How To Deal With A Girl Gaming You

A reader emails:

Recently I have been gaming a girl who may intrigue some of the readers on this blog, along with yourself. An extremely high-T girl.

I met this girl in question at a party, where she came off as slightly shy and normal. I followed all of your pickup cues (luckily no shit tests, she came off as laid back), and I managed to get her number.

Here’s some background info on the girl. She’s a rower, 5’10” (I’m 6’2” so no worries there), a slight hipster, and very independent. Definitely high testosterone though.

Over the next few weeks, I built up some rapport by texting her and meeting up with her after work. Our time together is severely limited due to our schedules, so the texting part was needed.

The problem in this situation is the fact that she seems to be gaming me (waiting 20-30 minutes to text me back, being aloof, negging me, ignoring my negs/slight compliments, and just generally being strangely alpha for a girl) and it’s really bothering me. She seems to also be seemingly naive to most of my game, and reluctant to do anything.

She’s told me in the past she really enjoys being around me and she’s never felt the same way about a guy, but I am beginning to doubt it. I’ve tried not texting her yet she always texts me a day later with a typical alpha-type text.

She also recently went bitch-mode on me after I (reluctantly) asked the big question, saying that we aren’t together because I’m going back to school (about 200 miles away) and that she still wants to hang out.

I’d appreciate a response to this perplexing situation, and was wondering if there is anything I can do to remedy this. If there is nothing besides to break it off, I wouldn’t be devastated, but still upset, because this girl is a solid 9.

First, your email was unclear about your relationship with this high T girl. Have you been banging her? Or has it been texts and platonic hanging out since you met her? I’ll assume the latter, because it sounds like you are still trying to game her into sex, and that it hasn’t been that long since you got her digits.

Girls with male game — that is, girls who tease, neg (more likely insult, since girls don’t comprehend the subtlety of the neg), act cocksure, wait to reply to texts, show up late, and generally behave like a male player keeping a tasty morsel just out of their quarry’s reach — are usually the sluttiest hos or the most wicked ingenues you will come across. Male game is similar in some respects to The Rules, so this post is an indictment of that female mentality as well.

It may have been said somewhere on this blog already (and I suspect it has), but girls who play a man’s pickup game are drama queens who substitute the thrill of psychological manipulation for the emptiness of their gutted hearts. With each additional cock she rides, a bit of a girl’s soul is carved out and filled with a craving for external validation, which can only be satisfied by encouraging men to chase her. The magic of falling for a man and joyously relinquishing her body to the passions of sex are diminished with each new phallus, until one day her loins overdose and nothing short of a massive injection of head games will suffice to pleasure her.

If you insist on pursuing these types of women, here are some tips:

1. Don’t let her take control of the conversation. Be proactive. Never get caught in the endless spin cycle where you are reacting to all her shit tests. Ignore her taunts and change the subject often. This type of woman needs you to lead her away from her shitty attitude. She loves nothing more than to entrap you in an endless volley of flirty, but sexually fruitless, back and forth.

2. Don’t be shy about using severe negs on her. She can take it.

3. Don’t let her get a head of steam. Interrupt her when she’s about to go off on her own private Shedaho. Imply that her banter is dull and can only be rescued by switching to what you wish to talk about.

4. Use backturns liberally. She’s going to lash out when she sees you not falling for her tricks. Don’t fold like a cheap lawn chair. Hold your frame. When she gets especially unpleasant, make it known that you could do without her company. Then watch her soften.

5. If she punches, you roundhouse kick. For example, if she replies to your text one day later, you reply to her text one week later.

6. Do not react to either her negs or her compliments. Yes, it’s true, the compliment is a more effective snare than the insult in a woman’s arsenal. Reason being that many men with game who can swat away female insults tend to fall hard for sweetly delivered compliments. If you show the slightest hint that her compliment is meaningful to you, she knows she has you back in her sticky web.

7. Don’t jump to respond every time she contacts you. When she sends that text out of the blue, ignore it. You want her to dance to your tune, not the other way around.

8. If she goes bitch mode on you, walk away. She is impervious to reason or game at that point, and all she will understand is total rejection.

9. When you set up a date, TELL her where and when you will meet. Don’t make suggestions. If she balks, cut her loose. Don’t even reply to her if her answer is anything less than enthusiastic commitment to the date.

10. Occasionally be sincere. Sometimes you can stun a gaming girl into receptive submission by simply asking, in your calmest voice, “Why are you this way?” Be prepared for indignation. Stay strong, and give her the cold shoulder if she fumes too much.

11. Jump out ahead of her. Cancel the first date. (But give a quasi-plausible reason for doing so; just suspicious enough that it caffeinates her hamster.)

The most effective counterattack to the girl with male game is the winning combination of jealousy and scarcity. Don’t make yourself available to her, and do make it seem like she is just another chick in a long line of chicks who service you.

Remember that a girl who is running hardcore male game on you likely acts this way to most men, so don’t take it personally. She is hard to please, but her superficially tough shell is brittle once you know how to play her. She sees herself in the role of Joan of Snark, an entitled advocate of pussycentric physics, and she harbors a secret loathing for male desire, and wishes to trivialize it, or trifle with it. You want to focus on raising your value, and tactically lowering her value, so that she begins to think she would be missing out on something if she continues down the path of irksome aloofness.

Girls who think they can snag alpha males by using the kind of game that guys run are in for a rude awakening. Men with options will find these kinds of girls very annoying and use them as pump and dumps, and save their love for girls who know how to run real girl game.

Identifying Sluts: The Science

It’s important for men to be able to ascertain which women he meets are sluts, for two main reasons:

1. The Good Times consideration.

Slut identification allows him to quickly screen for women who are more likely to put out on the first or second date.

2. The Long Haul consideration.

Slut identification allows him to studiously avoid investing resources in those women who would make bad wives or girlfriends.

Bad wives?, sputters the peanut gallery. Yes. Women who have had more than the average number of sex partners are higher infidelity risks. If you do the stupid thing and marry a woman with 16 prior partners (freely entertained, of course!), your risk of suffering a humiliating divorce raping goes up to 80%.

Now science has further buttressed the cause of slut identification with a list of telltale slut stigmata that every man should be on the lookout for, (and which corroborate a lot of the wisdom in this post), should matrimony or horniness compel his decision-making. And the verdict is in: a woman’s “sexual personality” matters more than the demographic group to which she belongs.

In a new study, men and women were more likely to report infidelity, or cheating — often a marriage or relationship deal-breaker — when they also experienced an increased sensitivity for sexual performance problems and a decreased likelihood to lose their sexual arousal in the face of risk or danger.

The study, by researchers at Indiana University’s Center for Sexual Health Promotion, The Kinsey Institute for Research in Sex, Gender and Reproduction, and the University of Guelph, is the first to look at the influence of lovers’ sexual personality traits on infidelity. Their findings, published online this month in the journal Archives of Sexual Behavior, show that these sexual personality characteristics carry more sway than factors typically studied, namely demographic information such as gender and marital status.

Consistent with previous studies, the IU study found little difference in the rates of infidelity reported by men and women (23 percent and 19 percent, respectively). However, there were difference between the sexes in reasons related to infidelity.

Trend lines indicate that female infidelity is catching up with male infidelity, a social phenomenon which was described with alacrity by this very blog. However, what hasn’t changed is the fact that men are still the bigger cheaters than women, though the difference has shrunk.

Now let’s see what slut tells the study has found.

The propensity for sexual excitation, or the ease with which one becomes sexually aroused by all kinds of triggers and situations, played a bigger role for the men compared to the women, for whom lower relationship happiness and poor compatibility with their spouse or partner in terms of sexual attitudes were more important to the prediction of infidelity.

Another core Chateau concept confirmed by science. Men cheat because variety is the spice of life, and men with raging libidos are more likely to act on the desire for variety. Women cheat because they are unhappy with their beta schlubs (often) or they feel neglected by their emotionally distant alpha dreamboats (not as often).

And while the idea that an increased sensitivity to sexual performance failures would make men and women more likely to cheat might sound counter-intuitive, Mark said other Kinsey Institute studies have tied higher levels of inhibition such as this with risky sexual behavior.

“People experiencing this might seek out high-risk situations to overcome arousal problems, or might feel less pressure to impress someone outside of their primary relationship than they do with their partner,” Mark said. “A new partner also wouldn’t know your history of having performance concerns or other issues.”

If your woman can’t get an orgasm, or frets about not getting an orgasm, or goes through elaborate OCD rituals before having sex, or has a giant purple saguaro on her nightstand, you are probably dating a slut. Proceed with caution.

• Neither marital status nor how religious study participants were was predictive of having had or not having had sex outside of the relationship.

Marriage is no exemption from participation, willing or not, in the unrelenting mercilessness of the sexual market.

• For both men and women, another predictor of infidelity was a tendency to engage in regretful sexual behavior when in a negative or positive mood state.

Watch out for girls who like to screw after a good cry. Or an especially harsh neg from an asshole.

• Study participants completed the Sexual Excitation/Sexual Inhibition Scales (SIS/SES), a questionnaire developed at The Kinsey Institute that considers sexual personality characteristics. It measures propensity for sexual excitation (SES) and for two types of sexual inhibition: Sexual inhibition due to the threat of performance failure (SIS1) and sexual inhibition due to the threat of performance consequences (SIS2). The men and women also completed the Mood and Sexuality Questionnaire. The SES/SIS, which is used by researchers all over the world, is based on the dual control model of sexual response, developed by researchers at The Kinsey Institute. This model proposes that sexual desire, arousal and associated behaviors depend on a balance between sexual excitation and inhibition, and that people vary in their propensities for these processes.

If a woman is very uninhibited in nonsexual matters or tangentially sexual matters, she is likely to be uninhibited within the sexual intimacy sphere as well. Not that it needs spelling out, but strippers, hookers, bar dancers and thrill seekers like sky divers — that is, those women with a desire mechanism biased in favor of excitation and against inhibition — are higher infidelity risks than women who don’t or haven’t engaged in these activities. (Which is why strippers make such good pickup prospects.)

• Concerning sexual inhibition due to the threat of performance consequences (SIS2), for every one unit increase, with higher scores representing higher inhibition, women were 13 percent less likely to have cheated and men were 7 percent less likely to have cheated.

If I read this right, it seems women don’t cheat (as much as men) because they’re worried about the consequences (e.g., pregnancy), and the more they worry, the less likely they are to cheat. Human nature: 1, social engineers: 0.

• Concerning inhibition due to the threat of sexual performance failure, women were 8 percent more likely to cheat for each one unit increase on the scale that measured this inhibition (higher score means greater inhibition). Men were 6 percent more likely to cheat with each one unit increase on the scale.

Veeery interesting. Women with “performance issues” are more likely to cheat than men with these issues. Although I’m not exactly sure what a sexual performance failure would constitute for a woman; if the man gets off, she’s not failing anything. Oh yeah, her orgasm…. mmm, sandwich time!

• Women reporting low relationship happiness were 2.6 times more likely to report having engaged in infidelity. Women who perceived low compatibility in terms of sexual attitudes and values were 2.9 times more likely to cheat.

This is why game is so important inside as well as outside of relationships.

Now that you are armed with a catalogue of accurate slut tells, go forth, find and sexually satisfy the sluts among you. Then, maritally deny them. No need to anguish over any moral crisis. It’s just the way the game is played.

Conversational Momentum

A consequence of being a man is that it’s your burden to energize and direct conversations with girls. A girl who is on the fence about you will offer little in the way of chatty tokens to cash in for new topics of interest. Even a girl who is interested will hardly put in equal effort at sustaining a conversation beyond the meagerest bounds of politesse. It is simply not in the nature of girls to direct and lead conversations along fruitful paths. As with sex, girls prefer to follow a strong conversational leader, and to ricochet joyously off a charismatic man’s titillating badinage.

And this is one of the great blind spots that dog the typical man engaged in flirty talk: he doesn’t know when enough is enough.

To wit: I noticed a lot of commenters to this post, in describing how they would continue gaming bikini-clad girl, felt it necessary to revisit the invisible shark theme which had threatened to be the denouement of the protagonist’s precious few minutes of lust-hued inquisitiveness. Such a course of action would have been a misjudgment, and guaranteed the fizzling of any nascent sexual interest.

Women (normal women, that is; not nerdgirls who make up the majority of their gender who read blogs not having to do with celebrity gossip or food) do not like to revisit conversational topics, to hammer them into submission, to delve into them with an analytical scalpel. Women instead (and particularly in the company of men who aspire to be their lovers) want to careen from one subject to another, getting their emotional fill in superficial bursts of topical teasers. This way, they are entertained without risking social embarrassment from uncouth scrutiny. And they can afford to be thus so entertained and carelessly unenlightened, blessed as they are by providence with the more valuable reproductive cargo.

Men evince, like so many other sex differences seemingly the genesis of some creator prankster, a preference for just the opposite. We prefer to examine a topic until its entrails have been spooled out on the ground before us, poked and prodded with mental instruments of logical brutality, until revelation or argument victory, whichever comes first, descend upon the listening attendees like trumpet blares. Men will, given free rein, exhaust a topic to death, for to leave a theme unresolved is akin to walking off the baseball diamond in the bottom of the ninth with the score tied, happy that no one goes home a loser. A clear WTF moment if you sport a couple of dangling stones.

Unfortunately for the needs of the penis, this manly urge to disembowel a conversational topic is kryptonite to picking up women. To a woman’s mind, it reeks of social clumsiness at best, aspie retardation at worst. And since it is primarily women’s minds, and not their eyes, to which men must appeal, the “beating a topic to death” syndrome is one that must be recognized with haste and banished with malice aforethought.

To put it in algorithmic form easily understood by the core audience:

Bad Flirting

YOU: Topic A

HER: HAHA!, slight twist on Topic A

YOU: Resurgent Topic A

HER: ha…, slipping interest in Topic A

YOU: Topic A again, nervously, this time with feeling

HER: cya

Good Flirting

YOU: Topic A

HER: HAHA!, slight twist on Topic A

YOU: Opportunistic springboarding from twisted Topic A into Topic B

HER: Double HAHA!, pleasant surprise at introduction of Topic B

YOU: NEG

HER: rosy vulva

I hope you can see what is going on here. If you can’t, may I suggest a blog more suited to your temperament? Perhaps a mommy blog? Or an economist’s blog?

Revisiting topics that initially garnered a positive response from a girl is try-hard approval seeking. It is the clarion call of the beta who can’t believe his luck that he said something interesting to a girl, and now feels the overarching need to suck the life out of it in endless sequels. Don’t be that beta. You lead a woman in talk as you would in dance, your nimble tongue the strong hand that gently but firmly guides her into new adventures.

Maxim #97: Do not tempt a woman’s withdrawal with conversational topic overkill. You made a funny, now surprise her with something new.

Caveat: The running gag is the exception to the above maxim. Properly executed (that is, delivered with long enough time passed between funny exclamations), the running gag can anchor a girl to your terraphallus. Caution: Easily abused by those lacking comedic timing.

The uniting theme here is the universal female desire for unpredictable men. The man who can’t be pigeonholed, who can’t be readily discerned like the mass of mediocrities she encounters every day, is catnip to her pussy. A simple pull of conversation into an unforeseen direction can mean the difference between boyfriend excuses and helpful reminders that she lives right down the street from you.

An Important Lesson

If you notice a girl checks her fingernails by curling her fingers inward toward her palm, like a man would, you can bet she loves sex and will put out on the first date. She has also cheated on past boyfriends.

If she checks it with fingers outstretched, back of hand facing upward, she is going to be a drama queen with a heavy repertoire of shit tests. The more diva she looks when checking them in this fashion, the likelier she will make you wait more than a few dates for sex. A full ten seconds checking, turning her hand this way and that with nails glistening in the club lights, means she will flake on you.

A girl who doesn’t check her fingernails except for the most cursory glance, and despite your prompting, is a keeper.

You can get a girl to check her fingernails by mentioning something about her nail polish color, or the unusual way her fingernails grow and what that says about her. (Just make some shit up. For instance, “Oh, flat fingernails means you are very grounded.” Or, “Curved fingernails means you are hard to please.”) Watch for how she proceeds to look at her fingernails, and remember what this blog told you. Then sing silent hosannas to the knowledge dropped here.

A Test Of Your Game

The Pacific sun glared off the sand, nearly blinding me. A shuffle at the small table adjacent grabbed my attention. A slim brunette had sat down and was reading a woman’s magazine, Self I think, or maybe Glamour. She reclined a bit in her chair, allowing the sun’s rays to hit her stomach more directly. She hadn’t bothered to wrap a mini-sarong around her bikini bottom; the stretchy material pulled away in spots from her waist, leaving a narrow gap between bikini and skin, like a portal to her nethers. It tempted an incipient chub.

I returned to my lemon-doused water, keeping my peripheral vision loosely focused on her. Five minutes passed and not once did she glance over. This is going to be a very cold open, I thought to myself.

“Hey.”

She looked over, finally. “Hey.”

“The article in there…”, I waved my finger at her magazine, “about finding your man’s hot zones… total bullshit.” (Ugh. I cringed after saying it, but it was the first thing that jumped to mind.)

“You mean this?” She held up the mag. “Really. I don’t see that article anywhere in here.”

“Oh, must’ve been last month’s edition.” I paused. “I read a lot of women’s mags.”

“That’s… weird.” She’s turned her torso to me now, and I can see that she’s given me a minute to make my pitch.

“Maybe. But you’re not going to get expert skin care tips in Sports Illustrated.”

She scrunched her mouth at the corners. “Why would you need that? Sounds a little girly for a man.”

“It’s a new age we live in. Men have to look good for their female bosses. Now I know what you ladies feel like, to be treated like a piece of meat.” I kept a straight face saying this, and avoided defensively reacting to her edgy shit test. I wanted her to wonder right up to the last microsecond whether I’m joking or not.

She pressed her legs a little closer together. I took this as a good sign, because a girl in a bikini would start to feel somewhat exposed when talking to a man who is piquing her interest. Nonetheless, it required all my willpower to keep my eyes on her face and not wandering down over the rolling meadows and velvet gullies of her body.

She smiled for the first time. “Ha, I bet you do. So… is this supposed to be some kind of come on? Because, you know, I don’t normally talk to strangers at…

“Hold it! Did you see that? Shark fin. There’s a shark swimming out there.”

“I don’t see anything.”

“You might want to put on your prescription sunglasses. It’s pretty far out there.”

“I don’t wear prescription. Perfect 20/20 vision.”

“Oh, you looked like the bookish type who wears coke bottle glasses in the library.”

She shrugged her shoulders and cocked her head. “That’s the first time anyone thought that about me.”

“People aren’t very perceptive, in general.”

I’ve begun to feel that the time had come to start delving into more personal topics when one of her friends, a short black-haired pale girl, waltzed up and inserted herself between me and Magazinegirl. She looked at me briefly, to which I returned a nod in her direction, then hugged her friend and addressed her.

“Heeey, darlin’! We’re going to a late dinner at 9, and Debbie’s driving. You can leave your stuff at my place, but don’t use the shower upstairs. It’s cold water only.”

I sipped my drink and gazed at the middle-distance.

“Ok, I’ll be there around 8:30. Don’t wait up if I’m late.”

“Ok.” As she trotted off, she calls back, “Don’t forget to say hi to David for me!”

The dreaded pickup interruptus. The momentum lost by an inadvertent cockblock and a reference to a possible boyfriend, I pondered whether it was worth reengaging. Maggirl had begun collecting her stuff and shoving it into a gargantuan canvas bag. She glanced sidelong at me for a second, full of sass and flourish, signifying everything.

She smiled, or maybe smirked. “Well, I’ve gotta go. It was nice talking about invisible sharks with you.”

***

Now is the time to test your game. In this real life scenario, had you been me, what would you have done at this point? Winner gets my glorious recognition, plus two tickets to the movie Snow Flower and the Secret Fan. I will post an update describing how this pickup attempt resolved itself.

Plan B

Roosh has a good post about date backup plans. I have little to add to the wisdom of having a Plan B for any first date, except to mention one thing I like to do. I sometimes have dates meet me at a bar on Trivia Night. (Yes, I’m a trivia nerd.) This is something I would have done regardless of the date, so I never feel like I’m going out of my way. This small tactical maneuver puts me in the right frame of mind of de-emphasizing the importance of the date. A woman likes to think that you have so many options that no one date means very much to you. Until she proves otherwise.

I usually show up before the trivia game starts and five minutes after the designated meeting time for the date. (Make it a habit to show up a little late for a first date. Women complain about lateness, but they can’t help being sexually intrigued by a man who flouts polite social convention.) If, on the outside chance, she flakes, I’m not out any of my time since I would have been there anyhow to play a game of trivia and drink good scotch. If the date doesn’t go well, I cut it short and head over to the other part of the bar where I can play. (If the girl awkwardly lingers in the bar after I say goodbye, I don’t let it fluster me. I know she feels a lot more awkward and will hightail it out of there once she sees that I have staked my ground.) If the date does go well, Trivia Night affords me an opportunity to have some fun with her, and showcase some of my most alpha trivia moves.

It helps to have friends who go to Trivia Nights regularly, because you can just join them in the fun, but it’s not necessary. I’ve played solo and with the staff, and joining other groups is not a big deal if you ask. Trivia Night is like a free love commune — superficially welcoming.

False Equivalence Of Desire

There is a muddying-the-water tactic that feminists and their sympathizers employ whenever the subject of chicks digging jerks comes up. They like to ask, under false pretenses, why men prefer hot bitches instead of hot non-bitches.

Unfortunately for them, the equivalence isn’t true, except in the minds of the most gullible. This feminist meme is simply an attempt to divert uncomfortable attention from the female predilection for assholes by asserting an imaginary equivalence with a supposed urge by men to date only hot slutty bitches.* The truth is that most men like hot, loving, devoted women. Very few men, betas or alphas, prefer the long term companionship of disloyal, bitchy sluts.

Men, whose eros is largely motivated by a woman’s looks, will of course occasionally dump a raunchy fuck in some hot, slutty bitch. But when a woman is under consideration as girlfriend or wife material, her bitchiness or sweetness plays an important role in how much commitment a man is willing to give her. The bitchier she is, the less likely a man will want more from her than a few nights of feral passion.

And of the men who do find themselves hitched to bitches, we often find an assortment of option-less betas who put up with the bitchiness for the pussy, but who would, given confidence in their ability to seduce women, leave the bitches for equally hot but temperamentally sweet women.

This is in stark contrast to women, who, in numbers far exceeding the meager few high value men who actively pursue bitches for LTRs, fall head over heels IN LOVE with assholes, stick with them for years after their assholery has become apparent, and who even bear the assholes’ children, risking the stigma of single momhood in the process. Furthermore, and unlike the beta males stuck with bitches, it is often the HOTTEST GIRLS with OPTIONS who willingly choose to be with assholes and suffer their putative torments.

No, the desire for jerks is, and has always been, mostly a female phenomenon. Stereotypes don’t materialize out of thin air; there is a basis in reality for them. And the stereotype of chicks digging jerks is as widely-held and historical as any other noted difference between the sexes. Perhaps moreso now, thanks to the tireless (and fun) efforts of this blog’s crusade to illuminate the truth.

*Hey, but at least feminists have tacitly admitted that chicks do indeed dig jerks.