One Year Anniversary: Greatest Hits

There have been some new sadomasochists readers here at the chateau lately, so I figured it would be helpful to acclimate them to the chateau’s delights with links to personal and fan favorite posts. (Plus, I forget what I write about five minutes after I write it, so this is a way for me to explore my mental state at various times this past year.)

My very first post on April 9, 2007: Endless Dating

Not one of my best efforts, but being the first I include it as a matter of curiosity.

The very next two posts happened to be two of my best:

How To Win Back An Ex-Girlfriend

Excerpt From The Book Of Alpha

Check out the comments which are chock full of valuable info.

A funny post that got me a date with a cat fancier: LolCat Game

Me being creative: Profiles in Scintillating Conversation

The scripture of this blog summed up in one post: Truth Day

An attempt to calculate the odds of a girl flaking: Flake Odds Point System

A real life pickup story from the underground biography: The Bachelor Party

Judging a woman by her cover (this post caught the eyes of the Wonkette crew): She Eats Her Peas One At A Time

My most viewed post (must be a lot of Dennis Kucinich fans out there): Dennis Kucinich: Alpha Male

My third most viewed post, and one I had to work hard to collect the data for: A Quick And Dirty Dating Guide To Foreign Girls

Dealing with a girl’s last minute resistance.

I give my future kids the lowdown: An Open Letter To My Hypothetical Future Kids

My thoughts on love and underwear parties.

This post generated a lot of anger and self-serving platitudes: From Kitten To Cougar

I enjoy rubbing the ugly side of life into the faces of the pretty lies crowd.

How bitter woman-hating betas are created.

Omegas and betas welcome their sexbot overlords.

Despite claims that it’s the intelligence and imagination two people bring to bed that makes for better sex, it’s the hotness of the woman that really counts.

Pushing a girl away will trigger her attraction for you.

The many ways to answer a girl when she asks you if you think she’s fat.

Second in a series of my popular girlfriend or fling posts.

My experience with something unnatural: Fake Tits

Getting our terms straight: Defining The Alpha Male and The Alpha Female

My second most viewed post, and one that caused a lot of consternation among lawyers. Again, this information required much time spent in the field collecting data. Like Jesus Christ, I suffer to enlighten my readers: What A Girl’s Job Tells You

I channeled Tyler Durden in this post. I must have been tripping.

Need to know what your chances are of landing your dream lover? Then check out my masterpieces and tally up your score: Dating Market Value For Men and For Women

A sad story from my life that contributed to making me the charming devil I am today: Dodged The Same Bullet Twice

Best Halloween Costume Ever

My experience with jungle fever.

My anti-lawyer screed. I’m really proud of this post.

The things I will do for a girl if I really like her: Litmus Test

Always date at least two girls at once.

A very in-depth analysis of proper alpha body language.

A woman’s number one asset. Care to guess what it is?

The sweetness of robbing a girl of the satisfaction of dumping you.

A critical component of game is getting compliance from a girl.

A fine list of maxims.

My manifesto against marriage.

Cockblocked by Scientology.

This post on the sex appeal of younger vs older women cause much wailing and gnashing of teeth and probably cost me a few hookups through the blog. But I have to stay true to my art.

A ripping good yarn about my time dating a woman I feared was a tranny.

As a connoisseur of young cooch, these two posts present rules for dealing with dating younger women.

Don’t say I’m not a giver. Here’s my post on game for girls.

A man’s state of mind is the most important thing for determining how much pussy he gets.

I discuss how fat women distort the dating market and create players.

Girls love assholes – news at 11.

Guarantee a healthy relationship with the fear of loss.

This was the number one commented post. Betas are hip.

The perfect woman. (Hint: that cropped pic wasn’t randomly chosen.)

Looking forward, I intend to steer this blog in a fresh direction while staying true to the core mission statement. Change is good.

You deserve a 10

I’m sure some scoffed when I gave that advice to men, but it turns out I was right! To increase the likelihood of a happy relationship men should be with women who are more attractive than themselves.

Women seeking a lifelong mate might do well to choose the guy a notch below them in the looks category. New research reveals couples in which the wife is better looking than her husband are more positive and supportive than other match-ups.

The reason, researchers suspect, is that men place great value on beauty, whereas women are more interested in having a supportive husband.

The mysteries of the herb factor solved.

The study involved asking couples a personal question and evaluating how supportive each partner was of the other. Couples were rated separately for hotness of looks.

Researchers videotaped as each spouse discussed with their partner a personal problem for 10 minutes. The tapes were analyzed for whether partners were supportive of spouses’ issues, which included goals to eat healthier, to land a new job and to exercise more often.

“A negative husband would’ve said, ‘This is your problem, you deal with it,'” McNulty said, “versus ‘Hey, I’m here for you; what do you want me to do?; how can I help you?'”

A group of trained “coders” rated the facial attractiveness of each spouse on a scale from 1 to 10, with the perfect 10 representing the ultimate babe. About a third of the couples had a more attractive wife, a third a more attractive husband and the remaining partners showed matching looks.

If my wife was getting fat I wouldn’t tell her it’s her problem. I’d be on her flabby ass like Gunnery Sergeant Hartman. I’m supportive like that.

Overall, wives and husbands behaved more positively when the woman was better looking.

Men — bat out of your league. Not only will you be happier, but so will she.

In couples with more attractive husbands, both partners were less supportive of one another. McNulty suggests wives mirror, in some ways, the level of support they get from husbands.

I’ve seen this in real life. My good-looking buddies who slum it with borderline chicks treat their girls like shit. This proves it’s practically a moral imperative to sleep with girls who are hotter than you think you can get.

Physical attractiveness of husbands is not as important to women, the researchers suggest. Rather, wives are looking for supportive husbands, they say.

So it seems the mismatch in looks is actually a perfect match. “Equitable is unlikely to mean the same on every dimension,” Ariely said during a telephone interview. “It just means that overall two people make sense together.”

Aiming for hotter chicks than what everyone tells you you deserve is not only great motivation and a guaranteed way to improve your game, it is scientifically and morally justified. Since I am a font of human kindness and a light unto the world, I will only hit on 9s and above tonight.

Hillary’s Lapdog Betaboys

Several readers emailed me a link to this Camille Paglia article about Hillary Clinton surrounding herself with beta males and how this may be hurting her campaign.

First, a reader wrote to Paglia:

I would like to get your feedback on the subject of those who end up in Hillary’s orbit. Can you conceive of a strong, leader-type male ever working under her? An alpha, if you will. And if the answer is no, then why do you think that is?

The men you always see under her are to a person passive-aggressive, sadistic, mean, little, petty beta-male pieces of work who would not naturally succeed in a common male-type hierarchy. […]

Hillary’s persona is simply not compatible with another strong will, male or female — but definitely male, and that itself is a big red flag.

Paglia’s response in part:

I agree that the male staff who Hillary attracts are slick, geeky weasels or rancid, asexual cream puffs. (One of the latter, the insufferable Mark Penn, just got the heave-ho after he played Hillary for a patsy with the Colombian government.) If I were to hazard a guess, I’d say Hillary is reconstituting the toxic hierarchy of her childhood household, with her on top instead of her drill-sergeant father. All those seething beta males (as you so aptly describe them) are versions of her sad-sack brothers, who got the short end of the Rodham DNA stick.

This sounds right. The Supreme Cunt resents her experiences growing up with a strong-willed, domineering, verbally abusive alpha male father and her history of surrounding herself with wretched lickspittle lapdog beta males who probably had to pay to lose their virginity exemplifies her inward yearning to dominate the most important male figure in her life the way he dominated her. Just take a look at the amorphous, greasy, slimeball sexually neutered beta bitchboys she employs in her inner circle:

It is for this reason — the seething vengeance complex the Cunt On High nurses for all alpha males who remind her of her father — that Hillary cannot be trusted to act as President in the best interest of half the American population. See, for example, the way she LOATHES the military. Her Cunterrific Cuntastic Cuntery ensures that in her world it is always women first, women best, women forever victims and men relegated to an afterthought or natural born criminal perpetrators of Orwellian PC crimes, suitable only for reminding her of her ideological righteousness nurtured for decades during the height of the misandrist revolution in a fetid curdled soup of gender bender feelgood lies.

Bill Clinton, alpha male, gradually learned this, and found love and admiration in the arms of younger women unafraid of their femininity and sex roles. I respect him for that.

Ever notice how most alpha males — the guys who know how to give women what they want — are either indifferent to feminism or, when they’re not in polite company, hostile to it? And how many sniveling beta males lick up the runny shit of feminism and ask for more? Something worth pondering.

The Best Thing Society Can Do For Beta Males

This is a public service announcement.

End alimony and no-fault divorce.

If women were forced to deal with the financial consequences of failed marriages with high risk cads they would be more discerning about choosing provider betas for husbands. If women did not have the option to unilaterally walk away from a marriage no questions asked, then that would also create an incentive to marry carefully chosen partners who are more likely to possess traits of loyalty and faithfulness, and to be more circumspect about leaving beta husbands who’ve proven their worth as good providers.

This is a great example of how feminism has been most beneficial (inadvertently or deliberately?) for alpha males. The very male chauvinist pigs they rail against are reaping the rewards of living in the society these feminists have created. To that I say: oink.

*Update: Child support should not provide an incentive for a wife to leave a responsible beta husband, so its reward should be severely restricted only to those cases of fault divorce where the father has clearly reneged on his end of the deal.

State Of Nature

I don’t think people realize just how much condoms and the pill have altered human sexual behavior. To prove this, let’s examine the sexual history of the average alpha male with a healthy sex drive:

10 partners per year.
approximately 1.5 copulations per day for ~545 copulations per year.
about 55 copulations per partner.

Now of course none of this matters in the era of contraception since the odds of him getting any of these girls accidentally pregnant is near zero, assuming he is strict in his adherence to protecting himself from baby blackmail and the girl is not lying about being on the pill. Most guys, especially alphas who have high risk temperaments, aren’t that self-disciplined and get sloppy once in a while and blast inside, so the chance of fertilization is a little higher than zero. It’s probably more like an elevated risk of conception for 1% of the yearly 545 copulations, or 6 copulations randomly distributed have a better than zero chance of turning into 18 years of living hell. Extrapolating outward 10 years, the average alpha male would wind up with one unwanted child. Abortion being the cure for what ails ya, even that unlikely scenario wouldn’t come to fruition.

What are the consequences in a pre-contraceptive world? Using the copulation numbers above and assuming the same high risk and sloppy behavior of the average alpha, a girl who didn’t have access to the pill or abortion and a guy who didn’t have regular access to a reliable condom (which was the case for most of human history) would run a much higher risk of accidental pregnancy. Let’s say he pulls out successfully 80% of the time and the remaining 20% of copulations he isn’t fast enough and a little of his juice spills inside her. Of that high risk 20% (109 copulatory events) 5% result in conception. That’s 5 unwanted pregnancies per year, folks, spread out over five different partners.

If you don’t think that massively transformed risk-reward structure would have any effect on human behavior you are living in a fantasyland. Pre-contraception, women were probably more chaste and permitted internal blasts primarily with provider betas they could be sure wouldn’t leave them in case of pregnancy. Men, for their part, were less likely to pump and dump in favor of winning over these chaste girls with displays of resources. Alpha males still scored better than average amounts of pussy, but the sexual playing field was more level. With abortion, the pill, and ribbed condoms women exercised their liberation from reproductive consequence by rewarding the caddish alpha males with more sex than they knew what to do with.

The pill has been the beta’s worst enemy.

I made a rough calculation in my head how many kids I would have if contraceptives didn’t exist. The number is sobering. At least 125 mini-mes would be roaming the plains of America, and France, today. Luckily, I only have to spend a few hours each year visiting my nieces and nephews, which is a level of commitment that suits me well.

The Perfect Woman

When VK announced his project to enlist a crew of beaver buster bloggers to write about the perfect woman, I planned at first to crank out some glib, but truthful, response like:

The perfect woman is the one for whom you can leave the money on the nightstand. Prostitutes at least have the integrity to deliver the goods every time.

But then I sobered up and decided to take a serious stab at this topic because I’m a romantic at heart.

It’d be easy to write about the perfect fantasy woman:

sex on demand
cooks and cleans in crotchless panties
no backtalk
always in shape
never gets old
gives everything, asks for nothing
never cheats
treats you like a king no matter what you do
never farts, burps, shits, or gives birth

but since we don’t live on another planet as a different species where the rules of human nature don’t apply I’ll keep it within the realm of believability.

Most importantly, the perfect woman has to be imperfect. She has to have at least one flaw you can exploit to keep her feet on the ground and her head out of the clouds. Plus, it makes her more human and, through osmosis, makes you more human. This type is not hard to find since every woman has flaws. The only perfect women are the ones who are made perfect by worshipful betas.

But don’t ever say you’re not looking for the perfect woman. You are, and that should be your mindset. You don’t set out searching for your soulmate selling yourself short with a list of lover exemptions that gives her a pass on pleasing you. Where would you draw the line with that defeatist attitude? No blowjobs are OK as long as she looks good? Bitchiness is fine if she’s nice to you in private? You see the problem with that thinking.

The perfect woman doesn’t sweat the small stuff. There was a dusty, rocky trail in the woods leading up a small hill in my old neighborhood where I grew up that I would walk as a teenager when I needed time to think away from people. Sometimes I would clamber up this trail at night during a summer rainstorm and my sneakers would get caked in mud. At the top I’d sit on the ground and let the rain and mud soak me. It’s liberating to stop caring. Could she join me? If she understands the spirit of living in the moment and putting aside inconsequential worries, if she never once complains about her sneakers getting muddy or the rain messing up her hair, if she HAS PERSPECTIVE… then she is one step nearer perfection.

The perfect woman embraces our polarity. She loves being a girl and loves surrendering to my manly will. She is never resentful of sex differences or the way men view the world. She accepts it as an unalterable part of life, and learns to need it, to nourish her feminine soul with it.

The perfect woman doesn’t flake. Yes, this is a girly trait and a symptom of over-estrogenation, but it’s one of their blatant weaknesses, and should not be encouraged. Just as manly men are prone to the weaknesses of masculinity (war, violence) womanly women are prone to the weaknesses of femininity (indecisiveness, fickleness).

The perfect woman is not a status whore. She doesn’t measure the worth of her life by her standing in society. True, women prefer a higher status man than themselves, and this reality should be accepted by men AND women. But there is a difference between kneeling at the altar of status like a disciple, and paying your taxes to an impersonal government agency.

The perfect woman does not treat love like a supplement to life. It isn’t that one final piece of avant garde furniture that will tie the room together. It isn’t the thing you do after you’ve done all these other things. Love IS life. Everything we do in our short lives is just prelude to the climax of falling in love. Any girl who thinks and acts otherwise is deliberately lying to herself, and that means she will lie to you.

The perfect woman respects and loves the desires of men. She admires men for their purity. This means she stays the fuck in shape. That is one critical way a woman demonstrates her love for a man. Unconditional love is the heartbeat of poetry but it’s a great false god in the grimy world we inhabit. Love me, love my needs, and you will get the same treatment in return.

The perfect woman caresses my face in the morning because it is her right.

The perfect woman improvises. If things don’t go her way she won’t bitch and moan; she’ll discover new enjoyment in change. Her will is strong, but not straitjacketed.

The perfect woman reaches across the table first to touch my hand. Her eyes are sad over flickering candlelight and half-drunk glasses of wine and her soul is laid bare for me.

The perfect woman hates when I’m away.

The perfect woman makes me never regret my memories of her if she goes.

The perfect woman inspires me to love her.

The perfect woman knows she isn’t.

Tomorrow: The perfect woman as told by this guy.

Funny ‘Cause It’s (Kinda) True