Same Three Girls

I was always amused by people — especially women who seem to have a universal knee-jerk distaste for the idea that beauty can be measured and ranked — who believed that culture, or the media, or Hollywood, or parents, or peers, or the magic nose goblin, were somehow responsible for what gives men boners.  The religion of cultural conditioning is as cultic as any organized religion.  It has many adherents because, like traditional religions, it appeals to false hopes and placates with soothing lies.

No magazine, TV show, movie, or “groupthink” ever influenced the blood flow to my manhood.  Nor does it do so for any other man.  When my balls grew hair, the first time I saw a silky thigh was like a thermonuclear blast of lust that fried my brain.  My heart raced when I laid eyes on a pretty girl.  Nothing influenced this visceral reaction; it was as hardwired as breathing and shitting.

So when my buddies and I go out I am never surprised when we almost always agree on the top three hottest girls in the venue.  If you gathered every guy in a bar on a busy Saturday night and asked them to rank the girls the same ones would appear on the tops of all their lists.  You don’t need scientific studies to prove what common sense already tells you — that beauty is not subjective if men all agree on which girls are beautiful.

But for those who live in a world of self-delusion and get hives when the words evolutionary psychology are mentioned, there is now a growing body of studies in the neurosciences to buttress casual observation that not only is female beauty objective, but so is beauty in the arts.

This study found that an abstract sense of beauty is at least partly innate.

When people were shown pictures of sculptures in a new study, brain scans suggest they judged beauty by at least partly hard-wired standards.

Researchers in Italy showed volunteers original and distorted images of Classical and Renaissance sculptures. The scientists picked 14 volunteers with no experience in art theory to try to see what role pure biology had to do with judging art.

The proportions of the sculptures in the study followed the golden ratio. And the original images of them strongly activated sets of brain cells that the distorted images did not—including the insula, a brain structure that mediates emotions.

“We were very surprised that very small modifications to images of the sculptures led to very strong modifications in brain activity,” researcher Giacomo Rizzolatti, a neuroscientist at the University of Parma, told LiveScience.

In addition, instead of asking volunteers to simply enjoy these pictures, the researchers also had them judge how beautiful or ugly each was. The images thought of as beautiful activated the right amygdala, a brain structure that responds to memories laden with emotional value. (The original images were often judged by the test subjects as more beautiful than distorted ones.)

The results indicate that the sense of beauty is based on hard-wired notions triggered in the insula and one’s experiences, and then activated in the amygdala. Still, the scientists caution the findings cannot necessarily be generalized across cultures.

The conclusions of this study support the notion that the fingerpainting known as modern “art” is a fraud perpetrated on the masses by elitist snobs who needed to devise a false criteria for separating themselves from the gauche plebes.

Here is a study that shows men’s preferences for a female 0.7 waist to hip ratio has a real basis in biological necessity.

Controlling for other correlates of cognitive ability, women with lower WHRs and their children have significantly higher cognitive test scores, and teenage mothers with lower WHRs and their children are protected from cognitive decrements associated with teen births. These findings support the idea that WHR reflects the availability of neurodevelopmental resources and thus offer a new explanation for men’s preference for low WHR.

Summary: evolution designed men to prefer sexy hourglass figures because women who have them give birth to smarter babies.

This archaeological discovery suggests that prehistoric women shared the same tastes in slutty fashion as modern women.

“According to the figurines we found, young women were beautifully dressed, like today’s girls in short tops and mini skirts, and wore bracelets around their arms,” said archaeologist Julka Kuzmanovic-Cvetkovic.

prehistoric boy shorts underneath

She looks pretty thin.  So much for the hypothesis that men used to like fat girls before the evil fashion industry warped their minds to chase after thin girls.  7,500 hundred years ago men lusted for a hot bod in a mini skirt, same as today.  And, same as today, women knew what turned men on.

There are mountains of papers which show that beautiful faces of both sexes have traits in common.  And that what is beautiful and what is ugly is not a mystery or in the eye of the beholder.  Case in point:

   
i eat babies.                                              these lips were made for blowing.

A tsunami of evidence from the neurosciences (as opposed to the soft sciences of sociology and cultural anthropology where radicals with axes to grind have created a mutual masturbation society of feelgood lies) is slowly and inexorably repudiating decades of dearly-held and rabidly guarded cherished beliefs.

There will be much wailing and gnashing of teeth as their rancid ideology is ground to dust.  And I will taste their tears of unfathomable sadness…mm, so yummy and sweet!

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Fat American Women = Dating Disparity

There is no doubt the obesity epidemic in the U.S. tilts the dating playing field in favor of those women who manage to keep their figures.  The growing bloat of half the female population guarantees that slender women are more in demand than ever, and I believe this is a major contributing factor to the runaway egos and entitlement complexes of American women in general.

To see how this might be so, three premises need to be examined.

1.  Does obesity handicap the dating prospects of afflicted women more than it does afflicted men?

Since American men are getting fatter at about the same rate as American women it’s reasonable to ask if this neck and neck race to the fattest helps keep the dating market balanced and the prospects for finding love equal between the sexes.  The answer is no.  Men are much more visually driven than women when judging the opposite sex for mate worthiness and rolls of fertility-concealing blubber that disfigure a woman’s natural hourglass shape and sexually arousing appearance will harm her attractiveness to men a lot worse than being overweight will harm a man’s attractiveness to women.

This is a simple fact of life.  A rich or smart or funny guy who is 30 pounds overweight will have an easier time in the dating market than a kind and sweet and personable woman overweight by the same amount.  Guys have many more compensatory qualities they can bring to the table to neutralize the disadvantage of being fat, whereas fat women, no matter how well cultivated their other attributes, cannot win over the men they want without lowering their standards to the basement or accepting a life of constant pump and dumps from players on the prowl for easy noncommital sex.

Furthermore, it is a myth that fat guys, through the power of their expanding guts, magically discover the appeal of fat chicks.  The fat guys you see hooking up with fat chicks do so BECAUSE THEY HAVE NO OTHER CHOICE.  The truth is that fat guys lust after hot slender babes just as much as thin guys do.

2.  Does the obesity epidemic directly improve the dating prospects of women who stay in shape?

Given that fat girls have poor dating prospects even among fat guys, and that almost all guys are attracted to thin girls (the tiny population of fatty fucking fetishists to the contrary notwithstanding), the remaining thin girls will see their sexual market value skyrocket.  This smaller pool of attractive women means that each hot chick can date up higher than she would have otherwise.

A thin girl whose looks are magnified in contrast to the fat chicks around her and who is pursued by all the men will command a much higher price — and a bigger sense of self-worth — than a thin girl in a roomful of other thin girls who is pursued by a fraction of the available men who must divide their attention between multiple targets.

In the former scenario, it will not take the thin girl long to perceive her inflated market value and act accordingly.  A monstrous bitch shield ensues.

This is why the hot girl with a fat friend will subconsciously ENABLE HER FAT FRIEND’S WEIGHT PROBLEM, and why the fat girl will try to drag her hot friend into the bottom of the Ben and Jerry’s pint with her.  It is against the genetic interests of both of them to encourage female competition.  They are in it to win it, just like the rest of us.

3.  Do the numbers justify a connection between obesity and typical American woman attitudes?

Let’s check the numbers.  First, I’ll show through the illuminating power of my handy charts the ideal attractive weight for women.  (I’ve used the 1959 Met Life insurance tables for this analysis as they more accurately reflect optimum weights than recent tables which have had to adjust upwards to account for American “grade inflation”.)

Categories 

Ideal Weight: BMI 17.6 – 21.  99% of men find women in this range to be hot.

Maximum Healthy Weight: BMI 25.  The upper limit of what the medical establishment classifies as healthy weight.  (Note that “healthy” and “aesthetically pleasing to men” are not necessarily the same.)  30% of men will find women over the ideal weight but within the healthy weight sexually attractive.  The other 70% will think they are chubby, but still bangable if the effort required to close the deal is not too great.

Overweight: BMI 25.1 – 30.  The weight at which a woman becomes officially fat.  Less than 10% of men will find women in this range sexually attractive.  Men who can get slender girls will not even look twice at women in this group.

Obesity… and Beyond!: BMI 30+.  Over 98% of men will be actively repulsed by these women.

Height       Ideal Weight    Max Healthy    Overweight      Fatass!

5’0″           90-107             128                129-154             155+
5’1″           93-111             132                 133-159             160+
5’2″           96-115             137                 138-164             165+
5’3″           100-119           141                142-169             170+
5’4″           103-123           146                147-175             176+
5’5″           106-127           151                152-180             181+
5’6″           109-131           155                156-186             187+
5’7″           112-135           160                161-192             193+
5’8″           115-139           164                165-197             198+
5’9″           119-143           169                170-203             204+
5’10”         123-147           174                175-209             210+
5’11”         126-151           179                180-215             216+
6’0″           130-155           184                185-221             222+
6’1″           133-159           190                191-227             228+
6’2″           137-163           195                196-234             235+

Now let’s look at the demographics.  According to the 2000 U.S. Census, there are approximately 40 million American women between the ages of 20 and 39 (a range which roughly matches a woman’s fertile years and maximum dating marketability).  Using my handy chart above, we establish a threshold of BMI 25 as the point at which a woman takes a non-trivial hit to her sexual worth.  As her BMI steadily increases, more and more men will regard her with cold asexual indifference culminating in outright revulsion.  An American Medical Association study classified 52% of all women between the ages of 20 and 39 as overweight or obese with a BMI of 25 or higher.  (The CDC also has similar studies on obesity.)

That’s HALF of all women in the prime dating years who have damaged or even completely trashed their sexual appeal to men through sloth and gluttony.  They have made their search for love unnecessarily harder by their choices.

There are 20 million American women at a healthy weight competing for the attentions of 40 million men in the same age bracket.  Even this lopsided number doesn’t tell the whole story.  Of those 20 million women, a smaller number are at the ideal sexual attractiveness weight of BMI 17.6 to 21, given that the upper bound of healthy weight is BMI 25.  The ideal attractive BMI is about half the total healthy BMI, so the number of slender babes that are maximally attractive to the vast majority of men is really in the neighborhood of 10 million.  Remember that this analysis does not factor in facial ugliness which would surely whittle away at the number of attractive women further.

Finally, we must stipulate that the tendency of women as they age to date increasingly older men than themselves means that the figure of 40 million men is actually too low.  Extending the dating market of men to age 50 adds another 20 million to their total number.  Controlling for marriage makes no difference because the ratio of single men to single women remains the same.

This brings us to the final tally of potentially 60 million men hotly pursuing 10 million women.  That’s a 6 to 1 dating ratio.  Talk about a stacked deck.

If you want to know why American women have such unrealistic expectations, ridiculously out-of-sync standards, neurotically overblown egos, schizophrenic flakiness, and chronic selfishness —
it’s all in the numbers.
the fat, porky, tubby numbers. 

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Marriage Does A Body Bad

Anyone who has heard the complaints of married men about their wives’ letting it all go to pot after the first bite of the wedding cake would not be surprised by this study.  As if there wasn’t already enough to argue against the raw deal for men that is modern marriage, we now have slovenly fatness to toss into the mix.

•Women in their teens and early 20s who continued to date but didn’t cohabitate gained an average of 15 pounds over five years; their male counterparts added about 24 pounds.

•Newly married women in that age group packed on 24 pounds in five years; newly married men gained 30 pounds.

That degree of gain wasn’t seen in couples who were living together but not married. Women gained 3 pounds more than their single peers — 18 pounds — and men gained 24 pounds.

Single people stay the thinnest, followed closely by cohabiting couples, and bringing up the (very large) rear are married couples.  Since weight gain on men is not as deleterious to their romantic prospects nor as deal-breaking for the women who love them, the real extent of how structurally anti-pleasure marriage is reveals itself in the pounds packed on by the wives.  A wife who stuffs her cakehole and bloats up by 24 pounds in the first five years of marriage is basically saying she doesn’t give a flying fuck about her husband’s desires.  So she isn’t just a lardass she’s inconsiderate.  Inner ugly marches lockstep with outer ugly.

“When people are dating, there may be more incentive to be thin,” Gordon-Larsen says.

The sexual market uber alles.  What married couples don’t seem to grasp is that the rules have changed.  Marriage is no longer a sanctuary from the unforgiving judgement of human mate preference.  No fault divorce and a complete collapse of the old social prohibitions have ensured that.

Single young adults tend to be the most active, watch the least amount of TV and are the least likely to be obese, says Natalie The, a researcher at the University of North Carolina.

What does marriage have going for it anymore?

She says many factors probably contribute to couples’ weight, including having children, post-pregnancy pounds, having less time to exercise and eating out more or cooking bigger meals.

Or losing the incentive to keep yourself attractive to the opposite sex.  No doubt many of these women married losers who aren’t flight risks, so why bother?

The 50% divorce rate is easy to understand once you know the cycle of life:

Man marries woman ——> woman’s goal is achieved (snag monogamous provider) while man’s goal (spread the seed) is thwarted ——> woman no longer feels need to be attractive to man ——> she gets fat ——> man loses interest in fucking her ——> woman becomes insecure over this and eats even more ——> she gets fatter ——> man drops all pretense of pleasing his fat wife and sits around belching, farting, drinking beer, watching sports, and forgetting anniversaries ——> woman resents man for this ——> woman shovels massive quantities of food down her gullet for comfort and pleasure ——> woman is now unrecognizable manatee ——> man escapes to nightly poker games with his buddies and quick jerks to porn ——> woman files for divorce ——> man loses half his money ——> woman uses this unearned windfall to hire personal trainer ——> woman loses weight remembering what it takes to please a man.

I have a question for all those fatass wives out there.
Tell me, when the mirror mocks you and your husband finds the sight of you repulsive and your marriage crumbles around you in a deluge of bitter bitter tears, ask yourself…
was the food worth it?

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Dating Market Value For Women

UPDATE:
I’ve adjusted the scoring and categories a bit because the test was skewed somewhat toward lower scores.  For those who have arguments with my scoring system, understand that it is based on averages.  I’m sure everyone knows a 34 year old woman who is just as hot as the average 22 year old girl, but the exceptions don’t make the rules.

And a note on BMI:
I used the 1959 Met Life height-weight insurance charts as guides as they are the most accurate (before American “grade inflation” made obese the new normal).  A 5’10” 140lb woman would have a BMI of 20.1, which puts her well within the most desirable BMI category.

*****

If you are a woman, this test will measure your dating market value.  The higher the number, the better quality man you can catch.  The lower the number, the more likely you will find yourself surrounded by cats.  Unlike the male version of this test, here I have added a sliding scale to some of the questions because this better reflects the outsized importance that certain factors have on a woman’s total sexual value.

Guys, you may take this quiz for your girlfriends or wives to see if you have settled for tepid sex once a week or if you always get hard looking at her and never forget her birthday.

1.  How old are you?

15 to 16 years old:  +5 points
17 to 20 years old:  +10 points
21 to 25 years old:  +8 points
26 to 29 years old:  +3 point
30 to 33 years old:  0 points
33 to 36 years old:  -1 point
37 to 40 years old:  -5 points
41 to 45 years old:  -8 points
46 to 49 years old:  -10 points
over 49:  you’ve hit the wall.  waysa?

2.  How important is makeup to your appearance?

It slightly enhances my looks:  0 points
I look like a different woman with makeup:  -1 point
I’m a natural beauty.  My morning face looks the same as my evening face:  +1 point

3.  What is your IQ?  (This relates tangentially to your ability to connect emotionally with a man.)

Under 85:  -1 point
85 to 100:  0 points
101 to 120:  +1 point
121 to 145:  0 points
Over 145:  -1 point

*****

The following ten questions deal with the physical attractiveness of your body.

4.  Your breast size is:

Bee stings up to A cup:  -1 point
B cup:  0 points
C cup:  +1 point
D cup, naturally firm:  +2 points
DD cup, firm:  +1 point
E cup and up:  0 points

5.  Your breasts look firm and pert when you wear:

A bra:  0 points
An underwire push-up bra:  -1 point
Nothing:  +1 point

6.  How long are your legs in relation to your height?

Long:  +1 point
Average:  0 points
Short:  -1 point

7.  What is the shape of your ass?

Flat:  -1 point
Round and fleshy:  +1 point
Round, fleshy, and firm:  +2 points
Flat and saggy:  -2 points
Just average:  0 points

8.  How flat is your stomach?

Cutting board flat:  +1 point
Slight pouch:  0 points
Muffin top:  -1 point
Flabby beer gut and fupa:  -10 points

9.  How toned are your upper arms?

Very toned, I can see my triceps:  +1 point
Average, not flabby:  0 points
If I hold my arm out, I can wobble the fat underneath my upper arm:  -1 point

10.  How big are your hands?

Delicate piano fingers, proportionally small:  +1 point
Average size:  0 points
Manhands:  -1 point

11.  Where is there hair on your body?

My head and pubic area only:  +1 point
I have to shave my legs daily and wax my bushy eyebrows:  0 points
I have dark forearm hair and a mustache:  -1 point
Nipples, asscrack, and that giant mole on my back:  -2 points

12.  Get a tape ruler and measure around your waist and your hips.  Divide your waist number by your hip number.  This ratio is:

0.65 to 0.75:  +1 point
0.55 to 0.64:  0 points
under 0.55:  -1 point
0.76 to 0.85:  0 points
0.85 to 0.95:  -1 point
over 0.95:  -2 points

13.  What is your BMI?

(Go here to calculate your BMI.  The scoring of female BMI varies somewhat from that of male BMI because aesthetics, not just general health, have to be taken into consideration.)

under 14.1:  -10 points
14.1 to 15.0:  -5 points
15.1 to 16.5:  0 points
16.6 to 17.4:  +3 points
17.5 to 21.0:  +10 points
21.1 to 23.0:  +3 points
23.1 to 24.5:  0 points
24.6 to 28.0:  -5 points
28.1 to 33.0:  -10 points
over 33.0:  stop taking this quiz.  you get nothing!  you lose!  good day madam!

*****

The next ten questions are the section of the test that measures your facial beauty.  Since so much of a woman’s dating market value resides in the appeal of her face, I have chosen to examine some traits in finer detail.  To illustrate how very subtle changes in facial characteristics can mean the difference between beautiful and ugly, look at these two photos:

I do not even have to label these photos because almost all my readers viewing them, men and women, will instinctively know which is the hot girl and which is not.  Remember this the next time someone tells you beauty is in the eye of the beholder.

14.  On a scale of 1 to 10, how pretty are you?

Note:  Do not bother soliciting the opinions of the following people, because they will not give you a truthful answer.

Your family.
Your heterosexual female friends.
Your homosexual male friends.
Your heterosexual male friends who would sleep with you given the chance.

Instead, put your pic up on hotornot and check back in a week.  Otherwise, go with what you’ve overheard through the grapevine by people who weren’t your close friends, or suck it up and try to be as honest with yourself as possible.  Lesbians will also give you an accurate appraisal as long as it is through a third party and not directly to your face.  Use the photos above as guidelines.  Adjust your rating based on how close your facial morphology matches one or the other.

0:  don’t bothering finishing this test.
1 to 2:  -10 points
3 to 4:  -5 points
5:  -1 point
6:  +2 points
7:  +5 points
8 to 9:  +8 points
10:  +12 points

15.  How clear is your skin?

No acne, blemishes, or poorly located moles:  0 points
Some combination of the above:  -1 point
People are always telling you how silky smooth your skin looks:  +1 point

16.  Do you have any noticeable deformities?

Yes, minor:  -1 point
Yes, major:  -10 points
No:  0 points

17.  How full are your lips?

Pencil thin:  -1 point
Average:  0 points
Juicily plump:  +1 point
Weirdly oversized:  0 points

18.  How high is your forehead?

Low:  -1 point
Average:  0 points
High:  +1 point

19.  How long is your jawline from ear to chin?

Long:  -1 point
Average:  0 points
Short:  +1 point

20.  How big is your chin?

Small:  +1 point
Average:  0 points
Large:  -1 point

21.  How big is your nose?

Small:  +1 point
Average:  0 points
Large:  -1 point

22.  In proportion to the size of your face, are your eyes:

Large and saucer-like:  +1 point
Normal-sized:  0 points
Small and beady:  -1 point

23.  Is the distance between your eyes:

Wide:  +1 point
Average:  0 points
Narrow:  -1 point

The bottom line on female facial beauty is that as the lower half of her face becomes smaller and more delicate, making her eyes and cheekbones appear more prominent, the better looking she will be.

*****

The final eleven questions measure your femininity, sexiness, and pleasing personality traits.  This is the closest to “game” that women have at their disposal.  It isn’t much, which is why the scoring is lowest in this section.

24.  You frequently wear sexy lingerie, even when not prepping for a hot date.

Yes:  +1 point
Special occasions only:  0 points
Never.  Ripped and stained comfy granny panties only:  -1 point

25.  When someone gets hurt you are the first to ask if they are OK and to deliver aid if needed.

Almost always:  +1 point
Occasionally:  0 points
Almost never:  -1 point

26.  You are highly competitive and often play co-ed team sports.

Yes, and I will throw an elbow if necessary.  My shelf is filled with trophies:  -1 point
I like to exercise on nice days with one on one sports like tennis:  +1 point
I’m competitive with other girls, but not guys:  0 points

27.  When a guy approaches you in a bar, regardless of your attraction for him, you:

Smile and look at him:  +1 point
Pretend like you don’t notice him coming:  0 points
Frown and tell him you’re talking to your friends before he even gets a chance to say Hi:  -1 point

28.  On a first date the check arrives for dinner and drinks.  You:

Offer to split the check or even pay in full:  +1 point
Smile and thank the guy when he pays for the check:  0 points
Forget to thank him after he pays for your ungrateful ass:  -1 point

29.  You are about to have sex with a guy for the first time.  He undresses and his penis is small.  Do you:

Tell him how great his cock looks and feels?:  +1 point
Say nothing:  0 points
Look surprised and stifle a laugh:  -1 point

30.  You think blowjobs are:

Great!  You give them spontaneously and there’s never any doubt how much you enjoy it:  +1 point
An obligation:  0 points
Gross.  You gave one after your BF proposed and spit it on his shoes:  -1 point

31.  Do you do anal?

Yes, and it makes me come to know how much it pleases my man:  +1 point
Only when I get really drunk:  0 points
Never.  It’s an exit only:  -1 point

32.  The number of sex positions you have tried is:

3 to 10:  0 points
Missionary and doggy style only:  -1 point
I’m a contortionist:  +1 point

33.  How often do you curse?

I think I said damn once:  +1 point
I blurt out fuck and shit a few times a week:  0 points
My mouth is a gutter:  -1 point

34.  You’d best describe your sense of fashion as:

I’m a label whore:  -1 point
I hide my body under baggy tees and ill-fitting jeans:  -1 point
I wear casual clothing that flatters my figure:  0 points
I wear stylish clothing on weeknights and I can handle heels over 3 inches:  +1 point
My flip flops have my foot imprint in them:  -2 points

*****

SCORING

There is a minimum of -83 points and a maximum of 64 points to earn based on the questions asked.  The reason the minimum score goes lower than the maximum score goes high is because there are a few things, such as gross obesity, old age, or a major facial deformity, that seriously negatively impact a woman’s overall rating to the point of market extinction.

The scoring breaks down as follows:

-83:  You are proof that god does not exist, but that satan does.
-82 to -56:  You’re an omega.  If it makes you feel better you will have your choice of male omegas to bang.
-55 to -40:  The majority of men are disgusted by the sight of you.  Your kind will suffer most when our sexbot overlords arrive.  Losers hit on you constantly figuring they have a chance.
-39 to -20:  You were born to cockblock.  But you’ll manage to marry a table scrap.
-19 to -5:  Lesser beta.  The men you want make fun of you out of earshot.  You spend many years learning how to settle for mediocre betas.
-4 to 14:  Classic beta.  Your hot friends always gets hit on first, but if you really tramp it up you can snag a slightly better than average guy to take you home for a single night of commitment.
15 to 29:  Greater beta.  More than a few attractive guys will approach you.  But if your personality is flawed you risk becoming a pump and dump victim.
30 to 43:  You are officially a nascent alpha female.  A lot of quality guys will hit on you and you will be able to pick and choose at your leisure.  But don’t push it.  You’re not quite hot enough to string guys along forever.
44 to 55:  You’re a bona fide hottie.  Nearly every guy who meets you agrees you are a hottie.  So does every girl.  This puts you in the top 1% of worldwide womanhood.  With great power comes great responsibility, so try to limit the number of men you torture with blueballs and LJFB rejections to fewer than 100 in your social circle.  As long as you are not a complete bitch, marriage with a top quality man will come easily to you.
56 to 63:  Guys want you, girls want to be you.  You are just short of perfection, which paradoxically means you will get hit on more than the super alpha females.  You are a player’s greatest challenge, and his greatest reward, because unlike the perfect woman there is still something human about you.  Sex, love, security, commitment, easy living… you have it all.  Only your demons can defeat you.
64:  Super Alpha.  The world is yours.  Life is an endless parade of joy and excitement.  Your power is illimitable… for now.

I hope everyone noticed what was missing from this test:

Your job.
The amount of money you make.
Your accomplishments.
Your social status and number of friends.
Your deep and profound worldview.

Unlike the men who took my Male Dating Market Value test, I do not expect *any* women to be completely honest with themselves taking the Female Dating Market Value test.  The female ego is simply way too fragile to absorb the shock of such a brutal self-assessment.  Therefore, I will be mentally subtracting 10 points from every woman who posts her score here in the comments.

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Dating Market Value For Men

Dating market value test for women is here. 

Here is a system for determining your dating market value if you are a man.  Dating market value is a measurement of how you stack up against other men in the competition for attracting female interest.  Be honest with yourself taking this survey.  It will give you a fairly accurate assessment of the quality and number of women you are capable of attracting for a sexual relationship.  Girls, you may take this quiz for your boyfriends to see if you are slumming it or about to be cheated on.

1.  How old are you?

under 25 years old:  0 points
26-34 years old:  +1 point
35-45 years old:  0 points
45+ years old:  -1 point

2.  How tall are you?

under 5’9″:  -1 point
5’9″ to 5’11”:  0 points
6′ to 6’4″:  +1 point
over 6’4″:  0 points

3.  What is your BMI?

(Go here to calculate your BMI.  I know BMI doesn’t account for very muscular physiques, but since most men are not Lee Haney, it is adequate for this survey’s purposes.)

under 20.0:  -1 point
20.0 to 24.0:  +1 point
24.1 to 27.0:  0 points
over 27.0:  -1 point

4.  How much do you bench press?

60% or less of your body weight:  -1 point
61% to 80% of your body weight:  0 points
81% to 170% of your body weight:  +1 point
over 170% of your body weight:  0 points

5.  What does your hairline look like?

Full head of hair if you are over 35:  +1 point
Full head of hair if you are under 35:  0 points
Receding hairline if you are over 35:  0 points
Receding hairline if you are under 35:  -1 point
Bald (age irrelevant):  -1 point
Bald but you are dark-skinned:  0 points

6.  How much money do you make?

under $40K and you are out of college:  -1 point
$40K to $70K out of college and under 40 years old:  0 points
over $70K out of college and under 40 years old:  +1 point
under $40K and you are college age or younger:  0 points
$40K to $55K and over 40 years old:  -1 point
$55K to $90K and over 40 years old:  0 points
over $90K and 40 to 55 years old:  +1 point
over $200K (age irrelevant):  +1 point

7.  Do you have a car?

No (under 21yo):  0 points
No (over 21yo):  -1 point
Yes (under 21yo):  +1 point
Yes (over 21yo):  0 points
No, but you have a motorcycle (age irrelevant):  +1 point

8.  Are you good-looking?

(Self-assessment is somewhat unreliable, so if you are uncertain of your looks post your pic on hotornot and wait a week for your score.  Or get opinions from unbiased and blunt friends.  Hashing out the biometric details of what makes a male face attractive would require another lengthy post, so for now these two methods are acceptable substitutes.)

On a 1 – 10 scale:

0 – 4:  -1 point
5 – 7:  0 points
8 – 10:  +1 point

9.  Have you ever played a leading role in a team sport?

No:  0 points
Yes:  +1 point

10.  What is your occupation?

(Since I won’t list every single high status job in the Department of Labor’s Occupational Handbook, you’ll have to make a judgment call on your own job.  It’s a safe assumption that most people know a high status job when they see it.)

High status (doctor, lawyer, stockbroker, executive, professor, business owner, successful artist or musician or writer, professional athlete, etc.):  +1 point
Neutral status (engineer, programmer, accountant, salesman, mid level manager, scientist, military officer, well-paid tradesman, etc.):  0 points
Low status (low paid blue collar, admin, construction, janitor, struggling web designer, help desk, etc.):  -1 point

11.  How many friends do you have?

0 to 3:  -1 point
4 to 20:  0 points
over 20:  +1 point

12.  How many friends have you met through the internet that you have never seen in person?

0 to 2:  0 points
over 2:  -1 point

13.  When was the last time you went to a house party?

Within the past month:  +1 point
Between one month and one year ago:  0 points
Over one year ago:  -1 point

14.  Have people besides your family called you funny?

None:  -1 point
A few have:  0 points
Nearly everyone who knows me:  +1 point

15.  What is your IQ?

Under 85:  -1 point
85 to 110:  0 points
110 to 130:  +1 point
130 to 145:  0 points
over 145:  -1 point

16.  At a party, which happens first – you approach someone or someone approaches you?

I approach someone first almost every time:  +1 point
I occasionally approach first:  0 points
Someone normally approaches me first:  -1 point

17.  Have you ever been in a serious fight where real punches were thrown and you felt like you wanted to kill your opponent(s)?

No:  0 points
Yes:  +1 point
Yes, with a girl:  -1 point

18.  Have you ever been arrested?

No:  0 points
Yes:  +1 point
Yes, for child pornography or public exposure:  -1 point

****

It’s best to answer the following four questions based on your past experience with similar scenarios.  Who we really are is not what we wish we were but what we have always been.

19.  You are on a second date with a girl.  You go to kiss her.  She turns her cheek to you and says “Slow down, I’m not that kind of girl.”  You reply:

(A) “Sorry.”
(B) “Yeah, well, no prob.”
(C) “This could be trouble ’cause I’m that kind of guy.” *smirk*

If you answered (A), subtract a point.
If (B), no points.
If (C), add a point.

20.  You’re chatting up a pretty girl you just met in a bar.  After a few minutes she asks you to buy her a drink.  You reply:

(A) “Sure.”
(B) “I’m not an ATM.”
(C) “No, but you can buy me one.”

If you answered (A), subtract a point.
If (B), no points.
If (C), add a point.

21.  You’ve just met a cute girl in a club and have been talking with her for five minutes when she abruptly changes the topic to a raunchy conversation about her multiorgasmic ability.  You respond with:

(A) a huge grin and an eager “Damn! That is HOT!”
(B) a look of mild disdain.
(C) a raised eyebrow while saying “Hey, thanks for the medical report.”

If you answered (A), subtract a point.
If (B), no points.
If (C), add a point.

22.  The pickup has been going well.  Later in the night she leans in and begins making out with you passionately.  You feel like a king and your jeans suddenly feel much tighter.  Do you:

(A) immediately grope her boob in return.
(B) continue making out with her for as long as she wishes.
(C) kiss for a little bit then push her gently away and look distracted for a second.

If you answered (A), subtract a point.
If (B), no points.
If (C), add a point.

And finally, the critical thinking portion of the quiz.  The following questions are based on the progression of a single pickup attempt.

23.  You go to a bar.  Twenty feet away are a pretty girl, a fat girl, and an average guy talking amongst themselves.  The pretty girl briefly eye flirts with you.  In reponse, you:

(A) eye flirt back and forth a few times before approaching 20 minutes later.
(B) immediately approach in a direct fashion maintaining strong eye contact with your target.
(C) immediately approach but from an indirect angle, looking around the room distractedly on the way over to your target as if you might see an even prettier girl somewhere else, and finally delivering your opener from over your shoulder.

(A):  -1 point
(B):  0 points
(C):  +1 point

24.  Who do you address first?

(A) the pretty girl.
(B) the fat girl.
(C) everyone.

(A):  -1 point
(B):  0 points
(C):  +1 point 

25.  After getting the whole group engaged in conversation and having a good time, your target blurts out “Hey nice pink shirt! Are you gay?”  You:

(A) say “No, I’m not gay!”
(B) ignore her.
(C) say “OK, who brought their little sister to the bar!”

(A):  -1 point
(B):  0 points
(C):  +1 point

26.  In the middle of the conversation you have to pee.  You say:

(A) “I have to go to the bathroom. I’ll be right back.”
(B) “Excuse me.”
(C) nothing.  Just go.

(A):  -1 point
(B):  0 points
(C):  +1 point 

27.  You’ve managed to get her outside your front door.  There is obvious sexual tension.  You want to close this deal.  You say:

(A) “So, um, ah, see you around.”
(B) “Why don’t you come inside?”
(C) “I’m thirsty.  Are you thirsty?  Let’s go inside and taste DC’s finest tap water.  But you can only stay for a minute, I have to get up early.”

(A):  -1 point
(B):  0 points
(C):  +1 point

****

SCORES

There are 26 points to earn or lose based on the questions asked.  The scoring breaks down as follows:

-26:  Why are you still alive?
-25 to -20:  You’re an omega.  Celibacy has its charms.
-19 to -15:  You actively repulse girls.  Your kind will usher forth the sexbot revolution.
-14 to -10:  You’re always getted foisted onto the warpigs.
-9 to 0:  Lesser beta.  You don’t immediately disgust girls; they just don’t notice you.  With much painful effort you can redeem yourself.
1 to 9:  Classic beta.  You catch some girls’ eyes, usually the ones you don’t want.  Try not to make fatty fucking a lifestyle.
10 to 14:  A few attractive girls in the bar will be intrigued by your presence.  But you need game to close the deal.
15 to 19:  Congrats, you have crossed the alpha Rubicon.  A lot of cute girls will be pleased when you hit on them.  But you can still fuck up by being yourself.
20 to 25:  You’re a natural.  Many hot girls check you out and forgive your occasional pickup blunders.  You always have a look of sexual satisfaction on your face.
26:  Super Alpha.  Booty sticks to you like bird shit on car roofs.

Next:  The Dating Market Value test for the ladies!

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This Is Your Life

Common American Man, this is how your life will unfold.  You will start with dreams, big dreams.  You will believe you are ordained for exceptionalism.  You will reluctantly abandon your dreams as the years pass and reality inexorably descends upon you like a choking shroud of grit.  That reality looks like this —

You will get older, uglier, and fatter with each year.  Soon you will notice young women no longer take your flirtations seriously.  Your sloth and social detachment will worsen until people don’t even bother to be polite around you.  You will gradually lower your standards in what you want in a girl until desperation pushes you to marry a dumpy oinker well past her prime.  You will rut with her once a week, then once a month, then holidays only.  You will relieve yourself drearily masturbating in the middle of the night by the cold flickering light of your computer monitor while that bloated seacow who doesn’t give a shit for your desires snores in the bed you can no longer get a good night’s sleep in.  Your one shred of solace will come from knowing your depreciating asset (AKA wife) will have as few options as you do virtually guaranteeing lifelong fidelity.  Eventually you will have a couple of ungrateful snotty kids and your free time and discretionary cash will be completely obliterated.  You will squander whatever morsels of opportunity come your way as you settle into an achingly dull job paying the median wage dutifully punching the clock as a faceless cog in the corporate machine greasing the soul-soaked gears of the global marketplace with your bitter bloody tears.  You will silently mourn your impotent, shriveled manhood as the established order extracts the last penny of tribute from your broken spirit.  You will numb the pain with alcohol, untold hours vegging in front of the TV, and leveling your character in World of Warcraft.  Hours, days, months, years will slip away.  Then, one lonely quiet cloudy day sitting in your well-worn easy chair, you’ll contemplate the arc of your life.  And you’ll feel the gnawing grip of emptiness as the crushing weight of what a barren nothingness your existence proved to be presses down on you.  Barely comprehending, you’ll shudder.  And then, finally, the Grim Reaper will steal your last breath and you will disappear from the world as if you had never been here and when they bury you no one will really notice and no one will really care because in your whole life you never never never, not even once, stepped off the hamster wheel and did anything courageous or interesting or different.

And it will be too late when you realize that the chains clasped to your ankles and wrists were unlocked all along and you were always free to go.

~Fin~ 

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I Have Stolen Many Prime Years of Girls’ Lives

That’s what my mother told me over the phone yesterday in so many words.

Mom:  Why aren’t you settled down yet?
Me:  Just lucky, I guess?
Mom:  Don’t be a wiseguy.  You’re dating these young girls during their prime years and not marrying them.  Poor things.
Me:  I can’t believe my own mother isn’t on my side.
Mom:  You’re stealing the best years of their lives!  Don’t you feel guilty?
Me:  I dunno.  Did you feel guilty when you didn’t put out for a guy you were dating?
Mom:  Grow up!

Afterwards, I did ponder the wreckage of lives I have left behind in my copulatory wake.  Technically, I should feel some guilt.  If we define the prime marrying years of a woman to be between 21 and 26 — too young and she’ll be emotionally ill-equipped to perform her wifely duties of indulging my every need; too old and I’ll be emotionally ill-equipped to accept her indulgence — then I have squeezed the juice out of the ripest years of quite a few girls.  For free.  The next beta in line will be stuck marrying the rind.

I take a philosophical view of my biological thievery.  While I have reneged on my end of the deal, many women renege on theirs when they string a man along in LJBF perpetuity.  What guy with bloated testes hasn’t heard this from a girl he really liked:  “you’re my friend. i just don’t see you in that way.”

Therefore, my actions are helping to bring balance to the force.  On the cosmic scales of justice the cads and the cockteases are locked in battle supreme for everlasting victory.  I unsheath my sword with strength of purpose.

On a scale of 1 to 5, 1 being tongue lightly grazing the cheek and 5 being tongue firmly pressed to side of mouth, this post was 2 tongue in cheeks.

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