A Business Idea

I have to hand it to the women who started this website where jilted girlfriends send in photos and rap sheets of their alpha male badboy ex-boyfriends as a warning to other women.  It’s a pretty good concept, though judging by the limited database of cads the site has amassed and the immense number of potential nominees it may not work too well in practice.  My favorite bitch-fest so far:

If you like alcoholic, emotionally retarded borderline pedophiles, this guy’s for you! A man in his 30s who cheated on me with a high school student and then moves on to a heroin-using teen he met through– who else?– her high school teacher. Clearly this is one quality gentleman. Also, you can look forward to the insanely boring sex life (whenever you actually get to have sex, as he’s usually drunk or crying) and marvel at all two positions in his vast repertoire. If you’re into chemistry, you could take a scraping from the two inches of dirt and grime in his bathroom and help in the crusade to cure cancer. Bonus!! Act now– before the onset of delirium tremens and get FREE moments of lucidity!

In a moment of panic, I searched their database of offenders for my name.  Phew!

This admittedly valuable service for single women gives me a business idea.  A similar website for men could warn single guys away from dating certain women.  Of course, the particulars of how female candidates for public ostracization are chosen would be different than the male version.  Just having guys write in horror stories about their exes or bad dates would not stop potential suitors from trying to get with these women because as long as the girl looks good there will be enough men willing to grin and bear her personality “quirks”.  For instance, posting dire warnings and accompanying pics of pretty golddiggers (and is there any other kind of golddigger, really?) would only encourage guys who don’t mind paying for whores to ante up.

No, the idea only works if it taps into a dating concern all men share and is powerful enough a disincentive to at least give other men pause about dating any women, even the pretty ones, included on my website’s perp list.  And it’s not STDs (with the exception of HIV).

The dating concerns that unite men in fear more than any other are, one, getting hoodwinked into having a kid and, two, not seeing a return on his investment.  Therefore, there will be two categories of offenders.  Women who “forgot” to take their pill or punched holes in condoms which resulted in surprise pregnancies and women who didn’t put out within a reasonable amount of time.

I really like the idea of outing the cockteases and the sexually chaste.  Granted, identifying women who made guys wait more than six dates before sex, or who accepted at least three time and money consuming dates without coming through on her end of the bargain, doesn’t necessarily mean she would do that with every guy she dates, but it does suggest an underlying willingness to do so when it suits her needs.  Just knowing that a girl is capable of holding out for a long time is enough to give men who might be interested in dating her a chance to customize their game and subvert her ‘Rules’ strategy.  I see my website’s service as filling an information gap that will help streamline dating efficiency.

The website name I am considering:

www.shesamaneater.com

Please do not steal my idea.  I know patent lawyers with white belts in tae kwon do.

Update
It seems the domain name is registered.  I’ll need to get more creative.

www.superevilvagina.com

Online Dating is Futile

During downtimes when I was too tired to go out and meet women I experimented with internet dating.  I found love from just a few custom tailored emails.  My friends think I hit the dating equivalent of the lotto.  From what I have heard, I agree.  Most guys struggle to get one positive response on dating sites.

I have predicted to myself for years that the online dating business model would collapse once men figured out it was worthless as a way to meet quality women.  That it hasn’t yet is testament to the difficulty so many men have approaching women in person.  The path of least resistance explains why hot women don’t bother developing their personalities and why men will shotgun shoot hundreds of copy/paste emails to anonymous women online.

Myspace, Match, eHarmony, CL… they all suck for the elegantly simple reason that online there are too many indiscriminate horny men and too few cute girls.  The dynamics are totally in the woman’s favor, ridiculously so in that it encourages massive self-assessment inflation that will carry over into real life social interactions, guaranteeing disappointment.

The lopsided pursuer-pursued ratio on internet dating sites gives rise to some interesting phenomena that stack the deck against any guy choosing this as his primary pickup vehicle.  The biggest obstacles for men are:

1. Online dating is like a journey to the Island of Misfit Singles.  It’s no surprise that the virtual world warehouses sexual rejects who couldn’t cut it in public where their ugliness means they’re not even in the running.  BBWs, BBBWs, BBBBBBBBBBBBWs… you’ll find them all online, beached like a herd of walrus.  Carefully cropped 10-year-old head shots in favorable lighting are no substitute for the real deal.  Peruse Craigslist W4M and you can’t miss the fetid stench of the loser.
2. The internet is a huge fucking ego trip for any semi-decent looking girl.  There are a lot of plain looking girls in the 4-6 range who post online profiles for the instant ego stroking.  Usually, these are girls who have just come out of bad relationships and need a quick pick-me-up before venturing out to the cutthroat competition of the clubs and bars.  Because the nature of internet courtship shifts the perceived 1-10 female attractiveness scale 5 points upward, a 4 will feel like a 9 after getting bombarded with an inbox full of e-suitors.  A great illustration of this happened with one of my ex-girlfriends.  On our first date at a local dive bar (naturally) she got nervous when two girls sat near us and, according to her, started eye-flirting with me.  The jealousy caused by other women in her field of view helped keep her ego in check, ultimately making my job easier.  But when we broke up, she quickly hit a dating site and a week later during a breakup conversation with me gloated how “over a hundred men” had responded to her online personal within hours of its posting.  I tried to explain that most of those men were nerd losers, but the damage was already done.  Her opinion of her attractiveness skyrocketed, and she spent the next six months acting like a 10 blindly turning down dates with what she thought were unworthy men and crying lonely tears on the slumped shoulder of an emasculated beta male friend.
3. The internet masks the competition.  She wakes up the next morning to find 250 emails responding to her online profile.  She feels validated from the swarm of attention.  The problem?  In her self-absorption and the privacy of her home she does not experience the visceral impact of being one among many, despite the fact that all those guys who emailed her also emailed a thousand other women.  She has no concrete sense of her female competition online that could compare to what she would have in a bar watching men pass her over to hit on one cute girl after another.  The mindfuck of real women in her physical presence ready to pull away the attention of the man she is interested in should not be underestimated.
4. The internet frees men to follow the Law of Truly Large Numbers and hit on anything with an ASCII pulse.  There are zero repercussions to using this strategy online, as opposed to a bar or club where being seen hitting on every girl in the place in rapid fire succession lowers the chance of notch for each subsequent pickup attempt.  In public settings, men pick and choose which girls to hit on, and this has the aggregate effect of reducing the amount of male attention the average girl receives, thus helping to keep a lid on runaway female ego bloat.

Remedies to the problems of internet pickup might include requirements for embedded video of 360 degree full body posing, alerts to let the women know when guys in their queue have emailed other girls, and “virtual girl friends” that can vouch for guys to interested women.

For the eternal optimist, there are online exceptions to the bleak picture I’ve painted above:

Jdate – Insular, selective, niche market serving a group historically bonded by blood as well as cultural ties.  That is why it “works” (i.e., guys have an easier time getting laid) better than the mainstream sites.  That is also why, for example, a Catholic version will never work as successfully; Catholicism isn’t an ethnic religion and there are too many of them to maintain a cohesive online dating community.  Plus, Catholics love to rebel against their parents.  Dating outside the religion is one of the sacraments.  I have friends who use Jdate with great results.

Nonconformist chicks – Less interested in a man’s material possessions or job status, these types of girls flock to internet sites like Myspace and CL to find artists and iconoclasts.  The medium suits their filtering mechanism well; a witty email or clever profile is hard to fake.  They also tend to have low self-esteem which offsets the ego swelling effects of online exposure.

Fatties – The internet is great for banging fatties.  With 70% of American women overweight, so is everywhere else, including a cardboard box.

Married chicks – Craigslist made cheating a whole hell of a lot more convenient.

Player’s Pop Quiz

Your girlfriend, who is thin, asks if you think she looks fat.  Among the following responses you could give which is most likely to make her smile and kiss you?  Which is most likely to piss her off?  Which is most likely to make her more dependent on you (AKA love you)?

The Sarcastic Answer
“Oh yes, you’re huge.  So fucking round.  I’ve seen beach balls with more sex appeal.”  *rolls eyes*

The Sincere Answer
“No, you are thin and beautiful, as I have always known you.”

The Coy Answer
“Hmm, lemmee see, turn around.  Hm, you know, it’s weird… maybe it’s the lighting in here.”

The Scornful Answer
“Are you on drugs or are you blind?  Give me a break, you know you aren’t fat.”

The Psychotherapy Answer
“If this is a cheap pity ploy to boost your sagging self-esteem or a test of my devotion I suggest a more subtle alternative route that doesn’t involve ridiculous assumptions.”

The Mendacious Insurance Policy Answer
“Yeah, now that you mention it, you did put on a few pounds, especially around the hips.”  *makes frowny face*

The Sly Answer
“Not that I would notice these things, but if you did put on a little weight, it looks good on you.”

The Non-Answer
“Girls!”

The Satirical Answer
“Does my penis look bigger?”

The Smartass Answer
“Define ‘fat’.”

The Goofball Faux-Reassurance Answer
“Don’t worry, baby, I like a little cushion for the pushin’!”

The Evasive Answer
“Hey, I love those shoes on you.  Amazing!  They really accentuate your long legs.”

The Pimp Answer
“Why don’t you work off your fat ass by getting on your knees and sucking my cock, bitch.  Don’t let me see no tears.”

The New Age Answer
“You’re coming from a fear-based place.  Let go of your ego and trust in the universe that my love is enough.”

The Charming Bastard Answer
“I can’t judge these things with clothes interfering.  A proper analysis can only be done by candlelight… with a warm bath… and a bottle of pinot noir nearby… to be sure the results are as… biased… as possible.”

Silence
*walks slowly to her, puts his hands on her cheeks, brushes aside her hair, looks in her eyes, leans in, runs his lips softly up her neck to her ear.  sits back down.*

Honesty

In seduction, honesty is not the best policy.  A man learns from experience to conceal some of what he is thinking because no matter how much a woman says she wants to know his true feelings, she would rather not.

Hiding my opinions from a woman I am trying to bed is a tactical maneuver, not a fear-based beta instinct.  There is a difference between bending your opinions to appease the girl and refraining from excessive candor so as not to unnecessarily drive her away.  If I think a girl’s hobbies suck, what good does it do me to tell her that?  It is not alpha to be so cavalier in your opinions that you shit all over the things she cherishes most.

Women don’t operate like men.  A misplaced word or criticism can turn them off instantly.  A woman may want to have sex with you after the first fifteen minutes, but her horniness can be easily reversed if you sever the connection with disagreements that go to the heart of how she sees herself.  Unless you are a low-testosterone man who won’t mind the long stretches of celibacy resulting from sticking by your principled honesty, deep-seated differences in opinion should only be shared after sex when the possibility of a long term relationship is evident.

Now I don’t advocate lying.  There is a middle ground between complete candor and bald-faced lies.  Massaging the truth is the best way to describe it.  Some may call this manipulation.  Is it manipulation if I speak honestly but say it in such a way that my chances of success are maximized?  And if that is manipulation, is it wrong?

The fact is, there would be very little hooking up at all if men decided en masse to be totally honest with women.  I think men could handle women telling them they only like them for their high status job or their swagger, but could women handle being told by men that dinner was on them only because they think this will buy them a titty fuck?  Or that all they can think about when she is blathering on about crystal therapy or her non-profit job is what she looks like naked and what it would be like to make love to her all night long?

Let’s be honest.  Honesty falls in the category of those values we all say we want from others, but really don’t.

Plowing

In the movies and in the popular imagination, persistence pays off.  The guy who chases and won’t take no for an answer eventually wins the love of the girl.  In real life, persistence is just a nice word for creepiness.  Guys who pursue women with great ardor are always losing the girl to guys who don’t answer her phone calls right away and keep her guessing.

But persistence *can* work if done right.  I used to give up on girls as soon as they hit me with roadblocks to our dating progress, resulting in a lot of first and second dates that never got to sex.  Eventually I learned that girls will bitch about at least one thing at any stage of dating up until insertion because it is their way of culling the weak men whose self-confidence cannot withstand the tumult.

A little bit of persistence is effective as long as, one, there was a spark of attraction to begin with and, two, it comes from a place of non-neediness.  If you must chase a girl, always do it with a cocky grin and the mentality that if she doesn’t get on board with your program it’s no big loss.  If she accuses you of some dating breach, turn the tables on her.  With girls, offense is the best defense.

An example of persistence succeeding occurred with a girl I dated a while back.  The day after our second date I had this phone conversation with her. 

Her:  I don’t think another date is a good idea.
Me:  Where does this come from?
Her:  I dunno, you said some things about my job that I didn’t like.

This girl was good-looking so I had no intention of letting her drop unceremoniously without a fight.  But getting apologetic wouldn’t have worked.  “I’m sorry I didn’t mean it, you took it the wrong way” would have sent her running even faster. 

Me:  Next time I’ll hold up a placard.
Her:  A placard?
Me:  Yeah, a placard announcing my jokes before I make them, like, here comes a joke!  I understand, sometimes they are missed.  This way, if I tell you about a joke beforehand there’s no risk of a cute misunderstanding.
Her:  [laugh]  Yeah, that might help.
Me:  The truth is, I love your job.  It reminds me of meadows and bunnies.

What I actually did or did not say about her job was irrelevant in my world.  I plowed through her second thoughts as if the substance of her argument was beside the point, simultaneously assuming we would meet again and belittling her grievance.  Directly engaging her complaint like a debate team nerd would’ve sounded cloyingly desperate, so I evaded and in the process forced her into my mental framework.  I only threw her a bone… “I love your job”… after I had steered the conversation in the direction of my choosing.  Had I caved to her reservations, months of fantastic sex with her and all those fond memories would never have happened.

Like seduction itself, persistence is half arrogance, half marketing.  You want to get your point across without actually saying how you feel.

Perverted Porn

If the variety of porn is any indication, most guys are capable of acting out the craziest atrocities fantasies in the bedroom.  But the appeal of some bizarre porn niches baffles me.

Drinking cum out of a glass
Grossout rating: 8
Worse than that scene in Rocky where he gulps raw eggs.  Jizz should not be drunk like a cocktail, no matter how strawberry-kissed the lips slurping it down.

Sexual perversion rating: 9
Where is the turn-on here?  There’s no hot humiliation aspect a la facials, and the girl is making gurgling noises and grimacing while choking back the slime.  Usually the camera is zoomed in on her mouth, which means her naked body in the background isn’t visually available to distract from the repulsiveness of her cumchugging.  You’d have to be a world class pervert to get aroused watching this spectacle.

Two guys one girl
Grossout rating: 2-10 (highly variable on male to male physical contact)
There’s a reason why male porn actors get little face time and are reduced to mere functional genitalia to occupy the woman’s orifices — guys don’t want to see hairy, sweaty naked dudes obstructing the view of the girl any more than is necessary to get the coital point across.  Two of them is just double the obstruction.  And if one of them happens to misfire and accidentally shoot his load into the face of the other guy, well… let’s just say I would need many MANY fucking years of therapy after watching that.

Sexual perversion rating: 4
Judging by its internet popularity, the fantasy of two men shish kabobing a woman isn’t uncommon.  But if scrotums start commingling, cocks start touching, or male body parts start incidentally rubbing against each other, the perversion rating zooms up to 10 if you’re a straight guy.  It drops to 1 if you’re gay.

Cum swapping
Grossout rating: 5-8 (depends on volume of transfer)
This is right up there with the cum cocktails.  I dunno, a girl spitting skeet into the mouth of another girl doesn’t seem like a visual treat to me.  Maybe I’m sexually repressed?

Sexual perversion rating: 6
Beyond missionary, not quite a sheisse vid, cum swapping exemplifies de rigueur perversion.

Bukkake
Grossout rating: 7
Plus: facial.  Minus: cascading sheets of semen.

Sexual perversion rating: 7
I suppose an argument could be made that where one is good, one hundred is better.

Frat house voyeurism
Grossout rating: 4
More annoying than gross.

Sexual perversion rating: 5
Lord knows I understand the thrill of fucking in public, so porn dedicated to that popular perversion makes sense.  But fucking in front of a roomful of drunk fratboys whooping like retards and giving play by plays?  This turns me off faster than watching The View.  I suspect the LNS crowd digs this stuff.

Machine/medical instruments sex
Grossout rating: 5
The inside of a vagina should not see the light of day.

Sexual perversion rating: 5
Eh, uninspiring.  Makes me empathize with an ob/gyn visit.  Props to the Sybian, though.  Ten bucks those girls are really getting off!

Do my wife
Grossout rating: 1
Not gross, just disturbing.

Sexual perversion rating: 7
When I’m watching a good fuck, I don’t want to see some guy playing the husband character sitting in a nearby chair and pretending to be emotionally distraught as his “wife” gets pounded by one of the bang bros.  Seriously, what kind of dweeb goes in for the cuckold fantasy?  Obviously someone who has DEEP fucking insecurities and wrestles control over them through whacking off to adultery porn.  If I’m gonna identify with anyone it’ll be the pool boy, not the sap, natch.  Now stop crying, bitch, and hand me your wife’s speculum.

Asslicking
Grossout rating: 10
Falls under the category of “Can never get clean enough”.

Sexual perversion rating: 8 (her ass), 10 (his ass)
Hey, you’ll find no bigger aficionado of anal than me, but there’s a world of difference between plowing her with my tool and getting her dingleberries caught in my teeth.  Girls don’t shit wafer thin mints, so how is licking her anus supposed to be fun?  I pray I never shake hands with a guy who gets off on asslicking porn.  And porn where the girl licks the guy’s carpeted asshole?  Sweet fancy moses, why don’t you just reach in the bowl and eat his log, scatgirl?

Squirting
Grossout rating: 3
No, I don’t mean natural squirting, which is a beautiful act of humanity.  I mean the supersoaker squirting where they fill the girl’s pussy up with a gallon of skim milk and let ‘er rip.  Exaggerating the normal bodily functions is pretty much the byline of porn, but twisting it into a ridiculous caricature of the real thing is a complete turnoff.

Sexual perversion rating: 3
Enjoying the sight of a girl squirting is perfectly normal.  Enjoying the sight of a girl vomiting out of her vagina is slightly perverted.  For guys who like this, I suspect childbirth regression issues.

What’s going on here I think is that straight sex is no longer enough for a segment of the male population.  The bar of deviancy is constantly being raised to the point that foreplay includes golden showers.  I predict women will continue to dress and act sluttier so as to satisfy the ever-growing demands of porn-raised generations of men.

Coincidentally, paternity testing will also rise.

“Get off me”

To the guys:  How many times have you said this to a girl you had just met and were trying to pick up?  For most of you, probably never.  And yet pushing a girl away like this is one of the most powerful moves in the player’s arsenal.  It’s like male T&A.  As soon as you do it, the girl’s eyes will instantly light up with attraction.  Oh, sure, she’ll put on a big indignant drama-fest, but her eyes won’t lie.

Pickup artists call this tactic “push-pull”.  Naturals call it “being an asshole”.  Most men don’t fully comprehend the potency of this maneuver because it seems so counter-intuitive.  Why would physically and/or verbally turning a girl away from you make her more attracted?  Isn’t the point to bring her toward you?  The way you bring a girl toward you is by flipping the script of pursuer and pursued.

The simplest attraction switches are sometimes the hardest to trigger.  When a girl is showing a guy real interest by touching his chest or leg, hanging on his every word, and inching closer into his personal space, his instinct is to lap it up like a thirsty dog.  If she teases him with sex talk he responds with eager excitement.  Then when she has lost interest he wonders why it all went south.  For the average horny guy, it takes supreme willpower to spurn an attractive girl’s sex signals.  And yet doing this will make her hotter quicker for him than anything else he could do.

The secret is that the girl *wants* the guy to push away her advances.  Getting temporarily rejected turns her on.  She’ll never admit this or understand it in any way because the rhythms of her female desire are a mystery even to herself.  For those who want to know why the pushoff works on girls, psychologists would explain it in terms of the scarcity mentality; sociobiologists would say that a desirable man who can afford to reject individual mating opportunities at his leisure is attractive to women because his actions indirectly demonstrate that he is pre-selected by other women.

The player can mimic the sexually sated, emotionally detached alpha male with calculated pushoffs.  When he is reading her palm, for instance, he could say “OK, that’s enough” and push her hand away.  When she rests a hand on his chest after a joke, he could tell her “hey, this stuff ain’t free” and casually remove her hand from his chest.  If she sits in his lap, he says “all right, get off me” and literally pushes her off.  The trick to making this work without seeming like a mean prick is to push her off after you’ve pulled her in.  Just pushing an indifferent girl away you haven’t yet drawn in with your game won’t cause her to run into your arms.

While push-pull is more overt during the attraction phase of the pickup, it continues on a subtle note right into the later stages of the seduction.  As you progress to the point of making out, always be the first to break off the kissing.  Same for groping; break it off first.  Re-initiate after a few minutes of non-sexual chatting.  This “two steps forward, one step back” process is a potent technique for making a girl feel as horny as you do.