Supermodels Are Not Hot

At least, not the ones who work as fashion models on the runways of Paris and New York. Check out the weird combination of masculine jawline, flairing nostrils (the better to snort four lines at once), and uberfeminine saucer plate eyes on this chick, model Masha Tyelna.

if she made a baby with billy joel how big would its eyes be?

Clearly, the gay guys who run the fashion world are choosing curveless, geometrically angular androgynoids to model their clothes. So the next time some dude brags that he’s dating a supermodel ask him which industry — Victoria’s Secret? Playboy? SI Swimsuit Issue? He’s banging a winner — those kinds of models are chosen for their direct appeal to men or their ability to model very feminine clothing (i.e., lingerie). Milan runway? He’s banging a prepubescent boy.

I don’t want to mislead the typical woman into thinking that she’s hotter than catwalk models. She is not. The haute couture model, despite her strange appearance, is still hotter than 80% of all women, given that most American women are plain-looking at best and ugly fatties at worst. Quite simply, the obesity epidemic is skewing the 1 – 10 looks scale upwards, so that the 7 in the above photo can afford to get paid like a 10. But compared to the cute hipster chicks and WASPy blonde darlings I see daily, Masha would get lost in the shuffle. I saw at least ten girls hotter than her in one hour this past Saturday night. Of course, I’d never tell them that. Their heads are already big enough.

I once got into an argument with Clio that makeup can, at best, raise a woman’s looks score by one point max, and that a woman’s true score can’t stay hidden from a man for longer than a few dates or one night together. The makeup-less cold hard light of morning after analysis reveals all.

I based my judgment of the value of makeup in boosting a woman’s looks on personal experience. I have rarely been with a woman who gained more than one point by makeup. Part of this reason is that having been with enough women, I can more accurately assess when makeup is hiding something. Another part of the reason is that women consistently overestimate how much makeup can help them. Call it the wishful thinking syndrome.

But after seeing before and after photos of runway models like Masha, I have to make an exception. Makeup goes a long way to feminizing the looks of odd-looking, yet not necessarily unattractive, androgynous girls like her chosen for their peculiarly striking looks. For instance, Gisele Bundchen looks like an 8 without makeup and hits 10 with it.

In the interest of clearing the confusion on the matter of makeup, here is a handy chart I’ve devised (it’s been a while since I’ve done a handy chart):

Looks Rating                Makeup Boost by Points
0                                   0
1                                   0
2                                   0
3                                   0.5
4                                   0.5
5                                   1
6                                   1
7                                   1.5
8                                   1
9                                   0.5
10                                 0

Conclusion: Ugly women have no use for makeup; theirs is a lost cause. If anything, makeup can actually draw more attention to their unfortunate condition. Magnificent ugliness radiates out from the face like blast of cosmic rays, overwhelming even the best makeup applications.

Around 3 and 4, where ugliness shifts into mere unattractiveness, makeup provides a minor improvement. For the girl, it could mean the difference between being ignored and savoring the glorious experience of getting pumped and dumped by a beta.

Makeup really hits on all cylinders for semi-attractive girls who aren’t quite in the running for genuine hotness. The 5s and 6s will see a solid 1 point boost. The biggest effects are on the 7s — those girls who are attractive enough for girlfriend material but have one or two facial flaws that keep them out of the “Props, man, you’re dating a hot chick!” category. Interestingly, when you move up the ladder to 8s and 9s, the trend begins to reverse and you don’t see the same major boost from makeup. By the time you are at a bonafide 10, makeup can add nothing to her already perfect beauty, and oftentimes will detract from it.

The catwalk models are an exception to the above chart. As far as I can tell, they receive a 2 to 3 point boost from makeup. Their angular boyish faces respond well to the softening effects of makeup.

‘Family Guy’ On Dating Older Women

37 year old woman: “So you just got out of prison? For killing a guy? Ha ha, that’s all right. I’m cool with that. I’ll buy dinner this time, and maybe you can get next time? Or not, I could just get it next time, too. Aren’t we having fun?? Fun fun fun!! Me and my three eggs are having the best time!”

It’s funny cause it’s… no, no, wait. It’s not funny at all. It’s just sad.

Palin Will Step Down

A couple weeks ago, I predicted that Joe Biden would step down as VP candidate and allow Obama to nominate Hillary or a Hillary-clone in his place, to counter the Obama-neutralizing advantages Palin brought to the McCain ticket.

Recent events have been illuminating.

I had the right idea, but the wrong VP candidate. Palin will step down.

Tell everyone you meet you read it here second.

ps: I recommend Mitt Romney as a Palin replacement. And then I recommend McCain switch places so that Romney is at the top of the ticket and McCain is attending third world dictators’ funerals. Now we’re cooking with gas!

A Test Of Your Game: The Judging

In yesterday’s post, I challenged you to describe how you’d go about meeting Coffeehouse Girl. The challenge brought out the creative side in many commenters. There were a lot of suggestions to neg her for using a Mac, which runs the risk of pegging you as a PC nerd if you show any amount of hostility to her choice of computer. Plus, it’s weak sauce. Commenter “Hardcore” suggested the sketch routine, which will work especially well in a relaxed lounge environment. Another commenter would tell the girl to “watch his stuff for a second” while he flirted with the barista on the way to the bathroom. This is known as compliance, and is a common tactic of PUAs *after* they have built attraction. It would not work as an opener. Others noted that if you crashed and burned you would be stuck there sitting in a sofa across from her, creating an uncomfortable vibe. To this I say, are you a man or a David Alexander? Who cares if she’s uncomfortable? If you flame out, just go back to your couch and laptop as if nothing was wrong. Her discomfort is not your moral crisis. She might even like you more for it, and re-open you later.

I’ve picked out a sampling of answers that illustrate the main schools of thought and strategies in dealing with the scenario I laid out.

Pope Goaz D’Weezil wrote:

I put on my robe and wizard hat.

Yes, peacocking will work to grab attention and build intrigue. But where do you go from there?
Grade: Fail, with flair.

Mu’Min wrote:

What would I do? Simply get up, put my Thinkpad down, walk straight over to her, introduce myself and invite her to join me.

I like the boldness. Direct game has its uses. But this approach relies too much on your looks and the six feet of space you have between you and her to demonstrate your alpha body language.
Grade: Gentleman’s C

Hope wrote:

With laptops at the ready, just use music sharing as a pretext. Say you are excited about this piece of music you just discovered, and since she has a laptop, too, you wanted to invite her to listen.

This is great for the rapport building stage of attraction, but useless as an opener. Why would she care about some random guy’s taste in music? She will feel like he is forcing a connection before she has had a chance to evaluate his value as a potential mate.
Grade: D, on a girl curve.

giesen wrote:

That’s the old school way of thinking: hoping to strike up a connection by blindly approaching a hot stranger that you have no other reason to talk to.

If you want to strike up a new romance, be more social and outgoing in your day to day life, or change your routine so that you are around more people.

I’ve chosen some of these comments because I want the men here to witness firsthand how utterly self-deluded women are about game, pickup, and their own sexual desire. Because outside of business settings, men DON’T have a reason to cold approach and talk to women unless it is to get in her pants, or pawn her off to get in the pants of one of her hot friends.

So giesen instead recommends retrofitting your entire life trajectory to become more “social and outgoing”. Yes, screw game. It’s better to busily scramble after a nebulous concept. I think girls spew these kinds of useless empty platitudes because deep down they understand it will keep the betas running endlessly on their hamster wheels, thus ensuring the dating pool of “genuine” alphas stays uncorrupted.
Grade: Epic fail.

Brandy wrote:

For the average guy I would recommend letting 5-10 minutes pass without acknowledging her. This will keep you from being perceived as being too eager and aggressive and also allow her a moment to relax and let her guard down.

Then after the 5-10 minute cooling off period has passed, look for a natural opportunity to say something clever without being offensive. Smile and make eye contact. If she reciprocates and doesn’t get up and walk away – put your laptop aside, sit up, maintain eye contact and a smile and make conversation. If she reciprocates again – slowly and delicately introduce an appropriate level of game, but don’t completely turn into something you’re not – and don’t get so wrapped up in your own performance that you lose sight of how YOU feel about her as you get to know more about her.

The problem with waiting for her to “settle in” is that you risk get pegged as a cowardly beta ogler. Better to not wait long enough than to wait too long. The rest of what Brandy wrote is fine as far as traditional, passive game is concerned — make eye contact, wait for reciprocation, smile, wait for reciprocation, strike up a conversation, wait for reciprocation. It’s the game of second-place finishers who don’t want to stick their necks out and reach for the brass ring. I can tell you that if you play the game by these “girl rules” you’ll wind up banging the easy marks — the girls who like you, rather than the girls you like. You’ve gotta risk rejection to get what you really desire.
Grade: Passing, barely.

Chris wrote:

My favorite thing to get a girl interested after an introduction though is asking her a question – something innocuous like what she’s working on or what she’s drinking, and then generally regardless of her answer saying something like “Oh, so you’re one of THOSE people.”

Don’t ask innocuous questions as an opener. Again, this falls under forced rapport, and will aggravate her. Johnnyfive suggests in the comments that you *begin* with “OH, so you’re one of THOSE people.” I agree.
Grade: Mincing little fail.

Sebastian Flyte wrote:

Pretend you just got an email a second ago then use a conventional opener off of it. Laugh a little, as if you’re just reading it, then spontaneously look up and say ‘Hey, my friend was really drunk the other night and texted an ex saying he loved her, he just emailed/aimed (aim-ed might be more realistic) saying that he told her it was just the alcohol talking… I’m not sure though, do you think drunk I love you’s count?”

This is a good opener, but remember that she is sitting six feet from you in a large, acoustically-unfavorable room. You’ll still have to get her attention somehow and then talk loudly across the coffee table. If she leans forward to listen, you’ve gotten an indicator of interest, but what if she remains slouched in her sofa, straining to hear you?
Grade: B

Animus wrote:

“Don’t you find it difficult?”, “Uh, find what difficult?”, “Getting anything done in this place. I saw you poring over your laptop trying sooo hard to shut it all out. *impersonates via exaggerated brow furrowing* Like that girl in 8th grade who’s trying to take notes on the goofy cartoon movie dubbed in French, but can’t because Donald Duck sounds even more psychotic in Francais.” Smirk.

The problem with the clever opener is the risk of being perceived as trying too hard. This is particularly the case if your clever line requires a teleprompter and ten minutes to spit out. Sure, she’ll admire your impressive intellect, but that doesn’t always translate into wet pussy. Stick to cocky, short and sweet.
An improvement on this opener:
“Don’t you find it difficult?”
“Uh, find what difficult?”
“Writing the next great American novel while trying to catch guys flirting with you.”
Grade: C for the exaggerated cleverness.
Grade: A for the smirk.

T. wrote:

I’d walk over and say “Yo, gimme your email so I can walk back to my seat and spam the SHIT outta you.” with a dead serious expression.

T for the win.
Grade: A

Jesus Lizard wrote:

I would very surreptitiously take a peek up her skirt and get a panties shot – this is very important. (C’mon, this is a hypothetical and in my world its a girl in a very short skirt and her Macbook is providing me excellent shield). If I like what I see, then I take it to step two of my two step process, which is, look over at her, get her attention, maintain eye-contact for 1, maybe 10 seconds longer than that which is comfortable for her (again, in my hypo I can mesmerize women), then ever so slowly raise my right hand in the formation of a faux-claw pointed in her direction, and in precise unison, do a cat-like swipe, purr-hiss combination right at her. Let me just say this.. it works.

You should always screen a girl by peeking up her skirt.
Grade: F, but I laughed.

Affe wrote:

Leer, then query “Am I the only one with a itchy poop-chute in this joint ?” in a knowing fashion, while attempting a wink that winds up looking like an uncontrollable facial tic.

The spastic wink where both eyes close is especially effective.
Grade: A, if she’s an anal-obsessed freak. Otherwise, F-.

Racer X wrote:

The best game is this: ignore and conquer. Being the one guy in the room who shows no interest in her will make her think about you all the more.

Feigning indifference won’t work on indifferent girls.
Grade: A, if this was meant to be sarcastic. Otherwise, D- for relying on your looks.

Kick a Bitch wrote:

I’d shit my pants and throw feces at her.

If you play the Law of Large Numbers game, then there’s gotta be a 1 in a billion girl who would fall for this.
Grade: E for effort.

Anonymous threatened female posing as a guy wrote:

Personally I see you “alpha/game males” as huge fucking losers. Especially the ones “learning the game” and spouting off your little quotes and theory. You always seem to be adopting different personalities. I’ve always believed if you have to change who you are to get the attention of a woman, you lose. Plain and simple.

One thing I’ve noticed from reading this webpage (and the comments especially) is it seems to me that many “students of the game” are hyper-overanalyzers (yes, that is redudant, but you guys overanalyze SO much) and seem to think/feel/need extraordinary structure in terms of “what to do” in order to be able to function.

What if who you are is the cause of your celibacy? Then change is warranted, no? Should Charles Manson have stayed “who he was” because by doing so he would have adhered to your righteously moralistic worldview? Or should he have tried to be a better, non-murderous person? It’s easy to preach from the dichotomous pulpit you’re glued to — you’re either a natural comfortable in his own skin, or a loser learning game and being someone he’s not. But that is a false premise. Learning game is like learning a foreign language. You don’t become a different person just because you taught yourself German. Dummkopf!

This pseudo-argument you’re presenting has been knocking around in the heads of the sneering disbelievers for a long time, so I don’t expect you to see the light. But I do want to make an example of you so betas who might fall for your inane bromides aren’t sucked into believing their fates are hopeless.

Let’s be clear. The only difference between a natural alpha and a “student of the game” is level of self-awareness. Some guys do allow their systematizing nerdiness to carry them off into overanalyzing creepland, but that is not evidence that game doesn’t work. There is a learning curve, and after enough practice the skills become so second-nature that you wouldn’t be able to tell the difference between a natural and a guy who made a conscious, deliberate effort to learn how to pick up women.

and he also showed me this cube game about 2 years ago, and it was ridiculously stupid.

That “ridiculously stupid” cube game is chick crack. But you’d know this if you weren’t an ugly girl posing as a guy who felt threatened by guys learning game and exercising the choice of ignoring you in favor of higher quality girls.

***********

What I did:

Me: [Getting up and walking over to her side of the coffee table] I noticed you’ve been hoarding the sugar packs over here. [Grabbing one] If you wanted an excuse to talk to me, you could have just said Hi.
Her: [smiling] I’m pretty sure those were here when I got here.
Me: Likely story. I’m gonna go sit back down and answer some important emails from people seeking dating advice. I may ask for your opinion later. Sometimes a girl’s perspective helps. [Walk back]
Her: [10 minutes later] You still gonna ask me about your emails?
Me: Hmm? Oh, yeah… you won’t believe this one. Come here, check this out.

You’ll have to amuse yourselves with what happened next.

A Test Of Your Game

Imagine yourself in the following scenario:

You’re sitting on an antique couch in your local coffeehouse, your feet propped up on the small, knee-high table in front of you, your laptop resting on your legs. You pretend to peck away at the keyboard while surreptitiously scanning the room for cute girls. It’s late afternoon on a Sunday. The room is large and crowded with people chatting, working, and lounging on crappy chairs and sofas sipping from oversized mugs, including a young couple snuggling in an adjacent chair next to you.

A girl walks up and sits on the couch opposite yours about six feet away, facing you, with the coffee table in between. She is your ideal girl — here you will picture in your mind what she looks like. (For me, that happens to be mid-20s, pale skin, dark hair, big eyes, high cheekbones and petite.)

You think… you’re not sure… that she briefly glanced at you as she sat down and settled into the couch. If so, she saw you checking her out. Eyes met, your heart fluttered. You’re not sure about the flutter status of her heart, but you assume it kept a steady indifferent beat. She pulls out a laptop — a Macbook, you note to yourself — lifts the screen and studiously peruses its contents. You look down at your monitor and a vice suddenly grips your chest as the realization dawns on you that if you don’t try to meet this girl the regret and frustration afterwards will haunt you for weeks.

I’ve described for you everything you need to know. So…

What do you do?

(You girls may answer what you would want the guy to do. Not that it will matter. We advanced experts of the human condition are smart enough to know not to take seriously anything a woman *says* she wants in regards to pickup.)

World Leaders Have No Game

Pakistan’s president lavishes beta compliments on Sarah Palin:

On entering a room filled with several Pakistani officials this afternoon, Palin was immediately greeted by Sherry Rehman, the country’s Information Minister.

“And how does one keep looking that good when one is that busy?,” Rehman asked, drawing friendly laughter from the room when she complimented Palin.

“Oh, thank you,” Palin said.

Pakistan’s recently-elected president, Asif Ali Zardari, entered the room seconds later. Palin rose to shake his hand, saying she was “honored” to meet him.

Zardari then called her “gorgeous” and said: “Now I know why the whole of America is crazy about you.”

“You are so nice,” Palin said, smiling. “Thank you.”

A handler from Zardari’s entourage then told the two politicians to keep shaking hands for the cameras.

“If he’s insisting, I might hug,” Zardari said. Palin smiled politely.

I would expect men at the pinnacle of power to have zero game, so I’m not surprised that world leaders are acting like lovestruck pre-teens with a crush. Women throw themselves at the most powerful men, so these men have little need for learning the crimson arts of seduction.

Judging by Palin’s “polite smile”, I’d say Zardari’s mushy beta compliment of her looks went over like a lead balloon. Verdict: LJBF.

David Blaine Is A Toolbelt

And all those suckers camping out to watch him sit in a box are his tools.

Drop the retarded endurance test “magic stunts” and stick to card tricks, dude.