No-Call Game

Fed up with having to decide when you should call a chick after getting her digits? Tired of phone tag while managing the ever-present annoyance of flaking? Baffled whether to leave a voicemail or send a text? Wondering what kind of message to leave?

You can stop beating yourself up! Jack Goes Forth writes that he has discovered a loophole which he dubs “No-call game”:

My new game: The ‘no-call’ game. You still have to get a girl’s number but during the exchange you pull the ‘text me your number and I’ll hit you back with mine real quick’, then appear to be busy and get the fuck out of dodge. Then you simply never call them. Ever. Even if they call you, you don’t pick up, or reply. You never, ever, call a girl…or really anyone for that matter. In fact even if you meet a girl you really like, you definitely don’t call her. Don’t even call her back. Actually don’t ever see her again unless it happens by chance. I think when you get to this point of game where it really means nothing at all to you to completely lose touch with every girl you meet, for some reason the laws of nature will reward you. You may wonder how you would ever meet up with a girl and put yourself in a position to bang without ever speaking to them, and I can’t answer that. It’s like a jedi-mind trick thing. That’s why this game will only work for only a handful of men.

Through a combination of having girls throw themselves at me while I’m bartending, my hatred of speaking to people over the phone, overwhelming laziness, and a lack of concern for anyone’s feelings but my own, I’ve somehow found myself with 10 different options at a time, all the time. I cheat on the girls that I’m cheating on my girlfriend with. It’s sad really…but I don’t care, which is the whole point of the exercise.

I’m aloof to the point of comatose…. I barely even speak to girls when we’re on an actual date, which I don’t go on. Bartending at a youngish (21-28) party bar has spoiled me for the rest of my life.

I may have found my ‘end game’ (RooshV).

This email was not a joke. I believe in my system.

No-call game is the ultimate expression of aloof and indifferent Uncaring Asshole game. We all know how much hot chicks moisten up for a self-absorbed man who doesn’t take them seriously. (Ugly chicks moisten up, too, but they are smart to realize that an attentive beta is in their best interests.)

No-call game isn’t for everyone. A few things have to be in place for it to work.

1. You need to collect a lot of numbers. No-calling one chick means there is a 99% chance you will never bang her. No-calling 100 chicks means the chance you will bang any one individual chick just tripled. There seems to be a mysterious “law of large numbers” that takes effect when you are no-juggling lots of girls — opportunities begin to present themselves with little effort on your part.
2. You need to collect the numbers of chicks who live, work or play near you. No-call game relies in part on future chance encounters — let’s say at Trader Joe’s or on your street — so that when the girl bumps into you she starts chasing you because your no-call raised your value well above hers. Jack is a bartender, which satisfies the “she must play near you” condition.
3. You need to have ice running through your veins. When that no-called chick runs into you with desire in her eyes she is likely going to shit test the hell out of you for not calling her. Steady on, governor. You’ll need to remain as aloof in her company as when you were not calling her. Hint: act like she is the one with the problem.

You may think this post is a joke, but I can confirm it’s not. Ask any man who is swimming in pussy and he will tell you in so many words that the fruits of no-call game form a big part of his life. Quite simply, in-demand men forget more chicks’ numbers in a day than you will get in a year. And how do those forgotten girls reward them? You guessed it.

Of course, being a bartender helps. A friend with a high status day job in Chicago called to tell me he had taken a side job as a bartender. He sounded excited, so I asked him how it was. He said he’s quadrupled the number of bangs he’s gotten since bartending. He concluded that bartending is a higher status job for men than any societally approved career. But no-call game will work even if you’re not a bartender. Let’s say you meet a girl at your local coffee shop and you game her like you would any girl. You exchange numbers and take off. You never call her. Two weeks later, you see her at the coffee shop again and sit near her.

HER: You never called!

THE DEVIL U WILL ALWAYS FORGIVE: I hate talking on the phone. Funny, we met right at this exact same spot last time.

HER: That’s not cool. You could text.

THE DEVIL U WILL ALWAYS FORGIVE: [shaking head] Big thumbs.

HER: [stifling laugh] You’re one of those guys, huh.

THE DEVIL U WILL ALWAYS FORGIVE: Good to my mother? Yes. [proceeds to game her as if they just met for a surprise date]

Although a girl will act superficially offended that you didn’t call her, underneath her angered and shamed exterior she is bristling with arousal and curiosity. She wants more than ever to know about the man who couldn’t be bothered to follow up for a chance at tapping her cute ass. When meeting girls for sex becomes an afterthought, or even a bother, is when the sex will flow freely like a river.

Also note, as Jack mentioned, that laconic game beats verbose game any time. When in doubt, say nothing with confidence.

Tough Times Are A Bounty For Betas

Think we might be heading into a double dip recession? Or, worse, a decades-long economic retraction with hyperinflation and a general growing business and government incompetence thanks to a dumbing down of the population? Rejoice, betas! This is your moment in the sun. Chicks who were reminded of their mortality were more attracted to soft, less masculine herb faces, and this preference was most pronounced for women at the peak of their fertility cycle. (Regrettably, their desire to have kids also went up, so make sure you strap on that condom if you’re going to bang a chick recently diagnosed with cancer.) PS: Mortality salience refers to reminders of one’s death.

Previous research has shown that individuals who are reminded of their death exhibited a greater desire for offspring than those who were not reminded of their death. The present research investigated whether being reminded of mortality affects mate selection behaviors, such as facial preference judgments. Prior research has shown that women prefer more masculine faces when they are at the high versus low fertility phase of their menstrual cycles. We report an experiment in which women were tested either at their high or fertility phase. They were randomly assigned to either a mortality salience (MS) or control condition and then asked to judge faces ranging from extreme masculine to extreme feminine. The results showed that women’s choice of the attractive male face was determined by an interaction between fertility phase and condition. In control conditions, high fertility phase women preferred a significantly more masculine face than women who were in a lower fertility phase of their menstrual cycles. In MS conditions, high fertility phase women preferred a significantly less masculine (i.e., more average) face than women who were in a low fertility phase. The results indicate that biological processes, such as fertility phase, involved in mate selection are sensitive to current environmental factors, such as death reminders. This sensitivity may serve as an adaptive compromise when choosing a mate in potentially adverse environmental conditions.

In short, women who thought about their own death suddenly found feminized beta providers a lot more attractive than masculine alpha cads. This preference was largest for ovulating women, who normally show the exact opposite preference when times are good and death is a faraway abstraction.

If you are a beta male, then you will hope and pray for another Great Depression, war, or alien invasion. It seems counterintuitive, (after all, wouldn’t a highly masculine man be a better choice for protection during tough times?), but it makes some sense if you remember that alpha cads also bring with them the threat of abandonment, which would be disastrous for women trying to survive in a bad environment. Since the free-for-all, stoically unjealous polyamorists can’t grasp why male abandonment is a bad thing, the Chateau will helpfully remind them —

In tough times, betas will be especially loathe to assume the child-raising duties of another man’s bastard spawn.

Some more study results:

The present results provide new evidence about how environmental factors, such as the presence of death reminders, can influence human reproductive behaviors, such as mate selection. […]

First, it has been shown that people in a MS condition will adhere more strongly to socially acceptable norms and will react negatively towards those persons who do not uphold these norms (Greenberg et al., 1990; Greenberg et al., 1994; Rosenblatt et al., 1989).

Troubled times breed collectivism. Are the notoriously monogamous, norm-following and shame-avoiding Northeast Asians the product of millennia of living off marginal land constantly raided by tribes to the north?

In the present research, the face selected by ovulating women in the [Mortality Salience] condition could be considered a more average face than faces chosen by high fertile phase women in the control condition and low fertile phase women in the MS condition.

Average = herb. Exceptional = lantern jaw and heavy brow ridge. Interestingly, non-ovulating women showed a slightly lower preference for herb faces when they were confronted with their mortality. So alpha cads are not out of the running completely when the shit hits the fan. But you gotta notice just how upside-down bizarro world the mating market looks when the good times come to an end. This might explain the rise of the beta male during the first half of the 20th century, when world wars wracked societies.

High fertile phase women in the MS condition may have viewed the masculine face negatively because of the association of masculine faces with socially negative characteristics and would view feminized faces more positively because feminized faces are shown to be associated with more pro-social attributes such as being helpful, cooperative, trustworthy, and a good father (Boothroyd, et al., 2007; Jones et al., 2008; Johnston, et al., 2001).

Sure, the herb may be a bad lay, but when the cupboard is bare he’ll be out there scrounging up food for his lady. Personally, Chateau hosts prefer being known for their lay expertise. It’s more fun.

Second, it has been shown that following [Mortality Salience], women and men may find the physical aspects of sex and sexual attraction unappealing, as the physicality of sex may be a reminder of one’s eventual mortality (Goldenberg et al. 1999; Landau et al. 2006). In the present research, it may have been the case that high fertile phase women experienced the highly masculine male faces as associated with physical sexuality and, therefore, death.

Sex is the little death (if you’re doing it right).

Following MS, women who are at a high risk of pregnancy may view mates with highly masculine faces as involving more risk than mates with more feminized faces.

Reminders of death and hardship usher an alternative universe where highly fertile ovulating women prefer pasty-faced betaboys. In good times, just the opposite preference is observed. Ergo, late empire prosperity and decadence may go a long way toward explaining the rise in rates of single mom-hood — in good times, these womb-lubed women choose unreliable alpha cads as fathers, subconsciously figuring that if the alphas bolt it won’t much matter since resources (in the form of ample food supplies and government largesse) are plentiful. Chateau Heartiste wrote about this dysgenic trend nearly three years ago.

In future research, it is necessary to investigate the extent to which highly masculine faces increase death-related thoughts in high fertile phase and low fertile phase women.

Our results suggest that mortality salience may result in an over-ride of the high fertility phase-induced preference for masculine faces and a strengthening of the predisposition for less masculine and likely higher investing mates.

The study results show that it makes sense for a betaface to remind girls of their impending demise. Call it Death Game. You casually mention a lady friend who died prematurely from some rare disease or freak accident, and then lament how little time we all have on this earth to pursue our goals and realize our dreams. Say “Life is so precious, and death is always around the corner, so grab what’s in front of you and live like it could all end tomorrow!” while touching the spine of her back with the chill fingertips of your best Grim Reaper impersonation. Throw in a bit of NLP for good measure: “My afterlife is probably… beLOW me. Sex is a great way to fight death… with me, I love each day I’m alive.”

Our sample was composed primarily of White, middle-class college women who have been shown to express a preference for mates who will invest heavily in her and her children.

D’oh! Talk about saying a lot in so little. How do black and asian women respond to mortality reminders? Are their natural tendencies strengthened, or do they enter a bizarro world just like white women?

Dancing As A Demonstration Of High Value

The Chateau isn’t a dance hall but occasionally we do like to bust out the moves.

Now word is in from the corridors of scientific inquiry that dancing the right way is a demonstration of high value which women find irresistible. But the white-jacketed fellows went one step further than that — they figured out the exact type of dance moves that turned women on the most.

Male movements serve as courtship signals in many animal species, and may honestly reflect the genotypic and/or phenotypic quality of the individual. Attractive human dance moves, particularly those of males, have been reported to show associations with measures of physical strength, prenatal androgenization and symmetry. Here we use advanced three-dimensional motion-capture technology to identify possible biomechanical differences between women’s perceptions of ‘good’ and ‘bad’ male dancers. Nineteen males were recorded using the ‘Vicon’ motion-capture system while dancing to a basic rhythm; controlled stimuli in the form of avatars were then created in the form of 15 s video clips, and rated by 39 females for dance quality. Initial analyses showed that 11 movement variables were significantly positively correlated with perceived dance quality. Linear regression subsequently revealed that three movement measures were key predictors of dance quality; these were variability and amplitude of movements of the neck and trunk, and speed of movements of the right knee. In summary, we have identified specific movements within men’s dance that influence women’s perceptions of dancing ability. We suggest that such movements may form honest signals of male quality in terms of health, vigour or strength, though this remains to be confirmed.

The Chateau is, to be candid, quite intrigued by this finding. It was always well known that men who were good at dancing signaled health and macho vitality, but here we have new evidence of very specific kinesthetic dance moves that directly contribute to female arousal. If men could identify and mimic those three moves that remotely activate tingles in every woman in a room, then a whole new path of seduction opens up.

But verbal descriptions are one thing, seeing it in motion is another. We are left with some confusion as to what exactly is meant by:

Variability of movements of the neck and trunk.

Amplitude of movements of the neck and trunk.

Speed of movements of the right knee.

Video of examples of these moves in action would be ideal; otherwise, reader contributions with suggestions for what these moves might look like when executed would also be helpful. As it stands, the descriptions are somewhat vague, and thus of limited use for bumpngrind game. The best the Chateau hosts can come up with is that “right knee movement speed” would look like one of those patented Michael Jackson (RIP) one-leg bent knee angular swivels that he was fond of doing.

Let us move the science of seduction into uncharted territory, beyond even what Mystery has accomplished, and lay out a dance move blueprint — a step by step schematic — for aspiring womanizers to learn and apply in the field. In the quest for quality pussy, no stone shall remain unturned. We are, as always, fitness maximizers here.

The Two Exceptions To Game

If I had to distill the essence of all the hate and doubt that is a regular feature of the comments on this blog, it would read like this:

“Game doesn’t work, and if it did you’re a loser for having to learn it to pick up girls because alpha males (who, by the way don’t exist except in your imagination) don’t make any effort to attract women, and anyhow the only girls that would fall for it are low self esteem bar skanks who wouldn’t give you the time of day because you’re a phony they will see right through. Try being yourself if you want a real woman to like you, except that will never happen because you are a celibate beta loser.”

It is, of course, self-contradictory nonsense. The average hater cannot string three sentences together without refuting what she (and they are usually shes) said in the first sentence. Their logic is so muddled that toying with them until I drive them insane with spittle-flecked rage has become something of a fun hobby for me.

But because I am a decent and kind person of magnanimous temperament, I will throw the haters a bone in this post. There are, indeed, two specific situations where you, as a regular, fat part of the bell curve man, do not need game to make a girl swoon. I will tell you what they are, but first, a little context is necessary.

Why do the haters offer up so many trite and transparently false objections to game to begin with? Are they trying to confuse us, or themselves? Have they been burned in the past by men doing to them exactly what I write about here, and thus project their angry bitterness on the symbolic manifestation of their real life pain, namely me?

Or do they really believe the idiocy they preach? Are they… TRUE BELIEVERS in the conventional wisdom school of JBY (just be yourself)? Is it possible, in other words, that in their own lives they met and fell in love with men who won them over running NO GAME AT ALL, natural or otherwise?

So… what motivates the haters? Answer: all of the above.

I suspect a few haters really do live in a lala land relatively free of the sort of easily observable human mating machinations that confound 99.9% of the rest of humanity, and thus can’t comprehend the reality of male-female psychological differences or the influence that game exerts over female attraction and courtship. They live in a platitude bubble; but like all bubbles, it will eventually burst.

Which brings us to the two exceptions to game.

• The girl you are dating is head over heels in love with you.

When a girl loves you so deeply that she wants to see you every day, and gets nervous when your text replies are delayed five seconds too long, you are in the DO-NO-WRONG ZONE, my friend. The DNW zone is a magic land where you can fart and belch and scratch yourself in the genital region and show up late (or early) for everything and buy shit for her all the time and cuddle for hours after sex and let her plan every date and dress in gym shorts and pit-stained t-shirts all the time and “yes, dear” her to death and constantly praise her beauty and whine like a beta bitch when you get a mosquito bite AND SHE WON’T LOSE AN IOTA OF ATTRACTION FOR YOU. She will happily take your deflated castrati ballsack slaps to the face and beg for more. You are a TEFLON LOVE GOD; no bad behavior sticks to you. You can be quite literally a NO GAME HAVING CHUMP and she will still think about fucking you every minute of the day.

Sounds like paradise, right? There’s a catch — this magic window only lasts about three months, after which if you do not shed your pathetic beta habits and step up your game, you WILL find her slowly and inexorably withdrawing her love and sex from you until one day you are wondering when such a good thing went so wrong.

So, you will need game before and after the 3-month DNW zone, but not during, if she is truly madly in love with you. Love… fuck yeah!

• The girl you are dating is two or more points below you in sexual market value.

This is cut and dried. Want to “be yourself” with a girl? Date a warpig! She will put up with EVERYTHING and ANYTHING and never bitch once. You will need to put in ZERO effort to keep such a woman satisfied. No game, no nothing. I know men who slum it for this very reason, and while I personally find that lifestyle incomprehensible and utterly distasteful — I mean, you may as well become a monk since you’ll be living a life completely devoid of any beauty or hedonistic pleasure — it does lend itself to a certain simplicity in managing affairs and obtaining the necessary freedom to pursue alternative pleasures. MMO playing sperg tards take note.

The downside with this scenario is that you have to date at least two points lower than your market value equivalent if you want a game-free dating experience that makes few demands on your time or energy. So for instance, if you are an 8, you need to date down to at least a 6 to enjoy the fruits of a drama-free relationship. If you really don’t like women acting out like women, and you want to be able to wallow in your clingy betaness without learning a lick of game, you will probably need to date lower than two points down.

The exact mechanism of the chick market value-game requirement nexus deserves further explication in a handy chart.

She is…                                          % game required to keep her interested

>=1 point higher than you             100%

At your level                                    90%

1 point lower                                   60%

2 points lower                                 10%

>=3 points lower                          -% (reverse game)

Interesting phenomena appear when you dumpster dive so low that you enter reverse game territory. For example, if you are a 7 male and you date a 4, not only will you need NO game to keep her attracted for a long while, but running any sort of game can actually push her away from you. The 4 will feel she doesn’t deserve you and will be on pins and needles with you all the time, regardless of how you treat her. Running game will then send her into a vicious downward spiral of self-doubt and neediness so crippling that she will preemptively dump you to prevent a night alone overdosing on pills and cutting your name into her forearm. To keep the 4 in line, paradoxically, requires almost as much effort as keeping a hot girl into you — except instead of game you have to run the opposite of game on the 4. You have to beta yourself to the max; cards, gifts, compliments, slow and attentive lovemaking, hours of cunnilingus, super snuggles, etc. So there are diminishing returns to the strategy of dating down to avoid putting any effort into relationships. Not to mention diminishing boner hardness.

The ultimate score for the no-game, no-life having beta chump who hates the idea of working to change himself to get better quality women is the very low value woman who falls in love with him. Imagine a nasty, fat cape buffalo — one of Obsidian’s exes, for instance — who cries a little when she thinks of you. Or a single mom on the cusp of sexual irrelevance who forgets to pick up her kid from his ghetto school because she’s doing her nails and febrezing her pussy in anticipation of you coming over that night for dinner. When you’ve got shitty goods falling in love with you, dating becomes one giant lounge chair in which to lazily recline and be fed moldy grapes all day long. Yeah, you can barely get it up with women like that, but at least you can rip a wet fart in their faces, pull WoW all-nighters, and forget their birthdays and never pay a price for it — and tell everyone within earshot that getting “hot chicks” was really easy for you, so those other guys learning game to find good women must be losers.

With obesity and single motherhood rampant, more American men than ever are availing themselves — intentionally or not — of the dating down option. So while game may be more necessary than ever to land that genuinely hot babe, for increasing numbers of men game and the knowledge contained therein are simply not on their radar. Which may explain why we are currently witnessing such a growing effete chorus of manginas, pedestalizing evangelicals, and limp-wristed SWPLs parroting the feminist and Iron John shibboleths. They aren’t trying to convince us so much as they are trying to convince themselves of the awesomeness of their fatass and bastard spawn-towing lovers.

Some of the few true believer haters living in lala land that I wrote of above likely fall into the category of people dating easy-to-please losers that they have tricked themselves into rationalizing as good mate choices. (Some of the haters are truly in the midst of love and can’t think straight without a gauzy filter Disney-fying their saccharine musings.) Perhaps for them, their beta soulmates appeared — warts and all — and they settled, wondering disingenuously and retroactively why people make such a big deal of finding someone. So when you hear their lame jeremiads against game, translate that as an admission that they are either a) naturals who aren’t smart enough to reflect on what they are doing right, or b) bitter bitches and betaboys trained in the art of justifying their crappy love lives.

Men without fame or vast wealth who want to date and fuck hot women need to know game. It’s as simple as that. There’s no such thing as a free lunch. Men who don’t care about porking the flabby wet hole of some she-beast will never understand the need for — or the truth of — game, for to understand it is to understand the miserable depths of their own lives, and that is a dark road most are not willing to travel. The low value women who love these men will likewise never understand game, and will lash out at those who do. Ironically, their garbage lives insulate them from the redemption that exists just beyond their pitiable horizons.

Reader Mailbag: Cheap Labor Edition

Email #1:

My girlfriend is “good friends” with two guys she’s banged in the past, one in the last six months. They were “friends first,” and then she banged them, probably during a dry spell.

She’s totally into me, no doubt. I am relationship gaming this chick. I want to avoid beta bullshit with her two “friends.”

What to do?

A.

Huge, unfurled red flags snapping in a strong northerly wind. Why do women remain “good friends” with men they’ve previously banged? We know the men couldn’t have been hopeless betas, because she did spread for them. Therefore, we can presume this isn’t a situation involving cloying, celibate beta orbiters with no game. So we are left with these main reasons:

1. She likes that they have this “shared past”. This makes the friendship more taboo, and hence, exciting for her, even if she does not feel especially attracted to them.
2. These two guys are low investing alphas that she screwed for pleasure but decided against seeing in a relationship because they were the love em and leave em type. She continues the friendship because she likes the horny feelings she gets while enjoying the pleasure of their quasi-platonic company.
3. The two guys really are losers and she pity banged them, or sport fucked them during, as the emailer said, a dry spell.

None of these three reasons bode well for your LTR with her. If (1), she is a taboo junkie, and will likely cheat. If (2), she is a cock carouseler, and will likely cheat during her next ovulatory phase (preferably after she has ensnared you in marriage). If (3), she is an undiscriminating slut who will cheat on the flimsiest pretext.

“Good” friendships with past lovers is a no-go. No man should accept that in his LTR. Since there is a small chance she really does love you and isn’t cheating on you with these two guys, or thinking about cheating on you, avoid any unnecessary LTR-killing confrontations by first snooping through her stuff for any evidence she may be “taking it up a notch” with her two man friends. Expect to find such evidence. Quietly pack your stuff in the middle of the night, and tape the evidence to her fridge door for her to find in the morning. Delete her phone number and block her calls.

If you don’t care about potentially soiling the LTR with a powerful ultimatum, confront her with your demand that she cease seeing the two past lovers. Tell her this is non-negotiable if she wants to continue being with you. Watch her reaction closely.

******

Email #2:

Hello Chateau proprietors I’m looking for some help. I learned of your blog less than a week ago and as the despondent lonely beta worthlessness I am I had a lot of free time to read it. I find it interesting, and intend to certainly start working on my game (Currently 0 for 3 in my entire life, all of them  friendzoned) but I need a little help. I am an intelligent, nerdy guy, not bad looking (no glasses or bad looking hair), a little overweight,  The market value assessment yields ~-4 points. I’m looking to overcome this beta-ness and become at least a mediocre alpha male (My goal is simply to get a non-negligible amount of vag) The problem is I notice almost all of your game advice is for the club/bar setting and not for day game. I am only 18 years old at the moment so I can’t exactly go to clubs/bars to play the game. I need help on day game for the college environment (also I know dog parks are a good place, I take my dogs there which could be a good spot).

Any advice you can yield would be great. Or even suggestions to other information more applicable to day/college game than club game which you seem to focus on.

A Chateau host recently had to dog-sit for a friend. The dog was pudgy and adorable, with big wet brown eyes. This host commented that he could not believe how many women strode up and opened him cold. If he had wanted, he could have secured the digits of multiple hot babes, all within an hour of outdoor “day gaming”.

If you don’t have access to a non-ghetto dog, don’t worry. With day game, just getting a conversation started is a DHV. Most men are afraid to open women when the sun is out. We here at the Chateau actually don’t focus on club game at all. Most of the advice is generalized and can apply in all sorts of situations. In many ways, day game is simpler than bar game, because women will be surprised you are talking to them. They won’t have bitch shields to lower.

On campus, a great place to open cute nerd girls is the library. Think of a quirky funny line and use it liberally on any girl standing next to book shelves. “Excuse me… I must be in the wrong section. Do you know where I can find the section on dating tips for badboys?” Similarly, I once opened a chick in a B&N by holding up a copy of Bridal Magazine, complaining about the double standard, and asking her where I could find the Groom Magazine.

******

Email #3:

This girl I hadn’t slept with yet texted ‘I like you’.

What would’ve been the gina tingle maximizing response? ‘Me too’ sounds awfully beta so I threw it right out the window. ‘I know’ seemed better, but made the inner chump scream when I considered it, which, in hindsight probably made it the best choice, in a somewhat Opposite George way of thinking.

What I actually did was just ignore it. Didn’t get the bang.

Anonymous

“Me too” would have been the second worst response you could have sent. “OMG me too!” would have been the worst. “I know” is good, if overplayed. Ignoring it is the safe bet, as long as you follow up later with a date suggestion. But you said that didn’t work for you.

Better responses:

HER: I like you.

YOU: Damn straight.

YOU: That’s mighty white of you.

YOU: I love you!!!!!11111!!!!!!111!!!!! ❤ ❤ ❤ ❤ xoxoxoxoxoxo

YOU: Hell yeah, mothafuckaaaaaaaa!

YOU: gay

YOU: aw… i’m touched. Right… there.

YOU: Flattery will get you everywhere.

YOU: Ok, but next round is still on you.

YOU: fap fap fap

YOU: [insert jerk reply u know u luv]

YOU: Already?

YOU: That’s great kid. What else you got?

YOU: Tell me something I don’t know.

YOU: Don’t tell my girlfriends.

YOU: Do you think you can sweet talk me into bed?

YOU: Bring the movies.

******

Email #4:

Bonjour Propriétaire Chateau –

Specific game venue commentary required from His Deviousness on my current workplace situation:

My office complex is now owned by a local University, who decided to move their Graduate programs into two of the four buildings.  The main consequence of this is that there is now a shared cafeteria.  Yes, you read that correctly – myself and 1,000 of my fellow corporate slaves eat alongside a couple hundred 20 – 24-year-old supple grad students.  I’ll leave the specific University nameless, but the graduate programs housed here are nursing, speech therapy and the like, meaning about 90-95% of the students are female.

I’m a decent looking guy, and most days I dress to impress.  However, most of these girls are eating and talking with each other in large groups (5-10 each), which is making it hard for me to approach.

What should I do in this situation?  What are some good openers, and when should they be deployed?  In line paying for my grub seems like a good place, where I can flash some bling and comment on their choice of meal. This is a HUGE untapped resource that I MUST exploit!

Much thanks.

Wow, this is like throwing chum at hungry sharks. The sexual harassment reeducation camp will be filled to brimming. There are many ways to open groups of girls in a corporate cafeteria. I’ll offer a couple suggestions.

YOU: [walking slowly by their table, a serious expression on face] Hey, you guys are new here.

GIRL(S): Yeah.

YOU: Hm. Too bad.

GIRL(S): What does that mean?

YOU: I’d tell ya if there weren’t cameras watching.

—

YOU: [standing in line to pay] Standing in line to pay for food. It’s like the movies. You’ve got 20 seconds to flirt with me. Annnnd… go!

******

Email #5:

Dear Chateau proprietor,

What do you think about writing angry letters to girls that LJBFed you in the past? Please stop me from participating in a blue balls toxic shock initiated beta-ish correspondence expecting to hear what I did wrong from their lips (as you might have suspected my cock has no knowledge of those lips whatsoever).

If they LJBFed you in the past, then you’ve got nothing to lose except your dignity and any future girls that may be friends with them, right? And girls will never give you the real reason why they found you unacceptable to bang, right? Rationalization hamster, right? Ok, so knowing that, here’s what you write (make sure to press down hard on capital letters so that the ink runs a little with your righteous fury):

I had entered into a first date
In the summer of a celibate year
And my boner throbbed for this moment
Only now do I remember it clear
Alright, alright, alright

No more a nerd and no more a beta
I was dating and it whetted my thirst
Until your brain started spilling out friend offers
Only then did I reckon my curse
Alright, alright, alright
Alright, alright, alright

First came your cheek turn when I went for the kiss
Then came your crossed arms and your smile was gone
Your little tingles died on delivery
Woefully taking your desire along
Alright, alright, alright

What can one do when one is a loser
Shamefully saddled with daily fap fests?
All that I wanted was the pleasure of a sex life
So my burden I began to divest
Alright, alright, alright
Alright, alright, alright

Your stupid cat I buried after feeding it foxglove
Your pug was easy, it was drowned in the bath
Your asshole boyfriend fought but was easily bested
Burned his body for incurring my wrath
Alright, alright, alright

And that’s how I came your psycho stalker
To be living so horny and free
Expect that you think that I should be haunted
But at least you didn’t LJBF me
Alright, alright, alright
Alright, alright, alright

The International Symbol Of Feminism

For the reason why this symbol was chosen by an elite selection committee, see here.

Brits Voted Ugliest Women In The World

Well, no surprise here. Have you seen Brit chicks lately? Fuggin fat, pasty, unfeminine, alcoholic tubs. An empire is no better than the aggregate beauty of its women, and an empire wheezing its last breath is characterised by this:

“Oh but she has such a pretty face”… for me to render into soap!

It isn’t just the fatness and ugliness (but I repeat myself) that is repugnant, but the exultation of the depredations visited upon the female form to a moral and aesthetic imperative. Such weak-minded thinking is best observed in this comment left by a reader to the article:

How thoroughly predictable to see a story about drunken and anti-social Chav behaviour twisted as usual into being all about appearance – and in particular weight and size. There are plenty of quiet, well-behaved bigger women who never touch a drop let alone would consider behaving in a loud and obnoxious manner, just as a good proportion (probably the majority, in fact) of those falling out of nightclubs vomiting and fighting the police are thin, but don’t let that get in the way of yet another opportunity to demonise and stereotype fat people.

Fatness is a leading indicator of character deficiency. Fat apologists are heralds of ugliness, lies, loneliness and death. The Chav and The Chunky and their watery-eyed advocates are nothing less than the degenerate bilge of an enfeebled, dying society predictably coughing up one rationalization and excuse after another for its self-inflicted failures and loss of nativist pride.

Meanwhile, America’s models are getting manlier-looking by the day while her SWPL men get womanlier and her lower classes get fatter. In that international survey linked above, America was voted to have the second ugliest women, followed closely by German frauleins.

Which brings us to….

Maxim #102: The hottest babes will not be found in prosperous countries, but in countries on the verge of prosperity. The world’s ugliest women will continue to be found in backward primitive societies.