Game Tip Of The Day

A random guy in the bar puking on the floor near you makes for an excellent situational opener.

“do you think he got nervous trying to approach a girl he liked?”

Why I Date Younger Girls

Clarification: 
*By younger, I mean 5+ years younger than me and legal.  Pervs.
*By older, I mean closer to my age (not more than 4 years younger) and up.

Younger
Met a girl for a date at a county park.  She had arrived first and was sitting on a swing.  I pushed the swing before either of us exchanged any words.  She wheee-ed with joy.  I then chased her around parked cars in the parking lot.

Older
Asked a girl to meet me at the park for frisbee.  She declined, saying she didn’t want to step in dog poop.

Younger
Made out passionately with her and digitally aroused her under a streetlamp at 4AM.

Older
She told me “could you please close the blinds before we start?” when we were about to have sex.

Younger
Talked about double-headed dildos.

Older
Talked about the housing market.

Younger
Ordered a beer.  And then another.  And another.  And another.

Older
Returned the hummus because it wasn’t the right consistency.

Younger
Squealed happily with faux indignation when I called her a brat.

Older
Got seriously offended when I called her a brat.

Younger
Was completely open to visiting new places and trying novel things on dates.

Older
Had to be home by 11 for a big meeting the next morning.

Younger
Multi-orgasmic.

Older
Artificial lubrication required.

Younger
Firm, smooth flesh.  Naturally moistened lips.  Excellent buttock musculature.

Older
Spongy, chemically exfoliated flesh.  Addicted to chapstick.  Buttocks showing signs of weariness.

Younger
Loves spontaneously.

Older
Rations her emotions.

Younger women… it’s my only weakness.

What A Girl’s Job Tells You

Here are my opinions of the sexual and relationship compatibilities of girls with the following jobs:

ADDENDUM:
Some of the commenters mentioned I left interns and staffers off the list.  I count these girls as part of the hr/marketing/pr brigade except they are burdened with much bigger egos, self-righteousness, and workaholic issues.  They all secretly want to hook up with an older powerful man.  They disdain artist types.
SSR:  full erection (come on, they’re all under 23. rigidity guaranteed)
LTPR:  varies (are you a congressman? lock her in. if not, use her and lose her)

It was an oversight by me to leave off saleswomen.  See: Lawyer and HR/Marketing/PR.  Much depends on how well she does in sales.  Because sales is so inegalitarian in how the field dispenses its rewards, you have to make a distinction between weekend warriors and the true success stories.  Is she a dilettante real estate agent?  She’ll be grounded and feminine.  Consider a long term investment in her.  Did she turn $250K in commissions as a pharm sales rep?  She’s just as alpha and ballcutting masculine as the BIGLAW lawyer.  Just remember, if she can compete with the most aggressive MEN and still come out on top, her vagina is coated with radioactive juices.

Note on lawyers:  Just because she may work for a non-profit doesn’t make her a kinder, gentler woman.  In fact, some of the most cutthroat lawyers work at non-profits since those positions are in demand and in short supply.  Moralism and megalomania is never a good combination.

Lawyer

Amoral alpha males with vaginas.  Their yin is so deeply buried they spend all their free time (2 hours per week) fantasizing about a powerful dominant man releasing their inner woman.  This is your cue to ratchet up the assholery.  Outside of i-bankers and fashionistas, you will not meet a more materialistic or status-conscious chick than a lawyer.  When she inevitably starts talking about what law school she attended and politicos she knows, put your finger up to her mouth and say “shhh… stop.  from now on we will talk about happy things.  tell me only the good things that come to mind about your childhood.”  Most lawyer chicks have large clits which they use to pin you down on the bed.  Making love to a lawyer means facefucking her till she pukes a little.  The gods of karmic retribution will be pleased with this.  Lawyers are always fucking over everyone else so this is your chance to return the favor.  Proceed with great relish.
Sexual Satisfaction Rating:  4/5th erection
Long Term Potential Rating:  don’t be a masochist

Human Resources/Marketing/Public Relations (99% of all women)

Since so many women work in these preposterous fields, it is hard to say anything definitive about them as romantic partners.  The only conclusions we can draw are that these women are people-persons (shocker!) and have ADD.  They could not sit still for a minute and reduce a fraction if their lives depended on it.  They are intuitive and fiercely catty, but also practical.  In fact, conventional wisdom to the contrary notwithstanding, women are more practical than men.  Let her believe you think her job is important and she will spread her legs for you unbidden.
Sexual Satisfaction Rating:  2/3rd erection
Long Term Potential Rating:  3/4 carat

Engineer (0.00001% of all women)

If there was ever an occupation created solely for the benefit of a man’s intellectual strengths, engineering is it.  So right off the bat you know that any female engineer will be weird.  Not necessarily assertively masculine like the female lawyer, but not typically feminine either.  Female engineers are the Holy Grail of male nerddom.  Every nerdo anime fanboy with Dungeon Master on his resume dreams of meeting and falling in love with a cute nerdgirl WHO IS EXACTLY LIKE HIM so that his autistic social retardation doesn’t get pushed to the breaking point like it would with a normal girl.
Minus: fornication mysteriously happens in between lengthy dissertations on string theory.
Plus: she can assume sex positions within a millimeter of spec.
Sexual Satisfaction Rating:  1/4th erection
Long Term Potential Rating:  5 carats

Elementary School Teacher

Pure gold.  Put this girl on your short list for long term commitment.  What’s not to love about the elementary school teacher?  Cute, thin (it’s a workout chasing kids all day), ultra feminine, nurturing, selfless, caring, and most importantly blessedly low maintenance due to the nature of her workplace environment sequestering her from the attentions of men.  The best ones teach 1st through 5th grades.  Women who supervise daycare are too toddler-focused and will love the kids more than you.  You will soon tire of her coo-ing at every baby you both pass by.  High school teachers are too stressed out from their job to properly service your manly needs at home.  Don’t bother with college professors unless you think foreplay is listening to an earful of pomo feminist shrillness.
Bonus:  teachers don’t make much money so your financial status will always be higher, guaranteeing a long and healthy relationship.
Sexual Satisfaction Rating:  3/4th erection
Long Term Potential Rating:  hope diamond (she’s not gonna have much opportunity to cheat at work)

Nurse

See:  elementary school teacher.  One caveat — the nurse is secretly a status whore.  Patients lean on her all day for comfort and assistance so when she gets home she wants nothing more for herself than a high status alpha male to lean on.  That is why you will often see nurses pairing up with military officers, stockbrokers, and executives.  The superfeminine gravitates to the supermasculine.  Surprisingly, nurses and doctors rarely date — perhaps they look for a partner in whom they can escape the human suffering they deal with on the clock, and not be reminded of it at home.
Sexual Satisfaction Rating:  1/3rd erection (full erection if she wears the nurse outfit)
Long Term Potential Rating:  cubic zirconia (it’s fun to fool status whores)

Scientist

Hidden gem.  The female scientist is reserved, taciturn, introspective, shy, and when they put some effort into how they look, cute — all wonderful traits for a woman to possess.  They ambitiously pursue abstract ideas, not material goals or oneupsmanship, so status competition with them will be minimal.  They are smart in the way people like their smarties — inwardly directed as opposed to outwardly manipulative.  This is a result of their smarts being spread out over both brain hemispheres rather than concentrated in just the right like most women.  The scientist’s natural creativity and systematizing impulse will express itself with magnificent attention to detail in the bedroom.  You will never get a better… or more meticulous… blowjob.
Minus:  she is ultimately rational and will give you exactly six months to propose.  No stringing along this chick.
Sexual Satisfaction Rating:  serviceable chubby
Long Term Potential Rating:  3 carats  (frumpy clothes and dorky competition encourage fidelity)

Stripper

Have you ever seen an unhappy man dating a stripper?  The novelty, bragging rights, and earthshattering sex are worth the drama.
Sexual Satisfaction Rating:  titanium rod
Long Term Potential Rating:  hide your valuables

Journalist

Don’t ask me why but for some reason these girls have absolutely no personal ethical code whatsoever.  Which may be why the journalism profession is in such disarray today and trusted by no one.  The she-journo will fuck around remorselessly with a dashing embed while her fiancee waits loyally at home for her return.
Sexual Satisfaction Rating:  3/4th erection
Long Term Potential Rating:  1/24 carat

Artist

Every man should experience at least once in his life the joy of dating an artist chick.  Painters, photographers, singers, freelance fiction writers, actresses… their exuberant lovemaking will spoil you for all other women.  Their beautiful romantic gestures will capture your heart.  Their craving for intimacy and their wellspring of empathy will draw you in.  And then right at the moment you fall deepest for her you will catch her one night frenching a half-shaven DJ at a seedy club.
Sexual Satisfaction Rating:  titanium rod minus refractory period
Long Term Potential Rating:  cracker jack box ring

CEO

Are you fucking kidding me?
Sexual Satisfaction Rating:  flaccid
Long Term Potential Rating:  why bother?

Waitress

That’s more like it.
Sexual Satisfaction Rating:  7/8th erection
Long Term Potential Rating:  1/2 carat

Blogger

If she writes a confessional online diary, expect her to be passive-aggressive, petty, moody, cruel, untrustworthy, vengeful, and highly libidinous.  Make a sex tape as soon as it is feasible so you can use it as blackmail in the event of post-breakup threats to out your dirty laundry on her blog.
Sexual Satisfaction Rating:  N/A
Long Term Potential Rating:  N/A

I hope it hasn’t escaped anyone’s notice that sexual satisfaction and long term potential are inversely related.

Justice

An alert reader e-mailed me the following news report:

A BRAZILIAN woman has been ordered by the country’s Supreme Court to pay a hefty fine to her husband for failing to mention that he was not the father of two of their children.

The Rio de Janeiro woman, whose identity was not disclosed, was ordered to pay her husband over $US100,000 ($120,170) for having hidden from him for almost two decades that the children in question were fathered by a lover, the court’s offices said yesterday.

The husband also had sought damages from his wife’s lover, the court said.

I am pleased with this decision.  Although twenty years of indentured servitude raising bastard children under a fog of lies should command a much larger fine than $120K, at least this is a step in the right direction toward legal reform.  Cuckoldry is the most underrated crime infesting our supposed advanced Western cultures and only massive, crippling monetary restitution along with jail time and public shaming for the guilty will change behaviors.  Yes, it’s time to bring back the scarlet letter.  The deceitful whore who gets impregnated by a man other than her husband and then schemes to dupe him into unwanted fatherhood should have her tramp stamp replaced with a florid, Olde English crimson ‘A’.  This will practically ensure a lifetime of getting pumped and dumped with no chance for marital relief.

Such a punishment will send a strong message to all fertile-age women:  don’t marry a beta you will likely cheat on.

I dream of the day when the Lifetime channel airs a cloying tearjerker about a saintly guy who is crushed to discover his three beloved children belong to his wife’s art class instructor.  Many close-up shots of his watery eyes and trembling lips will emphasize for effect the made-for-TV message that all women are morally depraved.

I Have Stolen Many Prime Years of Girls’ Lives

That’s what my mother told me over the phone yesterday in so many words.

Mom:  Why aren’t you settled down yet?
Me:  Just lucky, I guess?
Mom:  Don’t be a wiseguy.  You’re dating these young girls during their prime years and not marrying them.  Poor things.
Me:  I can’t believe my own mother isn’t on my side.
Mom:  You’re stealing the best years of their lives!  Don’t you feel guilty?
Me:  I dunno.  Did you feel guilty when you didn’t put out for a guy you were dating?
Mom:  Grow up!

Afterwards, I did ponder the wreckage of lives I have left behind in my copulatory wake.  Technically, I should feel some guilt.  If we define the prime marrying years of a woman to be between 21 and 26 — too young and she’ll be emotionally ill-equipped to perform her wifely duties of indulging my every need; too old and I’ll be emotionally ill-equipped to accept her indulgence — then I have squeezed the juice out of the ripest years of quite a few girls.  For free.  The next beta in line will be stuck marrying the rind.

I take a philosophical view of my biological thievery.  While I have reneged on my end of the deal, many women renege on theirs when they string a man along in LJBF perpetuity.  What guy with bloated testes hasn’t heard this from a girl he really liked:  “you’re my friend. i just don’t see you in that way.”

Therefore, my actions are helping to bring balance to the force.  On the cosmic scales of justice the cads and the cockteases are locked in battle supreme for everlasting victory.  I unsheath my sword with strength of purpose.

On a scale of 1 to 5, 1 being tongue lightly grazing the cheek and 5 being tongue firmly pressed to side of mouth, this post was 2 tongue in cheeks.

Paying for Dates

I’m surprised guys still struggle with the question of who pays on dates.  It seems to be a perennial issue that never gets satisfactorily resolved.  There’s a simple solution that skirts the problem entirely — don’t take her on traditional dates that cost more than a few bucks.

This isn’t so much about saving money as it is about avoiding the impression that you are buying her approval.  Although all girls say they like it when a guy pays for them on dates (some even demand it on principle), the reality is that she will subconsciously slightly downgrade your status if you are quick to spend on her.  The amount you are downgraded is directly proportional to the amount and eagerness with which you pay for her company.  A fancy dinner followed by dessert and cocktails that costs you $100 will get you no further with a girl than if you had bought her a single beer.  In fact, it may even hurt your chances.

Leave the dinners and special nights out for girls you are already banging.

My favorite types of dates are ones where she accompanies me on a shopping excursion in boutique shops around the city.  Consignment shops are great for showing my fun side where we dress up in retro clothes and role play.  Cost of this date = zero dollars.  My standard date 1 and date 2 routine is a chill lounge or dive bar on a weeknight.  Drinks for both of us will run me $30 tops.  Usually it is less because she will buy a round or two.

There is only one thing worse than coming across as a guy who must buy girls’ affections, and that is looking like a cheap fuck.  Don’t make a big production out of deciding who pays for drinks.  Buy the first round, but frame it in a way that elevates your status.  A foolproof way to do this is to ask her what she’s having, and as you’re getting up to go to the bar to order, say with a grin

“I’ll get this round, and you can get the next hundred rounds.  Top shelf liquor only, please.  I have standards.”

A few words can send a lot of subtle messages.  Saying the above demonstrates that you don’t really care who is paying, but you’ll have some fun with the situation anyhow.  It also shows you are not buying her drinks to appease her and won’t be the type of guy who gets used like a walking ATM, yet still pays homage to human nature and the deep desire of women to see resource displays in the men they are considering for sex.

When you have lightened the mood like this she will enthusiastically buy the next round.  Congratulate yourself.  Getting a girl to buy you something, even a small thing like a drink, creates the feeling in her that she has invested in you, and therefore she will assume you must be worthy of her investment.  When she buys you a summer home in Tuscany she will have no choice but to fall in love with you.

Prettiness = Sense of Entitlement

There are many factors that contribute to a woman believing the world should fall in her lap (for example, being an American), but none are as important as how she perceives her looks compared to other women.  I’ve found that the prettier a girl is, the more she feels entitled to special treatment and unearned rewards.

I remember this conversation I had with a woman I had been sexing for a couple months.  She was a solid 8 and turned many heads, and more pertinently, she knew it.  I glibly brought up the subject of men paying for women on dates; she took my half-serious bait and offered her deep thoughts on the matter.

Her:  I would never date a guy who didn’t pay for me on the first few dates.
Me:  Is that a hard and fast rule?
Her:  I’m not saying he has to spend a lot on dinners or whatever, but he does need to pay for me.
Me:  Why?
Her:  Because that’s what guys do for girls they are interested in.
Me:  And what do girls do for guys they are interested in?
Her:  Give them sex!
Me:  But guys give girls they like sex, too.  Shouldn’t that be enough compensation?  It’s even steven!
Her:  That’s different.  We can get that from anywhere.
Me:  So guys have to bring twice as much to the table as girls — their sex and their money.  Sounds like a fair trade-off.
Her:  Every guy I’ve ever dated paid for me.  Why should I expect less now?

She had a point.  Why stop the gravy train?  After all, I paid for her, although I take some pride in the knowledge that I most likely invested much less monetarily in her than her previous suitors to get the same piece of ass.  It’s like finding an awesome pair of shoes at DSW for 70% discount when everyone else is paying full price — you feel like you got one over on the plebe consumers.

Clearly, pretty girls feel entitled to a man’s money in exchange for the pleasure of her company, where in this case “company” is defined to mean her ability to sit still on a bar stool or a dining chair for the date minimum of 15 minutes and hear the guy’s pitch.

Why do they have this sense of entitlement?
Because they can afford to.  Behaviors change only when there is incentive to change or disincentive to maintaining the status quo.  As far as I can tell, most guys have not abandoned the man pays paradigm, so the beat goes on and will continue to go on unless human nature changes.

Which brings us to today’s handy chart.  Here I will illustrate how a woman’s sense of entitlement varies with respect to her attractiveness.

Woman’s Hotness                    Her Sense of Entitlement
0                                    Must pay for sex with any non-homeless man;
                                      feels entitled to walk away alive from any sexual
                                      encounter.
1                                    Expects man not to call her a “dirty filthy whore”;
                                     “cuntface” is OK, though.  Doesn’t consider knifings
                                     part of foreplay.
2                                   Expects man not to shout out another woman’s
                                     name during sex or to forget her name less than
                                     10 seconds after she told him it.
3                                   Expects man to open eyes at least once during sex;
                                     also expects no less than 1.5 seconds of post-coital
                                     cuddling not necessarily face-to-face.
4                                   Thinks man should at least pay for his own drinks;
                                     she will make a polite but disingenuous move to pull
                                     money out of her purse first when the bill comes.
                                     He’ll call her bluff.
5                                  Thinks man should split the check with her, but she
                                    winds up footing the bill while he covers the tip;
                                    feels entitled to one date before getting harangued
                                    for sex.
6                                  Expects to be wined and dined at a 2 star establishment;
                                    Wants a man to hold out for two dates before prodding
                                    her vulva with inanimate objects.
7                                Expects to be treated to drinks, dinner, and a non-matinee
                                    movie;  wants the man to spend twice as much on her as
                                    she spends on him; will judge him based on which sushi
                                    restaurant he takes her to; expects him to deal with at
                                    least one of her flake fits; will not put out until he has
                                    paid for a minimum of 3 dates.
8                               Feels entitled to spend absolutely nothing on dates;
                                   becomes highly offended if man even suggests splitting
                                   bill; will regularly show up late to dates as if it is her
                                   prerogative; 4 star establishments only – accepts no
                                   substitutes; will not be picked up in a toyota camry or
                                  honda accord; expects man to perform at least
                                   three chivalrous acts; won’t put out until date six; will
                                  flake twice and expect the man to take it.
9                               Feels entitled to forget man’s name; won’t even say
                                  ‘thank you’ when man pays the bill; looks in the
                                 mirror more than she looks at her date; expects his
                                 watch to cost as much as her emu-skin purse; talks
                                 about herself incessantly except when she asks the
                                 guy about his credit limit/job title/stock portfolio;
                                 won’t accept less than $200 being spent on her on
                                 any date pre-sex; will walk out on date if man’s
                                 shoes don’t comply with fashion industry standards
                                 of the week.
10                             Will not settle for less than a first date aboard his
                                 private yacht – 50 foot+ class only; expects payment in
                                  the form of pink diamonds before putting out; feels
                                 entitled to do absolutely nothing in bed.
10+American            The federal government was invented to placate her.

Of course, what a woman expects from a man she’s dating and what actually turns her on to want to fuck the guy are two different things.  If you are an alpha male and have lived a day in your life, you know the best way to please a woman who is hard to please is… to not try hard to please her.

‘Opposite George’ comes to mind here.