A Quick And Dirty All-Purpose Opener

“Does your boyfriend know you’re flirting with me? Let’s try to tone it down, k?”

LEAVE. Come back to her later.

“There you go again.”

***

Why this opener is so versatile:

1. It is a cheap way to immediately suss out if she has a boyfriend without wasting precious minutes gaming her.
2. It functions like a neg by disqualifying yourself, and it compels her to defend herself from your charge of blatantly flirting with you. Putting a girl on the defensive is critical to establishing your dominance over her, which naturally she will love.
3. Leaving soon after delivering the opener is important. It adds gravitas to what you have said, and will make her wonder if she really was flirting with you. Leaving moves you from “fun guy” category to jerk category, which is a pussy promotion equivalent to moving up from a beta to a brooding rebel. Absence makes the sine wave of the gina tingle oscillate with higher frequency.
4. This opener entraps her. There is no good answer she can give that you can’t spin to your favor. If she says “I wasn’t flirting with you”, you say “I figured you say that”. If she says “I don’t have a BF”, you say “Well, that explains your aggressive flirting”. If she says “My boyfriend wouldn’t care if I was flirting with you”, you say “I hear wedding bells”. If she says “He doesn’t know I’m flirting with you”, you say (to yourself) “It’s on”.
5. ABL. Always Be Leaving. That is the trick to making the followup line work. (Obviously, this rules out using the opener on girls walking down the sidewalk.) Ten minutes later, the “There you go again” line should prompt a giggle and a puzzled expression where she asks how exactly she’s flirting with you. That’ll be your cue to make up some shit.

Update: A Test Of Your Negs

Zeets just emailed me a suggestion for how to neg the group of four girls from this post.

Act like you’re going to be a nice guy and pretend to take a normal pic. Step back and zoom all the way in on their tits! Show them like it’s a work of art you’re so proud of. “I think I really captured everyone’s personality in this photo.” They’ll be punching you in the arm with their wet labia!

FTW. This is even better than pretending to run away with their camera.

No Such Thing As Unconditional Love

As I wrote in one of my “Ugly Truths” posts, unconditional love is a happy fantasy sentimental people want desperately to believe because they think it sullies love to have it debased by the reality of conditions placed upon it, as if love, oh wondrous exalted love, could be just another business transaction in the sprawling biological bazaar of human mating. I helpfully cleared up the issue for them:

There is no such thing as unconditional love. If a girl gains 50 pounds her boyfriend will fall out of love with her. If a guy loses his job and drifts into months of unemployed depression his girlfriend will fall out of love with him. Thinking clearly on this will give you the best chance to find real love.

I used to think that the only example of what could conventionally be regarded as “unconditional love” in the natural state was a mother’s love for her child. Well, piss all over another pretty lie, because yet again one of my maxims has been further buttressed by the imprimatur of science: Women More Likely Than Men to Reject Unattractive Babies.

The differences between men and women in motivational effort to extend or shorten the viewing time of abnormal-looking babies “may reflect an evolutionary-derived need for diversion of limited resources to the nurturance of healthy offspring,” the paper concludes.

The findings question the concept of unconditional parental love, at least among women. “What our results suggest is that this is determined by facial attractiveness,” said Rinah Yamamoto, first author and a research fellow in psychiatry. “Women may be more sensitized to aesthetic defects and may be more prone to reject unattractive kids. Men do not appear to be as motivated. They didn’t expend the same effort.”

Do mothers love their babies unconditionally? Not if the kid isn’t cute. Throw another wrench into the gears of the platitude spouting mental machinery of the mediocre masses. It’s grimy Dirt and DNA all the way down.

The Painter

One block from where I live, on a residential street corner, I saw a lanky, unkempt white man talking to two attractive blondes dressed in the uniform of the City Bitch On Her Way To Do Something So Very Important At Her Paper Pusher Job: crisp Banana Republic skirt, tennis shoes for the sidewalk commute, and hair in a ponytail. Upon closer inspection, I noticed the man had a tall painter’s easel in front of him with a postcard-sized canvas propped on the easel. He was dangling a brush from his right hand rather effeminately, while the girls smiled broadly, flipped their ponytails to and fro, and engaged him in animated conversation.

The canvas had a few splotches of pastel-colored geometric shapes on it. If this was supposed to look like my neighborhood, I couldn’t make out the resemblance. I figured it must be some postmodern stylism that only the illuminati, and City Bitches, could comprehend.

Then I noticed something else; I recognized this guy. I’d seen him ambling around my neighborhood, walking with that loserly shuffle. He was a local. I’ve never seen him painting outdoors on a weekday morning either, and until now I’d never seen him in the company of women. This new painter’s schtick he had devised was clearly working. There he was, three random colors on a tiny canvas, a cheap art store easel on the sidewalk corner, and two hot blondes eating out of his palm. He was probably smacking himself for not coming up with this idea sooner.

Go ahead and try it. Buy an easel and a canvas board. Set up shop on a corner in the daytime, ideally during the morning or evening pedestrian commute. Dangle a paintbrush from your hand effeminately whilst cocking your head like you’re deciding how best to capture the majesty of the street corner. Wait for girls to approach you (which automatically signals their lower status relative to yours, as girls are programmed to never approach men), and run your normal game as usual.

“I’m surprised you can recognize the deep spirit of the land and its people I’m trying to evoke. I wouldn’t have taken you for the type of girl who could appreciate art.”

You don’t need to be an artist, or even have painting skills, to pull this off. All you need is the ability to handle the public attention you will get, and a cultivated sense of haughty arrogance.

Programming Notes

– July 2009 was the biggest month here at Chateau Heartiste. There were 473,908 views of exquisitely beautiful O chained to an iron pillar with her ballroom gown hiked up, getting whipped on her blushing naked buttocks with a riding crop by a masked man. O savored every lashing.

– Recently the blog passed 100,000 comments. 99,999 of those comments were cringeworthy online flirtations leading to blue balls. The 100,000th comment was left by Firepower, responding to Gunslinger, in my ‘What Is A Natural?’ post:

Gunslingergregi

Whiskey bro you need to start carrying around a severed head

dewd – quit stealing
all my moves

Yes, I know. Don’t all gasp with astonishment at the profundity of comment #100,000. It is auspicious in ways your feeble beta brains cannot begin to comprehend.

– I was going to write a separate post announcing the winners of the ‘Test Of Your Negs’ post, but after skimming through the comments I got depressed. The answers most of you gave were horrible. You’d have been better off asking them where they went to school. Hint: Calling a girl fat, or implying she’s fat, is not a neg. Despite the hundreds of shitty attempts, I managed to find a few gems.

Tyler:

Taking pictures for girls is always an easy way to jump into conversation. This is one way I might handle this situation (Let’s assume the girl to the right is the target):

girls: Hey, can you take a picture of us?
me: yea sure…(take the camera) Okay, on the count of 5!

Count off until 5, take a picture….but completely cut out the girl in the yellow. Hand the camera back as you normally would, and they will check the picture as always.

If I were to “defuse this d-bag” it would just be out of the kindness of my heart. I don’t think it would be necessary, but I’d probably just say something for the sake of conversation. “so how did you end up getting dragged out with all of these girls?” then he’d tell me they either all went to school together, or that he is meeting the girl in the red for the first time off of a craigslist ad, but she doesn’t seem that interested…so I could gain a little knowledge about the group.

girl in yellow: “Hey, you cut me out of the picture!”
me: “what? yea I know…I didn’t think you wanted to be in it…” (strait faced)
girl in yellow: ??? (she is confused)
me: “I just assumed that since you didn’t do you hair or anything that you didn’t want to be in the picture ” (now you can start smiling at her)

me: “If a girl can pull it off…I usually prefer a girl with messy hair anyways”

You can keep her wondering if you have the opinion that she can pull it off or not…she will probably ask…just smile, don’t answer and have her buy you a drink.

Actually, just cutting the girl out of the photo is enough of a neg right there. I’d hand it back and “Oh, how about that. You got cut out.”

Roosh:

To the guy: “Hey man you can’t let these aggressive girls squeeze you out of the photo like that.”

To the girls: “Couldn’t you guys make a little more space for your guy friend here? He looks all sad and lonely and shit. Like someone just told him his little kitten died.”

Guy is done. Will be even better if he says something like “But uhhh I don’t have a kitten.”

I would go for the girl on the far right. She doesn’t seem to need a neg but if it was necessary: “Very cool necklace where did you get it from? I saw some many like it being sold in this market for 3,000 pesos. That comes out to a dollar fifty in american money. Cool though, anyway.”

If she likes my vibe she’ll ask “which market” and then it’s clear sailing until I get cockblocked by the asian.

Chuck:

i’d go after the asian chick:

“oh, sorry, let’s take another, your eyes were closed”

This is NOT a good neg. However, it is very funny.

lurker:

“It’s so nice to meet some girls who don’t feel the need to dress up to go out and have fun.”

So close. Take the edge off it a bit with this rewording: “It’s so cool to meet girls who are confident enough to go out without getting overdressed.”

Cannon’s Canon:

Being asked to take a group photo is like winning a free set. First, I turn the camera and take a photo of myself. Then, I ask the group what emotion they are going for. I’ve drawn this out into a whole photo shoot routine, where I suggested contrasting emotions to do some push-pull and described some scenarios to do a little role-playing.

This is more of a routine than a neg. If you have a fertile imagination you can really run with this idea.

el chief:

My target for sex would be the brunette on the left. Blondie has nice tits, but I think the one in red is prettier.

I’d neg the group as a whole by accusing them of being bridge and tunnel crew. In Vancouver, there is a shitty white trash suburb called Maple Ridge (”Maple Ditch”), and I’d ask them how they’re going to get home there if they’re drinking all night.

Blondie gets negged for being too rosy cheeked. I’d ask her if she’s part Asian (they get red when they drink), and accuse her of being a lush.

Asian girl gets accused of being a banana (yellow on the outside but white on the inside), for hanging with “gwai-los” (white ppl). I would ask her if she’s blondie’s half sister.

I’d ask Mexican girl if she rode her bike to the bar [cuz she looks like a hippie]

Red shirt, I would neg her by ignoring her for a while, and chatting up everyone else. Later, I would compliment her on her sweater, and how my boss has the exact same one. That’s JC Penney right?

I would not attack dude right away. Try to make friends with him, and get his ok to be in the group. Then, slowly grind him down. Question him on why he’s out with these girls when they obviously don’t want to bang him. Goad him into hitting on other girls in the bar.

In the future, I’m just going to hand over the comments section for all game related posts to Roosh and el chief.

Also, to the commenter who ranked the girls in the picture as 1s, 0s and 4s, you are a raving basement nerd who would probably jizz in his pants if one of those girls talked to you. If those girls are 1s, then 99% of the world’s women are 1s. Get a grip.

Shady Character Game

With the right props and an inscrutable demeanor, you can take advantage of women’s instincts to be attracted to violent, unpredictable, enigmatic men. What’s that you say? Hot babes don’t go for criminals, thugs, or cold-blooded soulkillers? Keep telling yourself that.

If your lying eyes aren’t enough to convince you of the depraved nature of women’s desire, take it from the commenters who have every incentive to prove me wrong.

S. (a girl) wrote:

I don’t think something as far as implying you were a killer would be effective, since I wouldn’t want to be left alone with the guy. The person I’m currently seeing tells me that he implies he used to do a lot of drugs because it builds intrigue, in spite of it not being true. When I went to help him move however, I found some court documents for things like vandalism, petty theft, etc. and I was surprisingly more unfazed than I should have been.

Do you want a woman eating out of your palm? Make her think you’ve killed people! Don’t actually tell her, of course. Just leave subtle hints about a shady past you may or may not have had. Let her fill in the blanks. Although they will never admit it, women love filling in the blanks of the lives of their men. By cultivating an aura of mystery you give your women permission to indulge their need for manufactured drama. This is what women do best: Create worlds of pointless drama to impart meaning to the childless void in their lives. Men don’t do this because the very nature of men’s existence is drama, AUTHENTIC drama, from birth (more male babies than female babies die) to death (men die younger and die more often from accidents, disease, and violence).

Commenter Madras offered some good ideas for Shady Character Game:

Two tricks I use for relationship/regular-fuck-buddy game:

1.  Put a round under the pillow she is going to use every once in a while and let her find it.

2.  Forward her news articles about un-solved murders.

This would work. Here are my suggestions (some from personal experience):

• Cut letters of various shapes and sizes from magazines and make a threatening note to an anonymous recipient. “Forget” to mail this “letter” and keep it semi-hidden in your top desk draw. One thing I’ve learned over the years — if a woman likes you she is eventually going to snoop through all your shit. You won’t be able to stop her, no matter how diligently you watch over your stuff. Because of this sinister female reality, I have perfected the art of the “rapid evacuation shit”, so that when I have a girl over and I have to take a dump, I can force out the turds at lightning speed and be done in under 15 seconds, less time than she is able to start poking around my place. I’ve had times where I was in the bathroom for a couple of minutes enjoying a pleasant dump, and when I finished the girl was standing at the bathroom door confronting me about a CD she found next to my computer that another girl had made for me.
• Do you have arrest records? Keep them hidden in plain view. The worse the infraction, the wetter she’ll get. Unless its an arrest for possession of child pornography. If you don’t have arrest records, you can find guys who do and make photocopies of theirs, then scan the copies into your computer and use photoshop to change the name. Best type of arrest: Manslaughter. She’ll think you killed a man who probably deserved it and you had a good lawyer who got you off.
• Keep one long, sharp knife in a separate kitchen drawer by itself. Never use it to cut food. Bonus: It has an ivory handle carved with arcane Pagan symbols.
• Store drug paraphernalia in a cabinet. When she asks, tell her they’re “items of interest”.
• Did you cut yourself badly once? Save that blood-stained garment in your dresser. Alpha move: Put a “bullet hole” through the blood stain. Super alpha move: The garment is a woman’s blouse.
• Do you have any Mafia connections in your family? I do. (See: Goodfellas, Scene I, Upstate New York). Hang on the wall an old photograph of your great grandfather looking like a sharp-dressed Don.
• Keep a small, black velvet purse full of cubic zirconia stones (or if you’re really poor, quartz crystals) stashed in your bedside table.
• Passports with stamps from countries designated by the CIA as sponsoring terrorism or those which have no diplomatic ties with the United States are sure to pique your woman’s interest. For a pointer, see this list. If you haven’t been to these countries, just make your own stamps and read Wikipedia for a cursory knowledge of the local culture and political climate. She’ll never know the difference.
• Never let her see, or put something inside, the trunk of your car. If she presses, tell her the lock is broken.
• Install a large safe. Never tell her about it, or what’s inside. Keep one dried black rose in the safe. “Accidentally” leave the safe lock combination in full view one day for her to find.
• Do you have an attic or basement? Buy a large, antique oak chest with a giant lock and store it there.
• Occasionally rise from bed at 3AM while she snoozes. Leave for an hour. When you return, rustle the sheets a lot so she wakes up. Do this twice a month for a year.
• Own a gun.
• Own a vial of arsenic.
• Own a green-eyed black cat.
• Have a crate full of videocassettes or microfiche in your closet marked “Drop off points”, “Runners”, “Moles”, and “Sabine”.
• In blood red ink, have what looks like a love note in your jewelry box with the words “You did this to me” written on it.
• Have a “lost year”. When she asks you about it, assume the thousand yard stare, sigh heavily, and say “There’s not much to say.” Smile, and pour yourself a cup of tea immediately after saying this. It adds weightiness to your words.
• Edit a family home video of yourself as a child with interspersed frames of a cute but unkempt girl sitting on the floor in the corner of an empty, dimly lit room speaking to the unseen cameraman. She is dragging her hand through her hair while saying “I can’t right now”, “Stoooop”, and “I won’t tell anyone”. You will need to have made the “girl on floor” film with one of your girlfriends. Remind yourself to do this. Once you have finished this creepily intriguing edited film, place the cassette or DVD in plain view so your current girl(s) see it.
• Take a bunch of old-style, photo booth pictures of you and a girl you’re dating. Draw a thick black bar over the eyes of your girl. After you break up, save these “girlfriend redacted” photos for a future girlfriend to stumble across.
• Build a darkroom.
• Give yourself a cool facial scar.

A Test Of Your Negs

So you think you can game? Some of you can. Let’s see how you do with this group.

Scene: You have just walked up to this group of four girls and one seriously d-bag looking wanker. They asked you to take their picture, which you did but only after teasing them by pretending to pocket their camera and running away with it. They posed as in the photo above and you gave them back the camera.

What do you do?

This time the test is a little different. I want you to devise the most appropriate ego-humbling neg for whichever target you choose, and pre- and post-neg transitions if necessary. You may have to defuse the presence of the d-bag first. The idea here is to use the situational props available to you to deliver the best neg possible. Think on your feet!

For example:

[Looking at the guy] “Hey man, looks like you got your hands full.”

Some light banter ensues with everyone.

[Turning to the CityOfGod girl on the far right] “That’s a cool shirt.” [Wait for reaction] “You’re brave for not color coordinating with your friends.”

Winners will be announced tomorrow.