Ugly Is Not The New Beautiful

In an effort to be edgy, capture niche advertising markets, and generate buzz, there is a modeling agency in New York that claims to only scout for “ugly” models:

Too ‘ugly’ to model?

Not according to one talent agency in New York City. “Ugly,” founded in 1969, looks for unique models who are not considered traditionally beautiful. According to agency founder Simon Rogers, “beauty really does come in all shapes and sizes,” and in the modeling industry, there’s room for all.

Unique.

All shapes and sizes.

Room for all.

Let’s take a look at what the modeling agency considers ugly.

Here is one of their ugly female models:

i lie to boys.

The only thing ugly about her is the tattoo. She may not be a 10 but she’s pretty hot. Her underlying facial bone structure and features are that of a good-looking girl, and most guys would agree. The rest of the “ugly” female models at this agency follow the same pattern — attractive to beautiful faces that can be marketed as diverse and “unique” because of superficial non-genetic attributes like ugly tattoos, unusual make-up, weird clothing, or multicolored hair.

Other than the few freak show midgets the agency includes in its lineup (obviously for specialty assignments that specifically require the services of a midget), the general trend is the same as it is at every modeling agency — girls that have been blessed by birth to look better than 90% of women.

So, no, beauty does not come in all shapes and sizes, nor is there room for every girl to be a model, as this modeling agency’s founder fraudulently claims. Lip piercings and tattoos don’t turn a beautiful girl into an ugly girl, just like they don’t help ugly girls become less ugly.

Here is a picture of an actual ugly woman:

no wonder she hates men.

You will never see women who look like this in an “edgy” modeling agency’s portfolio. At least, not for long. Heh.

Now let’s take a look at the men in this agency’s ugly portfolio.

Here is one of their ugly male models:

i'm wearing a buttplug!

Now we’re getting somewhere. This guy isn’t repulsively ugly, but he’s not beefcake either. Take some time to browse through the photographs and you’ll notice a distinctly different pattern emerge with the male models. Most of the men fall into two categories — either good-looking guys who “uglify” themselves with bad tattoos and piercings (like the women models), or genuinely ugly guys. But the ugly men are ugly in a goofy way, instead of an actively obnoxious way.

Unalterable Universal Law: Ugly men can push product (and sitcoms). Ugly women can’t.*

Yet again, this shows that the penalty for physical ugliness is more severe for women than for men. People make fun of ugly men, but they simply don’t want their visual field polluted by ugly women. Not even at modeling agencies that claim to scout for beauty in “all shapes and sizes”.

Level of bullshit exposed on a scale of 1 to 10: 7 (a septic tank’s worth).

*Ugly Betty is the only current exception to this rule I can think of, but even in this case the show’s title doesn’t live down to its standard, for three reasons:
1. Betty isn’t *that* ugly. She’s a little under average for an American girl.
2. There are lots of other hot women in the show to neutralize Betty’s “ugliness”.
3. Betty’s love interests are borderline platonic. Kissing scenes with Betty kept to a bare minimum.
4. Ratings are slowly falling. Even good writing can’t save a show with an unattractive lead.

Universal Truths Day

In keeping with the spirit of the first Universal Truths Day, here is another installment of universal truths by which you can guide your life and deflect the sophistry of your foes.

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The louder people protest and the quicker they resort to insults the closer you are to telling a truth they don’t like.

The angrier someone reacts to criticism, the more likely your criticism is accurate. Multiply anger factor by 10 for any criticism of a woman.

If you can afford to put yourself down you have value.

If you can brag without inspiring resentment or annoyance you don’t have value.

Every woman — and I mean EVERY woman — will cheat if enough conditions are met.

The minute you start spending money on a woman is the minute she starts to expect having money spent on her.

• Corollary: If you spend on a woman like she’s a whore, that’s exactly what you’ll get.

If you become famous worldwide and leave hundreds of children and grandchildren as your legacy you will be the same memory-less nothing after your death as the solitary homeless bum who dies in the gutter. May as well live in the now and maximize your pleasure.

The only times to laugh at yourself are when it raises your value, or mitigates a drop in your value.

Legalizing prostitution will reduce the incidence of rape.

Soliciting prostitutes will alleviate the symptoms of malignant betatude, but the only cure is the love of a woman freely given.

Never spend more than a few drinks’ worth of money on a woman before you have fucked her. If you’re going to pay for a woman, may as well go to a prostitute; at least you know she’ll put out.

If you have no other choice, treating women like shit will bring you more sexual and romantic satisfaction than treating women nicely.

Don’t get married. The piece of paper is unnecessary for having a loving relationship with a woman. Any woman you are dating who tells you otherwise does not love you completely.

The question to ask yourself is not “Will she like me?”, it’s “Do I want her?”.

The strongest frame you can bring to any interaction with a woman is the frame of qualifying her.

The strongest skill you can bring to any interaction with a woman is the ability to listen and remember.

The strongest first impression you can make with a woman is the way you walk over to her.

The strongest image you can present to a woman is one of contrast. Nothing builds intrigue like contrast.

Bitterness is created, not born.

If you’re not mentally prepared for your girlfriend to leave you tomorrow, she will be more likely to do so.

What you will never hear in marriage counseling: The divorce rate would drop in half if men learned to say Shut the fuck up and women stayed the same size they were on their wedding day.

Every woman has an inner whore. Pay her in the currency of a good fuck.

Don’t allow the biomechanics of love to spoil the beauty of it for you. Don’t allow the beauty of love to blind you to the reality of earning it.

People are at their most sincere when they’re pissed off.

Don’t take yourself seriously when other people are. Take yourself seriously when other people aren’t.

If you need to set rules for yourself, the Three Date Rule is a good place to start.

Indulge hate like you would indulge love. The energy of both can be a creative force, and it makes you a well-rounded person.

It is more likely to be true that a wife will love her deformed husband than a husband will love his deformed wife.

The biggest difference between men and women? A man will stick his dick in an attractive stranger’s warm pussy without exchanging one word.

Men who truly believe in feminism are beta chumps. An alpha may parrot the lies of feminism but he won’t take them to heart or act in accordance with its principles.

Your genes don’t give a shit about you. Their goal is to replicate, not make you happy.

You will get more pussy if you substitute going out Monday nights for Friday nights.

Sarcasm is the tool of the insecure.

If you catch your woman lying to your face, leave her immediately. No more good is to be had from that relationship.

Adopt a mentality of abundance instead of scarcity. It will become a self-fulfilling philosophy. In this way you will never fear to lose a girl. And in your fearlessness she will not want to leave you.

Make a habit of imagining you will die in a year. What would you do differently today?

The best way to gain perspective is to focus on those below you. The best way to gain motivation is to focus on those above you. Strike a balance.

Don’t let anyone tell you revenge is the instinct of the weak. They’ve just never experienced its sweet deliverance.

Children’s games make great adult dates.

Pity is a form of contempt.

When you’ve lost your curiosity, you’ve taken one step closer to vegetable status.

A happy fulfilling relationship starts with you believing you are better than your woman.

You don’t really give a shit about the poor.

Condoms suck.

Circumcision will make you last longer, at the expense of pleasure. It is a discredited barbaric practice.

Women love men who love themselves. Men love women capable of loving someone other than themselves.

You can gain more knowledge from a Wikipedia entry than traveling to lay on the beach in a foreign country.

Don’t be ashamed to create your myth.

Credentialism is the philosophy of the fearful, the self-doubting and the deferential.

A woman who has won your heart will slowly lose interest in you unless you take steps to counter it.

Make love when you can, because it is good.

I Hate Bachelorette Parties

Like a swarm of locusts or a flock of shitting geese, the bachelorette party is the most loathsome sight in the club. When I see them stumble into my favorite bar holding hands like a train of circus elephants I don’t think “Oh, here comes fun!”, I think “If they ask for my underwear I’m really going to give it to them, skid mark and all.” All I want to do when I see the girl wearing the white veil is shoot a load of my hot spunk in her hair until she’s crying that I’ve ruined her $300 wedding coif.

My friends secretly hate me for getting married first.

Bachelorette parties come in two varieties: The bride-to-be is really ugly or she’s the hottest chick of the bunch. There never seems to be an in-between. You can tell which one you’re dealing with without even looking for the one in the veil. The friends of the ugly bachelorette will have a look of genuine happiness and relief on their faces for the good fortune that the least marketable of them managed to snare a guy. (My buddies and I are left to imagine just how beta the unlucky bastard must be.) They have inflated egos because joy has filled their hearts with the thought that their own chances must be very good if their incendiary warpig friend beat the odds.

The friends of the hot alpha bachelorette smile just like the friends of the ugly bachelorette do, but their smiles are masks covering their seething envy and resentment. Their yearning to be seen as desirable means that you can make some headway with one who is a little less attractive than the bride-to-be.

In my experience, bachelorette parties are dead-ends for pickup. (Bachelor parties, on the other hand…) The girls are too drunk, too insular, too bitchy, and wracked with too much Freudian drama to bother with. And have you ever been mass cockblocked? Try hitting on a girl in a bachelorette party and watch in wonder as five girls swoop in to make your life miserable.

In a righteous and virtuous world, bachelorette parties would be shunned, and those girls who participated in them would be shamed by other women. There is no good reason for a girl who is about to vow sexual fidelity to the man she loves for the rest of her life to suck from a veiny penis-shaped straw and dare horny drunk men to bite candies from the necklace nestled in her cleavage. (The bachelor party is perfectly acceptable because men sacrifice a lot more when they get married.) This insipid, low class cultural trend should be used as a litmus test for men who still have a shred of dignity – if he finds out she cavorted around town sloppy drunk and wildly flirting with every guy within shouting distance he should call off the wedding immediately. No self-respecting man marries a closet slut.

Here are a couple of stories to give you an idea of what I mean.

Story one.

A bachelorette ran up to Zeets and implored him to bite off one of the life savers glued to her white t-shirt. He obliged and, naturally, targeted the life saver perched over her left nipple. Like a hungry bear mauling prey, he ripped off the life saver and took a swatch of her t-shirt with him. She shrieked, her left boob exposed for hundreds to see, while Zeets had a piece of cloth dangling from his mouth like a hunk of meat, and a shit-eating grin on his face. What a touching photo to add to the wedding album!

Story two.

This past weekend a hot blonde from Texas in a slinky black cocktail dress came up to me and started dirty dancing, rubbing her crotch on my thigh and turning around to grind her ass into me. We flirted and laughed for 20 minutes while my hand was on her back, hips, and ass, feeling around her thong strap. She pressed her tits into my chest. I leaned in and she was about to kiss me when her drunk friend wedged herself between us.

“She’s about to get married! Look!” She held up Texas girl’s left hand.

I squinted in the dim light and saw a barely noticeable silver ring on her finger, turned around so that the very large diamond was inside her palm, out of sight. I asked her why she had her ring like that. She looked ashamed. “Oh, it gets caught on my dress.”

Word to the wise: $20K on an engagement ring won’t banish the inner whore from your dearly beloved. Save your money.

***

Recap for girls who love love love romping through town in a bachelorette party and think it makes them famous for the night:

There is nothing cute or charming about you.
You and your bridesmaids are annoying, which is the opposite of fun.
Your bachelorette party games are retarded.
You take up space better used by girls who actually want to hook up.
Your fiancee is a sucker.
You don’t have that bride-to-be “glow”. It’s just drunkenness.
You’re still fat in a tiara.

If most “men” (and I use the term loosely) weren’t such tools they’d stop giving these dorky bachelorette party girls the acknowledgement they crave. Ignoring them is the only way to end the plague.

Alpha Or Beta?

The older guy on the right with the wicked guitar:

alpha or beta shredder?

He’s a lifelong studio musician who also tours with this band. They normally play in smaller venues holding crowds of 100 to 200 indie music fans, like the one I went to shown in this photo. Their music — bluegrass rock — is tight, polished and professional. He plays a custom-made tri-necked guitar consisting of electric guitar, electric violin and mandolin. I’d guess he’s in his 50s, long stringy gray hair, slight paunch, and a hep cat vibe — definitely a guy you know could inject a conversation over cheap beer with wild stories from his past.

Income? Probably not much. Solidly middle class at best.
Style? No fashion maven, no stuffed suit, no conformist. And doesn’t give a shit anymore. Paisley bowling shirts, man.
Game? Unknown. But it’s a good bet he has more natural game than the average accountant.
Status? For two hours on stage, and particularly during his REM-esque mandolin solos, he’s got some.

I don’t know if he’s married or has a girlfriend. Let’s assume for the sake of discussion he’s playing the field (“dating around” as I tell every girl who wonders if I’m banging other girls on the off-days).

Is he an alpha or a beta?

***

I’ve seen the wives of very high status ALPHA men — CEOs, CFOs, EVPs — and I’m not impressed. Those guys could do MUCH better given their status if they put in a little effort toward courting young hotties, but instead they are shackled to aging frumpy flabby hausfraus. I can tell you if I were a CEO of a very large company, coupled with my hard-earned game skills, I’d have a different 19 year old sucking my cock every day of the week and twice on Sunday. There’s no way you’d catch me hitched to a has-been human wreckage.

If you put Older Musician Guy in the boardroom, he’d have no status stacked against the high-powered wealthy executives. Actually, anywhere off the stage, his status plummets. But I’d still classify him as more alpha than them. Why? Because he’s got groupies. Young groupies. Cute groupies. Most of them won’t sleep with him because of the age difference, but some will. He experiences what’s best in life: Love with a beautiful woman, not plotting a shrewd hostile takeover.

In the end, when he reminisces, his won’t be a litany of regret and missed opportunity. Can you say the same for the CEO?

Conclusion: Lesser alpha.

When It Goes South

You can’t expect to sleep with every girl you decide to approach. Even though I’m batting .998, I understand that we don’t live in a perfect world. There will be times when a girl won’t win me over and I’ll have to chalk it up as an anomaly. When a conversation goes south your first instinct will often be the wrong one. After a crash and burn, many guys will awkwardly stand idly around the uncomfortable girl, looking dazed and confused. Other guys will lash out. Some will display beta body language as they meekly excuse themselves. Still others will freeze up, hoping for rescue by a wingman or tornado warning.

When a girl has failed your screening, your reaction should depend on the circumstances in which you first opened or approached her.

• You walked up to her from across the room

The worst thing you can do is hover around her, like an orbiting chunk of beta space debris, as she unceremoniously turns her back on you. I can’t think of a situation that would make your value plummet any faster, except maybe sharting yourself in public and then crying as someone hands you a wet nap.

Solution: Walk away if no one else you can talk to is nearby. But do it slowly and deliberately. Scooting off like a golfer running for shelter in a storm exposes your shame and urge to find relief. If you had a tail, it would be between your legs. Walking away slowly, head up back straight, shows you are unaffected by the tension. If there’s another girl nearby you’d like to talk to, do that instead. Nothing is more alpha in the face of a crash and burn than turning around to start an animated conversation with another girl. There’s no more effective way to say “I JUST DON’T GIVE A SHIT”.

Problems to look out for: If your failed pickup attempt was seen by other girls there is a risk the perception of betaness will infect them like a social virus. Girls are highly attuned to the body language of other girls, so if your target turns cold and crosses her arms any other girls who witnessed it will automatically lower your value, making further pickups in the same place more difficult. Realistically, though, most girls will be absorbed in their own conversations and won’t notice. If you’re worried about it, approach your next girl on the other side of the room. Eventually, your approaches should follow a pattern resembling a game of Pickle.

• She sat down next to you

She’s on your turf, so all the power rests with you.

Solution: Relax, do nothing. If she fails to impress you, the burden is entirely on her to alleviate her discomfort by either moving away or dealing with it. There is no loss of value if you hold your ground.

Problems to look out for: If you’re sitting alone, and she’s with a large group of people having a good time, your manly presence will shrink in comparison. Sometimes it’s intriguing to be that solitary mysterious cool lone wolf; sometimes it’s not.

• You’re with a group and she happened to be standing nearby

Walking away is unnecessary in this situation, since your friends are right there to return to after a bad opening.

Solution: Swing right around and go back to talking with your friends. Make a game of it! Loudly proclaim, being sure she can overhear, how badly she failed to make a love connection with you and ask your friends for a group hug. Announce with exaggerated drama that you don’t know how you will be able to move on.

Problems to look out for: Your drunk friend decides to re-open the girl you just bombed with and drags her uncomfortably back into the fray.

• You approached her in a store or on the street

Any failed pickups in public are easily resolved. Just go back to whatever you were supposedly doing. It will be entirely plausible.

Solution: If you hit on her in the museum and the conversation fizzled, walk away to admire another painting. If you hit on her in Beadazzled pretending to look for beads to make a bracelet for your little niece (not that I’ve ever done anything like that) resume a look of concentration and go back to shopping for beads.

Problems to look out for: None. Failed public approaches have almost zero consequences.

• She’s the bartender at your favorite bar

Dangerous. Either fuck her or don’t return until you can parade another chick in front of her.

Solution: If you really flame out, you may have to avoid the bar for a while. Otherwise, be cheeky about it and ask her, since you’re a solid customer with a track record of generous tipping, if she can be your wingwoman for that cute girl sitting on the other side of the bar.

Problems to look out for: Making the male bartenders jealous.

I’m Moving To Prague

All U.S. adults could be overweight in 40 years.

When the last remaining slender American woman walks the earth, even masterful grade A game won’t help. You’ll be competing with ten million other men for her sex.

In Defense Of Cougars

In yesterday’s post, commenter Joel included a link to a letter by Benjamin Franklin to a young man extolling the virtues of no strings attached sex with older women. I reproduced it here because it is so damn funny… and true!* Ben was such a card. I especially like his Reason #5.

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Benjamin Franklin, Advice to a Young Man on the Choice of a Mistress (1745).

June 25, 1745

My dear Friend,

I know of no Medicine fit to diminish the violent natural Inclinations you mention; and if I did, I think I should not communicate it to you. Marriage is the proper Remedy. It is the most natural State of Man, and therefore the State in which you are most likely to find solid Happiness. Your Reasons against entering into it at present, appear to me not well-founded. The circumstantial Advantages you have in View by postponing it, are not only uncertain, but they are small in comparison with that of the Thing itself, the being married and settled. It is the Man and Woman united that make the compleat human Being. Separate, she wants his Force of Body and Strength of Reason; he, her Softness, Sensibility and acute Discernment. Together they are more likely to succeed in the World. A single Man has not nearly the Value he would have in that State of Union. He is an incomplete Animal. He resembles the odd Half of a Pair of Scissars. If you get a prudent healthy Wife, your Industry in your Profession, with her good Economy, will be a Fortune sufficient.

But if you will not take this Counsel, and persist in thinking a Commerce with the Sex inevitable, then I repeat my former Advice, that in all your Amours you should prefer old Women to young ones. You call this a Paradox, and demand my Reasons. They are these:

1. Because as they have more Knowledge of the World and their Minds are better stor’d with Observations, their Conversation is more improving and more lastingly agreable.

2. Because when Women cease to be handsome, they study to be good. To maintain their Influence over Men, they supply the Diminution of Beauty by an Augmentation of Utility. They learn to do a 1000 Services small and great, and are the most tender and useful of all Friends when you are sick. Thus they continue amiable. And hence there is hardly such a thing to be found as an old Woman who is not a good Woman.

3. Because there is no hazard of Children, which irregularly produc’d may be attended with much Inconvenience.

4. Because thro’ more Experience, they are more prudent and discreet in conducting an Intrigue to prevent Suspicion. The Commerce with them is therefore safer with regard to your Reputation. And with regard to theirs, if the Affair should happen to be known, considerate People might be rather inclin’d to excuse an old Woman who would kindly take care of a young Man, form his Manners by her good Counsels, and prevent his ruining his Health and Fortune among mercenary Prostitutes.

5. Because in every Animal that walks upright, the Deficiency of the Fluids that fill the Muscles appears first in the highest Part: The Face first grows lank and wrinkled; then the Neck; then the Breast and Arms; the lower Parts continuing to the last as plump as ever: So that covering all above with a Basket, and regarding only what is below the Girdle, it is impossible of two Women to know an old from a young one. And as in the dark all Cats are grey, the Pleasure of corporal Enjoyment with an old Woman is at least equal, and frequently superior, every Knack being by Practice capable of Improvement.

6. Because the Sin is less. The debauching a Virgin may be her Ruin, and make her for Life unhappy.

7. Because the Compunction is less. The having made a young Girl miserable may give you frequent bitter Reflections; none of which can attend the making an old Woman happy.

8thly and Lastly They are so grateful!!

Thus much for my Paradox. But still I advise you to marry directly; being sincerely Your affectionate Friend.

***

*Still, I’m not sure even all Ben’s sensible reasons together would be enough to compensate the loss of sensual pleasure accompanying the sight, scent and feel of the older woman’s body and odours.