Grabbing 2008 By The Zeroes

1. Shun losers. They will magnify your worst personality traits.

2. Acknowledge your strengths AND weaknesses. Improve those things about yourself which will benefit most from your efforts and avoid squandering your energy trying to attain minimal competence in areas you are naturally weak.

3. Dispel negativity. Always picture yourself at the top of the mountain looking down than in the valley looking up.

4. Don’t defend your limitations. Your ego can as easily hold you back as propel you forward.

5. Jettison politics from your personal life. Jawing about political ideology is worse than useless — it’s a time suck and a trick played by your status-seeking reptilian hindbrain on your frontal lobes that does nothing to bring you more happiness OR status. Your vote really won’t matter. Don’t believe me? When was the last time a significant election was decided by one vote?

6. It’s OK to hate. Like greed, it clarifies.

7. When in doubt, affect a pose of indifference.

8. Live by a fluid code of ethics. There will be those times when acting unethically will be personally advantageous and relatively consequence-free. In these cases the guilt won’t last more than five minutes.

9. Fuck resolutions. They are for people who couldn’t get their shit together the previous 365 days.

10. You are not a special little snowflake, but you should act like you are. If people are going to form impressions of you it’s better they make false positive ones than true negative ones.

11. Stop living your life as if karma will reward you for your goodness and smite your enemies for their badness. A mystical moral payback system does not exist. See: Chairman Mao.

12. If you are a guy with options, don’t get married. It is a raw deal. If you do get married, and the inevitable shittiness of it reveals itself to you in phony headaches, mundane monogamy, domesticated servitude, escalating expectations, and divorce theft, don’t say I didn’t warn you.

13. There is no such thing as unconditional love. If a girl gains 50 pounds her boyfriend will fall out of love with her. If a guy loses his job and drifts into months of unemployed depression his girlfriend will fall out of love with him. Thinking clearly on this will give you the best chance to find real love.

14. Never compromise on love. It is the only thing in this world that isn’t bullshit.

15. Many of you will think #14 contradicts #13. You would be wrong.

16. The next time you think girls are sugar and spice and everything nice, just remember… they like to be choked.

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The Best Reason to Leave Your Comfort Zone

It slows down time.

[W]arping of time apparently does not result from the brain speeding up from adrenaline when in danger. Instead, this feeling seems to be an illusion, scientists now find.

We feel time moving slower when we are in danger or experiencing novel stimuli because of a trick played by the brain’s memory centers.

Instead, such time warping seems to be a trick played by one’s memory. When a person is scared, a brain area called the amygdala becomes more active, laying down an extra set of memories that go along with those normally taken care of by other parts of the brain.

“In this way, frightening events are associated with richer and denser memories,” Eagleman explained. “And the more memory you have of an event, the longer you believe it took.”

Eagleman added this illusion “is related to the phenomenon that time seems to speed up as you grow older. When you’re a child, you lay down rich memories for all your experiences; when you’re older, you’ve seen it all before and lay down fewer memories. Therefore, when a child looks back at the end of a summer, it seems to have lasted forever; adults think it zoomed by.”

I have very distinct memories of sitting in my ninth grade German class watching the second hand on the big white clock over the chalkboard tick by endlessly on its countdown to the 3 PM closing bell. Those last three seconds seemed to hang on for an eternity. Today I can sit at my desk, look at the computer clock, look at it again, and be amazed (and depressed) that an hour flew by. According to this study, I perceive time moving faster than it used to because I am no longer getting enough new experiences in my life like I did as a child. To remedy this I will actively pursue harrowing and stimulating adventures, like bungee jumping, worldwide travel, and multitudes of women.

Multitudes of women.  And traveling to unique locales.

Whoever thought that gaming girls in foreign countries could actually lengthen your lifespan? Science says it is so.

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Formative Years

This story from my past is reproduced in its entirety from an email exchange I had recently with someone.  Originally intended to be private, we both thought it should be flung across the worldwideweb for the glimpse it gives into what made me the lover of myself thousands I am today.

***

when i was a young teen my parents, in a paroxysm of disciplinary fervor, enrolled me in a church youth group.  i spent the time with my fellow morally upstanding youth groupers trying to get into the pants of the hotter christian girls, only to be rebuffed by their closed leg policy.  finally, i cracked the austere exterior of a sweet pretty young thing during a bbq on church grounds with some help from a flask of jack&coke i had hidden in my jeans.  tragically, we had nowhere to hide from prying eyes or the lord above to grope kiss and fondle.  there were woods about a half mile away but people would look for us in a panic after a while.  finally, we absconded to the only place which at that moment was completely shrouded in privacy — the church rectory.
well, we *assumed* it was private.

as we were making out in the hallway with my body pressing hers against the wall desecrating all that is holy, careful to do it away from the watchful eye of a nearby wooden crucifix, we heard a toilet flush and then the head priest walked in on us with my hand firmly wedged down the front of the tight jeans of mi amour.  i struggled to pull my hand out as the priest gasped for words and turned red-faced, but like chinese fingercuffs my struggling only pushed my hand in farther.  a wave of anxiety swept over me as i imagined i would be marched out in a perp walk before the scandalized flock, my girl and me intertwined like siamese sex fiends in such a romantically touching way.  finally, with the help of proper breathing technique and my double-jointedness, i extricated my hand, by now smelling of raw sexuality, and the girl began crying.  i contemplated making a run for it but instead stood like a statue as the priest’s admonitions buzzed like ocean surf in my ears.
i quit the youth group the next day with no resistance from my parents.  word of my exploits traveled the lands far and wide.

***

yours in the light of the lamb,

poon h. christ

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This Blog In Song

You should have listened to what mama said
And walked away with someone else instead
You should have listened to what grandma said
And married someone more like Fred

You should have listened to your inner voice
While you had time and still a choice
You should have reached for the emergency brake
Before it was too late

[Chorus]
You see the clever girl looks for a clever boy
To another extent than the clever boy
Will ever look for a mate
Who goes to round-table debates
And runs a little bit late
When she does work for the state

You see the clever girls look for the clever boys
And then the clever boys seem to have a different choice
They want a good-looking chick
That likes to blow them away
Someone who laughs at all the
Funny little things they say

I have a friend who’s in this MENSA club
He has no trouble to admit
He wants a woman with ambitions
That go as far as raising kids

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Condomless Game

I think the Bedouin lifestyle is for me.

With eight wives and 67 children, Shahadeh Abu Arrar has given new meaning to the term “family man.”

Abu is 58 years old.  Suffice to say, if his wives are still pumping out children this prodigiously, they are considerably younger than him.  67 children is what happens to a player who decides to forego condoms.

“There are many women who wish to marry me and there is no lack of women. I never had a problem with such things.”

Natural.  He was probably learning indirect game when his fellow five-year-olds were building cardboard forts to keep out the girls.

Four veiled women, including two who said they were his wives, sat on the porch peeling vegetables.

It’s only the betas who don’t understand the concept of sexual division of labor and the proper roles for man and woman that will bring them happiness.  Men who do well with women have a keen grasp of basic human nature.  I read a study which showed that the most sensitive, new-agey pro-feminist men had the least sex partners while the neanderthal, sexist anti-feminist men had the most.  And the most radical feminist chicks had way more sexual partners than their traditional anti-feminist sisters.  Man-hating Take Back The Night chicks banging it out with the male chauvinist pigs.  Sweet sweet irony.

Weepy pro-feminism Anita Hill-supporting emo men take note:  Your spineless mr. mom posturing will not get you laid.

It’s interesting how in those Mormom polygamous families the husband is the sole breadwinner and all the wives are milling about their wing of the house doing domestic chores and watching the kids.  None of these women seem to feel bad that the’ve missed out on the career track.  Or that they’re sharing an alpha male.

It’s unclear how Abu Arrar supports his massive family. Camels, goats and a cow were grazing on his property. Yediot said he also receives about $1,700 in government handouts each month.

Total player.  Lives on welfare and sponges off the work of his multiple younger wives who don’t demand that he wear a condom.  The system can be beat.  If all men knew this society would collapse.

“My first wife is my age, and today I hardly spend any time with her. Her children are big, and I leave her alone. I have younger wives to spend time with. Every night I decide which wife to be with,” Abu Arrar told the newspaper.

Lol.  There’s nothing like trading up and letting the older models rust on the front lawn.

Activists said Abu Arrar’s story showed the urgency of raising literacy and education among Bedouin women. Many are pressured into marriage or feel they have no other options beside raising children

Moral of the story:  Don’t educate women. 

Polygamy — a great life.  Those seven guys who didn’t get a wife don’t know what they’re talking about.

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This Is Your Life

Common American Man, this is how your life will unfold.  You will start with dreams, big dreams.  You will believe you are ordained for exceptionalism.  You will reluctantly abandon your dreams as the years pass and reality inexorably descends upon you like a choking shroud of grit.  That reality looks like this —

You will get older, uglier, and fatter with each year.  Soon you will notice young women no longer take your flirtations seriously.  Your sloth and social detachment will worsen until people don’t even bother to be polite around you.  You will gradually lower your standards in what you want in a girl until desperation pushes you to marry a dumpy oinker well past her prime.  You will rut with her once a week, then once a month, then holidays only.  You will relieve yourself drearily masturbating in the middle of the night by the cold flickering light of your computer monitor while that bloated seacow who doesn’t give a shit for your desires snores in the bed you can no longer get a good night’s sleep in.  Your one shred of solace will come from knowing your depreciating asset (AKA wife) will have as few options as you do virtually guaranteeing lifelong fidelity.  Eventually you will have a couple of ungrateful snotty kids and your free time and discretionary cash will be completely obliterated.  You will squander whatever morsels of opportunity come your way as you settle into an achingly dull job paying the median wage dutifully punching the clock as a faceless cog in the corporate machine greasing the soul-soaked gears of the global marketplace with your bitter bloody tears.  You will silently mourn your impotent, shriveled manhood as the established order extracts the last penny of tribute from your broken spirit.  You will numb the pain with alcohol, untold hours vegging in front of the TV, and leveling your character in World of Warcraft.  Hours, days, months, years will slip away.  Then, one lonely quiet cloudy day sitting in your well-worn easy chair, you’ll contemplate the arc of your life.  And you’ll feel the gnawing grip of emptiness as the crushing weight of what a barren nothingness your existence proved to be presses down on you.  Barely comprehending, you’ll shudder.  And then, finally, the Grim Reaper will steal your last breath and you will disappear from the world as if you had never been here and when they bury you no one will really notice and no one will really care because in your whole life you never never never, not even once, stepped off the hamster wheel and did anything courageous or interesting or different.

And it will be too late when you realize that the chains clasped to your ankles and wrists were unlocked all along and you were always free to go.

~Fin~ 

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mood music

you’ve got her back at your place.  light dimmer pre-adjusted before you left for the night to

loooooooooooooow.  (you’re a good boy scout.  always prepared.)

bowl of chocolate covered strawberries on the coffee table.  you hand her some matches and ask her to help you light the candles.

(good job, son!  you know doing little things together increases her investment in you.  now she’s less likely to put up last minute resistance.)

you tell her to make herself comfortable.  you slip in a CD.  keep that volume at lubrication level, cowboy!  right around 3 is perfect.

it’s your go-to album for these extra special moments.  the first melodic frequencies reach out from the speakers and slowly unbotton her jeans.  oh yeah, nothing sets the sexy mood quite like this:

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