September 2008 Comment Winner

The last comment winner was back in July because you guys stunk up the place in August and I couldn’t choose a winner for that month that met my standard for excellence. But you pulled through in September.

So here it is, the September 2008 Comment Winner. Dinamo Kiev gives his insight into Russian women and the Slavic sexual market in the comments to this post, funnily enough, the February 2008 Comment Winner:

First off, it’s nuts to think that an EE woman would naturally prefer an American man.  Since when did women become big risk takers?  The World’s greatest explorers, first big waves of migrants, etc. were all men.  Adventure is in a man’s blood, but women are conservative.  All things being equal, they’d rather find someone with high status in their own society, rather than move to some other country.  You want a Russian girl?  Move here and bring all your money.  EE was bad enough 10 years ago that any American man could have come here and been a god and then taken a girl home.  No so anymore.

Most of the dudes I saw in America with Russian wives had no idea that their girlfriend/wife was fucking some Russian guy behing their back.

Game is for American men in America.  You don’t need game in Eastern Europe.  You don’t score points for witty banter here.  You gain points for being tough, macho, solid, and rich.  And not fake tough, like in America.  You’d better be ready to knock out immediately anyone that gets in your way, as a minimum.    How do you think the Russian oligarchs got rich?  By being nice guys?  They are all bandits and murderers.  And guess what?  Their girlfriends and wives don’t care that they are criminals.  Sad, but true.  Criminality doesn’t carry the sense of shame that it does in America — it doesn’t make a man here untouchable.  They were tough in an alpha sense, ruthless to everyone, and made the big bucks.  Everyone here is an Alpha — i.e. there are no Betas in the sense that someone is too shy to approach a girl.  The difference between Alpha and Beta here is: how much are you willing to push around other men and stomp them into the ground to get your way?

Your hot Russian girl will be grabbed and approached by no less than 15 men a day here, and half of the men will probably physically grab her and not accept no as an answer.  There’s no room for subtlety here.  There is no need for “approach” or “opening” here.  See a girl you like?  “Come sit with us girl.”  “Come ride in our Mercedes with us, girl.”  That’s it.

American men who come here get gamed so badly by the women, it’s amazing.  These idiots pay for dinners, Louis Vuitton bags, new clothes… and more than half of them aren’t even getting laid!   

You want a beautiful Russian girl?  Find one that is 27+ and bring her to America.  At that age, over here, she’ll be scared to death that her sponsor and/or husband, if he’s rich enough, will be looking to replace her with a younger and more beautiful model, preferably around age 19.  She’ll realize she can find some American sucker that will love her for the next 20 years, even after her beauty fades.    She can continually Diva him and turn him into her slave.    You can’t do that to a Russian man.  He’ll just turn around and say, “Next!”

All Russian girls know instinctively that they can not compete beauty wise with the new generation of girls that comes up every few years.    How do you think charming and beautiful young Russian girls turn into such bitter hag babushkas?  Because when your time is up here, your time is up, so might as well get bitter about it.

Women here are beautiful because it’s a Darwinistic society.  They know men go for looks, so they all compete on looks.  If you’re over 50 kg and a young woman, you must lock yourself in your bedroom and not leave until you’ve lost the weight.    American women are quite ugly, but I think it’s mainly because they are fat and dress poorly.    Subject them to the same kind of pressures they’d face here and I’m sure they’d gain 2.5 points of beauty within a few years.

As a side note, I’ve witnessed no less that 6 American women having nervous breakdowns here, usually at cafes talking to some male coworker, saying things like “I can’t take it here anymore!  The girls are such sluts!”   

What she really wants to say is: “I can’t take it anymore.  I can’t compete on any level with these women.  I was so popular with men in America even as a warpig, but here, not only do all Russian guys ignore me, but all the American men can’t be bothered either.”

I hear there is a term in Iraq for American women working in the green zone.  “GFB — Good for Baghdad.”  And that these women have the same kinds of nervous breakdowns upon return to America, when even the guys they were dating in Baghdad, that were so attentive to them there, no longer pick up the phone or respond anymore.

Of course America is a more civil place and a much better society, thanks to all the beta people, of course.  If you’re past 30, it’s much better to live there than here.  But if you want to see human nature at its basest, stripped of all subtleties:  to see what people really want — there’s no place better than here.

Don’t flame me girls, I’m just reporting it as I see it.

Well said, Padawan Kiev. I like his advice to fat girls to stay locked in their bedrooms starving themselves until they’re fit to be shown in public. Call it environmental activism; you don’t want your vista ruined by unsightly mounds of garbage.

As for his claim that all Russian men are alpha, I don’t buy it. But I relish a challenge, especially one involving beautiful women. My Russian trip will be like a safari to an exotic land where no one’s heard of PC or feminism or Gossip Girl, and where the women have a decent grasp of reality.

The Runner-up September 2008 Comment Winner award goes to Kick a Bitch, for his trenchant observations on the social interplay between man, woman, and flip-flop:

i like it though… i’ll have to use it sometime soon. i’ll even be so bold as to use it despite the fact that i’m also wearing flip-flops. i can already smell the musk that will accumulate from the juices of my prey’s vaginal canal as i spit forth the hypocrisy.

Sara just came.

Finally, a very strong Honorable Mention goes to Cynizen for her(?) comment on the post Top Two Rules For Dating Younger Women:

Men like you do not have any intention of a monogamous relationship and take advantage of the stupid, reckless girls with low self-esteem and bad taste. Yeah, that’ll add plenty to the gene pool should you slip up or your old balls produce enough over-eager swimmers. Men like you use pseudoscience to promote your agenda, yet ignore the advantages children  have if their fathers are not assholes or aged. 

While age differences do not inherently bother me, people who make age a fetish and those who exploit others are disgusting and are obviously overcompensating for their small dicks or latent homosexuality.

I regret finding yet another shitty blog that makes me despise people.

Stupid girls with low self-esteem falling for game? Check. Small dick compensation? Check. Latent homosexuality? Check. It’s oddly comforting to see my incredulous foes sticking to the script.

A Reader Responds

In yesterday’s Reader Mailbag, I gave my unassailable advice to reader S. She has responded to it in the comments.

Hi, I’m S. herself.

You were wrong on this one.  Since I wrote you my (ill-advised?) request for help, K. and I are now dating, crazy about each other, and never been happier.  I was wrong about thinking he was self-destructive; as it turns out, some bad personal stuff happened to him last year that he never told me about, and he had every reason to be unhappy.  Now he’s much different.  Bright, kind, strong.  I never dreamed anything could be this good.

This site is a guilty pleasure for me, and occasionally hilarious, but you folks should know that sometimes real life is very different from this blog.

This blog is where girls go for thrill rides.

Actually, I was not wrong. I recommended you drop all your expectations and just fuck the guy and get it out of the way. You have started doing just that — dropped your expectations (“I was wrong about thinking he was self-destructive”) and smoothed the way for an eventual lay by making excuses for him and downplaying his flaws (“he had every reason to be unhappy”) and telling yourself there is a love connection (“I never dreamed anything could be this good.”) Yes, I’m sure he’s a changed man. He changed long time… in two weeks.

S. wrote me her request for help less than two weeks ago. It seems odd she could go from completely unsure of this guy K. to “dating, crazy about each other, and never been happier” in two weeks time. It sounds like K. said all the right things and cooed love whispers in her ear. His game must be tight. Respect.

But as we will see below, not tight enough to get the bang.

Thanks, commenters, for your advice.

Lemmonex: no, I’m not going to “just fuck him.” I’m too old-fashioned for that. Making out is pretty wonderful, on the other hand.

So you won’t put out but you’ll torture him with makeouts until his balls explode from pressure buildup. Yes, pretty wonderful for you, but for him… let’s just say only a guy with no options would put up with that frigid ice queen treatment for long. Give yourself a pat on the back… you’re dating a beta. Ironically, if you succeed in your mission to break his manly spirit and make him play by your rules, you’ll be more likely to lose interest in him.

as: He is a nice guy to whom I’m attracted, and if things work out I will introduce him to my parents.

Is your mom a MILF? If your niceguy “boyfriend” hasn’t been scrotally drained, you may want to hide her in the basement.

Piece and beaver grease.

ps: Keep us posted.

pps: (I try to help and this is the thanks I get. Do you people know how I bleed for you? Is it so hard to show even a tiny bit of gratitude? I suppose you want to see a grown man drown his sorrows in a vat of Ben&Jerrys Chunky Monkey. You’re all sick, sadistic bastards.)

Reader Mailbag

As I’ve mentioned before, if you do not want your question made public on the blog, say so specifically in your email, and I’ll send my answer to you privately. Honor among players, and all that.

Email #1

I am a senior @ Princeton.  I read your sight daily and need your help.  I am ultra-beta…and can’t get any girls as a consequence (in college!).  Need tips on how to change…I’ve read all the literature, done most of the stuff.  I just need fundamentals on becoming beta (fuck, even my e-mail address is fucking beta).

I try to act like an asshole, but that just pisses girls off and they get aggressive or storm off.  I’ve read Cajun’s stuff, but all I can manage to generate is asking beta-casual questions or acting nonchalant (which gets me zero attention…I’m not that attractive, just 5’5”).

Any words of advice?  Anything?  I could really use help…I’ve read all your archived shit, read the comments on a regular basis.  I just need fundamentals.  Where the fuck do I start?

Thanks in advance (I hope)…

-[initials withheld]

Ah, Princeton. I spent quite a few weekend nights in that leafy town prowling for smart co-eds. Birthplace of Thomas Sweets ice cream. Sir, technically an “ultra beta” is a lesser beta. Please brush up on the terminology.

Let’s get the harshness out of the way first. If you can’t get laid in college, you are going to get laid even less after you graduate as a lesser beta. Why? Because it is ridiculously easy to get laid in college, if that’s all you want. Maybe WASPy Princeton girls are especially frigid, but regardless you should consider your failure to score as a college student an unused condom in the coalmine. Troubles lie ahead.

Your attitude is very negative in this post. You remind me of a lot of beta friends I’ve known — always beating themselves up, pinning everything that goes wrong on their own stupidity or cowardice, never seeing the light at the end of the tunnel. Realism is an important first step to begin your self-improvement journey to respectable womanizer, but you need to leaven realism with optimism. Your inner game will shrivel if you’re negative all the time. “Fake it till you make it” isn’t just a slogan. It works.

I just need fundamentals on becoming beta (fuck, even my e-mail address is fucking beta).

Perfect example. I’m going to demonstrate how you should have written the above to train your mind to begin thinking like an alpha.

“I just need the fundamentals on becoming a James Bond-like pickup alpha machine the girls can’t keep their hands off of (fuck, i might even change my email address so girls get wet reading it).”

See, isn’t that better? Now don’t ever soil my inbox again with your puling betabitch self-pity whines. David Alexander has that territory covered.

I try to act like an asshole, but that just pisses girls off and they get aggressive or storm off.

I’m guessing you haven’t shed your beta body language, so when you act like a pure asshole you come off incongruent. Girls hate nothing more than incongruence, because it triggers their “false alpha flag” reflex. Here’s a handy asshole chart I’ve devised to help you understand the nuances of assholery:

Asshole + Alpha + Charm = get laid like gangbusters.
Asshole + Alpha = get laid regularly.
Asshole + Beta = get laid occasionally.
Asshole + Lesser Beta = don’t get laid but win moral victory in face of rejection.
Asshole + Omega = she gets her guy friends to beat you up.
Asshole + Lesser Omega = she gets her girl friends to beat you up.

So you can see the power of assholery is somewhat relative to the sexual market value of the man. I like that you are channeling your inner asshole, but you need to get a handle on your other game skills before you start spewing insults like a bum with Tourettes. Being an asshole works best when used as an adjunct to good game.

I’ve read Cajun’s stuff, but all I can manage to generate is asking beta-casual questions or acting nonchalant (which gets me zero attention…I’m not that attractive, just 5’5”).

Cajun is excellent. I don’t believe half of the stuff I hear about pickup artists, but from what I’ve read, seen, and been told Cajun has the goods. Stop asking casual questions. If you must ask questions, make them quirky. “Do you know where I can buy an eyepatch? I just found out my grandfather was a pirate and I want to keep up the family tradition.” You get the idea. Also, acting nonchalant does you no good if you’re invisible to her. And don’t worry about your looks or height so much. Despite what many men think and what some women say, looks are not that important once you have good game. You may not get the hottest chicks, but the skills you’ll learn will allow you to bang chicks one to three points higher than you on the looks scale, which I believe is every man’s birthright and, indeed, every man’s duty. And if your height is holding you back, there’s a simple solution: Hit on girls shorter than you. There are plenty of them.

I just need fundamentals.  Where the fuck do I start?

Start with these:

Mystery Method e-book (still the Bible as far as I’m concerned)
David DeAngelo’s cocky/funny series and interviews with the gurus
Pickup 101’s Fearless First Impressions, Attraction Secrets and Art of Rapport DVDs
Stephane Hemon’s Ideagasms Squirting (you’ll eventually need this) and GTP program
The Real Social Dynamics and Stylelife internet forums
Badboy ebook and DVDs
Carlos Xuma and Zan DVDs
Robert Cialdini’s book “Influence: The Psychology of Persuasion”
Robert Wright’s evospych book “The Moral Animal”
Matt Ridley’s evo book “The Red Queen”
Also, let me put in a plug for Roosh’s book Bang, which is an accessible compendium of solid game strategy.

Get out in the field while you are plowing through all that material. Don’t become a keyboard player. The first challenge you must overcome is building immunity to rejection. All else flows from that critical initial step. Immunity comes with repeated exposure. Memorize TWO solid openers, THREE negs (or pebbles, as Style calls them. I.e., “Wow, who brought their little sister to the bar?”), THREE ready-to-go lines for common shit tests you’ll get from women (“You have a BF? Great, so does my girlfriend.”), TWO value generating stories, TWO rapport building routines, and ONE venue change line (“I’m thirsty. Are you thirsty? Let’s go back to my place and sample some fine tap water.”)

I want a progress report in three months.

Email #2

Long time reader, etc, etc.

Here’s one for you; maybe even worthy of the mailbag.

I (28) just started working at a big law firm in NYC. As soon as I got there, I hit it off really well with one of the research assistants (26, carries conversations intelligently, a certain 7 and occasional 8 ) . We had a pretty flirty couple of weeks, but the firm has pretty strict rules against inter-office dating. However, she quit the firm during my second week to take a better job elsewhere, so I invited her out. One minor shit test easily passed, things are going really well, I poked the appropriate amount of fun at her flip flops, her eyes are twinkling … and I get a call that my uncle, who raised me since I was 6, has passed away. I didn’t collapse into a puddle of blubbering goo, but my eyes definitely got moist and I may have had a Michael Johnson style lone tear or two trace a path down my cheek.

She was very sympathetic when I told her the news and gave me a long, full-frontal hug before I broke it off, put a few bills down, told her that I wanted to be alone, and left. She sent me an email two days later to ask how I was doing.

Here’s the question. Normally, tearing up is anything but alpha behavior and simply ruins the prospects with the girl. Does this circumstance count as exceptional? It has been a week and I certainly would like to ask her out again, but I won’t bother if this is going to make her see me as overly sensitive and, well, a herb.

What do you think?

– P.

Lawyer chicks? Man blubbering? I have two things to say to you.

One.
Two.

Ok, three.

Seriously, though, this can only work in your favor. Stop overthinking. Unless the chick is a hardcore ballbusting nutneutering scrotesmashing alpha lawyer-wannabe bitchbot, your show of emotion under the circumstances was a turn-on for her. The only thing herby about you is worrying what she thinks of you.

Sometimes I get the feeling you guys already know the answers to your questions, but just like to write it out and email a complete stranger for a sympathy hug and three pats on the back. Paging Lemmonex…

Email #3

I need some advice.  I’m probably a pretty unorthodox visitor to your blog, so this is probably an unusual question for you, but I would like your perspective.

I’m a 20-year-old girl in college.  I’ve been badly in love with a close friend K. (my age) for two years.  From time to time I’ve sort of managed to talk myself out of it, but then there I am again, alone in the evening and missing him desperately, or waiting for him to come over and then falling all over myself to carry his suitcases and fix his tea.

He hasn’t been interested. Or rather, he’s been interested in a way (we kissed twice, and once he wanted to hook up) but not interested in a relationship.  That was all right; we stayed friends.  But now he calls me all the time, and I find myself dropping everything to see him, and this is trouble.

A little bit about me: I never got any attention from guys as a teenager (I’m nice-looking enough, but I was always too shy and serious) so this is a new, strange world for me.  Suddenly I get asked out with some frequency.  And now I’m trying to get into some fiendishly competitive grad schools (math and economics) so I’m going to have very little free time.

The trouble with K. is that he’s kind of messed up – he had to leave school for a semester due to depression – and sometimes he doesn’t seem to be serious about his own future.  I know this makes me sound like a terrible person, but I’d be embarrassed to tell my friends and family about him.  I need some kind of nice, clean-cut, ambitious guy who takes me out on standard dates.  And yet I’m attracted to K., my dear friend, who’s nerdy and messy and constantly shooting himself in the foot.  Even nice girls get horny sometimes, and I have spent years restraining myself from what I’d like to do with him.

What do I do?  Any advice would be appreciated.

Thanks,

S.

First, send me a jpeg, full body shot, high resolution, naked or in lacey lingerie. I’ll need this to thoroughly evaluate your, uh, character traits.

This email was sent via a Princeton edu address. What’s up with Princeton? It sounds like students from there have forgotten how the penis and vagina fit together. It’s supposed to be a school for smarties. Maybe that’s the problem.

You mentioned two things that jumped out at me. One, you haven’t had sex with him yet, and you rebuffed him the one time he tried to hook up with you. Two, you’re “nice-looking enough”, which, translated into manspeak, means you are probably a 6. Coupled with your major in math and economics, your score could even be as low as a 5. So I will now give you a rare glimpse into his mind, the mind of a man:

“She’s not putting out and she’s not hot enough for me to make any effort.”

Hold my hand, child, it gets worse.

So why is he calling you now so frequently? Ah, good question. Most of the time, when a man re-engages a woman he used to be lukewarm about, it means he is horny and lonely. Your mediocre vagina now seems a better choice than his calloused hand. Maybe he tried picking up a hotter chick and failed, so running back to you looked like a good option. You certainly have made yourself accessible to him, so there’s no real challenge for him to earn your emotional support.

Or maybe he had a revelation that he has always been in love with you and it was time to show it…….. NOT.

It is obvious to me that you like badboys. You write that K. is “nerdy and messy and constantly shooting himself in the foot” and that you have tried to talk yourself into being attracted to clean-cut nice Abercrombie boys. But those boys don’t excite you like the way K. does. K. refuses to conform. He is a rebel, a social renegade, a self-destructive energy vampire who plays by his own rules, and that autonomically moistens your muff.

Here is my advice. Stop trying to fight it. Fuck him, get it out of the way, then move on, because fucking him will not cause him to love you forever and ever. I know these types of guys. Hell, I once dabbled with playing this type of guy. They live to validate their self-esteem through others, that is why they are energy vampires turning the self-pity trick. It’s him against the world, right? And you want to save him, to join him on his path to redemption. Am I correct?

Yes, yes I am.

He thrills you because, deep down, you know your “relationship” with him is doomed. Your need for drama is perfectly complementary to his need for validation. You have to clear your mind, S., and drop the savior act. Know that nothing permanent can come of your time with him, and in that knowledge you will finally free yourself to love him with everything you have, and to savor the moments you share, without the burden of expectation.

Make love when you can, because it is good.

Yours in the Light of Lucifer.

What You Can Learn From A Beta

I’ve written before that I learned a lot about game by carefully observing men in the field who were naturally good with women, at least as much as I’ve learned from books and internet forums. Every man growing up should have an alpha male mentor, or at least should be part of a social circle that has at least one alpha male so that he can watch and take mental notes about what works with women. I’ve had a few of those guys in my life and they were indispensable to figuring out what behaviors cause women to respond positively.

There is a flip side to that coin. You can learn just as much about what *not* to do by meticulously observing betas getting shot down. Not only will you see which behaviors are counterproductive, but you will get a better feel for those subtle changes in facial expression and body position that girls who have suddenly lost interest will convey.

Here are some of the things I’ve learned by watching betas at the exact moment they got rejected, like the sad but amusing moment Ralph Wiggums suffered Lisa’s rejection.

• Betas smile too little and smile too much

Yeah, it seems contradictory, but betas never have a firm grasp on when and how often it’s personally advantageous to smile. They don’t smile when they walk into the bar or before they’ve started talking to a girl, and they smile too much once they are in a conversation with a girl. This behavior reveals their tormented beta soul: They are unhappy to be there until a girl’s presence makes them happy. Would an alpha relinquish his state of mind to another person? Especially a woman? No. His joy is self-generated.

• Betas are reactive

You can tell a lot about a person by how quickly they answer a question. When a girl asks a beta a question, he answers promptly and enthusiastically. When someone taps him on the shoulder to get his attention, he spins around immediately, looking almost shocked by the intrusion into his personal space. This is reactive behavior. The first says “Wow I can’t believe a girl is talking to me!” The second reaction says “I am skittish because I doubt my ability to calmly handle these high pressure social situations.” Alphas always pause a second too long before responding to a girl, pushing her to the brink of slight discomfort. This makes her intrigued. Alphas also do not react hyperdefensively when another man confronts him. They take their sweet time, savoring the buildup of tension. This allows them to think of the best thing to say, and to take stock of the situation.

• Betas play it straight

Betas seem to have forgotten what childhood was like. They take life too seriously, and they take girls even more seriously. They always answer questions straight, as if life were a final exam with right and wrong answers. This mode of thinking is toxic to pickup. Girls secretly don’t want you to answer their questions; they want you to tease them mercilessly, at least until she is attracted to you. Alphas instinctually understand the art of playfulness.

• Betas push themselves on people

When someone gives the beta the time of day, that person becomes the center of the beta’s universe. I have often seen betas lunge into the personal space of women, like an aardvark snuffling for termites, who were initially friendly with them. Betas quickly manifest the stink of neediness given the chance. Their focus is too intense too soon. Alphas, by contrast, keep their bodies loose and uninvested in the conversation, until they have decided the time is right to divert all their valuable attention on the person in front of them.

• Betas can’t stop looking around

The next time you watch a beta standing by himself holding his beer up to his chin, notice how often he lets his head swivel around the room. Back and forth, up and down, all around. This behavior shows too much concern with his environment. The alpha gets the lay of the land early on, then minimizes his head swiveling. Think about it, how much does the king who sits on his throne swivel his head around the castle room? Not often, because he is the center of attention, and people’s heads swivel to him.

• Betas are defensive and apologetic

Sometimes a girl will call the beta out on something he said. She will challenge his story or make fun of his opinions. The beta invariably bristles, defensively correcting her or huffily and spastically clarifying whatever point he was making. Often, he will simply apologize in so many words. Girl: “I can’t believe you like that band! They’re so derivative!” Beta: “Well, I didn’t say I liked them that much. They can be a little derivative, that’s true.” Compare how an alpha would handle this. Girl: “I can’t believe you like that band!…” Alpha: [cutting her off] I take it you’re a Britney Spears fan, then? Explains a lot.”

• Betas always look like they have a load in their pants

Are betas incapable of finding pants that fit them? It would seem so, because they all wear ill-fitting pants and walk in a way that suggests they loaded their diapers. Alphas seem to know how pants should fit on a man.

***

Before I was exceptionally good at meeting women, I once caught myself in a bar wall mirror talking to a girl who was slowly losing interest in our conversation. I was appalled by my awkward body language, and sufficiently stirred to action by the reflection of my betaness to change those behaviors that were holding me back.

Every man should hit on a girl in front of a mirror, and stop to observe his posture. Better yet, he should have a buddy secretly film him in the field. The wake-up call will leave him stunned.

What A Religious Cult Looks Like

Before this gets taken down:

Check out the glowing “O”-face of the SWPL whiter person at 1:19. Really, you can’t make this shit up.

In other news, scientists discover evangelicals aren’t the only species of fundamentalist wackos.

Evil Baby Shower

I got roped into a baby shower for an acquaintance. I’d never been to one of these seminal events, though I’ve heard about them. It was as bad as I imagined, maybe worse. Between the pink ribbon-wrapped gifts, blankies, snugglies, baby bouncies, belly-rubbing, earnest discussions of contractions and labor, and torrents of sympathy sludge, I felt like I would suffocate on the maternally estrogenic fumes.

GIMME BOOB MILK!

I saved my mental health by fantasizing what it would be like to make gentle love to a third trimester pregnant woman. This is a mountain I’ve yet to climb. It couldn’t be any more challenging than this. Or this.

The best gift by far was two small jewelry boxes. One was engraved with the words “My First Tooth” and the other with “My First Hair Curl”. This was a great gift because it put a smile on my face as I pondered the milestones that a bunch of my own engraved jewelry boxes filled with mementos of my past conquests would have celebrated.

“My First Forgotten Panty” — It’s pleasantly surprising waking up the next morning, after she has left in her drunken state, to stumble across her panties lying on the floor that she forgot to put on. *sniiiiiff*

“My First Hidden Video” — You never know, she could become famous. And you’ll need masturbation material for when you’re 80. Watching yourself fuck your girl in the bloom of youth >>>> internet porn.

“My First Period Fuck” — Put that bloody used condom or red-stained towel in the box, champ! You’ve earned it.

“My First Threesome” — See: “My First Hidden Video”.

“My First Close Call” — In here you put the abortion clinic receipt.

“My First Anal” — Awkward. You don’t want anything smelly in your box. An audio recording of her yelping in pain is acceptable.

“My First Russian Anal” — An audio recording of her yelping in pain in Russian. (It sounds like this: “Aye, aye aye, Ee ee yi yi yi!”. Music to my ears.)

“My First Raw Dog” — Take an after photo of your cock crusted in dried vaj juice.

“My First Facial” — Tough one to document. Wipe her face with a towel to capture the jizz and makeup in a Turin Shroud-like imprint. Put in box and pray to nightly for the blessings of future facials.

“My First Virgin” — See: My First Period Fuck. You might need a biohazard hymen container for this one.

“My First Fat Chick” — Empty.

“My First Psycho Bitch” — Restraining order.

“My First DC Lawyer Chick” — One silver bullet.

“My First Bartender” — STD fact sheet.

“My First Cunnilingus” — One gnarly pube.

Darwinianly-speaking, women huddle like pinkiron midwives around the expectant QB mother to fulfill a deeply subconscious group coherence bonding mechanism that works to assist the tribe raise its young. Since most women are going to get pregnant at some point in their lives they don’t worry about exerting effort helping out another woman’s child. Men don’t have the luxury to waste resources like this; they could easily lose out on the chance to pass on their genes if they spent time and money on a rival’s kid.

I walked out of that baby shower feeling grateful for being a man.

Similarities Between Now And The Great Depression

With all the recent talk of “moral hazards” and “socializing the loss, privatizing the profit”, it seems the time is right to look for any parallels between the current mess and the Big One of 1929. This article lays out a pretty persuasive case that there are enough similarities between now and then to wonder whether we risk careening into a new Greater Depression:

Creating a Great Depression

Given the grim political prospect ahead of us, we can now examine the checklist for Great Depression causation, and see how many we can check off for today’s leaders:

1. Asset price crash: Check! We’ve already had the crash in asset prices, twice, in 2000-02 with stocks and now with housing. As the stock market crash of 1987 demonstrated, asset price crashes don’t necessarily lead to Great Depressions, but they do thoroughly shake the financial system and reveal hidden weaknesses. This time around, there have been plenty to reveal.

2. Protectionism: Yes, but less severe. Protectionism is definitely reviving, but to nothing like the level of the Smoot-Hawley tariff. Obama’s threat to renegotiate NAFTA, combined with a substantial recession, could produce a substantial leap in protectionism. We can however have at least moderate confidence that Obama has no intention of actually doing anything so foolish as to reopen trade agreements in the middle of an economic downturn.

3. Bank failures: Check! We need an actual bank or two to go under however, not just these investment banking houses of cards, and we need an international bankruptcy along the lines of Creditanstalt. My money would be on one of the thoroughly opaque Chinese behemoths. The Fed and other central banks will doubtless try to avoid a collapse of the money supply following a bankruptcy; they may simply produce hyperinflation, a problem we didn’t have in the 1930s.

4. Expansion of the public sector: Check! Treasury Secretary Hank Paulson’s $700 billion housing bailout fund certainly qualifies here. Commentators have noted the similarity to Hoover’s Reconstruction Finance Corporation, without noting that the RFC was a colossal economic failure. It diverted resources to politically selected companies, increasing the level of Federal debt raising and thereby crowding truly private sector entities out of the capital market. The diversion of resources from the private to the public sector was itself deflationary, weakening the system’s productivity growth potential and deepening the downturn. Paulson appears to be operating on the basis that federal resources are essentially infinite. A $700 billion bailout and the $1 trillion deficits to which it will lead will “destruction test” this bizarre theory. Obama’s spending plans, which presumably won’t be abandoned altogether, will also be a problem here, Indeed it is likely that by 2012 the ratio of federal spending to GDP will be at a new high level never before seen in peacetime. As with bank failures, this time around an excessively accommodative Fed is likely to monetize the additional debt and thereby cause rapidly accelerating inflation.

5. Tax increases in a downturn: Probable. Obama has already promised tax increases, which he will probably make larger than planned to attack the $1 trillion deficits. That’s precisely the mistake Hoover made. McCain hasn’t promised tax increases, but appears to have no great philosophical objection to higher taxes and a commitment to reducing the deficit – it thus looks like tax increases will be forthcoming from him, too.

6. Abandonment of Capitalism: Probable. The principles of capitalism will have little popular support in the years ahead, as in the 1930s. Hence there will be no immediate opposition (other than from politically discredited industries) to daft new schemes of regulation that destroy market incentives. Obama has some idea how markets work, but the barons in the Congressional Democrat majority don’t, so there is likely to be some truly damaging legislation in our future. Even if McCain becomes President, he appears to have no instincts as to which controls and restrictions would wreak most destruction so “compromise” legislation with Congressional Democrats might be as bad or worse than under a President Obama.

7. Destruction of Capital markets: Possible. This is the big question-mark. In the 1930s, the Glass-Steagall Act, by separating investment banking from commercial banking at the bottom of a recession, when capital was scarce and entrepreneurial spirits non-existent, produced investment banks that were truly undercapitalized and indeed unprofitable – even Merrill Lynch, among the largest of them even then, lost money over the decade of the 1930s and survived only through subventions from Charles Merrill’s mother’s trust fund. The result was a level of capital raising in bond and stock markets throughout the late 1930s that was below that at the bottom of the 1920-21 recession, in a much larger economy. It is not unimaginable that draconian legislation along the same lines, backed by popular outrage against Wall Street, might have a similar effect.

What’s needed now is calm and a step back from hysteria. I don’t believe a couple guys (Bernanke and Paulson) cooking up huge backroom buyback schemes to ostensibly save the country from itself would have better answers than a market allowed to adjust on its own.

Thus not all of these factors operate to repeat the 1930s exactly; on the other hand, some of them merely promise a more inflationary version of that sorry decade, which would probably be even more unpleasant. While a re-run of the Great Depression, with or without hyperinflation, is still by no means inevitable, we are a lot closer than we were a month ago.

If we’re heading into an inflationary spiral and peak oil, then I’m putting my money in frontline suppliers like oil, food producers and utilities.

Here’s a guy who says the right answer is bankruptcy, not a bailout.

This bailout was a terrible idea. Here’s why.

The current mess would never have occurred in the absence of ill-conceived federal policies. The federal government chartered Fannie Mae in 1938 and Freddie Mac in 1970; these two mortgage lending institutions are at the center of the crisis. The government implicitly promised these institutions that it would make good on their debts, so Fannie and Freddie took on huge amounts of excessive risk. […]

The fact that government bears such a huge responsibility for the current mess means any response should eliminate the conditions that created this situation in the first place, not attempt to fix bad government with more government.

I agree. The bailout was a terrible idea and I’m glad it collapsed. It ignored a fundamental principle of human nature — when you shield someone from the consequences of his failures, he is more likely to repeat the same mistakes.

The fact that government bears such a huge responsibility for the current mess means any response should eliminate the conditions that created this situation in the first place, not attempt to fix bad government with more government. […]

So what should the government do? Eliminate those policies that generated the current mess. This means, at a general level, abandoning the goal of home ownership independent of ability to pay. This means, in particular, getting rid of Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac, along with policies like the Community Reinvestment Act that pressure banks into subprime lending.

The right view of the financial mess is that an enormous fraction of subprime lending should never have occurred in the first place. Someone has to pay for that. That someone should not be, and does not need to be, the U.S. taxpayer.

The federal government is an evil gluttonous behemoth like it has never been in American history, and I place most of the blame for this suffocating clutch of tentacled anti-liberty at the exact moment women were given the right to vote. It was virtually inevitable that women, being the sex more concerned with security and stability and less enamored of freedom and risk, with the help of their alpha male co-conspirators and lickspittle beta male suckasses begging for a pussy handout, would vote in more government-as-daddy-and-husband-substitute, with the attendant confiscatory and redistributive taxes, regulations, and government intrusion that entails.

We are now reaping the girlwind.