Qualifying Her

What are two truisms of seduction?

That women want to feel like they are valued for more than their looks.

and

That women want to earn a man’s interest.

This is what the whole idea of qualifying women is based upon. By demonstrating to a woman that she must meet your standards which go beyond how she looks you indirectly communicate that

a. you have discerning taste

b. you are a challenge to be won

c. you can be both a and b because you have choice in women.

One way to demonstrate you have standards is by asking her questions designed to put her on the defensive. These are not open-ended “getting to know you” type questions like “what’s your favorite movie?”. They’re more incisive than that. The answer you want from her is implied in the question you ask, so she’ll feel obligated to win your approval by answering the right way. Once the pickup ball starts rolling in this direction, the power dynamic begins to shift away from her and to you.

Following is a short list of effective qualifying questions that will let the girl know you are a choosy man. Timing is everything. Use them after you have gotten indications that she is attracted to you, usually 10 to 15 minutes after you’ve opened her if your game was tight. She will feel no reason to qualify herself to you if she isn’t already interested.

1. Can you cook?
2. Do you give good backrubs?
3. Are you a good kisser?
4. Do you do much traveling?
5. Are you rich?
6. Are you smart?
7. Are you the jealous type?
8. Is there more to you than just your looks?
9. Are you low, medium, or high maintenance?
10. Have you ever given a dollar to a homeless guy when no one else was watching?

Don’t be afraid to express some disappointment if she doesn’t answer your question in a way that pleases you. Let the disappointment show on your face. Don’t make a huge production out of it; a deflated “oh, i see” or “that’s too bad” will work just fine. If she quickly tries to correct the wrong impression she left with you then you’ll know she sees you as someone worthy of pleasing. She’ll be in chase mode, which is where girls WANT to be despite what they may claim to the contrary. (Older washed-up women, don’t bother contradicting what I say. You have forgotten what it’s like to be a young woman.)

Qualification questions can also be framed in the form of statements. Saying any of the following in the course of a conversation, sometimes with a half-serious grin to blunt the impact, subtly projects that you are the one to impress, not the other way around.

1. You better still look hot when you get older.
2. I’m not interested in [XYZ].
3. You get points for that.
4. I’m gonna change the subject now.
5. I don’t know if I can be with a girl who likes to [XYZ].

In my experience, most men forget to qualify the girls they date. Their inner game is so geared toward trying to impress her that they never even think to turn the tables and interview HER for the job. When women go on dates, they are interviewing the guys, whether they admit this or not. The way to defeat her at her own game is not to accept her terms of engagement at all. Instead, flip the script. Use her weapons of courtship against her. When she tries to qualify you, brush off her attempts like you would dismiss a bratty little kid trying to goad you into a dare. The posture to adopt is amused mastery of everyone around you.

After you’ve built up a store of experience with women, you’ll start to have real standards that they must meet. Your choosiness will no longer be an artifact of game but a core component of who you are as a man. Having standards that include more than how she looks will make you very attractive to women, because it subconsciously telegraphs that you are not so stricken by beauty like an inexperienced man that you would abandon your other criteria. When you can walk away from dates out of true conviction rather than tactical advantage your inner game will be like heart of lion.

My Personal Pickup Openers

A while ago, I brainstormed a list of indirect openers and conversation starters to use for cold approaches. Some of these are originals, some are reworkings of popular openers already in circulation in the pickup community. For a time, I actually kept this as a cheat sheet in my back pocket to assist during those rare moments my mind was a complete blank and I could think of nothing to say. I would guess I use “canned” openers on 10% of my approaches. I prefer situational openers, where I jive about whatever happens to be going on around us. But sometimes canned material is very helpful to ease the way for you to get out of a slump or as a temporary substitute for weak natural game.

Note: These are NOT “pickup lines”. They won’t make a girl automatically attracted to you, and they aren’t examples of direct game. They’re simply interesting or amusing things to talk about that get girls intrigued and invested in a conversation with you. They also raise your value by making you sound more interesting to girls than 99% of guys out there.

Most of the ones below fall under the category of opinion opener, which I’ve found are more effective as something you say right after you’ve broken the ice with a casual greeting.

The best way to use these lines is to anchor them to a back story, otherwise you risk sounding creepy if you crash a set blurting them out machine gun style. For instance, I might say “My buddy over there just broke up with his girlfriend and I’ve been spending the night consoling him. She was just way too jealous of him. Do you think guys or girls get jealous more easily?”

***

1. How would you react if your boyfriend gave you an ultimatum?

2. Why do girls check out other girls more than they check out guys?

3. There are people who analyze walks and can tell what mood you’re in, what you’re thinking, and even what you do for a living.

– great for steering a conversation in many different directions.

4. You look like the type who would date a starving artist, but marry a doctor.

– this one has been very good to me because it is part opener, part neg.

5. Let’s say you were dating this guy for a while, fell in love with him, and found out months later that he was broke. Would you break up with him?

– also one of my favorites. anything that hints at the core nature of women elicits strong reactions.

6. Were you nervous the first time you tried on a bikini? My buddy said he was nervous when he first tried on a suit. -OR- My ex said she was nervous the first time she wore 5 inch stiletto heels.

– a conversation builder like this is highly context dependent. use with caution.

7. There was a study done recently that said that beautiful couples have more daughters and nerdy couples have more sons. Would you say your parents were beautiful or nerdy?

8. Who can keep a secret longer — guys or girls?

– simple. direct. easy to remember. make sure to anchor it if this is your opener.

9. Are the best lovers made or born?

– not recommended as an opener. better as banter material.

10. You guys are in the power position. Yeah, tight circle, backs to everyone, like a football huddle. No guy is gonna get through your defenses. But how would you stand if one of you… let’s say her (motion toward your target)… really wanted to be approached by a cool guy?

– if you like to approach sets boldly, this one is for you.

11. If a guy needs to buy some stylish clothes is it better for him to take along a girlfriend or a girl buddy for fashion tips? What about a gay friend?

12. Who has better fashion sense — girls or gay guys?

– any mention of the word “gay” is like the all-purpose social lubricant.

13. You look like the type of girl who would leave a club if another girl was wearing the same shirt.

– this one is a risky opener gambit. use on stuck up chicks who need to be brought down off their pedestals they have constructed on the backs of fawning betas.

14. I’ve read that men get more jealous from sexual infidelity and women get more jealous from love infidelity. Which one bothers you more?

– better in low key environments with smarter prospects. drunk club sluts won’t get what you’re saying.

15. Do you guys believe in reincarnation? If it were true, what kind of person do you think you’d be in your next life? You (point at potential cockblock)… you look like you’d be a CEO in your next life… and you (point at target), a ballet geek!

– now THIS is good for the clubs. it’s an opener that lets you yell above the noise, and it contains one of those key words – reincarnation – that instantly pricks a girl’s attention.

BONUS

This one is not an original by me but I have used it with great results. It’s an example of direct game.

You: [striding confidently into the set] Do you know why you girls suck?
Girls: [looking at each other incredulously, but expectantly]
You: Because I’ve been standing over there for ten minutes and you haven’t come over to say Hi. I mean, I can tell you’d like to, you keep giving me the eye.

***

Try these at your leisure. Anyone scoring a lay off them will be written about in a later post on my blog, and your deeds will be sung by the bards for generations.

Auto Mechanics Are Con Men

I dropped my car off at a Midas in a ritzy suburb of DC* to get an estimate for repairs. I left their shop the next afternoon having bitched them out in front of customers with no repairs done and a credit toward any future visits.

Here is the standard MO of the slimeball con man mechanic. If you are the recipient of this schtick, do not bring your car there.

– First, he’ll tell you how great your car is, to soften up your resistance. “That’s a good year for that car. They stopped making them like that a couple years ago. Fine vehicle. Solid engine. If I were you I’d do whatever it takes to keep her in top shape. She could go 300,000 miles.”

– Then he’ll try to sell you on repairs and upkeep you don’t need using parts jargon you’ve never heard. Oh, and all the parts come as a “unit” or in “pairs” so you’ll be spending double what you really need to spend. Watch out for phrases like “While we were looking for that brake problem you asked us to check, we came across…” and “We recommend a transmission, brake, and coolant flush.” In fact, if he uses the word “flush” a red flag should immediately go up. Suckers Customers, especially fad-of-the-day yuppies who extol the virtues of regular coffee and wheatgrass colonics, must be conditioned to believe a car needs a “flush” every 500 miles because they anthropomorphize their cars, like they do their tiny eunuch dogs.

– After you’ve turned down every one of his additional recommendations, he’ll begrudgingly agree to your basic repair request (you’ll actually hear the disappointment in his voice) but neglect to give you a quote if you don’t ask for it. ALWAYS ASK FOR A WRITTEN PRICE QUOTE. If you are speaking to him over the phone tell him to write his price quote down so that you can see it when you come to pick up your car. Without a price quote, you are guaranteed to pay more than what you anticipated.

– He neglects to ask if you want after market or OEM (original equipment manufacturer) parts used. If you don’t specify after market, expect to pay double for OEM since he will default to those parts. When you ask later why after market wasn’t used, he will tell you “those specific after market parts aren’t designed for your model car.” 99% of the time this won’t be true, so don’t believe him.

– Any haggling by the shop manager is an admission of guilt. Why would he haggle if his price wasn’t flexible from the start? Can you haggle for pants at Banana Republic? It’s weird that mechanics in the US operate like third world bazaars.

– If his eyes are close together on his head and he has pock marks, there is a higher than average chance he is a con man.

How you can protect yourself:

– If you feel like you’re being scammed, bitch the scumbag out with liberal use of “fuck” in all its glorious permutations. Start arguing in a mild-mannered way to lower his defenses and build to a curse-filled crescendo. Make sure to do this when other customers are in earshot. An irate customer fucking up shit for the boss in front of his underlings and the other customers (and future customers) puts a lot of pressure on him to concede and cut you a deal. Bonus points if children are present. Watch how fast he grabs his ankles.

– Wear dark-shaded sunglasses to make yourself look more intense and slightly crazy.

– Look all those parasites in the eyes. A liar will never be able to hold your gaze for longer than a couple seconds.

– Bring a PDA or iPhone and start furiously googling for parts and repair prices. Announce loudly for all to hear that you are going to “google and see what this really costs.” Hold your PDA high in the air when you say this. C.H.U.D.s cower before the power of the mighty google.

Top three sleaziest occupations: mechanic, used car salesman, personal injury lawyer. I’m seriously contemplating selling my car.

*I bet the bigger rip-off artists are in upper class neighborhoods. Rich yuppies who don’t know a thing about cars would throw money at the mechanic to fix the problem, chalking up the cost to normal “wear and tear”.

Culture In Decline: A Pictorial Series

Sex Makes Me Sick

Or, at least, I suspect it compromises my immune system and makes me more vulnerable to germs than I normally would be. The problem is that it’s hard to tease out the primary causes — it could be the drinking, which often goes hand in hand with the sex, especially if you’re getting action on the prowl. Relationship sex is mostly sober unless your relationship is dysfunctional. It could be the mingling of fluids and exhaled breath. Or maybe it’s a general weakening that happens when precious sperm leaves its home.

I know someone who fucks for hours at a time but refrains from ejaculating, pausing when the moment of imminence arrives, and starting up again when it’s passed. (I can do this. The trick is to squeeze hard at the base of the shaft when you’re about to cum. It shuts the hydraulics off. Timing is everything.) He does this for one or two week cycles, at the end of each cycle I assume he unloads with a blast that could drill a hole in drywall. He swears this gives him more energy and a feeling of invincibility from all the testosterone that builds up, and is supposed to slow the aging process.

Vitamins and anti-oxidants like grape seed extract have been ineffectual.

My choice:

Swear off sex for six months to recalibrate my immune system and return to the field desperate and horny, but healthy.

Or

Continue fucking as my lifeforce drains out of me and I die prematurely from the common cold.

PSA: Viagra is weak. I recommend ordering yohimbe from India where they manufacture a more potent form of this natural “male enhancer”. It will make your shaft feel like adamantine and the tip extra-sensitive.

My First Experience With A 10

One time in South Beach I wandered into one of the art deco hotels and found myself surrounded by models. It was 1AM and I was drunk so it seemed like a good idea to roam the halls of a random hotel and crash any parties in progress. Every other room door was open and filled with beautiful people smoking pot, lounging on bean bags, and languidly caressing each other. There were hippie beaded doors and silk see-through fabrics substituting for real doors from which billowing clouds of pot smoke would emanate. The whole place gave the impression of walking through an interactive diorama of set pieces featuring the genetically perfect in their native habitat doing what they do best — snorting hedonism like an eight ball.

Passing by one of the rooms a girl shouted out at me to come in and join them. “Hey you, whatever your name is, don’t be shy!” I was barely out of college and had no game for this type of situation so all I could do was nod at the group and feel my pupils dilate to maximum aperture to take in the breathtakingly beautiful women. An occasional 9 or 10 walking down the street is a rare treat and can knock a guy right out of his daily humdrum stupor, but a roomful of 9s and 10s in seductive half-naked poses, doing that thing where you’re high and laughing without any noise coming out of your mouth, and gesturing for you to come closer where you take in their natural aromas, will make you catatonic. I tried hard to ignore the male models scuffling around the room in their underwear and felt relieved that the purity of my heterosexuality was not challenged by their six sigma good looks.

I sat on the purple shag rug next to one of the girls, a waifish brunette with olive skin and Mila Kunis lips. Her body and face couldn’t have been crafted any better by a master sculptor. I admired her flat stomach under her half-shirt dangling like an awning off her boobs.

“Where are you from?”
“Nowhere.” (I was very angsty back then.)
“Well, Mr. Nowhere, spark it up! You look tense.”
She handed me a spliff. I coughed on my first drag.
“I should warn you, it’s strong leaf.”
Suddenly, she leaned over and planted her lips on mine. The sensations overwhelmed me. I felt like I was having an out of body experience. We kissed for a few seconds. She pulled back and laughed as she slapped the back of her hand against her forehead.
“Hey dude, beer’s on the balcony.” One of the male models was talking to me.
I looked over and saw that my new love had her hand on his knee and he was chuckling. I stood up and went to the balcony. There was no beer in the cooler. Looking around, I saw that no one was paying me attention anymore. I left to find my friend.

That night was a glimpse into another world, a secret society of blessed people who are above 99.999999% of humanity, flouting every known convention and not giving a fuck. I fondly remember my first kiss with a 10 better than I do my actual first kiss. Enjoying the pleasure of a truly stunning woman is an experience like no other on this earth. Mediocre women — even attractive 8s — don’t provide the same profound depth of stimulation. I don’t know how so many men can get it up for ugly women.

In the age old question of quantity versus quality a balance must be struck. The super alphas will cycle through a rotation of the hottest women. Everyone else must compromise in some way. Variety in itself is a turn-on, but steady sex from one exceptionally beautiful woman is more rewarding than new sex with a plethora of plain janes.

Beautiful women are worth holding out for. By “holding out” I mean “saving your commitment”. One night of sex with a 10 is equal to ten years of sex with fifty 6s.

Tomorrow I will discuss the quantity vs quality pussy issue in more detail.

Bachelor Pad Seduction Props

Things I “accidentally” leave lying around and conspicuously displayed when she comes back to my place:

• A photo of me and a hot ex.

You know the golden rule: Girls love guys who are loved by other girls. Be careful with this ploy, you’ll need total plausible deniability. If she suspects that you intentionally left an ex photo in full view for her to stumble across you’ll spend more time explaining yourself and less time adding a new photo to your collection. My advice is to have a few other photos of random scenes that don’t include your exes strewn haphazardly across your desk or coffee table (but make sure the ex pic is prominent so her eye will go there first), with a photo album nearby, so that it looks like you were in the middle of updating the album. Also, you’ll need a solid story for why you have an ex photo that doesn’t lead her to believe you are still hung up on your ex and masturbating to old pics of her in the middle of the night. When she finds the pic, just say “Oh yeah, forgot about her. It’s funny how much stuff we forget organizing old photos.”

Adorable pictures of little nieces and nephews sitting in your lap or on your shoulders work well, too. Your computer’s screensaver is very handy for this sort of photo game.

Note: Old school print photos that are curling at the edges pack a more powerful emotional punch than photos on LCD screens.

• A baby book of myself.

Actually, I really did leave this lying around accidentally when my mother gave me a box of stuff from her attic to keep. To my pleasant surprise, it worked like a charm many times because I was much cuter at three than I am now, plus there is a lock of my toddler hair in there that always elicits an “aww”, but I decided it sent too many nesting signals and not enough jackhammering signals, so I have since packed it away out of sight.

• My guitar

I play guitar as a hobby so there is nothing deliberate about its display, except that I have it propped up near my bed. I’ve serenaded girls from various points in my place and come to the conclusion that strumming a tune for her on the bed is the best location. Some guys like to do their serenading from the living room since that’s where the girl will be sitting when she first arrives, and playing a song for her is an excellent mood-building routine in the early stages of the seduction phase of the pickup. But I have artsy black and white photographs I’ve shot hanging on the wall to do that for me, so I save my guitar playing for later in the bedroom where one 30 second song verse can obviate the need for a half hour of foreplay. Spanish Ballad will blow away last minute resistance better than hours of grinding tactical retreats and freeze-outs.

• A book on Tantric sex

For “spiritual enlightenment” purposes. This is the only subliminal message porn you’ll be able to non-creepily display in the open. For this reason, I’m always rushing to minimize my “erotica” folder on the monitor when she goes to the bathroom.

• Fresh flowers in a vase

What guy keeps fresh flowers in his place? Her mind will reel at the possibilities, most likely imagining you have other girls giving you flowers for your lovemaking prowess. If she’s thinking that, it cuts your work in half. If she asks, evade.

Her: “Did you get those flowers yourself?”
You: “They smell good, don’t they? Go ahead, take a whiff. I like the uplifting mood they add to the room.”

If she presses:

Her: “So who got them?”
You: “I have a secret admirer at work. I may as well keep them. Who throws out fresh flowers?”

NOTE: Dead flowers in a vase sends the wrong message. It says you’re either too lazy to dump them in the trash or you’re lamenting an ex who gave you those flowers months ago. Only Europeans are allowed to keep dried up flowers as display pieces.

• SLR camera on a tripod

What do you take pictures of?
Whatever my art demands.
Any people?
If they’re right for the camera.
Am I right for the camera?
As you are, maybe. Stand over there.
So, what do you think?
There’s potential. But you wouldn’t be able to do nudes.
Why not?
It’s a gift. Only a few women have the aura to hold the camera’s attention in the nude.
You’re wrong! I’m sure I would have the aura.
We’ll see. I could be wrong, but not usually.

• Cookbooks

Don’t bother learning how to cook. Just have a few cookbooks on the shelf where she can see them and the effect will be the same. Tell her you’ll cook for her “one day”, and keep putting it off.

• Stripper pole

I’m holding it for a friend.