistakenly believe the whole world is a playground of available women ripe for his charms. He may then conclude there is no hurry to approach any one girl since there’s always another one coming. Such a flawed perspective needs a reality check, so I’ve put together a handy chart that shows indisputably how few acceptable girls there are in an average day for a man to hit on.

Age of woman	# per 100 you’ll see walking around on any given Saturday in DC*	% 7s and Above	# of Acceptable Targets (rounded)	# of acceptable targets who will be single** at any given time
18	1	92	1	0
19	2	88	2	0
20	4	80	3	1
21	4	70	3	1
22	5	65	4	1
23	7	55	3	1
24	9	47	4	2
25	10	42	4	2
26	11	37	4	2
27	9	33	3	2
28	6	28	2	1
29	4	25	1	1
30	4	20	1	1
31	3	15	0	0
32	3	12	0	0
33	2	10	0	0
34	2	8	0	0
35	2	5	0	0
36	2	3	0	0
37	2	2	0	0
38	1	2	0	0
39	1	1	0	0
40	1	1	0	0
41	1	1/2	0	0
42	1	1/4	0	0
43	1	1/5	0	0
44	1	1/10	0	0
45	1	1/100	0	0
The Wall	Invisible	0	N/A	N/A
Totals	100		35	15

*Older women will tend to be found in Costco on a Saturday afternoon buying bulk Oreos for their kids.
**Restricted to girls who are open to meeting men. Women in the city between 28 and 35 are more likely to be single than women under 25.

From my chart, the pickings are slim. For every 100 women in a youth-oriented city that attracts good-looking girls from all over the country, you will be aroused by 35 of them, and have an outside shot at gratifying your arousal with only 15.

To put it in another perspective, since most men agree on what constitutes a 7 and above, you’re competing with 100 other guys for 15 vaginas. Do you have what it takes to be in the top 15%?

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Prostitutes Are Not Victims

Wow, this is the story that keeps on giving. A common refrain I heard a lot, mostly from women but some uptight men as well, was that Ashley the hot young whore was a victim of her circumstances. It was the fault of the patriarchy, or sex-obsessed men, or drugs, or divorce, or running away from home. She was never to blame for her choices. But now her life is being revealed for what it really was:

Ashley Alexandra Dupré, an alleged call girl known as “Kristen,” who helped bring down New York’s governor, writes of a past checkered with poverty and even homelessness.

It’s a tough image to reconcile with the wealthy surroundings of a childhood spent with her mother, older brother and stepfather, an oral surgeon.

The white brick home in an upscale development near the Jersey Shore, is bordered with manicured shrubs and a wide, curved driveway. Large brass letters spell “PEACE” above the polished, auburn wood door. A similar house next door, where one of Dupré’s close childhood friends still lives, is on the market for more than $1.5 million, according to its owner.

Yeah, sounds like “the street” destroyed her and caused her to turn to a life of whoring. So what pushed her over the edge?

She also mentioned being abused while growing up, saying it forced her to run away – a claim one family friend called ridiculous.

“She crashed up [her stepdad’s] Porsche and wanted another one, and he wouldn’t give it to her, so she left,” said the friend, who asked her name not be printed.

She should move to DC, she’d fit right in here with her well-developed entitlement attitude.

In the meantime, Spitzer’s 50 year old wife can’t believe her husband would bang a girl almost the same age as his daughter:

Silda Wall Spitzer was deeply shaken that her disgraced hubby repeatedly slept with a hooker only a few years older than their eldest daughter, a family friend told The Post.

“It was the age” of 22-year-old Jersey girl Ashley Alexandra Dupre that really got to Silda, the friend said.

This is evidence that even (especially?) the smartest women are in complete denial about men’s sexual desire. Or they are utterly ignorant of it. I blame this on our gender bender culture filling women’s heads with the wrong ideas about male-female psychological differences.

The truth about Ashley’s upbringing should embarrass the anti-prostitute crusaders who like to whip out the “every whore is a victim” sympathy card. The infantilizing of women by feminists was always a spurious debate tactic. Women like Ashley know exactly what they are doing. They are hot, young, entitled and slutty so getting paid huge sums of money for banging rich middle-aged guys doesn’t seem like such a bad deal to them. If I had a hot daughter I would impart my wisdom and tell her to make a killing as a stripper for a few years, invest her money, and then take it easy husband-shopping and starting a business selling handcrafted jewelry.

Prostitution should be legalized so I don’t have to waste time and money flying to Nevada when I want an acceptable piece of ass in my old age. Legal prostitution would also reduce the incidence of rape.

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Mandatory Paternity Testing Has Arrived

A reader sent me this link pointing to a pdf about two Tennessee Democrats introducing a bill to mandate paternity testing before the putative father’s name is entered on the birth certificate:

Regardless of the relationship between a child’s parents, a genetic test shall be administered as provided in § 24-7-112 to confirm the paternity of the child before a father shall be listed on the birth certificate. In order to provide genetic testing for those who are financially unable to pay for such testing in whole or in part, the department of human services shall be responsible for payment for testing for parties financially unable to pay, in whole or in part for the purpose of providing evidence of paternity. The requirements for financial inability to pay shall be established by the commissioner of human services. The commissioner shall take into consideration the family income, the number of dependents in the family, the probable total cost of testing and the other financial responsibilities of the family.

( ) If the results of the required paternity test have not been received, or if the results have been received and showed the purported father was not the biological father of the child, no name shall be entered as the father on the birth certificate until such name can be established by genetic test. In such cases, the certificate shall be amended to include the name of the child’s father upon receipt of the results of a genetic test establishing paternity.

This is sweet sweet music to all men’s ears and a long overdue blow for justice and the American Way. Unsurprisingly, the rearguard feminists are squealing like stuck pigs:

It’s an adventure to live in a state in which so many of our legislators come from the perspective of assuming that all women are liars and all men are idiots and if the state doesn’t step in to protect said men, we’d just be out fuckity-fuck-fuck-fucking whosoever we could get our vaginas around and ruining their lives.

Tell it to this guy.

Their opposition to such a common sensical bill, if it were to pass and become law, is understandable once you realize that feminism is not about gender equality but about gender power. We all want a leg up in the genetic race to procreate, and for women the prerogative to fuck around with an alpha under any and all circumstances and have his kid while duping the beta husband or boyfriend to foot the bill for raising it is one they will not surrender without a fight. The discretion to cuckold goes straight to the core of a woman’s sexuality, so a law created to impede that powerful urge will be resisted — and probably resisted harder when she is ovulating.

Widely utilized DNA-based paternity testing — like the Pill and condom before it — will radically alter the sexual landscape. When a husband is legally permitted to walk away from a marriage and any financial responsibility for a bastard child, habits will change. I predict that women will have slightly fewer affairs than they do now, but that the real change will be their diligent use of contraceptives when they do decide to have affairs. I also predict that marriage rates will fall even farther as women think extra hard about marrying those borderline betas whose seed will monopolize their wombs.

On the flip side, those 20% of alpha males who tempt women to affairs and one night stands will be a lot more careful about rawdogging it.

Many women will say that mandatory paternity testing, like pre-nups, undermines love and marriage because it assumes that women can’t be trusted. In the words of the Great One: Trust but verify. The cold facts of human nature assures that no one is immune to vice or a vessel for virtue — we all are at risk of doing things that violate our principles. In the scheme of vices, adulterous women are a far more serious threat to family stability and social cohesion than are adulterous men. This is a double standard, deal with it. No one said life was fair. A guy can fuck around and leave nothing behind but a stain on the ceiling bedsheet; a girl can fuck around and saddle her husband with a kid that’s not his.

I bet Hillary would be against this bill. Someone should ask her.

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Male Birth Control Pill

Also known as the brozenge.*

Here it cums!** Well, almost. If it does happen, here are my predictions:

Market Penetration – deep and wide.

Condoms are everywhere. So will be the male pill. Except for the CVS in my hood where they will be locked behind bullet proof glass and only accessible via an embarrassing request to the pharmacist, an East Indian middle-aged woman who will glower at you with the stink-eye as cute shoppers stand nearby and suppress giggles while they scan you up and down wondering if your package really is as massive as the magnums you just bought and extrapolating the quality of girl you are banging based on the swagger with which you make your request. Be sure to throw them a sly smile as you grab the box. They’re curious. You know they’re curious. They know you know they’re curious. Game on.***

Firmness of Adoption – vertical prominance.

Not only will many men avail themselves of the brozenge, they will also be repeat customers to the exclusion of all other contraceptive methods. Fact: condoms suck. A latex sheath is a total pleasure killjoy. The female pill is far superior to condoms but no man should ever trust his health, freedom, and reproductive rights to a woman’s whims. The male pill solves this problem. I’m avidly pro-choice.

Cultural Eruption – premature idiocracy.

The male pill will accelerate already ominous demographic trends. Stupid men, just like stupid women, will be less than diligent taking the pill to prevent pregnancy. With two kinds of pills, irresponsibility on the left side of the bell curve is twice as likely because one partner will assume the other partner is taking the necessary precautions and thus find a reason to slack off. “I thought you were on it!” “But I thought YOU were on it!!” Condom sales plummet. End result: a massive dumbing down of America. Say goodbye to bridges that don’t collapse.

In a male pill future, three types of men will contribute to subsequent generations.

1. Feminine men. The kind of guy who WANTS children is more feminine than the average guy who’d rather be poolside. Even betas prefer sex to childrearing, so there will be a natural selection for children born to womanly uberbeta fathers. Their future boys will play house with Barbies and jerk off to soft-focus, plot-driven porn.
2. Wealthy super alphas. At the very top there will be those men who don’t mind impregnating their wives, the wives of the uberbetas, and their mistresses because they can afford to dump the responsibility of raising them on an army of imported nannies. Their ability to live for fun won’t be compromised. The super alphas’ daughters will go on to become ballcutting lawyers who sue for laws that emasculate the sons of the betas even more.
3. Dumbasses. Lots and lots of dumbasses. See above.

Expect a future of sex that feels good, societal disintegration, and cognitive stratification as the very smartest shield their 1.2 kids in gated communities and prep schools from the mass of semi-retarded kids born to the losers falling further behind.

*trademarked, bitches.

**Oxford English Dictionary approved spelling. Pip pip.

***condom game is highly underrated.

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Buy Low, Sell High

I had this friend who was a money-chasing alpha in the financial sector. He kept a framed crisp dollar bill and a magazine photo of a random hot blonde hung side by side on the wall in his room. If you asked him why, he’d say, pointing to the girl and then the dollar, “She’s there to remind me why I’m working 15 hour days earning THAT.”

He viewed life like it was a giant business transaction, which means he was closer to the truth than all of history’s great philosophers. He’d usually start off making a point by saying:

“I’ve been in the business 5 YEARS and lemme tell you…”

Ocassionally he was in the business 10 years, but when he got on a roll he was too funny to correct.

In his view, love was the same as stocks; you bought low when she was still young and more interested in you than 401Ks, held on while her stock (firm ass) continued to pay good dividends, and sold high when her P/E ratio began to droop and you could afford to diversify in high risk international stocks and start-ups.

“You gotta remember to allocate your resources! Don’t invest everything in one pussy.”

Whenever conversation got around to cars, he would always give us this dire warning: “Don’t buy a new car, it’s a depreciating asset!”

“Depreciating asset!” “Depreciating asset!”

Then his former friend-turned-cutthroat-enemy coworker bought a new BMW and one month later he was pulling out of the dealership in a brand new SUV, telling us he could blow red lights now because he got the optional invisibility package.

His idea of romance was to buy one giant scented candle and put it on a cutting board in the middle of the living room.

“I got some candles for the ladies.”

Money, girls, work, status, beer funnels.

I don’t think I’ve met a happier person than him.

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Grabbing 2008 By The Zeroes

1. Shun losers. They will magnify your worst personality traits.

2. Acknowledge your strengths AND weaknesses. Improve those things about yourself which will benefit most from your efforts and avoid squandering your energy trying to attain minimal competence in areas you are naturally weak.

3. Dispel negativity. Always picture yourself at the top of the mountain looking down than in the valley looking up.

4. Don’t defend your limitations. Your ego can as easily hold you back as propel you forward.

5. Jettison politics from your personal life. Jawing about political ideology is worse than useless — it’s a time suck and a trick played by your status-seeking reptilian hindbrain on your frontal lobes that does nothing to bring you more happiness OR status. Your vote really won’t matter. Don’t believe me? When was the last time a significant election was decided by one vote?

6. It’s OK to hate. Like greed, it clarifies.

7. When in doubt, affect a pose of indifference.

8. Live by a fluid code of ethics. There will be those times when acting unethically will be personally advantageous and relatively consequence-free. In these cases the guilt won’t last more than five minutes.

9. Fuck resolutions. They are for people who couldn’t get their shit together the previous 365 days.

10. You are not a special little snowflake, but you should act like you are. If people are going to form impressions of you it’s better they make false positive ones than true negative ones.

11. Stop living your life as if karma will reward you for your goodness and smite your enemies for their badness. A mystical moral payback system does not exist. See: Chairman Mao.

12. If you are a guy with options, don’t get married. It is a raw deal. If you do get married, and the inevitable shittiness of it reveals itself to you in phony headaches, mundane monogamy, domesticated servitude, escalating expectations, and divorce theft, don’t say I didn’t warn you.

13. There is no such thing as unconditional love. If a girl gains 50 pounds her boyfriend will fall out of love with her. If a guy loses his job and drifts into months of unemployed depression his girlfriend will fall out of love with him. Thinking clearly on this will give you the best chance to find real love.

14. Never compromise on love. It is the only thing in this world that isn’t bullshit.

15. Many of you will think #14 contradicts #13. You would be wrong.

16. The next time you think girls are sugar and spice and everything nice, just remember… they like to be choked.

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