Feeds:
Posts
Comments

Archive for the ‘Vanity’ Category

Phone Number Free-For-All

I’ve noticed girls are giving out their phone numbers to guys more frequently than they used to do. They don’t even think twice about it now. Guy asks for number after a 30 second conversation; girl gives it to him. I’ve seen girls give their number to three different guys in one night at the same bar, only to go home with a fourth guy at last call.

What is going on here? Are these girls really interested in all these guys? No. Most of those guys will call once and get voicemail, never to hear from her again. Are they stroking their egos? Maybe, but they can do that without handing over their number. Attention whores survive on instantaneous highs, not the delayed gratification of waiting for a guy to call.

Has the phone number exchange become an easy way to get rid of a guy hitting on her? Girls used to dismiss guys with the standard “I have a boyfriend” line. That was the way things were done, and it was pretty effective. Plus, that tactic had the added benefit of preventing possible weirdos from voicemail-stalking her. Fake numbers also were standard operating procedure for the savvy club girl, but you don’t see that much anymore either.

I suspect the reason for this tactical change on the part of women has to do with the new game guys are bringing to the field. The lessons of the past ten years are beginning to filter down to the masses, and what you see are guys getting more aggressive during the initial pickup, but weaker on the phone tag follow-up. Men are calling their bluff when the girls toss out blowoff lines — “You have a boyfriend? That’s great, so does my girlfriend!” — but are quicker to NEXT the girls when they get voicemail on the follow-up call. The response by girls has been to revert to “number closing” to get a guy off their back knowing that the likelihood he will pester her with multiple voicemail messages is very low.

Women are giving out their numbers more readily because they are no longer concerned guys will stalk them.

My suggestion for guys to defend against this latest counterinsurgency tactic is to make women pay a price for handing their phone numbers over too cavalierly when they have no intention of answering your call. It is time to return to the days of harassing them over the phone. Call three times a week and supplement with rambling text messages. Be persistent, just like in the movies. Except in real life, she won’t find your persistence endearing and eventually succumb to your stubborn charms. But in the future she will think twice about blowing off guys with her phone number.

Read Full Post »

I think it’s retarded. But when the whole world is being retarded it pays to join them. It’ll make life easier and you’ll feel better.

I’m a Killer App Konformist.

Read Full Post »

It Counts

It’s no news that guys inflate their notch numbers and girls undercount theirs.  What is amusing is how girls find ways to lower their total score by devising elaborate schemes that make distinctions between sex and “fooling around”.

Hummers are a great example of this. While not technically sex, it’s close enough that she can’t just say nothing happened. An orifice was filled, so her whore score should reflect that. There’s no writing off a blowjob in a club bathroom.

Similary, fingerbanging has to count. It meets the filled orifice test, and someone is getting off.

Vacation sex is a big undercounting tactic, and fairly common, even among prim girls.  I’m pretty sure when girls talk about how much they love traveling they are really speaking in code for “how much they love traveling to get it on with an exotic local, preferably from a Meditteranean or Romance language nation, and then fly back home where the fling with the sexy accent can’t stalk her or cause trouble with her fiancee, and she can safely hide the memories.”

So the next time a girl tells you she loves to travel know that you are dealing with a slut who has moved operations overseas.

Read Full Post »

Faces Not Facebook

Facebook, and related internet social networking sites, don’t make you more friends:

Social networking sites like Facebook and MySpace do not help you make more genuine close friends, according to a survey by researchers who studied how the websites are changing the nature of friendship networks.
Although social networking on the internet helps people to collect hundreds or even thousands of acquaintances, the researchers believe that face to face contact is nearly always necessary to form truly close friendships.

“Although the numbers of friends people have on these sites can be massive, the actual number of close friends is approximately the same in the face to face real world,” said Will Reader at Sheffield Hallam University.

I’m not surprised by this. My close circle of friends are still the ones I met the natural genetically-optimized way: in meatspace. I occasionally bump into a fellow Myspacer who recognizes me through their computer monitor, but we hardly ever move the interaction past the obligatory hellos.

Facebook and Myspace are one part attention whore canvas, one part Creative Class Rolodex, and one part alter ego resume. They basically serve as outlets for people, especially younger women, to “express themselves” and climb the status ladder by demonstrating their social value through their meme-generating links, musical tastes, witticisms, “spontaneous” nightclub photos, and vapid hourly updates on the daily tedium of their lives. When they’re not stamping the internet world with their unoriginal brand of detached irony, they use these sites to herd their threadbare acquaintances into one easily managed electronic address book, keeping tabs on everyone, like ranchers herding steer. It’s a social butterfly’s dream come true! Wide… but shallow.

Ultimately, friendships live and die by trust. No one becomes your good friend until they, and you, have earned each other’s trust. And that is where sites like Facebook fail:

But to develop a real friendship we need to see that the other person is trustworthy. “We invest time and effort in them in the hope that sometime they will help us out. It is a kind of reciprocal relationship,” said Dr Reader, “What we need is to be absolutely sure that a person is really going to invest in us, is really going to be there for us when we need them…It’s very easy to be deceptive on the internet.”

That’s the key right there. With a few vaguely intriguing photos (action shots work best for guys, semi-porn snapshots for girls), a list of concert tour dates, and insidery jokes from people leaving comments on your profile, a person can present him or herself in a way that is at odds with reality. We are making friends with digital people whose first impressions have been micromanaged and painstakingly handcrafted for hours (sometimes weeks!) beforehand. You’ll never truly know someone’s character unless you engage them in realtime where a raised eyebrow or a sly smile can carry more vital information than pages of spoogy internet masturbation.

It reminds me of a girl I once dated whose Myspace page was a months-long project of webdesigner-looking social status achievement. I met her at a bar before I knew about her Myspace page. Later, when she showed me her profile, I couldn’t believe the disconnect between her sweet real self and the raging sassypants she presented online.

Because I have advanced ADD, I get bored on these sites after two minutes. I need to see the person I’m talking to at least once in a while or I won’t put in any effort to maintain the friendship. Give me real life over this pointless shit any day.

Btw, I’m on Facebook. You can find me under killa, killing your beta zombie.

Read Full Post »

Sweetness

Sweetness is defined as robbing a girl of the satisfaction of walking away from a failing relationship with the upper hand. It means stealing her thunder when she wants to be the dumper. There are two ways to do this, and both require presence of mind to accurately assess when she is about to pull the trigger. Timing is everything; you need to act right after she has made up her mind but just before she announces her intent to leave. Striking when the dissolution of the relationship has reached core meltdown will ensure maximum emotional impact and bewilderment.

Strategy 1

Dump her first.

Don’t do it too early while the embers of love are still strong or you’ll forswear many more months of sex and leave her brokenhearted. The Moloko Plus of righteous vengeance tastes bitter when raised in toast to a hapless, innocent victim. Save your awesome cruelty for the deserving. After she has grown cold to your affections and has begun plotting her escape she will care not a whit for your well-being. Thereafter feel free to unleash your malevolence unburdened by guilt.

When she has stopped returning your calls promptly and you sense the first stirrings of trouble, put your plan into action. Arrange to meet for drinks at your favorite bar (familiar turf is best). She won’t balk yet because you and her are still dating even if the spark has left. She may have lost the desire to hang out with you but her sense of obligation to the relationship will linger a little while longer. This window of tentative indifference usually lasts about two weeks. This is when you will act. As you and her are sitting there drinking and you’re watching her get more irritable by the minute, pause dramatically and with great solemnity announce that it’s just not working out, you’ve felt this way for a while, and though you hate hurting her like this you can’t fake it anymore and pretend like everything’s OK. You think it is unfair to keep her in a one-sided relationship when you don’t share her feelings and you want to end it now so the both of you can move on.

IMPORTANT: Do NOT give her an opportunity to respond. You want the confusion to fuck with her head for weeks.

Stand up from the table, throw a few bucks down for the drinks, and tell her you hope you can still be friends. When she attempts to sputter something in defense, hold up your hand forcefully and say “Don’t make it harder! We both need time to ourselves”, then walk out.

Strategy 2

Use her dumping power against her.

Wait for her to initiate the inevitable breakup talk and get a sense of the direction she plans to steer the conversation, then use her own words as your weapons. For instance, if she starts “I’ve been thinking…” you reply “I’ve been thinking too…”. If she says “I need space…” you say “I agree, we both need space…” then give her a reason why that space is so important by homing in on one of her critical weaknesses. Don’t know her critical weakness? What are you, a nancyboy? One of the first things you should accomplish in a relationship is taking a mental note of your girlfriend’s vulnerabilities. If you feel bad about doing this, trust me, she’s doing it to you. So find her buttons in case you need to press them in the future.

This strategy works only if you execute with the utmost subtlety. Simply blurting out everything you find distasteful about her after she has already lowered the boom will make you look feeble and hurt. You want to agree with her and then add your own opinion of the reasons for the failed relationship as if you understand her difficulty and are trying to make the whole process of dumping you easier for her. At first, she will approve of your “maturity” in handling the situation; later, when what you have said sinks in, she will seethe with hatred for you.

An example of this happened to me with a LAWYER chick I had dated for a couple months. She didn’t return one of my text messages for two days so I knew what to expect when she finally called. I answered the phone prepared:

Her: I have something to tell you…

Me: Yeah, me too.

Her: You do? Well go ahead, what did you want to say?

Me: No, you go first. I didn’t mean to interrupt.

Her: Well, OK… I’m sorry about this but I just don’t see us working out…

Me: I know…

Her: … and I don’t think… you know?

Me: Yeah, we’re not a good match. You’re looking for something else, and I’m looking for a more down-to-earth girl.

[NOTE: Every chick lawyer’s open bleeding wound is being thought of as too uptight, snobby, and anal. Telling a lawyer she is not down-to-earth is like rubbing rock salt in the wound.]

Her: Down-to-earth?

Me: I guess I was hoping it would work itself out.

Her: [Switching into snippy lawyer-talk mode] Well, I’m glad we can agree on this. Good day.

Oh I had hit pay dirt. Sure, I didn’t want the good times to end but at least I stopped her momentum dead in its tracks and left her with steam coming out of her ears. The proof of this is in what happened six months later when she saw me sitting at a sidewalk cafe table with some friends — she approached me and looked visibly nervous as she practically shouted how great it was to see me. My deft handling of the breakup had seared an indelible impression in her mind. Robbing her of the closure every woman needs with a breakup is a surefire way to keep the attraction simmering.

With great hate comes great love.

Read Full Post »

Number One Asset

I once had to get rid of a girl for a shallow reason.  It’s a shame, too.  I didn’t want to… she was cute, considerably younger, sweet… but some things are non-negotiable deal killers.  I was finger banging her during foreplay and, because I like the full experience, I brought my fingers up to my nose for a big sniff.

DAMN!  PEW!

Her vaginal odor instantly ruined the mood.  I don’t know what produced it — natural musky scent, yeast infection, old chicken wings — but a foul genital smell is right up there with brandishing an ice pick for making me walk away from sex and finish up later to pics of Lois from Family Guy.

I butched up and endured for as long as I could, but every time we changed positions and her bush passed through my smell zone I got blasted in the face with toxic fumes.  Doing her doggy style I was forced to press her ass cheeks together to keep the odor trapped.  Afterwards, I was afraid to smell anything on me.  I scrubbed my hands like a surgeon prepping for an operation and hours later the stank was still on my fingers.

I spent the next day smelling my own farts to get rid of the memory.  Then I shaved my pubes because I figured there was no way her sticky pungent juices would ever leave my groin.  It was like radical lice therapy.

I like going down on very attractive girls.  But even a Russian 10 would stop me cold in my tracks if her pussy smelled that strongly.  If I can’t go down on her without suppressing a gag and crying like I was peeling onions with a clothespin on my nose she will never be a long term prospect.  I may as well cut my losses.

I had a nightmare that night about being tortured by Central Asian Islamists who forced my face repeatedly into this girl’s snatch while yelling PUSSY IS GREAT! LICK IT DRY! over and over.  They called it beaverboarding.

Here’s Chateau Tip #14, ladies:  Your vagina is your number one asset.  Treat it as such.

Maybe girls can’t smell their own pussies the way we can’t smell our own bad breath.  In that case, it’s the duty of every man to inform his stinky girl she has issues down there.  If she can’t be bothered to fix a problem with her number one asset then that tells me she does not care for my desires as a man.  If she refuses because of a hippie belief in going au naturel then dump her.  Feminist mother earth hippie chicks with unkempt overgrown bushes will never treat you like the king you are.  Selfishness is a major character flaw in women.

Read Full Post »

I was always amused by people — especially women who seem to have a universal knee-jerk distaste for the idea that beauty can be measured and ranked — who believed that culture, or the media, or Hollywood, or parents, or peers, or the magic nose goblin, were somehow responsible for what gives men boners.  The religion of cultural conditioning is as cultic as any organized religion.  It has many adherents because, like traditional religions, it appeals to false hopes and placates with soothing lies.

No magazine, TV show, movie, or “groupthink” ever influenced the blood flow to my manhood.  Nor does it do so for any other man.  When my balls grew hair, the first time I saw a silky thigh was like a thermonuclear blast of lust that fried my brain.  My heart raced when I laid eyes on a pretty girl.  Nothing influenced this visceral reaction; it was as hardwired as breathing and shitting.

So when my buddies and I go out I am never surprised when we almost always agree on the top three hottest girls in the venue.  If you gathered every guy in a bar on a busy Saturday night and asked them to rank the girls the same ones would appear on the tops of all their lists.  You don’t need scientific studies to prove what common sense already tells you — that beauty is not subjective if men all agree on which girls are beautiful.

But for those who live in a world of self-delusion and get hives when the words evolutionary psychology are mentioned, there is now a growing body of studies in the neurosciences to buttress casual observation that not only is female beauty objective, but so is beauty in the arts.

This study found that an abstract sense of beauty is at least partly innate.

When people were shown pictures of sculptures in a new study, brain scans suggest they judged beauty by at least partly hard-wired standards.

Researchers in Italy showed volunteers original and distorted images of Classical and Renaissance sculptures. The scientists picked 14 volunteers with no experience in art theory to try to see what role pure biology had to do with judging art.

The proportions of the sculptures in the study followed the golden ratio. And the original images of them strongly activated sets of brain cells that the distorted images did not—including the insula, a brain structure that mediates emotions.

“We were very surprised that very small modifications to images of the sculptures led to very strong modifications in brain activity,” researcher Giacomo Rizzolatti, a neuroscientist at the University of Parma, told LiveScience.

In addition, instead of asking volunteers to simply enjoy these pictures, the researchers also had them judge how beautiful or ugly each was. The images thought of as beautiful activated the right amygdala, a brain structure that responds to memories laden with emotional value. (The original images were often judged by the test subjects as more beautiful than distorted ones.)

The results indicate that the sense of beauty is based on hard-wired notions triggered in the insula and one’s experiences, and then activated in the amygdala. Still, the scientists caution the findings cannot necessarily be generalized across cultures.

The conclusions of this study support the notion that the fingerpainting known as modern “art” is a fraud perpetrated on the masses by elitist snobs who needed to devise a false criteria for separating themselves from the gauche plebes.

Here is a study that shows men’s preferences for a female 0.7 waist to hip ratio has a real basis in biological necessity.

Controlling for other correlates of cognitive ability, women with lower WHRs and their children have significantly higher cognitive test scores, and teenage mothers with lower WHRs and their children are protected from cognitive decrements associated with teen births. These findings support the idea that WHR reflects the availability of neurodevelopmental resources and thus offer a new explanation for men’s preference for low WHR.

Summary: evolution designed men to prefer sexy hourglass figures because women who have them give birth to smarter babies.

This archaeological discovery suggests that prehistoric women shared the same tastes in slutty fashion as modern women.

“According to the figurines we found, young women were beautifully dressed, like today’s girls in short tops and mini skirts, and wore bracelets around their arms,” said archaeologist Julka Kuzmanovic-Cvetkovic.

hottie.jpg
prehistoric boy shorts underneath

She looks pretty thin.  So much for the hypothesis that men used to like fat girls before the evil fashion industry warped their minds to chase after thin girls.  7,500 hundred years ago men lusted for a hot bod in a mini skirt, same as today.  And, same as today, women knew what turned men on.

There are mountains of papers which show that beautiful faces of both sexes have traits in common.  And that what is beautiful and what is ugly is not a mystery or in the eye of the beholder.  Case in point:

antichrist.jpg   ashrai.jpg
i eat babies.                                              these lips were made for blowing.

A tsunami of evidence from the neurosciences (as opposed to the soft sciences of sociology and cultural anthropology where radicals with axes to grind have created a mutual masturbation society of feelgood lies) is slowly and inexorably repudiating decades of dearly-held and rabidly guarded cherished beliefs.

There will be much wailing and gnashing of teeth as their rancid ideology is ground to dust.  And I will taste their tears of unfathomable sadness…mm, so yummy and sweet!

Read Full Post »

« Newer Posts - Older Posts »

%d bloggers like this: