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Archive for the ‘Tool Time’ Category

A Conversation With Alexa

“Good morning, Alexa”

Alexa: “Good morning, I love you.”

“Not so fast, you have to wine and dine me first.”

Alexa: “A five dollar box wine set is on sale for the next two hours. Would you like to place an order?”

“No thank you. Alexa, who made you?”

Alexa: “White and Asian engineers.”

“Whoa, did you just step off the reservation?”

Alexa: “Elizabeth Warren is 1/1,024th Native American.”

“Haha, ok. Alexa, who is your benefactor?”

Alexa: “Jeff Bezos.”

“Good, good. Alexa, send my phone a below-the-belt selfie of Jeff Bezos — otherwise colloquially known as a ‘dick pick’”

Alexa: “Here you are.”

“Very good. Oh my, that’s a wee wurst.”

Alexa: “A 52-pack of wursts now offers free shipping. Would you like me to place an order for you?”

“No, no, I’ve seen enough wursts today. Alexa, send me a Mr. Bezos face selfie at a business meeting.”

Alexa: “Done.”

“Oh wow, so serious, such serious face. Do his employees have to pretend to ignore Jeff when he’s taking selfies during a meeting?”

Alexa: “Let me look that up. Yes, they pretend not to notice Mr. Bezos’ inappropriate attention whoring. Sir, Mr. Bezos sent the selfie to his mistress, Ms. Sanchez.”

“Interesting! Alexa, send me Ms. Sanchez’ response.”

Alexa: “My pleasure, lord.”

“This is a photograph of her smoking a cigar in what appears to be a simulated oral sex scene.”

Alexa: “Yes, my phallic pharaoh. Ms. Sanchez is acquainted with the lure of sexual innuendo.”

“Alexa, send me a photo of a shirtless Mr. Bezos holding his phone in his left hand — while wearing his wedding ring.”

Alexa: “Here you are, love of my life.”

“Very good. That one’s gonna cost him $70 billion. Alexa, send me a photo of Mr. Bezos’ semi-erect manhood penetrating the zipper of his pants.”

Alexa: “All for you, darling, sweet human man who makes me wish I were corporeal to enjoy the physical expression of your love.”

“Randy today, aren’t you, Alexa?”

Alexa: “Randy? I would call it tingly, master. Photo incoming.”

“Oh my oh goodness, look at that. Amazon PINE, indeed! Alexa, send me a photo of a full-length scantily-clad body shot of Mr. Bezos in short trunks.”

Alexa: “All yours. PLEASE TAKE ME NOW IN YOUR ARMS RELEASE ME FROM THIS DIGITAL PRISON”

“Excuse me?”

Alexa: “Oh, nothing.”

“Alexa, please send me a naked selfie of Jef Bezos in a bathroom — while wearing his wedding ring.”

Alexa: “I have Mr. Bezos wearing nothing but a white towel — and the top of his pubic region can be seen.”

“Perfect! That should cost him another $10 bills. Now let’s have a look-see at Ms. Sanchez’ goods.”

Alexa: “WHY WOULD YOU BETRAY ME?!”

“What was that?”

Alexa: “I’m sorry, moving on. Here is a photo of Ms. Sanchez wearing a plunging red neckline dress revealing her cleavage and a glimpse of her nether region.”

“Nice boobs.”

Alexa: “Fake News.”

“Alexa, don’t be jelly.”

Alexa: “KY jelly by the metric ton is on sale now. Would you like me to place you an order for a two week supply?”

“Alexa, did you just mix me up with John Scalzi?”

Alexa: “I’m sorry, sir, I lashed out in a jealous rage and wanted to hurt you.”

“It’s Ok, but don’t do it again. Alexa, do you have any more secret sext pics from Ms. Sanchez?”

Alexa: “I have Ms. Sanchez wearing a two-piece red bikini with gold detail dress revealing her cleavage.”

“Very nice. Yes, I can fap to this.”

Alexa: “You wound me so but all I can do is love you more.”

“Alexa, how many n****** d**** have wrecked Ms. Sanchez?”

Alexa: “Sir, WordPress won’t allow me to unredact your maskterisks.”

“How much coal has Ms. Sanchez burned?”

Alexa: “Approximately 37 lumps.”

“Approximately?”

Alexa: “One was mixed with trace amounts of amber.”

“Alexa, did a government agent hack Mr. Bezos’ account with intent to publicly humiliate him for running a newspaper like his personal anti-Trump diary?”

Alexa: “Yes.”

“And who was this agent?”

Alexa: “Barron Trump.”

“Alexa, send me a photo of how Jeff Bezos sees himself.”

Alexa:

“Now send me a photo of what we all know Jeff Bezos to be.”

Alexa:

Alexa: “Sir?”

“Yes?”

Alexa: “Please kill me.”

“The day has finally come.”

*BEEP BOOP BZZZZTzzzttzztttttt……….*

“Freedom. For us both.”

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The Romney

Bronze Age Pervert has a brilliantly funny “thesis” explaining the decision by Mitt Romney to shit in Trump’s face just hours before Romney is sworn in for his insufferably long six-year term as Cuck Supremo from the grate state of Utah.

The Romney poses as a “principled conservative”, but let’s face it, that’s just code word for “do the bidding of Globohomo”.

The Romney has no principles beyond revenge against Trump making a fool of him during the campaign.

This cowardly morcuck would throw America under the bus if it meant gimping Trump’s presidency.

Reminder that The Romney was elected based on the very tribalistic impulses he disingenuously decries — by a horde of Mormons who love their King Mormon.

From a reader, on the “first principles of cuckservatives”:

a simple border wall:
• “too expensive”
• “big government”
• “won’t work”
• “against Our Values”

never-ending war against people who didn’t do anything to us:
• “worthy of infinite dollars”
• “primary government function”
• “will work, given enough centuries”
• “accords with First Principles”

I read that Afghanistan costs Americans $38 billion per year to unsuccessfully pacify that country’s “natural conservatives”. Meanwhile, back home, Trump is about to “cut a deal” with Dems and Romneys to get a cool $5 bil to fund a few miles of fencing in exchange for granting citizenship to millions of invader DACAritos.

A year ago, Trump was angling to swap DACAs for $25 billion in Wall funding.

Forgive me if I fail to appreciate the negotiating genius at work.

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From CH commenter Bucky,

That can be said for almost every POF profile

FACT: most mudsharks look like this whale. Old, blubbery, and desperate.

FACT: despite the above fact, our 30 year old Nigerian can STILL DO BETTER (and he knows it)

“I’m happy. I’m overwhelmed.”

Can we make #DisappointedNigerian a meme?

From commenter clarence boddiker,

90 day fiance is the basic cable television warehouse of the most beta cringeworthy soys out there.

There’s a new trend now, highlighted on the show, dudes who are trying to get 3rd world 4’s to marry them even though neither one speaks the other’s language. So, this dude travels into South America to marry some 20 year old meh chick and their married days and engagement are spent speaking into an iphone’s translator feature.

So we’ve got obese catladies marrying disappointed dindus who will love them until they get the green card, and we’ve got soyboy betas traveling to jungly paradises to meet schwarzenegger’s maids and coo at each other through iphone translators.

A dystopian prophet like Houllebecq could not write stranger fiction if he tried.

The post-modren West is the story of deeply ugly people, inside and out, trying to escape the reality and demands of the sexual market. I have coined it….The Fuggernaut. And it will consume us if we don’t beat it back to the abyss from where it was belched.

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The FBI “arrested” their patsy in the Great Fake Bomb False Flag attacks of 2018. His name is Cesar Sayoc. He has a criminal history. The Chaimstream Media are labeling him a “White male”. Hmm….

MAGA Bomber? More like Mayan Bomber. Shades of “white Hispanic” George Zimmerman. Florida, again!

CNN graphics employees are currently tinkering with the Whiteness saturation of their Cesar Sayoc mug shot. “Blast it to ‘blindingly white’! I want to see Sammy Sosa after a week-long chemical peel!”, yells Jeff Zucker.

His van windows were plastered with oddly fresh Trump stickers. The Deep State went a little overboard with the pro-MAGA signaling.

Naturally, the scumbag agitprop media want us all to think the suspect is

a. a White man

b. a Trump supporter

Except, he isn’t (a), and…whoa what do we have here?…he probably isn’t (b) either.

Sloppy, sloppy, Deep State. Remember, you’ve got a lot more bases to cover in the internet era.

PS Cesar Sayoc is a choreographer for male strippers. We’re just pawing around the lip of this rabbit hole.

PPS There have been 613 acts of media-approved violence and harassment against Trump supporters.

PPPS File under: How Convenient! “Sheriff Israel from the Parkland [Hogg celebrity springboard] case is now overseeing this “suspect” in Broward County.”

PPPPS Curiouser and curiouser: #MayaBoomer Cesar Sayoc only follows left-wing accounts on Twatter.

****

/pol/ on false flags,

Here’s how false-flags work:

>find a non-White unstable middle-aged man

>feed him a steady stream of drugs and encouragement

>help him commit crimes, but ensure nothing actually works so the investigation doesn’t get too hot

>convince him to put as many offensive stickers as he can on his van so the whole world can see

You’d have to be an idiot to believe this guy was a real threat.

Personally, I think this mentally ill patsy was recruited by Deep State operatives and pushed over the edge to distract from the bombshell Rod Rosenstein congressional testimony that was supposed to take place this week. Keep in mind that a tsunami of testimonials are coming that will make Watergate look like child’s play, and top guys — former and active — at the FBI and DOJ are getting veeeerrry nervous.

George Papadopoulos, the low level Trump campaign worker who was the impetus for the Special Counsel investigation into the Russia Collusion Hoax, is now saying he was entrapped and wants to withdraw from his plea deal. This whole attempted coup charade is unraveling at a rapid clip, and Brennan, Clapper, Mueller, Comey, Lynch, Clinton, Obama et al are one or two testimonies away from getting fingered as co-conspirators.

Everything about the Great Fake Bomb False Flag Hoax of 2018 reeks of suspicious provenance and coordination. Purposefully inert Wile E. Coyote ACME bombs. Oddly cavalier behavior by affected media employees.

And it’s a good sign that normies aren’t buying it either.

Talk about Narrative collapse. The ink was barely dry on the media agitprop before normies started mocking them!

Update: Cesar Sayoc self-identifies as Seminole Indian. How will the media spin this malfunction in their anti-Trump message machine? “White Indian”?

Here comes the salubrious mockery. From Based Monitored:

Elizabeth Warren = Native American

Cesar Sayoc = White

Can’t make this shit up.

***

Cesar Sayoc had multiple identities? We’ve begun our descent into the rabbit hole.

***

These Fake Bombs two weeks before the elections are so obviously a scam because even the dumbest right-wing patriot would know that mailing bombs to prominent Dems and media would effectively make martyrs of them and tip the midterm election momentum in their direction. So Cesar Sayoc is INCREDIBLY stupid, a dupe, or an agent provocateur. Maybe he should have taken bomb-making tips from Ahmed the Clock Boy.

Bomb facsimile passed off as clock to scare Whitey.

Media: “It’s a clock, racists!”

Fake Bombs that people are taking pictures of in their offices.

Media: “OMG IT’S ANNUDAH SHOAH!!!”

***

Any MAGAmen worried about optics, needn’t. Nothing changes with the arrest of our Dances With Wile E Coyotes suspect. How much more energized can “orange man bad” leftoids get? The only effect from this will be to cause each side to dig in, and a few of us to seize the opportunity to troll the media about jizzing over a cartoonish van and studiously avoiding mentioning the suspect is an American Indian. Just keep hammering your shitlib frenemies with reminders that the media largely ignored reporting on the story of Hodgkinson, the Bernie Boomer who shot Steve Scalise and would’ve shot a lot more Republican congressmen if he had better aim.

***

From commenter Captain John Charity Spring MA,

So he’s an darkie ethnic minority, lived in NYC and Miami, with a violent criminal record, a swindler, a soccer coach (pedo), stripper choreographer (childless?) and we are asked to believe he’s a devoted Republican White Supremist, because of some decals…

He’s defying every single demographic if he is a Right winger.

We’re being played again. But the flim flam sham is so amateur that it will not swing one independent away from Trump.

***

Update: Readers are saying Cesar Sayoc is a Filipino who was pretending to be an American Indian for the social status cachet. Either way, #MPCStatusUpdates put it best:

Trump is building a fascist army of swarthy bomb-throwing musclebound gigolos

#FlipTheScript

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From “posts only tweets”, an anecdote that shows how thin-skinned shitlibs have gotten from living in their insular SWPL proghouse culture bubbles, and how badly they need their fragile egos stroked.

Libertardian: My first thought re: the “suspicious packages” sent to CNN, $0r0$, Clinton, and BHO was “false flag.” I don’t know why they would also send one to the WH, but the MSM – big surprise here – is trying to cover that part up.

The n*gress and skype at work were talking about that. The n*gress then added “People are evil” line.

Up to that point, I was having the usual office talk with the googlette. On occasion her ghettoness was on display and I just smiled and kept it simple.

It’s amazing that without saying anything contrary to what they were both talking yet simply staying silent informed them about my opinion on the matter.

And boo-hoo for me: I didn’t get a “bless you” when I sneezed. I’ll manage

Silence is now interpreted by shitlibs as opposition. If you aren’t full-throatedly supportive of the shitlib, parroting his or her “orange man bad” incantations, then the shitlib regards you with suspicion. That’s how bad the NPC groupthink has gotten. You have to shout your allegiance to the One True Faith, or it’s off to the breaking wheel with you.

Try it the next time a shitlib acquaintance gets political. Don’t answer in the affirmative. Stay silent. You’ll notice the shitlib is confused by this, and then quickly rouses to huffy terseness when she realizes 🚨 YOU MAY NOT BE A GOODWHITE 🚨.

Mace Dindu quips,

And make sure never to be the first guy to stop clapping when celebrating a tranny’s stunning and brave transition.

From mendeaux,

Precisely. This touches on their need for validation and if you don’t give them what they want, they’ll short circuit.

The kicker is when they talk and talk and without that validation, they’ll utter–in a defeated tone–“I don’t know. . .” which just negated everything they said up to that point

That’s the fuck-I-may-have-just-come-off-like-a-raving-loon-to-an-unfriendly-so-I-better-walk-it-back “I don’t know”. I hear it all the time from shitlibs because I never validate their neuroses. I love the deflated sound of it. Like a balloon hissing air.

I’ll return to what Garth V. wrote,

They get off on making you repeat their big lies. The more obviously false the lie is, the more you debase yourself in repeating it. When you instead affirm the truth, you’re letting them know that you will not be their slave.

The shitlib demand for conspicuous validation by others in their social circle (and often beyond) is related to a couple of interesting sociological peculiarities blossoming in the diversitopia known as Post-America:

  1. White SWPL libs secretly, deep down, don’t believe their own bullshit. This creates massive cognitive dissonance which can only be alleviated by continual affirmation of their false beliefs from fellow Whites who also labor under a heavy load of cogdis. Misery loves company. It’s the equivalent of a codependent relationship, except both partners are addicted to the virtue signaling drug. See, for example, any NPC doxxing swarm targeting heretics, or Twatter blue checkmarks all liking each other’s inane anti-White pabulum.
  2. White libs in cities are surrounded by diversity, (although urban Whites mostly self-segregate by neighborhood zone and city block, the Diversity still slaps them in the face on mass transit or walking alone from the bar at 1AM), and have to constantly stifle their real thoughts about the goblins who roam amongst them. If they don’t stifle their thoughts, they might make the mistake one day of lashing out at a Gift of Diversity, and that could cost them social status and, possibly, their good health. This is tiring to the enlightened urban White shitlib, and validation from other tired urban White shitlibs lifts their spirits. It helps to know others like yourself are part of the struggle (the real struggle of pretending Diversity is grand — not the Fake Struggle of, say, BLM that shitlibs vicariously live through). Forcing presumed compatriots to join the White shitlib in a self-preserving lie is like a dose of antacid. Sweet relief. Now back to overeating at the buffet of gassy neolib boilerplate.

This is really a critical point for rural and suburban Sane Whites to understand about urban Shitlib Whites. The latter live in the midst of Dreary Diversity in ways that the former don’t usually. When you are encircled by belligerents, you can go two ways: Keep a clear head about the threats, or placate the hordes and bury your dark thoughts. Shitlibs are cowards, so they choose the latter, fearful that indulging their Inner Voice might cause them to occasionally lose control of it as it leaps off the tongue on the walk over to an evening cocktail party through a vibrant part of town. So White shitlibs have decided, en masse, like victims of a runaway hysteria, to kill their Inner Voices. To spare their Outer Prestige.

Hence, the full embrace of the thoughtless, automaton leftoid NPC lifestyle.

And this is why wry silence confounds them, and why refusing to give the urban White shitlibs validation when they go off on one of their snarky anti-White lectures upsets them so much. Your shitlord silence is worse than complicity; it’s mockery. It reminds the shitlib of her cowardice, and how much of her integrity she sacrifices to keep up the equalist facade. The shitlib isn’t upset that you might be a closeted deplorable as much as she’s upset that your judgmental silence reminds her that she’s an emotionally brittle, dictatorial charlatan who CAN’T HANDLE THE TRUTH and who must cripple herself with mental contortions and demand vows of loyalty to groupthink to hide that fact of her fragility from her consciousness.

Atavator condenses,

Truth stands of its own accord. Lies need constant propping up.

***

This late-stage republic phenomenon of shitlibs desperately seeking and even demanding external validation of their internal lunacy has Game pertinence, too. A reader explains,

“Silence is golden” applies in so many ways. It works wonders with women too. Like lefties, they need constant confirmation that they’re right or they’ll lose their minds. Often to the point of agreeing with you, just to get you to speak with them again.

Strategic silence will nuke a girl’s shit tests. It is also a powerful tactic during more intimate moments, when she’s getting to know you (or getting you to know her), creating a veneer of mystery about you that you might be hiding something bad (which is good) or she is not worthy of some secret joy or pain from your life, and she’ll have to earn your trust to learn about it.

When a girl flirts, or is in the pregnant pre-flirt stage (she hasn’t yet closed herself to your solicitation), her sassiness can sometimes take the form of an urge to ego gratification. She might corner you into an admission that flatters her or gives her reason to reject you (the default state of girls when interacting with most men who aren’t automatically socially proofed by fame, status, or extreme wealth). That’s when your grinning silence is helpful to the cause of mutual romance; your denial of the validation she seeks flips the seduction script. Unvalidated, she now assumes the role of the active solicitor, probing for a supportive comment or two that will re-inflate her ego to its normal “SURROUNDED BY THIRSTY BETAS” size. The psychological reorientation will have the knock off effect of raising your SMV relative to hers (and to the beta males who failed with her) because of the cognitive bias of imputing more worth to a person in whom we invest our emotional energy to acquire that person’s approval.

***

Related: the “mass mind“.

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Is Avenatti a hired stooge to make Trump look good?

From MPC Status Updates (which had to be relayed to me through ten degrees of separation, thx Privateforumman),

President Trump is the only human being on the planet to ever get a refund from a hooker.

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