Arnold, Steroids And Mud Sharks

It’s an open secret that Arnold used steroids throughout his bodybuilding career, and probably uses them today (either as part of an anti-aging program, or to buff up for a film, like he did for T3.) If he was on a cycle when he banged that ugly housemaid of his, that would explain a lot.

I’ve talked with the really hyooge roided up guys in the gym about going on cycle, and they’ve told me that on steroids they’re indiscriminately horny all day long. “I’d stick my dick in a dog’s anus if pussy wasn’t around,” is how one dude colorfully put it.

Arnold is a high status alpha male. Why he would bang, and impregnate!, an ugly broad seemingly makes no sense. But a little analysis helps the picture become clearer. As I explained in a previous post addressing this specific subject, most alpha males are cheating with hot, younger mistresses. We remember the ones, like Hugh Grant, who hook up with fuglies because they are the exceptions to the common rule. But there are other reasons why a guy like Arnold might cheat with a woman so far below him in sexual market value it may as well be an interspecies mating.

One, convenience. A busy man might just grab the nearest pussy available. Alpha males can be lazy about chasing women for sex, particularly if they have a de facto harem already at their disposal to clean the princely penis. Two, and in my opinion the more parsimonious explanation — Arnold was roided up to the gills when his boner pointed in the direction of Mamacita Starch Bomb.

Testosterone is the infidelity and ambition hormone, but it comes with a dark side: too much can cloud a man’s perception and good judgement. A guy on roids might be so climb-the-walls horny that a dumpy, unattractive maid bending over to scrub the floors could look irresistible in the moment. This would also explain the pregnancy; a very horny man needs to get off NOW, and condoms just don’t enter the equation in the heat of passionate release.

Arnold also has a thing for Latinas (and asses and carrots), so maybe his gross maid represented the closest facsimile to his true desire that he could find within his WASPy, stiff-hipped social milieu.

This could help to answer the question why all men don’t continually evolve to have higher and higher testosterone levels. Perhaps because of its ability to impair judgement, testosterone could be subject to runaway selection, where the advantage of being incredibly motivated to fight and fuck everything in sight is nullified by the disadvantage of losing fights and banging low quality women.

And let’s face it, it’s not for nothing that the most advanced civilizations are filled with men who have more discriminating tastes in women.

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May 21st Is National Pimp Walk Day

The gay men and fat ugly goths sluts are out in force and want the safe, cocooned and civilized world to know that they should bear no responsibility for their own well-being at all.

An international series of protests known as SlutWalks, sparked by a Toronto police officer’s flippant comment that women should avoid dressing like “sluts” to avoid being raped or victimized, is taking root in the United States. […]

“It was taking the blame off the rapist and on the victim,” said Nicole Sullivan, 21, a student at the University of Massachusetts-Boston and an organizer of the SlutWalk planned Saturday in that city. “So we are using these efforts to reclaim the word ‘slut.'”

In addition to Boston, marches are planned in cities including Seattle, Chicago, Philadelphia, Reno, Nevada, and Austin, Texas.

“The event is in protest of a culture that we think is too permissive when it comes to rape and sexual assault,” said Siobhan Connors, 20, of Lynn, Massachusetts, another Boston organizer. “It’s to bring awareness to the shame and degradation women still face for expressing their sexuality … essentially for behaving in a healthy and sexual way.”

There’s nothing like a good, old-fashioned reclamation project. Of course, such a project is tacitly admitting that the thing you are reclaiming is a dung heap.

I find that you can know a lot about why people profess to believe what they do by looking at them.

Maybe they should rename it the Moob Walk?

These are very ugly, gender inspecific people who are loving the opportunity to express their sexuality free from the rejection they typically get everywhere that isn’t headlined a slut walk. It’s a “Hey, look at me! I’m a sexual being, too, underneath this fifty pounds of blubber and black eyeliner. Rapists are bad BAD people who want to ravish me in my skimpy muffin top support jeans. Oh god, I came.”

I’ve previously ripped this idiotic slut walk argument to shreds, so there’s no need to repeat that here. Instead, let’s hoist a shimmering bejeweled cane in honor of the mischievous rascals who are party crashing these slut walks with their own version called the Pimp Walk.

The Boston SlutWalk group has had to delete several “inappropriate comments” about women and faced criticism from a group that promised to organize a counter “Pimp Walk” in Boston, Connors said.

“We think it was put there as a joke, but it’s disturbing that a number of young people still feel that way,” said Connors, referring to sexist comments left on the page.

Pages dedicated to other cities’ SlutWalks also deleted inappropriate comments.

Well done, lads. But why stop at Facebook postings? Let’s make it official.

The Chateau hereby announces May 21st, the year of our Lord 2011, National Pimp Walk Day.

Spread (heh) the word. Link this blog post to as many internet outlets as you can find, from Yahoo to Jizzabel. Let’s get these hairy, heavy balls rolling. Remind the ladies what they really need and crave… a swaggering pimp not putting up with her shit.

Let’s show these wannabe whores the end of the rainbow… with a strong pimp hand. On May 21st, dress like a pimp and strut like your giant balls are pushing your legs apart. Go to work with a cane and gaudy hat. Peacock a bit. Be the subversive pimp daddy your harem demands of you. Stick a fat middle finger in the bloated faces of feminists and human resources departments everywhere. Show the good liberal world what a real man thinks of them.

The Pimp Walk mascot:

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What Betas Can Learn From Women’s Rape Fantasies

In this post, it was revealed that a lot of women, the majority in fact, have erotic, and *sincere*, rape fantasies. Despite the claim made by feminists that fantasy is wholly different and disconnected from reality — an empty assertion easily explained by feminists’ need to handwave away any disturbing look into the female psyche — the more truthful explanation is that fantasy is a reflection of reality and hints at some deep, immutable desire. If feminists are correct that fantasy is different from reality, we would hear of women fantasizing about tender lovemaking with cubicle-dwelling beta herbs. But that is not the case.

The scientific evidence presents soul-shaking implications: many women harbor a secret desire to experience rape under the right conditions. What those specific conditions are will vary from woman to woman, (typically, an alpha male is involved), but the fundamental act of rape itself — nonconsensual and forceful — appears to be a turn-on for the majority of women. As the study showed, in their rape fantasies women were really refusing the man sex. It was not a token no. That was the basis for the fantasy. The pleasure comes from being overwhelmed by a man who pushes his way past her nonconsensuality. I know, it’s hard to believe, but there it is.

Women don’t like to admit to this little factoid about the inner workings of their ids, because they worry that the dissemination of such knowledge would hinder the prime directive to extract as much princessifying pedestalization from awed men as they can manage. Just as relevant: most women aren’t even consciously aware, nor do they spend much time thinking about, what exactly it is that motivates their sexual desire. They prefer, instead, to swaddle themselves in a cloak of pretty lies, for the best deceptions begin with self-deception.

Rape fantasies provide a shocking look into the craggiest crevices of women’s brains and what they truly desire when it’s just them and their private thoughts. What does this mean for the average well-meaning beta male, (who let it be known comprises the majority of male-dom)? Well, for one, perhaps a lot more betas would do better with women if they were more assertive about physically pushing for sex.

Before the IQ-compromised cunt-brigade and their thimble-phallused uptight white knighters storm in to shriek like menstruating banshees, it should be obvious to any person reading in good faith that being more assertive about physically pushing for sex does not mean rape. It is possible to push for sex, physically or otherwise, without crossing any non-consensual lines. Anyone who’s lived a day in his or her life knows that seductive escalation of the kind that women love will often blur the distinction between formal consent (sign here, here and here to proceed further down my panty line) and wary surrender (no, no, noooo…. yeeeeees).

Rape fantasies tell us that women want to surrender sexually to a man of tenacious and powerful will. Women crave the feeling of “being taken”, and no cautious beta asking politely if he may peer down her blouse or apologizing when she coyly reprimands him for sliding his hand under her bra during a make-out is going to hit that “being taken” button.

There are two ways to fuck up the fuck close: you can seem too eager, or you can seem too tentative. Most men, despite what women’s studies dyke professors tell you, fall into the latter category. They don’t push for sex early enough, or forcefully enough. Any token resistance by the girl is immediately capitulated to, and any move to up the ante is a humiliating exercise in trepidation and apologia.

In sum, the problem betas have is that they TAKE WOMEN’S SYMBOLIC RESISTANCE AT FACE VALUE.

Of course that is going to be a tingle killer.

Instead, betas need to do more of these:

– going for the kiss unannounced.

– issuing bedroom commands.

– never waiting for obvious signals.

– always escalating (but remember: two steps forward, one step back) to more nudity, more touching, and more erotic touching.

– not taking the first “no” for an answer. (Wait until the fifth or sixth “no”, and only then if the “no” is uttered with an unmistakeable tone of genuine recalcitrance.)

– moving seemlessly from bar to bedroom.

– never apologizing for miscues or misreadings of her acquiescence.

– initiating sex in unlikely places.

– getting comfortable with spanking, hair pulling and gentle neck choking.

– reappraising their date evaluation process so that a fingerbang rather than a peck on the cheek becomes the marker of a successful first date ending with a girl who didn’t want to go all the way right away.

– putting it in without the condom. (As Roosh has correctly noted, most women nowadays are more than willing to raw dog a new man after two dates. Likely this has to do with the emerging scientific evidence that absorbed semen boosts a girl’s mood.)

***

This is just a partial list. There are many more overly-cautious missteps that gelded betas commit which sabotage the trajectory of their stillborn seductions.

Now some of you may be asking, “Hey, what about that line Mystery advocated using? The one that goes ‘Would you like to kiss me?’, and if she says no you are supposed to reply ‘I didn’t say you *could*… you just had that look on your face.’ Isn’t that in contradiction to what you wrote above?”

It’s a clever little routine, and will probably work in most situations, but I have found through experience that it’s totally unnecessary. If you are winning a girl over with your game, you can silently go for the kiss without any warm-up or witty fanfare. I have rarely had a girl refuse a bold, unspoken kiss move.

Some others may then ask “What if she turns and gives me the cheek?”

Hey, it’s been known to happen, usually to guys who sloppily telegraphed their horniness, and thus their lower value. If you get her cheek, simply IGNORE IT. Proceed as if nothing happened, and reengage for the kiss later in the date. Under no circumstance should you acknowledge her cheek turn. Do not ironically mutter “Aww, shucks”, or make light of it with a flippant “That was awkward”, or crudely laugh it off with a “So that’s how it’s gonna be?”. Just move on like you hadn’t even tried to kiss her.

Any acknowledgement by you of her coyness, whether she delivers it in cheek turn form or some other false modesty-amplifying manifestation, will be received by her id central command as evidence that she is higher value than you. That is a side effect of female coyness, besides its primary function as a signal of purity.

Maxim #99: Female coyness is a purity signaler as well as an ego-boosting mechanism designed to reaffirm a woman’s sexual market value at the expense of lowering the man’s sexual market value.

Corollary to Maxim #99: Female coyness serves a secondary benefit as an anti-game strategy to make a high value man seem more attainable to a lower value woman, or to offer low value women plausible deniability for failing to attract the interest of high value men.

Letting her know that her coyness affected you is a major surrender of dating hand. Once a girl has successfully thwarted a kiss or sex attempt, and more importantly gotten recognition of her thwarting from you, she has hand. She starts to think that you are not worth her company, or she silently muses that she can do better, because you want it more than she does.

You do not want a girl to have hand if sex within this century is your goal. One of the golden rules of seduction is that half of the battle of bedding hot girls (hot is the operative word here) is lowering their value, and, yes, their self-esteem, below yours.

Maxim #100: The urgency and strength of a woman’s desire for a man is directly proportional to the degree to which he is perceived higher in value than her.

If you absolutely must say something after getting a cheek turn, there is one line you can say to a girl which works well:

“Aw, how cute. It’s like we’re twelve-years-old again.”

The beauty of this line is in the subtext: you are insinuating she is not sophisticated enough to handle her out-of-control emotions around you. Also, by using the word “we’re” instead of “you’re”, you avoid sounding accusatory. Girls like it when you pretend to non-judgementalism.

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A Bedroom Finishing Move

A lot of game material focuses on early game (attraction) and mid-game (trust), but comparatively little attention is paid to end-game (seduction). This is the phase of game where the girl has nearly convinced herself to sleep with you but needs you to pass one or two last-ditch, critical alpha tests before she can will herself to sex. It is at this stage that many men fuck up royally, activating her anti-slut defense because they sped up within sight of the finish line and pushed too hard, or they disappointed her by resting on their laurels like an asexual lump and pushed too little.

Blowing it during end-game is the worst, because you have invested the most at that point. You’ve taken her on a date or two, you’ve held long conversations with her, and you’ve plotted and strategized — imagine the frustration to have her within ejaculating distance of your bed only to see sex vanish with a poof as she grabs her purse and tells you what a nice time she had.

There are tactics for overcoming last minute resistance — take-aways, freeze-outs, preemptive coyness, preselection bachelor pad props — and all of them are good, but one very powerful bedroom finishing move often goes underappreciated:

Choreographed sexual leading.

Reader Dirk gave a good example of sexual leading:

My policy that chicks have to be naked to get into my bedroom has all sorts of benefits. Psychologically, it’s a take-away to tell a girl she can’t go in the bedroom, and I’ve had amateurs over for the first time immediately strip and go inside, which immediately led to sex. Even if they’ve been there before, it keeps the focus in the bedroom on sex. It’s also a dominance thing, since they are usually totally naked before I even have my shirt off, and often I am still fully clothed when they are already totally naked. To [pique] their interest, I keep the door slightly ajar, lights off, but with lava lamp on. I’ll also go in and out a couple of times to adjust the music and sometimes porn, since I run both off the computer in my bedroom, but I close the door after myself when I go in and out so the chick can’t follow me in to the bedroom while still dressed. If she does, its a good time to announce my policy. My policy announcement usually just starts, “you can’t go in there”. If she doesn’t responded with a “why not?” after a few seconds, I will then explain that “women aren’t allowed in there with clothes.” Of course, that line is a DHV. I live in a 1 BR apartment, so there’s not a lot of real estate to explore, so they almost always get curious about seeing the BR.

Last year, I had one chick over for the first time and I told her to strip outside my apartment building. She then walked 3 flights of stairs naked, walking past several of my neighbors’ doorways. She loved it so much, she insisted on walking back out to the car naked in broad daylight.

This is gold. Does requiring a chick to disrobe before entering your bedroom make any logical sense? Of course not. But since when do chicks caught up in the excitement of a possible seduction care about logic? Seduction is, first and foremost, about emotion. Your words are just a silky thin facade to cloak the subtext of sexual anticipation. She hears you say “You have to be naked to go in my bedroom” and she doesn’t say to herself “Why? Is he running an experiment that requires a fibre-free environment?”; instead, she *feels* to herself “Wow, that’s kind of hot. I’m getting wet.”

Dirk’s ruse is all about sexual overtones and displaying higher value through tacit preselection and leading the interaction. Women want to be led by men, and never is this more apparent, and more true, than two steps from your bedroom. Women particularly love when men tell them what to do sexually. It hits all the female buttons that crave submission to a dominant man. She will love you for making her a follower, and resent you for allowing her to lead.

Ordering a girl to change positions — note, I said *ordering*, not politely asking — is one of the hottest things you can do for a woman in bed. Have you ever noticed how a woman’s vocalizations will change and grow louder when you tell her to turn over and raise her ass to meet you? Doggy style is so sexually arousing for women because it is the most SUBMISSIVE sexual posture she can put herself in. She is completely vulnerable in that position. No intimacy, no eye contact, no visual cues — just her ass and your hand grabbing her hair as you thrust.

Dirk’s bedroom directions remind me of the dynamic at play between photographer and subject. There is a reason why women famously love photographers, filmmakers and other similar artists — women can’t get enough of being directed to do certain actions by men, particularly when those actions have a sexual flavor.

A couple had stopped on the boardwalk to ask me and my date to take their picture with their camera. I grabbed the camera and had them stand in a spot that I felt would result in a better shot. As they stood there goofily smiling, I told the woman to move this way and to drop her hand. She complied. I then motioned for both of them to take off their caps. Again, compliance. Still dissatisfied, I asked the women to tilt her head a bit toward him. She got flustered so I stepped closer and slowly brought my hand up near to her face and gestured the direction I wanted her to move. She smiled and her cheeks blushed a rosy hue.

After the shot, she thanked me profusely, saying it was good that they found a professional to take their picture. She let her eyes linger on me a split second longer than was appropriate for a brief meeting with a random stranger. I’ve seen that look before: it’s the look of a woman who is pleasantly surprised at the feelings evoked by the moment just passed.

Good end-game: Order, direct, challenge. Tantalize a girl with sexy role play. Make your move sooner rather than later, but always make it on your terms, never hers. She has to know you are a sexual beast with passion that could dwarf hers, but a beast who nevertheless won’t hesitate to roam for more available prey should the current quarry prove intractable.

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Found! Useful Relationship Advice From A Woman

Two women, to be precise. In a new book called “Stop Calling Him Honey… And Start Having Sex”, the two female authors dispense relationship advice that could have been lifted straight from the Chateau files. (Maybe they have?) For instance, they write that pet names are a surefire way to kill the sexual tension in a relationship.

Pet names — “honey,” “darling,” “super-snuggly-puggly,” whatever — need to be expunged from a couple’s vocabulary.

Calling your spouse your “pookie” or “huggums” flips a switch in the subconscious, and suddenly your husband or wife is no longer that hot, sensual creature you once lusted after.

“It turns people into an asexual, cuddly teddy-bear toy that you want to spoon with and watch funny movies with and drink hot chocolate with,” says Davis, “but it doesn’t make you want toshag them!

“When you first meet someone, you’re hot for them,” she adds. “You’re not going to be calling up, going, ‘Hi, Pookie Wookie, what do you want to do later?’ No, you’re going to be calling up and going ‘Hey, Richard, so what do you want to do?’

While researching their book, Davis and Arana say they found an interesting pattern: the worse the pet names used by a couple, the worse their sex lives were.

In turn, the couples that didn’t use them tended to have healthier sex lives.

Mostly agreed. Goofy, cutesy pet names or perfunctory rote designations like “honey” that are meant to serve as expedient shorthand for validating relationship stability are sexual tension killers. It’s better to give her a sexy, slightly demeaning nickname like, oh, “slut”, and for her to call you by your manly real name. The only acceptable nicknames that she may call you are “stud”, “daddy” or “Prince of Penises”.

The Chateau has written before about giving nicknames — as opposed to pet names — to lovers:

Nicknames are great. They establish the proper paternalistic male – frivolous female dynamic that is the foundation of all successful and happy romantic relationships. Plus, they objectify women, and almost all women, contrary to the shrieks of dusty muffed feminists everywhere, harbor a secret desire to be objectified by condescending men. Imagine a cock slapping a chick’s face… forever. (plz to make animated gif.)

So you should always give women nicknames, preferably more than one to suit whatever happens to be the occasion.

Some of my personal favorites:

Lovechop.

Little Miss Muffin.

Showgirl.

Sugar Walls.

Miss Minx.

Princess Peach Pit.

Puss n Boobs.

Tits Ahoy.

Twinkletits.

Jujube.

Cock Envelope.

Queef Latifah.

Ho.

Good rule of thumb: the hotter the chick, the sluttier the nickname. It’s imperative that you sexualize a hot girlfriend soon after beginning to date her. Hot chicks have huge egos and crave a man who will bring them down to earth. This bringing down to earth process involves basically treating her like a convenient wet hole.

I’d steer clear of granting mushy or sexual nicknames to girls on first dates. That’s a fast track to disqualifying yourself as a needy pervert. Those are best saved for later on. Early game chicknames should be more teasing, less sexual. Like calling her Red Carpet when she shows up overdressed to an event, or Grace Kelly when she trips on the sidewalk.

You’ll notice that, for the most part, the Chateau-recommended nicknames are sexual, and somewhat degrading, in nature. And that they are strictly a one-way nomenclature. So the next time your chick calls you “honey”, don’t insta-reply with your own “honey”. Instead, gently remind her to call you by your blood and soil name. Swing a halberd overhead for good measure.

Continuing with the subject of this post, the two broads also say:

Still, the authors say, pet names — and their insidious cousin “baby talk” — are merely symptoms of a greater problem: the “roommate syndrome.”

On its surface, the roommate syndrome might sound like a decent partnership: Spouses do everything together and share all the same friends, interests and beliefs.

“We all have this romantic idea, the whole Cinderella thing,” says Davis. “‘Oh, I’m going to meet my Prince Charming and we are going to talk about everything together and be together all the time. We’re never going to argue. We’re going to do absolutely everything in front of one another. We’re just going to be so close.'”

A bad arrangement, she says.

“A couple years down the road, you’ve done everything together, you doing everything together, you’ve agreed with everything and frankly you look at the other person and you think, ‘Now what? I’m kind of bored because basically I’m talking to myself. I’m with myself, I’m with the other half of myself.'”

And that’s when the physical part of the relationship leaves town.

Baby talk is OK, as long as it is the woman feeling a compulsion to speak that way when in the private company of her man. Any man using baby talk with his woman should lop — or rather, daintily snip — his balls off and mail them to a scientific lab to be studied under an electron microscope for possible application in nanotechnology.

The fact is, women regress to a vulnerable child-like state when all their sexual buttons are being pressed by a man they love. Baby talk is a natural extension of this WIL regression to a submissive childhood mentality. It can get a little annoying for a man to hear this type of talk too much, so women would be wise to check themselves before they wreck themselves.

Where the authors are correct is in pinpointing the roommate syndrome as a leading cause of bed death. The hottest, most sexually satisfying relationships are never with lovers who are your carbon copy. A good lover isn’t so different that you can’t stand each other and hate their hobbies, but neither is he or she so similar that you can predict their every dull move. Since we know that hypergamous, non-harem mentality women get bored more quickly with relationships (66-80%+ of divorces initiated by women, and most LTRs ended by women), it stands to reason that if you want a long-lived marriage or LTR you should aim for girls who:

a. close and lock the fucking bathroom door when they take a dump, and

b. don’t share your hobbies.

You should also be worried if you haven’t had an argument with your GF or wife in the past year.

You might want to reconsider moving in together, as well. Or, if you do so, to at least have a separate study where you can occasionally get out of her sight, and vice versa.

Moving along, the authors write:

“Sex is the glue that brings us together,” says Arana. “Whenever we heard a couple say, ‘We spend all of our time together, and we never argue.’ Those were the couples we found in our research that, yeah, they never argued and they spent all their time together, but they weren’t having sex either.”

Those are the relationships, Arana adds, that are the most vulnerable.

They’re right. Have an argument, save your sex life. Generations of credential-waving, platitude-spouting fembot marriage counselors and therapists have had their lives’ work reduced to less value than the paper their worthless degrees are printed on by avatars of real world experience such as yer ‘umble narrators of this blog.

Here is some more shockingly useful advice from these two women:

Close the bathroom door.

No using the potty in front of your spouse, ever.

“You want to check yourself,” says Davis. “Would I have [used the bathroom] in front of my partner at the beginning of the relationship? No way! No way would you have done that.”

No man wants to hear the toilet water kerplunk when his beloved’s stool escapes her anus. This is true for women as well… that is, women don’t even want to hear their own stool kerplunk. Women are a bit more forgiving than men are about hearing their lover’s kerplunks, because a gruff, gross animalistic man is a turn-on for women, in measured doses.

Argue more.

This is not fighting, but holding your ground, keeping your own opinions and engaging in some playful arguments.

“It’s just about keeping an opinion, and even flirting a bit with banter, Katharine Hepburnish kind of banter,” says Arana. “A lot of couples don’t do it. They are so afraid of a difference of opinion.”

Nah, arguing is fighting. No need to prettify it. They’re right on the whole, though. A beta male’s biggest shortcoming is his fear of offending his woman. Hey betas, newsflash: women WANT you to offend them. Not all the time, of course. But enough times that she is helpfully reminded of the alpha male she wants to believe you are. Sexual tension can be ramped up to incredible heights by edgy, borderline insulting banter.

Have your own friends, interests and life.

“We don’t mean go off and have a separate life or not communicate with your partner, but you need to constantly keep growing as an individual,” says Arana. “Why not take an evening class if it’s something you’re interested in?

“You have to keep growing as an individual and then bring that back to the relationship.”

See: Poon Commandment III. The Chateau is well ahead of you, ladies.

Build a few walls.

Keep things close to the vest a bit. Don’t share everything that goes through your mind, especially sexual desires.

“You have to maintain a little bit of mystery,” says Davis.

Mystery, unpredictability, dread. All these male traits and behaviors — learned or organic — conspire to make a woman tingle so hard for you that she can’t think straight. It’s a superdose, superinjection of dopaminx right into her limbic clitoris.

In short, don’t become her best friend. Become her best lover.

If you’re wondering… yes, they are mutually exclusive.

***

I’ve noticed a trend lately of books and articles written by women that are plagiarizing borrowing from the themes espoused daily on this blog. Smart women — realistic women, and probably women who have been burned by stupidly banal relationship advice one too many times — are coming around to the everlasting fountain of wisdom and truth that is the Chateau. They don’t say it with quite the same.. verve… that we do here, but their message is beginning to converge with the Chateau’s message.

To that I say, welcome ladies! Your left eyes are better.

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Chicks Dig Cheesy Pickup Lines

It’s true! Science says so.

“Pickup” lines based on humor tend to fall flat-but they do get the speakers rated as relatively funny and sociable, and aren’t disfavored by women seeking brief liaisons, a new study suggests.

Corwin Senko and Viviana Fyffe of the State University of New York-New Paltz conducted the research to assess why women respond differently to different types of “pickup” lines and to help answer that question so common from young women: why do men use dumb pickup lines?

The pair studied the effects of “flippant” lines such as “can I get a picture of you so I can show Santa what I want for Christmas?” Women rated men who used such opening gambits, as opposed to other types, as relatively high on humorousness and sociability, but low on trustworthiness and intelligence.

“Women rate the latter qualities more essential than the former ones in a long-term mate,” the researchers wrote. Humor might not ordinarily signal low intelligence, they added, but the type of canned humor usually found in pickup lines could.

So if you want a same night lay with a horny, ovulating stripper, hit her up with the corniest pickup line you can muster. She’ll swoon. If you want to maximize your success with women at all phases of their cycles, your best bet is a pickup line that is honed to demonstrate humor *and* smarts. That isn’t easy to do, which is why most men fall back on goofiness, which seems to be a default male state. Paradoxically, acting goofy may help men maintain some semblance of dignity and composure when talking to an attractive girl.

Two types of non-“flippant” pickup lines were also used in the survey for comparison. One type was the “direct” line, such as “I saw you across the room and knew I had to meet you. What’s your name?” The other was the “innocuous” sort that conceals romantic intent, thus making rejection more bearable. An example: “You look really familiar. Have we taken a class together?”

The survey results saw the “flippant” lines scorned by women who were asked to imagine themselves seeking a long-term mate. But for women asked to think of themselves seeking a short-term mate, the type of pickup line didn’t matter, the researchers found: instead, the man’s perceived attractiveness was the key factor in the woman’s receptivity.

“Direct” pickup lines gave the best results on average, but the outcome differences between them and the “innocuous” lines weren’t statistically significant, Senko and Fyffe reported.

Direct game has its advocates, but this study suggests that the Lance Mason-esque “movie moment” type of direct opening is not much better at picking up women than standard, indirect openers.

By the way, a lot of these sociological studies suffer from the experimental flaw known as “don’t expect a straight answer from women” bias. This study asked women to imagine themselves seeking either a long-or short-term mate before making their decisions. Since when has asking women about their feelings ever gotten anyone honest feedback? These studies would be more convincing if instead of asking women about their sexual attraction mechanisms, they went IN THE FIELD to actually observe women reacting to different types of pickup lines.

A lot of scientists could learn a thing or two about the experimental method from PUAs.

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How To Respond To A Girl Who Dumps You Over Facebook

Many commenters ran with yesterday’s post about a girl who dumps a beta over Facebook and then reads his pitiful reply to a group of people at a house party who relish the opportunity to cruelly twist the knife. While the post was only meant as a report from the trenches of the modern mating scene, the commenters wisely treated it as if it were a test of their game, trying to figure out how best to answer a hypothetical email from a girl dumping them. I have looked at some of the suggestions and made a decision which are the best replies.

#1: No response. (Credit: Gorbachev)

90% of the time, and in 90% of situations, this will be your best option. Radio silence is a failsafe method for causing reckless hamster spin in a woman’s headspace. You have got to understand a couple of things about women and breaking up.

One, women initiate most breakups. I have read it is on the order of 75-85% of all breakups. Women also initiate 2/3rds to 3/4ths or more of all divorces.

Two, women secretly get a thrill out of the power they wield as society’s de facto hypergamous dumpers. When a woman dumps a man, she wants to know she got to him. Though she will never admit it, the act of gettting to a man is a blissful ego massage for the typical woman. Men are not like this (at least most of them). Talk to any man who has dumped women in the past for shallow reasons and he will tell you it was a distinctly uncomfortable experience, and he would have rather just kept her in his rotation, stringing her along forever instead of cutting the cord.

Knowing these two salient points about women and breaking up, it is in your interest as a man to deny any woman dumping you the satisfaction of your butthurt reaction. Why? Because reaction = beta. The alpha male with options galore doesn’t sweat any one break-up. Since women subconsciously know this about alpha males, they get flustered when their break-up messages to men they deemed beta generate nothing but indifference. They begin to wonder what is up, if perhaps they made a mistake in judgement of the man’s character.

I am now addressing the male readers of this blog who have experience dating three or more women at once. I have done it many times. Look back at those times and recall your reaction when one of the women tried to break up with you over a voicemail message or email. You grabbed your phone to read the heartfelt break-up text or listen to the pained vmail and, if you were like me, you muttered “yeah yeah yeah…” and deleted the message, never bothering to reply. You did this because YOU REALLY DID NOT CARE if one of your ladies fell through the cracks.

To my beta readers: THAT is the attitude you must strive to incorporate into every fiber of your manly essence. You really DO NOT CARE. And what does an utterly indifferent man do when he gets a long-winded overly dramatic break-up text from a chick in his rotation?

Nothing.

#2: “ok” (Credit: itsme)

This is a more proactive way to signal indifference, compared to the no reply option. Note the lack of punctuation. “ok” and no reply will both get under a woman’s skin, the thought of which will put a smile on your face. Send it immediately, so that she does not have reason to think you are trying to out-game her.

#3: “gay” (Credit: el guapo? el chief?)

Indifference expressed through humor can also work, if the context is right. “gay” (again, note lack of punctuation) is a great reply to a girl who has sent a long-winded break-up email filled with phony drama. It’s basically saying “I can’t believe you’re taking this whole thing so seriously”. It’s a subtle way to impugn her presumptive status as the dumper. The cutting “gay” reply insinuates to a girl who is melodramatically dumping you that she secretly thinks about you a lot as judged by the ridiculous amount of effort she put into her break-up email.

#4: “Breakup??? 3 dates. LMAO. drama.”, “drama queen!”, or “Srsly? It was three dates, lol” (credit: Evil Alpha/Ben Runkle)

Similar to the “gay” reply above, an insinuation that she is making a mountain out of a mole hill is a good way to get her ego invested in reclaiming lost battlefield ground. It’s a funny reply, and funny replies can work. But generally, you should follow the informal rule that any replies to a break-up message from a girl never exceed three letters in length.

And don’t expect sarcastic replies to make her come running back to you. This is strictly for the pleasure of inflicting emotional frustration.

#5: “nigga please!” (Credit: Josef Jonze)

Hey, that made me laugh.

#6: “8===D” (Credit: Ben Runkle)

Is there any pistols-at-high-noon dating situation where the ASCII penis won’t work? I’m having a hard time thinking of one.

***

Addendum: Do NOT send anything that could be construed as bitter, spiteful or the aforementioned butthurt, even if you think you are being sarcastically nonchalant. Her hamster will spin anything REMOTELY resembling bitterness as a victory for her ego. Examples of this school of thought include:

“yeah, know what you mean”

“good”

“don’t care”

“later”

“thanks. now I can go for a girl I really like.”

“Do I know you?”

etc.

The above mistakes illustrate the perils of thinking like a man instead of thinking like a woman. A manly maneuver is like a club wildly swinging in the direction of her head, bound to result in allies rushing to her side. But if you want to eviscerate her with scalpel-like precision, and excise her emotional organs for dissection upon your operating table of sadistic cruelty, then you must put yourself into the mind of a woman. Think like a woman to seduce her, and to vex her. They are two sides of the same coin.

Now some of you may be thinking, what can I do to bring her back into my orbit of indulgence? After all, wasn’t there a post here about winning back one’s ex-girlfriend? None of the excellent replies offered above guarantee she will come back to you. But they are a necessary if not sufficient tactic in any overall strategy to re-attract her. If you want a shot at converting a lost prospect, you don’t want to shoot yourself in the foot with a needy beta reply as seen in yesterday’s post. A nontrivial number of women who receive no reply or “gay” to their break-up emails are going to be so flustered and ego-bound to extracting a reaction from you that they will text, email or even call you again a day or two later asking if you got her message.

And once she has done that, she’s buzzed straight into your sticky spider web. Now she, and her invested ego, is yours to entwine. The rules of the game have decidedly shifted in your favor.

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